A Thousand Yearnings Read online

  * Traditions: Accounts of the words and deeds of the Prophet in which Muslims find guidance for their own conduct.

  * Mansur: See p. 221.

  * Ekka:A horse-drawn vehicle that plies for hire in poor areas.

  * Hamzad:A jinn (genie) said to be born at the same time as a child and to stay with him/her for life, often playing malevolent tricks on him/her and others.

  * Mirasan: One of a caste of women singers.

  * Masnavis: Romantic verse narratives. Zahr-e-Ishq (The Poison of Love), written in the mid-nineteenth century, is one of the most popular.

  * The ruler who encompassed the death of Husain, the grandson of the Prophet. He is execrated by all Muslims.

  †The practice of giving allegiance to a pir (spiritual guide) whose guidance one trusts and follows implicitly. Commonly, a long-dead saint would be regarded as a pir and a devotee (murid) would go to his tomb and seek guidance from its guardians.

  POPULAR LITERATURE

  Popular Literature

  I call this section ‘popular’ for want of a better word. The literature presented in the other sections in this book is also popular, that is, widely read and appreciated; but the literature in this section is popular in another sense, in that it appeals primarily to a plebeian audience,and is generally the written record, by anonymous writers, of stories that were current long before anyone wrote them down. At bus stations and on railway platforms all over North India and Pakistan you can buy cheap booklets, printed on newsprint, with these kinds of stories.

  The first group I have called Outwitting the Powerful—a popular type of anecdote that celebrates, with great satisfaction, situations in which ordinary people have kept their end up, or even scored against those who exercise autocratic and arbitrary powers over them. Another popular theme is mocking the purveyors of superstition.

  Next come stories of Akbar and Birbal, traditional stories of the great Mughal Emperor Akbar (1556–1605) and one of his ministers Birbal, a Hindu. The punch line of almost all of these stories shows Birbal turning the tables on the emperor whenever Akbar tries to present him with insoluble problems or ask him what he thinks will be unanswerable questions. These are sometimes put to him at the instigation of other courtiers who hope to score against him. Though Birbal was indeed one of Akbar’s ministers, there is nothing in the historical record which testifies to his having played this kind of role.

  Less common but essentially of the same genre are humorous stories of other kinds, often included in the Akbar and Birbal booklets, even when Akbar and Birbal do not figure in them. Among these are stories of Mullah Dopiaza, Birbal’s rival. His real name is said to have been Abul Hasan, and though he is counted with Birbal and others as one of the ‘Nine Jewels’ of Akbar’s court, no one knows whether he was a historical personage or not. He is said to have got his nickname because of his inordinate fondness for the dish so named—a meat dish in which two onions (‘do piaz’) form part of the ingredients, and his fame under this nickname is so great that most people have never known his real name. As his title tells us, he was a Muslim. Birbal was a Hindu, and Hindu-Muslim rivalry is reflected in many of the stories told of the two men.

  Another group of stories are those of Shaikh Chilli. His name is said to mean ‘the shaikh of Chilla’, Chilla being a village in the present Indian state of Uttar Pradesh; but there is no evidence that any such person existed. The root meaning of ‘shaikh’ is an old man, and hence an elder, one whose age commands respect. It may be used of Shaikh Chilli ironically—he is proverbial for his stupidity, naivete and occasionally for an unexpected sharpness.

  In all of these anecdotes,where you might need terms explained, I have given these before the story rather than in a footnote.

  Tales of Famous Men are short anecdotes with a punchline, some traditionally associated with particular prophets in Islam (some also known in Jewish and Christian traditions by another name). Others are linked to historical figures in the Greek tradition, which must have become familiar in Muslim lands after the Muslim conquest of parts of the Byzantine empire.

