Heaven With You Read online

  “I’ll need a quick shower.”

  Reed seemed relieved. McAllister smiled, and my heart skipped a beat. I was so startled by my reaction to his smile, that for a moment I simply stared at him. Dressed in faded jeans, boots, a white t-shirt and ball cap, Hunter McAllister was dreamy. He must have been a teenager when his daughter was born. I considered that a moment, my eyes glued to him.

  He cocked a brow, noting my rapt attention and I felt my cheeks flush hotly. “You okay?”

  I nodded, flustered. “You don’t look like you’re working today. We’re not keeping you from anything, are we?”

  “Today’s my day off. We’ll wait in the living room,” he told me, clapping Reed on the shoulder and ushering him out of the room.

  I could tell that my brother really liked Sergeant McAllister, and I was glad that Reed felt he could trust him but I didn’t think it was a good idea to get too friendly with cops. If McAllister found out exactly how bad things were with Darryl, he would call Social Services and Reed and I would be separated. It was bad enough that we had to constantly lie to Amber’s parents. I could only take so much pretending.

  A wave of shame washed over me when I thought of Mike, and I couldn’t believe I’d been stupid enough to think that one of the most popular boys in school would want me. I hated thinking about what he was saying to everyone at school and wished that Reed wasn’t aware of what I’d done. But he knew. I could see it in his eyes.

  I’d have to be more careful in the future. We had enough problems without Reed worrying about me. Suddenly, I felt guilty for hiding in my room for the last three days. Sure, my life sucked right now but I did not have the luxury of falling apart. Reed and I survived because the two of us stayed strong, didn’t draw attention to ourselves and worked hard to keep our bills paid.

  Taking a quick shower and shampooing my hair, I dressed quickly in a pair of worn denim jeans, flip-flops and a blue t-shirt I’d bought at the second-hand shop. I pulled my long, dark hair into a ponytail, and walked out of my room.

  A half an hour later McAllister and I were sitting at a picnic table at Lake Houston with a large stuffed crust pizza, breadsticks and sweet tea. Reed was fishing off the bank with the pole that McAllister had given him. I watched my brother turn and cast his lure into the water and felt a pang of sadness for all that he’d missed out on. Our lives would have been much different if we’d had a dad that bought us pizza and took us fishing. If only Mom hadn’t gone to the store that night, if only the driver hadn’t ran that red light, we might have been normal.

  “You know he’s worried about you.”

  I felt McAllister watching me, and I turned my attention to him and nodded. “I know.”

  He raked his palm over his chiseled jaw and his brow furrowed. “Isabelle, if there’s anything you want to talk about…” He sighed, clearly out of his comfort zone with this conversation. “If you’d like to talk to a woman, I have a friend that’s a counselor.”

  “I don’t need counseling Sergeant. I’m not that screwed up, but thanks anyway.”

  “Your brother thinks something happened with your boyfriend.”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend. He dumped me after he fucked me in his truck,” I said crudely, angry and hurt, and wanting to shock him.

  To his credit I saw no disgust or judgment in McAllister’s eyes. Instead, he leveled a matter-of-fact look my way. “Having sex with guys isn’t going to make them love you.”

  “I haven’t had sex with guys! Just Mike and I thought he loved me. I was stupid. I didn’t even want to do it.” Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I’d never allow them to fall. Just knowing that he saw my pain was enough embarrassment.

  Across from me, McAllister’s eyes hardened. “Did you tell him that?” he asked softly.

  At first I wasn’t sure what he meant, and then I did. “I told him no, but it was too late. I shouldn’t have led him on.”

  “Isabelle, you need to talk to someone that can help you with this.”

  “I don’t need help with anything! Everything is fine.” I picked up a slice of pizza dripping with cheese and bit into the savory slice. Chewing slowly, I gave myself a moment to calm down and get control.

  McAllister was pissed. I looked away, fearful of his temper.

  “What is this kid’s name?”

  “None of your business,” I snapped. “It’s not like he raped me. You need to chill your inner superhero.”

