Tales From a Not-So-Friendly Frenemy Read online

  I couldn’t help doing a giant eye roll.

  While I stood there fanning Tiffany for what seemed like forever, I had a really BAD feeling (in addition to the intense cramping in my arms) that our so-called friendship was going to be a little unusual!

  Tiffany wanted to be MY BFF ! But it appeared she wanted ME to be HER brainless zombie servant !

  Anyway, after we finally finished that awkward, spontaneous photo shoot, Tiffany helped me find my locker.

  She introduced me to her BFFs, Hayley and Ava, who bragged nonstop about how the three of them were THE trendiest and most fashionable CCPs (Cute, Cool & Popular kids) at NHH, with a rep for throwing the wildest parties.

  I couldn’t help doing ANOTHER giant eye roll. Although they seemed to be SUPERimpressed with themselves, I wasn’t at all.

  Then Tiffany gave me a ninety-minute tour of the HUMONGOUS school. OMG! The place was so massive I could’ve ended up lost for days.

  Once we finished the tour, we stopped by the office to pick up my class schedule. . . .

  MY CLASS SCHEDULE

  I really appreciated that Tiffany wanted to give me some “invaluable advice along with the latest dirt” on all of my teachers and classes. BUT it was definitely NOT what I expected to hear from a student ambassador. . . .

  TIFFANY’S ADVICE TO ME ABOUT MY NORTH HAMPTON HILLS CLASSES

  HISTORY CLASS: “Mr. Schmidt is a senile old dude who loves ranting about when he attended NHH as a kid during the Stone Age. He’s also blind as a bat and won’t see a thing if you chill out in the back row and text your friends, polish your nails, or take a beauty nap. Not that I need a beauty nap. Although I think YOU could definitely use a few. No shade intended!”

  GEOMETRY CLASS: “Mrs. Grier gives us pop quizzes once a week. But only a total loser would spend their weekends studying for them instead of hanging out and partying. I just copy answers from Hannah Stewart. She sits in front of me and always gets straight As. Just remember not to copy her NAME on your test. I did that once, and Mrs. Grier completely FLIPPED OUT and failed me! That lady is CRAZY!!”

  BIOLOGY CLASS: “Mr. Winter’s class is a breeze! Whenever he loses his lesson plan book (which happens a lot), instead of teaching he just shows us the same movie, Jurassic Park, which he says is a ‘biting critique of the negative impact of unfettered cloning on modern civilization.’ So far we’ve seen that movie eleven times. This MONTH! How does he keep losing his lesson plan book, you ask? It might have something to do with a SUPERsmart (and SUPERstylish) thief stealing it before class. You’re welcome!”

  PE CLASS: “This week we’ll be going horseback riding on the trails. Get to the stable early to select your horse. Coco and Star are the friendliest and best behaved. WARNING! Avoid Buddy the Shetland pony. Despite his tiny size and cute name, he is NOT your buddy! That thing is a wild BEAST! Meet me at the stable ten minutes before class.”

  FRENCH CLASS: “Madame Danielle is the snobbiest and meanest teacher in the entire school. But right now she’s also the most POPULAR because she’s taking a group of students on an all-expenses-paid trip to Paris this summer. It’s been like the Hunger Games around here, with kids fighting to the death for a spot. The most important thing to know about her is that she’s secretly obsessed with sweets. If you want to get on her good side, just bribe her with a box of chocolate truffles. That’s, like, the ONLY reason I’m not failing her class!”

  Thanks to Tiffany, I found out that Madame Danielle is the head of the foreign languages department and the advisor for the trip to Paris.

  I excitedly explained to Tiffany that my French teacher at WCD had recommended me for that program and that I was DYING to go to Paris!

  I immediately rushed down to the office to request an appointment with Madame Danielle.

  So now I’m scheduled to meet with her on Friday. SQUEEEEE !!

  Although, to be honest, she seems kind of mean. What if she HATES me?! Seriously, I’m already SCARED of her and I haven’t even met her yet.

  I’m just PRAYING she’ll select ME to go to Paris. It will be the BEST thing that has EVER happened to me in my ENTIRE life! . . .

  !!

  MONDAY—3:00 P.M.

  AT MY NHH LOCKER

  At lunchtime Tiffany invited me to sit at a table with her and seven of her closest friends.