  Then follow two extracts from a book called Stories of the Prophets (Qasas ul Anbiya) written by Ghulam Nabi but based on much older, anonymous Persian originals. They are addressed to the same sort of audience as the anecdotes above, but concern themselves for the most part with serious questions of religion and morality. The book has long been famous and continues to be very popular. Muslim divines regard it as a morally sound book, but stress that its stories have no basis in anything but popular tradition; and because it is popular above all with readers who are not highly educated, it is not usually judged as a work of literature. Modern English readers would put it in the same class of literature as the Thousand and One Nights. It is in fact a very interesting book—not, as it stands, a work of folk literature, but clearly bearing the marks of folk influences. Many of the stories add vivid detail to the outlined versions which one finds in the Quran, and supply answers to questions which the Quran’s references may have given rise to in the ordinary Muslim’s mind.

  The first extract is about the creation of Adam and the loss of Paradise. A central concept in Islamic belief is that Adam was created by God to be his khalifa—a word generally translated by the rather unusual English word ‘vicegerent’, one who ‘acts for’ the authority that appoints him. Neither ‘representative’ nor ‘deputy’ nor ‘plenipotentiary’ convey the exact sense. This extract gives the story of how this happened, and the consequences.

  The second is about Sikandar, the Muslim name for Alexander the Great. Traditionally, he is identified with the ruler whom the Quran calls ‘Dhool Karnain’ but these stories add much that is not found there, especially the best-known of all the Sikandar stories, that of his search for the water of life with someone called ‘Khizar’. Khizar is generally identified with an unnamed person who appears in a passage in the Quran immediately before the account of Sikandar, and who explained certain of God’s actions to Moses.

  Both of these stories were well known to classical poets, and allusions to them are common in their work, as you will see in the section on the ghazals of Mir and Ghalib.

  The last piece in this section,Guests are Pests, is ‘popular literature’ in another sense. It is the text of a radio broadcast made in 1932 by a spiritual leader—a pir—Khwaja Hasan Nizami (1878–1955). He was the spiritual successor of the medieval saint Nizam-ud-Din, and the incumbent of his famous shrine on the outskirts of Delhi. His devotees (murid) numbered hundreds of thousands from all walks of life, and they looked unquestioningly to him for guidance in every aspect of their lives. He provided this in a stream of pamphlets on an enormous range of subjects. In a letter he wrote to me a few years before his death,he said,‘I am now 74 years old, but even now...I write a book of 16 pages every day, and...have announced that before I die I will write 100,000 books’. In view of the immense number he had already written this did not seem too unrealistic an aim. He always bore in mind that he needed to reach a mass audience, and he expressed himself forthrightly in simple, but extremely effective language in the pure idiom of Delhi.

  Outwitting the Powerful

  Crows for Good Luck

  A nobleman had been told by a Brahmin that anyone who saw a pair of crows sitting together early in the morning, before the sun was up, would have very good luck. So he ordered one of his servants to look out for this, and when he saw a pair to call him at once. The servant kept a lookout and one day saw a pair sitting there. He told his master at once, who got up and came out of the house, tying his loincloth. But meanwhile one crow had flown off. He was very annoyed and told his servant,‘You useless wretch, you’re dismissed. Get out!’The servant replied,‘I saw the two crows, and look what has happened to me! You should be glad that you did not see them.’ His master laughed, and kept him on.

  The King and the Slave

  [In Urdu, the Knave in a set of playing cards is called the Slave.]

  A king once a
sked one of his slaves who was a jester if he could play cards.‘No,’ he said,‘I can’t even tell the difference between a King and a Slave.’

  Bringing the Dead to Life

  A nobleman was having sexual intercourse with his maidservant, but could not maintain an erection. He told her to take his penis in her hand and help him. As she did so he farted. The maidservant laughed. He said,‘What’s there to laugh about? I’m not Sulaiman [Solomon] that I can command the wind.’‘No,’ she said,‘and I’m not Isa [Jesus] that I can bring the dead to life.’

  ‘He has all the gear’

  [Jami was a famous Persian poet.]

