Dork Diaries Book 12: Tales From a Not-So-Secret Crush Catastrophe Read online

  “But I wanna keep playing!” she whined in a weak voice. “I NEVER get to EAT as much of Nikki’s CANDY as I want!”

  AHA!

  Just as I had suspected!!

  The whole point of Brianna’s game was to get into my stash, and Mom and Dad had fallen for it.

  I’ll give Brianna points for being a pigtailed evil genius in pink My Little Pony sneakers!

  But I refuse to feel all that sorry for her.

  The next time we have Board Game Madness, we’re going to play a RIGGED game MY way!

  My board game will be called BROCCOLI-OPOLY, and it’ll feature ALL the foods that Brianna HATES!!

  Watch your back, little sister!

  You’re going to get a big green nasty PAYBACK! And it’s going to be HEALTHY!

  I can’t wait to give Brianna a special card that says . . .

  And who knows! If I’m feeling really VENGEFUL, I just might toss in some MOLDY PEPPERONI for extra flavor!

  Anyway, since My Very Rich and Trashy Life! is over, I might as well try to finish the homework I’ve been procrastinating all weekend.

  I’m actually looking forward to school tomorrow.

  I’ll finally get to meet the NHH exchange student, Andrea.

  It’s going to be FUN!

  SQUEEEEEE!!

  !!

  MONDAY, MAY 26—12:15 P.M.

  IN THE GIRLS’ BATHROOM

  I was supposed to hang out with Chloe, Zoey, and Brandon during lunch to help them with their projects.

  Chloe and Zoey want to start shooting practice videos next week.

  And Brandon needs to get the Fuzzy Friends donation page up and running before their annual charity drive, which starts on June 5.

  But, unfortunately, I had to cancel because I have an earlier lunch and I had to meet the exchange student at noon. And since this student ambassador thing is MANDATORY, I didn’t have a choice.

  At noon I grabbed my welcome sign and rushed down to the office.

  I waited right outside the door. . . .

  But soon it became very clear that I’d made a HUGE mistake. HOW could I have accidentally gotten something as simple as a NAME wrong?!

  The exchange student’s name WASN’T Andrea! . . .

  . . . HIS NAME WAS ANDRÉ!

  I just stared at him in shock, with my mouth hanging open, and blurted out . . .

  “OMG! You’re a GUY?!”

  Of course, after I said that, I felt REALLY STUPID.

  I could feel my face flush with embarrassment.

  He gave me a big smile and nodded.

  “Yes, Nikki. I’m a guy. I’m sorry if you’re a little disappointed.”

  “NO! I’m n-not!” I stammered. “It would be STUPID to feel that way just because you’re a guy! Uh, I mean . . . for ME. I’m NOT calling YOU stupid if YOU feel that way. Because most guys are—I mean, AREN’T! What I’m really trying to say is, um, is it ME or is it really WARM in here?”

  Suddenly André leaned in closer and stared at my welcome sign. . . .

  ANDRÉ NOTICES MY SIGN.

  I tried to cover up the misspelled name and act like it wasn’t a big deal. . . .

  But inside I was totally FREAKING OUT!

  OMG! I could NOT believe I had told a GUY all that VERY personal stuff about my hairy legs, my crush, and “Branikki.”

  WHAT if he tells the ENTIRE school ?! Worse yet, WHAT if he tells MY entire school and HIS entire school ?!! My reputation would be more PATHETIC than it already is. The gossip could follow me into high school and totally ruin the best years of my life.

  Suddenly I realized that André was staring at me.

  “Um . . . are you okay?” he asked.

  I plastered a fake smile across my face and very cheerfully said, “André, it’s nice to finally meet you. I hope you enjoy your week here at Westchester Country Day Middle School. Are you ready for your tour?”

  This is what I learned about him. André’s dad is French and works for the United Nations, and his mom is an American journalist. His mom and stepdad live here, and his dad has a home both here and in Paris. He said he studied at the Louvre museum’s program for gifted students and would LOVE to show me around the city if I ever visited Paris.