  “If that means you think I’m being too protective, I can’t help it. I’d hate for my daughter to be in this situation and have no one to help her.”

  “Yeah, well your daughter would never be in this situation because she has you. Look if it makes you feel better, I’m not going to turn into a nymphomaniac because of one dumb mistake, and I won’t go home and off myself. I really will be okay, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

  “Sure, I’ll sleep better tonight knowing you’re not considering sex addiction or suicide,” he replied dryly.

  I smiled. “So you do have a sense of humor, Sergeant McAllister. I wasn’t sure.”

  “I wasn’t sure you ever smiled.” His eyes caught mine. “If you change your mind about talking to someone, let me know.”

  “Do you counsel many teenage girls?” I asked, blatantly flirting with him. If his gaze slid down my body or if he came back with a flirtatious remark, I’d know that all men really were corrupted.

  “I only counsel my daughter.” His unwavering gaze never left mine, and his remark was honest without pretense or flirtatiousness.

  Staring at him, I almost wished he’d have been less than the man that I’d known he was because now I was destined to compare every man I met with Hunter McAllister. They’d all be found lacking, but I wasn’t aware of that at the time. Neither did I know that McAllister’s daughter, Ellie, would one day become my best friend, and Reed would fall in love with her.

  I also didn’t know that one day I’d meet Hunter McAllister again, that time would eat the years between us, and the feelings I’d felt for him when I was sixteen would burn a thousand times hotter at twenty-eight.

  Chapter One

  12 years later

  The eerie feeling of being watched was like icy fingertips sliding down my spine. Fear lifted the hairs at my nape and sent a shiver rippling through me. Scanning the crowd of children, all of whom were waiting for me to entertain them, I tried to pinpoint where the feeling was coming from but failed.

  I was losing it.

  “Izzy, Izzy,” the children began to chant.

  Yeah, I was being watched—two-dozen children were waiting for me to do something funnier than stare at them like a moron. Sheesh, I needed to get a grip.

  Forcing a smile, I switched to autopilot and began to work my magic over the crowd. My mind traveled back in time as I went through the motions and tried to block out the sense of danger that haunted me like a dark shadow I could not outrun.

  Everyone had a talent for something, and my talent was making people smile. Ironically, not much made me smile but I didn’t like to think about that. I didn’t do very well in school, probably because I was always working and had little time for studying and homework. My grades were barely enough to get me a diploma, and not nearly good enough to get into any college even if I’d had the money to enroll, which I didn’t. I only had experience waitressing, and not many marketable job skills so I was limited in the kind of job that I could find.

  One day while I was waiting tables a little girl, about four-years-old, accidentally popped the balloon tied to her chair. Startled, she gasped and then began to cry. Her flustered mother couldn’t settle her, and several customers were glancing irritably at the screaming preschooler.

  I hurried over to their table and fished out the handful of colorful balloons from my apron pocket. Crouching down, I spoke to the distraught little girl. “Do you like mermaids?”

  The little girl stared at me, maybe she was surprised that I’d spoken to her, and she st
opped crying.

  “I can make all kinds of animals, mermaids, dolls. Would you like to see?”

  Tears still dripped down her cheeks, but she nodded.

  “My name is Isabelle. What’s your name?” I asked.

  She sniffed. “Hannah.”

  I glanced at Hannah’s mother, who was also watching me closely with a grateful expression.

  Blowing up several balloons, I asked Hannah her favorite colors and then proceeded to make a blonde-haired mermaid, with a pink tail. Hannah’s eyes were brown so I drew a pair of big, brown eyes onto my mermaid’s face. I smiled. “All done.”

  Her eyes widened, and she reached for the mermaid and smiled. “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcome, Hannah.”

  Hannah’s mother looked at her daughter, amazed. “How many kids do you have?”

  Startled, I blinked. “None.”

  “That was amazing. You’re wonderful with kids. Thank you so much.”

  “No problem.” I smiled and walked away feeling like I’d accomplished something.

  “She’s right,” Sara, one of the other waitresses, told me. “You should get a job working with kids. They love you.”

