Tales from a Not-So-Happily Ever After Read online

  After my fairy tale FIASCO, I was mentally and physically exhausted.

  I actually had to guzzle a soda just to get up enough energy to walk home from the bus stop. Otherwise, I probably would have collapsed and fallen asleep right there on Mrs. Wallabanger’s front lawn.

  OMG! I was SO happy to have finally made it HOME! I guess I’ve been taking it for granted for most of my life.

  The very first thing I noticed was my missing stolen alarm clock sitting on the kitchen table!

  And next to it was a sandwich and a note with MY name on it.

  I also spotted a pair of ponytails with pink plastic flower barrettes peeking out from around the corner. . . .

  ME, VERY HAPPY AND RELIEVED TO FINALLY BE BACK HOME !!

  For some reason, everything at home seemed different.

  Somehow . . . BETTER!

  I couldn’t wait to get back to my own room and sleep in my own bed.

  I was even looking forward to seeing Mom and Dad. I planned on giving them both a really big hug just because I could.

  And although I had been DREADING writing my own fairy tale, my head was now filled with so many exciting details from my OWN adventures that I thought it was going to BURST!

  OMG! I had enough material to write a book. No! A book SERIES!

  That assignment was going to be an easy A!

  Anyway, I opened the letter with my name on it and immediately recognized Brianna’s sloppy handwriting in purple crayon. . . .

  ME, READING BRIANNA’S LETTER

  This is what the letter said. . . .

  Dear Nikki,

  Try it! You might like it !!

  I wrote this letter to tell you that I am very, very sorry. When you are mad at me, your face looks like Daddy’s when he smelled that skunk that was hiding in the garage. And this made me very sad. Your face, not the smelly skunk.

  Are you still mad? Pleeze circle one: YES NO

  If you are still mad, pleeze accept my sorryness for taking your clock, calling you a sandwich stealer, playing games on your phone and drawing my very cute face on it, and trying to call Price Princess Sugar Plum.

  I did not reech her. But I did reech a guy named Moe by mistake, and he was not very polite at all. He said if I reech him again he will call the cops.

  That would be very bad becuz I do not think they serve chicken nuggets in jail.

  Then I would starve to death, which would not be a very fun time .

  Anyway, I made this sandwich just for you because I really care about you. I hope you love it!

  You are my very best friend! After Miss Penelope and Princess Sugar Plum.

  But you are the BESTEST sister I got !!

  Luv,

  Brianna

  OMG! Who would have thought an apology letter could tug at your heartstrings, bring tears to your eyes, AND make you laugh? ALL at the same time?

  It was just SO . . .

  Brianna!

  That’s when I decided to finally give in and try her stupid sandwich.

  Especially since she had gone to the trouble to make it for me.

  Just a tiny nibble probably wouldn’t kill me. RIGHT?!

  I closed my eyes and tried to pick up the squishy, gooey sandwich without totally freaking out.

  But when I raised it to my mouth, the weird smell of pickles and peanut butter triggered my gag reflex!

  ICK !!

  “Don’t think about it. Just EAT it!” I said to myself as I did a countdown.

  “Five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . .” Nervous sweat trickled down my forehead. “ONE!”

  I took a big bite and swallowed it as quickly as possible.

  “OMG!” I moaned. I could NOT believe what my taste buds were screaming at me!

  That sandwich was DELICIOUS!!

  I took another bite. And then another!

  How was it humanly possible to get all those amazing flavors into one sandwich?! It was the best sandwich I’ve ever had in my LIFE!

  Brianna was still peeking at me from the doorway.

  “Brianna! Come here! NOW!” I yelled with my mouth still full.

  She timidly poked her head into the kitchen. “Who, me?”

  “Yes, YOU!” I answered.

  She walked up to me, folded her arms, and stared at her feet nervously.

  That’s when I gave her a huge hug.

  I guess it took her by surprise, because she just stared at me and blinked like I was a two-headed monster or something.

  “You’re the BESTEST sister I got!” I giggled. “And this is the BESTEST sandwich ever!”

  “Told you so!” Brianna grinned.

  I had to admit, she was right!

  “Okay, Brianna!” I said.

  “I will eat it with a DOG!

  I will eat it with a FROG!

  I will eat it with a CAT!

  I will eat it with a RAT!

  I will eat it in my ROOM.

  On the BUS. And on the MOON!

  I will eat it NORTH and SOUTH!

  It tastes so yummy in my MOUTH!

  Call me PICKY! Call me FICKLE!

  I so LOVE PBJ and PICKLES!!”

  I fight with Brianna because sometimes she can be a spoiled BRAT!

  But after today I’m actually starting to appreciate her good qualities. She’s clever, cute as a button, friendly, creative, and she has a big heart.

  But, most important, she’s ALWAYS there for me when I need her!

  As a big sister, I’d say I’m pretty lucky!

  And one thing is for sure: Brianna is a WHOLE LOT better at making sandwiches than she ever was at being a fairy godmother. I’m just saying. . . .

  ME AND BRIANNA, SHARING HER YUMMY-LICIOUS SANDWICH !!

  Anyway, it’s been THE craziest day EVER.

  But the good news is that I ended up with my happily ever after!

  Thanks to Brianna and all the people who really care about me !

  But I swear! If I get WHACKED in the face ONE more time, I’m going to totally lose it!!

  Just kidding!

  NOT!!!

  I know . . . ! I know . . . !

  I’m SUCH a DORK!!

  !!

  Rachel Renée Russell is an attorney who prefers writing tween books to legal briefs. (Mainly because books are a lot more fun and pajamas and bunny slippers aren’t allowed in court.)

  She has raised two daughters and lived to tell about it. Her hobbies include growing purple flowers and doing totally useless crafts (like, for example, making a microwave oven out of Popsicle sticks, glue, and glitter). Rachel lives in northern Virginia with a spoiled pet Yorkie who terrorizes her daily by climbing on top of a computer cabinet and pelting her with stuffed animals while she writes. And, yes, Rachel considers herself a total Dork.

  Meet the author,

  watch videos, and get extras at

  KIDS.SimonandSchuster.com

  authors.simonandschuster.com/Rachel-Renee-Russell

  ALSO BY

  Rachel Renée Russell

  Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life

  Dork Diaries 2:

  Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl

  Dork Diaries 3: Tales from a Not-So-Talented Pop Star

  Dork Diaries 31/2: How to Dork Your Diary

  Dork Diaries 4:

  Tales from a Not-So-Graceful Ice Princess

  Dork Diaries 5:

  Tales from a Not-So-Smart Miss Know-It-All

  Dork Diaries 6: Tales from a Not-So-Happy Heartbreaker

  Dork Diaries OMG!: All About Me Diary!

  Dork Diaries 7:

  Tales from a Not-So-Glam TV Star

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ALADDIN * An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’
s Publishing Division * 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 * www.SimonandSchuster.com * First Aladdin hardcover edition September 2014 * Copyright © 2014 by Rachel Renée Russell * All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. * ALADDIN is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and related logo is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. * The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. * Series design by Lisa Vega * Cover design by Karin Paprocki * The text of this book was set in Skippy Sharp. * Full CIP data for this book is available from the Library of Congress. * ISBN 978-1-4814-2184-3 (POB) * ISBN 978-1-4814-2185-0 (eBook)