  One day an officer of the law was leading a prisoner, seated on an ass and with arms pinioned, through the streets of the city. It so happened that he encountered Jami. When he saw what was happening he told the officer to release the man.‘I shall not release him’, the officer said.‘He drinks wine, and sells wine, and has all the gear for making wine.’ Jami replied,‘Then execute me too. I have all the gear for committing adultery.’The officer felt ashamed and let his prisoner go.

  True or False

  [A ‘qazi’ is a Muslim magistrate]

  A king once summoned a learned man and said,‘I wish to make you qazi of this city.’The man replied,‘Your majesty, I am not fit for this post.’The king said,‘Why?’The man said,‘Consider whether what I have just said is true or false. If it is true, then accept it. And if it is a lie then reflect that it is not permissible to make a liar a qazi.’

  Onions for the Emperor

  Some hillmen who lived on the slopes of the Himalayas far from the capital, heard of the greatness of the Mughal Emperor Akbar and decided to go to his court and to take him a gift. They picked some walnuts for this purpose, but on their way down from the hills they came to a town where they saw some onions in someone’s house. They had never seen an onion before and concluded that this must be some very rare and precious fruit, and a gift much more fit for a king than walnuts. So they exchanged their walnuts for onions, and on arriving at Akbar’s court presented them to him. Akbar was furious and gave orders that one onion at a time should be placed on their bare heads and beaten with a shoe until it was crushed. As his men carried out the order one of the hillmen glanced at another and said, ‘It’s a good thing we changed our walnuts for these!’The king overheard this and at once understood what must have happened. He laughed and let the hillmen go.

  Questions for a Holy Man

  [‘Holy men’ were revered because they had turned their back on material things to live the spiritual life.]

  A man went to a holy man and put three questions to him. First he said, ‘God is everywhere, but I can’t see him anywhere. Why not?’The second question was,‘No one can do anything except by God’s command. So where’s the justice in their being punished for their sins and faults? They have no power to do otherwise.’And the third question was,‘We are told that Satan is made of fire. So how can he feel any pain in the fires of hell? It was from this same fire that he was made.’

  The holy man made no reply but picked up a brick and hit him on the head with it. At this, crying with pain, the man went to the qazi and laid a complaint before him, telling him that he had put three questions to the holy man, and that instead of replying to them he had hit him on the head with a brick and caused him pain. The qazi sent for the holy man and called upon him to explain why he had not replied to the man’s questions. He said,‘The blow I gave him was a reply. He says he feels pain. If he can show me his pain I’ll show him God. And his complaining to you is useless, because no man can act except by God’s command. I hit him, and had no power to do otherwise. And the brick is made of clay and man is made of clay. So how can he feel any pain?’The qazi was pleased with his reply and dismissed the complaint.

  A Fair Trial?

  [A mufti is an expert on Muslim law.]

  A man was dissatisfied with a junior magistrate’s decision. The junior magistrate said, ‘Go and appeal to the qazi.’ He replied, ‘He’s your brother, he won’t listen to me.’The magistrate said,‘Go to the mufti.’ The man replied, ‘He’s your uncle.’ The magistrate said, ‘Go to the minister.’ The man said, ‘He’s your grandfather.’ The magistrate said,‘Go to the king.’The man said,‘Your niece is engaged to him.’ The magistrate said, ‘Go to hell then.’ The man said,‘That’s where your esteemed father is. He’ll see to it that I get no satisfaction there.’

  The Ass and the Ox

  A Muslim had a neighbour whose donkey never stopped braying. He prayed to God night and day,‘O God, destroy this donkey!’A little later one of his brothers’ oxen died. He called out to God, ‘Glory be! You’ve been God all these years, and you don’t yet know the difference between an ass and an ox.’

  A Prophecy

  [Astrologers were consulted by rulers to advise on, for example, an auspicious day for undertaking important projects.]

  A king went to an astrologer and asked him,‘How much longer have I got to live?’ He replied,‘Ten years.’The king was so depressed and worried by this that he fell ill. His minister was a wise man. He summoned the astrologer into the king’s presence and said to him, ‘Tell me, how much longer have you got to live?’ The astrologer said,‘Twenty years.’The minister at once drew his sword and cut off the astrologer’s head. The king was much relieved and thereafter paid no attention to astrologers’ prophecies.