  The NHH cafeteria is set up like the food court at the mall, but bigger and with better-tasting gourmet choices.

  Although I was trying my best to be friendly, Tiffany was starting to get on my LAST nerve. This girl was so VAIN that she took a selfie, like, every ten minutes.

  Next she asked me to go get HER a lunch since I was getting MY lunch. Then she asked me to dump HER lunch tray since I was dumping MY tray. And finally she asked me to carry HER books since I was carrying MY books.

  OMG!

  I totally LOST IT!

  I yelled at her in front of the ENTIRE cafeteria. . . .

  ME, SCREAMING AT TIFFANY!!

  But I just said that inside my head, so no one else heard it but me!

  My first day here at North Hampton Hills has been very, um . . . EXHAUSTING!!

  But unless I want to drop out of the student exchange program and give up all hope of going to Paris, I don’t have any choice but to try to put up with Tiffany and her phony friends.

  Hey, it’s only for FOUR more days!

  The GOOD NEWS is that things CAN’T get any WORSE!!

  The BAD NEWS is that I might be really WRONG about the GOOD NEWS!

  !!

  TUESDAY, MAY 13—7:45 A.M.

  AT MY NHH LOCKER

  Why does attending North Hampton Hills feel like I’m living in some INSANELY FREAKY alternate universe?

  This morning Tiffany, Hayley, and Ava met me at the front door. Tiffany greeted me with a big hug and air kisses. “So, how is my new BFF today? Love your shoes!”

  Hayley and Ava just looked me up and down with contempt and didn’t say a word.

  Jealous much?!

  As we walked down the hall, Tiffany was so busy texting her latest selfie that she accidentally slammed into a guy carrying a book bag, a small box, and what looked like a plastic lightsaber.

  Stunned, he lay sprawled on the floor next to his glasses. . . .

  TIFFANY ACCIDENTALLY BUMPS INTO A STUDENT AND KNOCKS HIM OVER!

  “You clumsy IDIOT!” Tiffany snarled. “How am I supposed to send a text with you body-slamming me like this is the Super Bowl?”

  “I’m s-sorry, Tiffany!” the guy stammered, slightly dazed as he slowly picked himself up.

  “You science club geeks are so PATHETIC!” Hayley scowled. “And aren’t you a little old to be bringing your toys to school?”

  “I bet it’s for show-’n’-tell! Well, you better get going, because the second-grade classrooms are in the elementary school building down the road.” Ava laughed as the guy hobbled away, humiliated. “Get a LIFE!”

  Tiffany resumed texting, and said, “I can’t wait for you guys to see the two selfies I took this morning of me brushing my teeth and eating my pancakes! You’re going to LOVE them!”

  I stood there in shock, pondering whether these girls were extremely CRUEL or just mind-numbingly CLUELESS!!

  I finally decided they were BOTH! And it made me so ANGRY I wanted to . . . SPIT!!

  “Actually, Tiffany, it looked to me like YOU bumped into that guy,” I said, highly annoyed. “Thank goodness he wasn’t hurt.”

  She suddenly stopped texting and stared at me. Hayley and Ava folded their arms and wrinkled their noses like I’d just sprayed myself with a new fragrance called Fresh Cat Pee.

  “Nikki! What’s YOUR problem? I think you’re just JEALOUS of my FAB selfies,” Tiffany said accusingly as Hayley and Ava nodded in agreement.

  “I don’t have a problem. But if you text in a crowded hallway, you’re probably going to bump into people,” I tried to explain patiently.

  All three girls gave me such giant eye rolls, I thought their
eyeballs were going to pop out and roll down the hall. . . .

  TIFFANY AND HER BFFS, EYEBALLING ME ALL EVIL-LIKE

  “So, you’re going to PRETEND to be Miss Perfect!” Tiffany smirked. “Sorry, Nikki! But everyone here has heard about YOUR reputation!”

  “I know I’m not perfect,” I said, defending myself. “But I don’t go out of my way to be unusually CRUEL to people either.”

  “Oh, really? Then why did that MacKenzie Hollister girl transfer to this school to get away from YOU?” Hayley asked.

  “According to the latest gossip, you made her life totally MISERABLE!” Ava said.

  “That’s NOT true!” I exclaimed.