  Then the WEIRDEST thing happened. André kind of stared at me and asked if he could call me Nicole instead of Nikki. He said the name Nicole is popular in France and is a beautiful and intriguing name, meaning “victorious,” that fits me so much better.

  OMG! I almost DIED from the massive drop in blood pressure due to intense blushing.

  “Um . . . sure, André! Actually, my real name IS Nicole,” I gushed, and then giggled.

  André seems almost . . . PERFECT! Like, straight out of one of Chloe’s teen romance books perfect!

  I don’t know what’s WRONG with me. When he asked me what my favorite subject is, I completely blanked.

  I also couldn’t remember my locker combo.

  I was looking for my phone to type in his cell number when I had it in my hand.

  That’s when I very politely asked André to wait in the library (I found the library ONLY because we were standing right in front of it) while I went to the girls’ bathroom across the hall to check to see if I had left my BRAIN in there!

  Yes! I just said my BRAIN! Or maybe I accidentally flushed it down the toilet when I was in there earlier today. Because right now I’m CLEARLY functioning WITHOUT ONE !!

  So I rushed to the girls’ bathroom to try to pull myself together, because I was having a MASSIVE MELTDOWN! I gave myself a pep talk: Just stay calm. YOU can do this. Breathe deeply and repeat . . .

  “I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS!”

  Great job! Now just look at yourself in the mirror and say it one last time. . . .

  ME, HAVING A MASSIVE MELTDOWN!!

  To make matters WORSE, I just got a really important e-mail.

  But I’m afraid to open and read it.

  I’m feeling SUPERnervous and totally stressed out! But mostly I feel . . . OVERWHELMED!!

  So I desperately texted Chloe and Zoey a message:

  NIKKI: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP !! I’ve completely lost my mind! And since it’s the only one I have, I’m leaving to go search for it. But if my mind happens to wander back here before I find it, please do me a really big favor and lock it in the janitor’s closet until I return.

  ZOEY: ??????????

  CHLOE: R U insane?!!!!!

  NIKKI: Probably. Just left a ridiculously cute guy in the library and rushed to the bathroom to SCREAM at myself in the mirror! Be right back! Checking toilet for my missing brain.

  CHLOE: ????????

  ZOEY: ????????

  NOTE TO SELF!!

  Do not open the e-mail you just received from Madame Danielle, the French teacher from NHH, with the subject line “RE: DECISION REGARDING ARTS & CULTURE STUDENT TRIP TO PARIS.”

  WHY?

  Because if I have to deal with any more DRAMA, my HEAD is going to EXPLODE!!

  And I do NOT want to be publicly HUMILIATED when my head EXPLODES at school in front of the entire student body.

  And, um . . . André.

  !!

  MONDAY—2:30 P.M.

  AT MY LOCKER

  I’ve spent almost two hours giving André a complete tour of WCD.

  Unlike some NHH students, he seems pretty friendly and has a wicked sense of humor.

  We got along really well, and get this! WE BOTH LOVE ART!

  The only problem is that he makes me SUPERnervous!

  I don’t know why. He just . . . DOES!!

  André hasn’t had a chance to meet any other students yet.

  Although, after my crazy text messages, Chloe and Zoey are DYING to meet HIM.

  In just the past hour my BFFs have texted me more than a dozen times.

  My phone was chiming so much I turned off the sound.

  I couldn’t believe they were actually begging me to take a selfie with André and SEND it
to them so they could “see what a HUNK he is!”

  Sorry, Chloe and Zoey ! But I’ve only known the guy for, like, five minutes.

  I am NOT going to embarrass myself by saying, “Um, André, would you mind taking a quick selfie with me? My BFFs are just DYING to see how HUNKY you are!”

  Like, how JUVENILE would that be?!

  At least Chloe and Zoey weren’t too upset with me earlier when I told them I couldn’t meet them today to work on their video project.

  After André and I completed the tour, I showed him his locker and told him to text me if he had questions about anything.