  The Mullah’s Chapatis

  A mullah used to fetch six chapatis from the bazaar every day. One day a friend of his asked him, ‘My friend, what do you do with these six chapatis?’ He replied,‘One I keep for myself; one I throw away; two I lend; and with the other two I repay a debt.’

  His friend said, ‘I don’t understand. Tell me plainly what you mean.’

  The mullah said,‘I eat one myself. One I give to my mother-inlaw [‘thrown away’ because it brings me no benefit]. One each I give to my son and my daughter [‘lent’ because in my old age they will repay me by taking care of me]. And two I give to my mother and father’ [i.e. I repay the debt I owe them for bringing me up].

  Akbar and Birbal

  ‘The first person you see’

  In Akbar’s time there lived in Delhi a merchant of whom it was said that if he was the first person you saw in the morning it would bring you bad luck and you would get nothing to eat for the rest of the day. Akbar heard of this and had him brought to the palace where he was to be kept overnight and presented to the Emperor first thing in the morning. And this was done. Akbar then went to take his breakfast, but no sooner had he sat down than a maidservant came running to tell him that his queen had suddenly fallen ill and was asking him to come to her. Akbar at once went to her. The royal physician was summoned and he gave the queen medicine which made her feel better. Two hours had passed and he ordered a fresh breakfast to be prepared. But before it was ready he felt a severe pain in his stomach. The royal physician was again summoned. He told the Emperor he must fast for a complete day, as his breakfast must have given him indigestion. Akbar said he had had no breakfast, and it soon emerged that the first person he had seen that day was the unlucky merchant.

  Akbar reflected that this man was a pest not only to him but to any of his subjects, and gave orders that he should be executed. When he mounted the scaffold he asked the hangman why he had been sentenced to death, and the hangman told him.

  The man then burst into such floods of tears that even the hangman felt sorry for him. He said,‘If there is one man who can help you it is Birbal. Come, I’ll take you to him.’ Birbal listened to his story and then whispered something in his ear. The man then said that before he died he would wish to see the king once more. His request was granted. When he was brought before the king he asked permission to say something, and this request too was granted. He said, ‘I was the first person you saw in the morning and you had to go hungry all day. The first person I saw was you, and I have to forfeit my life for it. So, which of us brings the worse bad luck?’
/>   The king realized that he had been too harsh, and not only revoked his sentence but gave him gifts as well.

  As he left, Akbar asked him, ‘Who told you to say this to me? Was it Birbal?’

  ‘Yes’, said the man,‘it was.’

  The Marriage of the River

  On one occasion Birbal so displeased Akbar that he banished him from his kingdom. After some time he began to regret his action, but no one knew where Birbal had gone. Akbar had a search called for him far and wide, but without success. Then he thought of a plan. He had messages sent to the kings of many kingdoms. It said, ‘I am going to celebrate the marriage of my river. The rivers of your kingdom are invited.’ Most of the kings did not know what to reply, but one sent this response:‘I accept your invitation to our rivers, but please send your well so that we may send you our rivers in it.’Akbar realized that only Birbal could have suggested this reply, and he sent for him to come back to his court.

  King of Vegetables

  Akbar was dining one day in Birbal’s presence, and began to sing the praises of the aubergine.‘Birbal,’ he said,‘the aubergine is the king of vegetables.’ Birbal enthusiastically agreed. Some days later when he was again dining in Birbal’s presence he began to disparage the aubergine as a rotten, worthless vegetable. Birbal echoed his views at once.‘None worse,’he said.‘The moment you eat it it gives you a stomach ache. It really is the worst!’ Akbar burst out laughing and said,‘Only a day or two ago you were praising it to the skies, and now you’re condemning it.’ Birbal said,‘Yes, your majesty. And whose servant am I? Yours or the aubergine’s?’