  “Well, I’D be MISERABLE too if someone RUINED my big birthday bash by sabotaging the chocolate fountain so that my BFF and I ended up completely drenched in chocolate!” Tiffany sneered.

  “Yeah, and you CHEATED in your school’s ART show, you CHEATED in the TALENT show, and you CHEATED in the charity ICE show!” Hayley taunted.

  “Not to mention the fact that you SHOVED that poor girl into a Dumpster during the Sweetheart Dance! And PUSHED her down a SKI SLOPE! She could have been KILLED!” Ava said scornfully.

  “Sorry, but NONE of those things are true!” I shot back. “They’re all just nasty rumors that someone is spreading about me. I would NEVER, EVER do ANY of those HORRIBLE things!”

  “Okay! So you DIDN’T toilet-paper MacKenzie’s house in the middle of the night with some of your CCP friends?!” Tiffany asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

  Hayley and Ava stared at me too, with complete disdain.

  Of course all this made me REALLY mad.

  “NO. I. DIDN’T!!” I screamed.

  Then an awful memory suddenly popped into my head and kind of freaked me out.

  You know, the memory from five months ago of me having a sleepover at Zoey’s and toilet-papering MacKenzie’s house in the middle of the night on New Year’s Eve!! . . .

  ME AND MY BFFS TOILET-PAPER MACKENZIE’S HOUSE

  “Well, um . . . OKAY!” I muttered. “Now that I think about it, maybe I DID pull a prank on MacKenzie by toilet-papering her house. But I didn’t do ANY of the other scandalous stuff! So don’t even go there!”

  “Just admit it, Nikki! You’re a Queen Bee just like ME! You ruthlessly go after whatever you want and will totally annihilate anyone or anything that gets in your way. I actually ADMIRED that about you! Until you turned on me like a pack of wolves,” Tiffany growled.

  “This is INSANE! I just suggested that you NOT text in a crowded hallway! How is THAT turning on you?” I responded.

  “Sorry, Nikki! But I UNFRIEND YOU! Come on, girls, let’s go!” Tiffany exclaimed. “I need to capture this very intense moment in my life with another SELFIE!”

  Then Tiffany, Hayley, and Ava sashayed down the hall. I just HATE it when snobby mean girls sashay!

  I went straight to the luxurious east wing, to my oversize locker, near a beautiful, SUPERexpensive chandelier, and started writing about everything that had just happened. . . .

  ME, WRITING IN MY DIARY

  Even though I was in a HUGE school filled with hundreds of students, I suddenly felt all alone!

  I swallowed the large lump in my throat as my eyes filled with tears !

  I NEVER thought I’d EVER miss my friends and my school, WCD, so much!

  There was no doubt in my mind that Tiffany, Hayley, and Ava were definitely the mean girls that the office secretary had warned me about.

  And the less I had to do with them, the better.

  !!

  TUESDAY—2:10 P.M.

  IN STUDY HALL

  My first four classes seemed to drag on FOREVER!

  It didn’t help that Tiffany was whispering about me and shooting me dirty looks.

  It was like she hated me worse than knockoff designer purses.

  Finally it was lunchtime. I grabbed a steak burger with waffle fries for lunch and yummy frozen yogurt with fresh strawberries for dessert.

  Most of the kids in the cafeteria were sitting with their friends.

  But since I didn’t have any, I found an empty table in the very back near the garbage cans so I wouldn’t bother anyone.

  Then the strangest thing happened!! . . .

  ME, SURPRISED THAT SOME GUYS ASKED TO SIT AT MY TABLE

  “I’m Patrick. And this is Lee, Drake, and Mario,” he said as they all took a seat.

  “Hi, guys!” I smiled. “So, how did you know MY name?”

  “EVERYONE knows your name!” Lee answered. “We’ve been hearing stuff about you for the past month! I guess you’re famous at NHH!”

  I took a bite of my hamburger and shrugged. “I almost hate to ask, but famous for WHAT?”

  They looked at each other and then back at me. “Well, for your, um . . . reputation,” Drake replied.

  “That sounds more like INFAMOUS to me! If it’s any of the rumors I heard this morning, NONE of them are true,” I grumbled.

  “THEY’RE NOT?!” the guys exclaimed, obviously disappointed.

  “Actually, we were hoping they were,” said Lee.