  Long after I’d given Hannah the mermaid balloon, I thought about what Hannah’s mother and Sara had said. I would love to be an elementary school teacher, but you needed money for college to do that. I had little money, but a lot of balloons, magic tricks, and make-up.

  One week later Izzy the Clown was born.

  Ironically, I was never a fan of traditional clowns. Something about all that white make-up, fake smile and big red nose just didn’t sit well with me. Izzy was sparkly. I sewed sequins on a pair of suspenders and a pair of jeans. Making my outfit as colorful and as mismatched as I could, I added glitter to my hair and face and I painted a heart on my cheek.

  I put an ad in the local paper advertising my services, and Jimbo, my manager, let me put up an ad at the diner. At first I did mostly birthday parties, but I also got a request from a customer to visit a local nursing home, which I did. It was a nurse at the nursing home that suggested I perform for children in hospitals. I did, volunteering my services and I loved it.

  Soon I was contracted by a non-profit organization to entertain children in the hospital. I couldn’t believe they were going to pay me to do what I’d been doing for free, and it was that stroke of good luck that had me advertising for a partner since Izzy was in high demand.

  It was also this twist of fate that brought me back into contact with Hunter McAllister because Izzy’s new partner was none other than Hunter’s daughter, Ellie. I knew there was something special about Ellie McAllister the first time I met her. She was friendly and genuinely seemed interested in other people. I always thought that not enough people really listened to others, but Ellie cared and seemed to always be striving to make someone’s day easier. Making people smile might seem trivial to some, but I didn’t think there was anything in the world more important than that. Ellie agreed with me, and she definitely made me smile often.

  Smiling wasn’t always easy. I’d made many mistakes growing up, some of them I couldn’t overcome. As hard as I’d tried to protect Reed, I’d failed him. When I thought about our landlady, Mrs. Cox, I felt sick. How could I have not known what Reed had done to pay our rent? I blamed Darryl for everything my little brother had suffered, and I hated the man I refused to call father.

  Reed had joined the army right out of high school. He’d served six years before he’d been reported MIA in Afghanistan after his camp was bombed. Those few days, when I wasn’t sure if he was still alive, were the darkest. For once I’d had a prayer answered and Reed was found injured but alive. He’d been trapped in a cave in Afghanistan and had suffered extensive damage to his left leg, and had undergone several surgeries to correct the damage.

  When he’d been released from the hospital Ellie, who’d recently graduated from college and gotten a job with a visiting nurses organization, was Reed’s outpatient nurse. She still worked with me, and our team of Izzy and Ellie was a definite hit especially at the hospital children’s wings. Ellie and her friend Cora had become two of my best friends and I was meeting them later tonight.

  The sound of applause snapped me back to the present. My stomach was sick with dread, and every instinct I possessed told me to run. I thanked everyone, and left quickly, not lingering around to make balloon animals or sign autographs. I saw the disappointment on the children’s faces and I felt guilty for causing it, but I had to get outside.

  Desperate for fresh air and the sky above my head, I ran.

  Three hours later I met Ellie and Cora at Shooters, our favorite country bar, but I hadn’t been able to completely shake the strange feeling that I needed to watch my back.

  “You’re not thinking about Scott again, are you?”

  I glanced up at Cora, surprised. Although it had only been three weeks ago that I’d walked in on Scott with his glowing bare ass pumping into his secretary, I was okay and that made me wonder if I’d ever really loved him. I’d thought that he was the one, but after the initial shock of his betrayal, I had moved on and hadn’t looked back.

  Shaking my head I gave an answer that would, hopefully, steer the conversation away from the drama of my screwed up life. “No. It’s Reed. Amber thinks he’s seeing someone else.”

  “What do you mean someone else, he’s not seeing her.”

  “They’ll get back together eventually, Cora. That’s what I keep telling Amber, but she’s upset.”

  Ellie frowned. “Would you be upset if Reed was seeing someone?”

  I couldn’t believe she was actually asking me that since she knew our history. “Reed has loved Amber since kindergarten. Her parents practically raised Reed and I.”

  “I know,” Ellie said quietly. She and Cora shared a look.