  “Tiffany is on a power trip, and she runs this school like a prison warden. But we’ve heard she’s really intimidated by you. We should form an alliance!” Mario said.

  “An alliance? What kind of alliance?” I asked.

  “Well, if you can help us, maybe we can help you!” Drake answered.

  “Help you with what?” I asked, a bit suspicious.

  “We’re members of the science club. But to keep our funding we have to maintain a membership of at least six students in addition to our four-member executive board. Since we have less than that, we’ll be losing our funding on Monday and won’t be a club anymore,” Patrick explained. “And now Tiffany has convinced our student council president to replace us with her new selfie photography club. She said it would better serve the school since twelve people have already signed up.”

  “Well, have you ever tried a membership drive?” I asked.

  “Yes, we had one in April. It was very successful and actually doubled our membership!” Lee said.

  “That’s great news! So how many members do you have NOW?” I asked.

  “We went from TWO to FOUR members! But we still need six more. We put a sign-up sheet in the boys’ locker room,” Drake bragged. “Do you have any idea how many guys pass through there? Like, hundreds!”

  “Come on! WHAT ABOUT GIRLS?!!” I shrieked. “No wonder no GIRLS signed up.”

  “I guess we messed up really bad. So will you help us?” Patrick pleaded.

  “PLEEEEEASE!!!” the four of them begged.

  “I’m really sorry, guys! But I don’t think there’s really anything I can do. Have you thought about joining the selfie club? It might be fun.” I shrugged.

  “Well, why don’t we consider taking more, um . . . DRASTIC measures?” Patrick suggested.

  “What do you mean by ‘drastic’?” I asked.

  The only DRASTIC measure I wanted to take was to stage an intervention for Tiffany to cure her annoying SELFIE ADDICTION. . . .

  TIFFANY GETS MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR HER SELFIE ADDICTION!

  “Drastic, like . . . I don’t know,” Drake said. “Maybe you could steal her diary and blackmail her into dumping the selfie club?”

  “You could slam her in the face with a dodgeball so hard she gets amnesia and forgets all about her new club?” Lee suggested.

  “You could put a bug in her hair and post it on YouTube so she’ll transfer to a new school out of sheer humiliation?” Mario suggested.

  I was getting sick and tired of people repeating all those rumors. “I KNOW!” I yelled sarcastically. “WHY DON’T I JUST PUSH TIFFANY OFF A SKI SLOPE SO SHE’LL BREAK HER NOSE AND NEVER WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER SELFIE AGAIN?!”

  The guys started cheering and high-fiving each other.

  “PERFECT!!” Patrick shouted.

  “BRILLIANT!!” Lee roared.

  “AWESOME!!”
Drake cheered.

  “EXCELLENT!!” Mario yelled.

  “Sorry, dudes! I was kidding! That was just SARCASM!” I grumbled.

  “Well, can you at least come to our meeting after school on Friday?” Patrick pleaded.

  “I don’t think so. But what usually happens at these meetings?” I asked out of curiosity.

  “Well, we start by suggesting a daily activity. Then we vote YES or NO and drop them in the ballot box. Then we open it and count the votes,” Mario explained.

  “So your club does cool stuff like conduct experiments, visit technology museums, and enter science fairs, right?” I asked.

  “No! We usually just do reenactments of our favorite lightsaber fight scenes from the Star Wars movies. It’s really fun and exciting!” Lee exclaimed.

  So THAT explained why Patrick was carrying that small box and lightsaber this morning.

  “I don’t know, guys!” I sighed. “Just let me think about it, okay? Maybe we can meet here tomorrow during lunch to discuss it some more.”

  So that was our plan.

  The guys thanked me and headed off to class feeling hopeful.

  But deep down I already knew there wasn’t much I could do to help them save their science club.

  !!

  TUESDAY—3:10 P.M.

  AT MY NHH LOCKER

  I felt really bad for Patrick and all the guys in the science club.

  Hey, I knew from personal experience what it was like to face the WRATH of Tiffany. I only have to deal with her for the rest of the WEEK. But those poor guys are stuck with her for the rest of the YEAR!

  Tiffany is just a mean girl whose hobby is RUINING other people’s lives.

  And speaking of mean girls. . . .

  I had a really good hunch WHO was spreading all those NASTY rumors about ME.

  I glanced at the clock on the wall and grabbed my book bag to rush off to class.