  Okay, something was weird. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but they were definitely acting strange. Cora didn’t seem to like Amber much, and I wasn’t sure why. Ellie liked everyone, but still I wondered if she thought that maybe Reed should move on. Honestly, I’d thought the same thing even though I felt guilty for admitting it. Amber did dump Reed for some guy that did her last two tattoos. I wasn’t sure what those tats were because they weren’t visible, and I supposed that undressing in front of some hot guy and letting him ink your skin would make for an awkward situation. Still, she didn’t have to sleep with him.

  Cora turned her attention to Ellie. “Who was that guy you were talking to at the grocery store?”

  “Oh, that’s Jase. He’s Reed’s friend. Why do you ask?” Ellie smiled.

  “No reason. I was just curious.”

  “Maybe I could introduce you sometime, if you’re just curious.”

  “Forget it. She’s too innocent. He’s a player.” Ellie and Cora stared at me. “He’s a man-whore. Jase doesn’t date. He has sex. You don’t want to get involved with him unless all you’re looking for is one night of sex and no phone call the next day.”

  “Maybe I’d like that,” Cora replied, a wicked look in her eyes. “He’s panty-soaking hot, and he has soulful eyes.”

  “What color are his eyes?” Ellie asked.

  “Green,” Cora and I said at the same time.

  Ellie laughed and held up her arms in mock surrender. “Okay, they’re green. I’ll take your word for it.”

  “I thought eyes were the first thing you noticed about a guy. How could you not notice Jase’s eyes? He might be a slut, but he’s still hot. Even I noticed his eyes.”

  “After you checked out his ABC’s?” Ellie smiled knowingly at me.

  “Of course,” I replied, smiling. Once when we’d been talking about what we noticed about guys, I’d jokingly told Cora and Ellie that I checked out their ABC’s—abs, butt and chest. This was an absolute lie, but they seemed to enjoy it. Honestly, I could care less about what a guy looked like as long as they only looked at me. What I really wanted more than anything and had never told any
one was for someone to truly love me because, as pathetic as it was, the only person that did was my brother.

  I turned and glanced toward the entrance, looking for Amber, who was meeting us. Instead, I saw a trio of cowboys eyeing Ellie and Cora. “Those guys are checking ya’ll out.”

  They both looked at me with the kind of expression you wore when you were humoring someone. “They’re checking you out, Isabelle.” Ellie smiled as if she knew some secret that she wasn’t telling me.

  “She’s right. Men always notice you first. If they decide they don’t have a shot with you, they move on to us,” Cora said, in between sips of her beer.

  “That isn’t true.” It wasn’t. I knew that I had the kind of body that turned men’s heads, but Ellie and Cora were beautiful and innocent. I was jaded and too mistrustful.

  “It’s true, Isabelle. You’re movie-star gorgeous.”

  “Listen to Ellie. You always underestimate your appeal. That’s why you shouldn’t even think of getting back together with Scott when he pulls his head out of his ass and decides to beg your forgiveness.”

  I felt my lips curve upward in a smile. Cora’s characteristic bluntness always lightened my mood. She wasn’t afraid to say what was on her mind even if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. As far as Scott went, I agreed with Cora about not taking him back and I told her so.

  Out of the corner of my eye I turned and saw Amber. I waved, but she didn’t see me.

  “Who’s here?” Cora asked.

  “Amber. She doesn’t see us. I’m going to go get her.” I got up and moved through the crush of people. Scanning the crowd, I froze and my stomach flipped when I saw him—Hunter McAllister. He was sitting at a table with two other guys and my pulse kicked up a notch as my gaze fell shamelessly over him. He didn’t know I was watching him. No one did. It wasn’t often that I had the opportunity to just enjoy looking at him without worrying that he’d catch me.

  Dressed in faded jeans, boots, and a black button-down shirt he was drawing women’s eyes, though he seemed not to know his affect on the females. He was forty-years-old but in better shape than most twenty-year-old men, had thick sandy brown hair that was cut short, a chiseled jaw, straight blade of a nose and a mouth that had me dying to know what it would feel like on mine.