  He had to leave school early for a dentist appointment, so I walked him to the main entrance.

  I thought his dad was waiting to pick him up at the front of the school, but he said it was his chauffeur! . . .

  Yes! The guy is in middle school and has his own CHAUFFEUR!

  Can you believe it?!

  Must be NICE!!

  We agreed to meet tomorrow morning at my locker and then head off to class.

  After André left, I decided to go ahead and read that e-mail about the Paris trip in August. I wasn’t supposed to find out if I’d been accepted for another week still, but I was pretty sure this was a big fat REJECTION!

  Even if my head exploded, the only person around was MacKenzie, and she couldn’t care less.

  Unless, of course, a teeny tiny bit splattered on her shoe. In which case, she’d have a complete meltdown!

  I held my breath as I nervously read the e-mail: “Dear Nikki, Blah, blah, blah-blah, blah-blah . . .”

  ME, NERVOUSLY READING THE E-MAIL

  I ACTUALLY GOT A SPOT ON THE TRIP!!

  Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to read the ENTIRE e-mail because I was very RUDELY interrupted.

  By guess who?! . . .

  MacKenzie !!

  “So, it must be a family business trip? I didn’t know Paris had a ROACH problem!” she giggled.

  Okay, yeah. My dad owns a bug extermination business. Big hairy deal!

  But why did girlfriend have to start tossing NASTY insults?

  I wasn’t even TALKING to her !

  That’s when I suddenly stared at MacKenzie in horror.

  “OMG!! MACKENZIE!! IT’S YOUR . . . NOSE!!” I gasped. “I can’t believe it. Your NOSE!”

  She immediately panicked and touched her nose.

  “WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY NOSE?!”

  “IT’S IN MY BUSINESS! AGAIN!” I exclaimed. “PLEASE! KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF MY BUSINESS!”

  MacKenzie just rolled her eyes at me. “Nikki, instead of worrying about my nose, you should worry about your face. You’re so BUTT UGLY that when dogs first meet you, they sniff your FACE! I know you’re JEALOUS, Nikki, but don’t HATE ME because I’m beautiful!”

  “You actually think I’m jealous?! MacKenzie, you have FAKE hair, FAKE nails, FAKE eyelashes, and a FAKE tan! I can actually BUY your beauty SUPERcheap at the Dollar Store!”

  “Well, don’t feel TOO bad, Nikki! You can always PHOTOSHOP the photos of your face!”

  “At least I have hope, MacKenzie. You can’t Photoshop your BUTT-UGLY PERSONALITY! But your dad’s really rich! So you can ask him to BUY you a new one for your birthday!”

  That’s when MacKenzie just totally ignored me.

  She glanced in her mirror and slathered on, like, four layers of Pretty Peach sparkly lip gloss.

  Then she flipped her hair, rolled her eyes at me one final time, and SASHAYED AWAY.

  I just HATE it when MacKenzie SASHAYS!

  MacKenzie is SOOO aggravating!

  She makes me want to . . .

  SCREAM!!

  But instead of thinking about MacKenzie, I decided to concentrate on my FABULOUS summer plans!

  They were EXCITING enough to make even MacKenzie GREEN with envy!

  JUNE: Um . . . have I mentioned yet that my birthday is in June?

  JULY: I’ll be on tour with my BFFs in July.

  AUGUST: I’ll do Paris in August.

  SEPTEMBER: And then high school in September!

  I was NOT about to let MacKenzie’s silly MEAN GIRL shenanigans RUIN my good mood!

  Besides, I was too distracted. I was already envisioning myself taking selfies in PARIS! . . .

  ME IN PARIS

  This is going to be the BEST summer of my ENTIRE life!! !!

  TUESDAY, MAY 27—6:45 A.M.

  IN MY BEDROOM

  OMG! I finally just read that ENTIRE e-mail !

  And now I have a REALLY big problem!

  Actually, BIG does NOT even begin to describe it. It’s . . .

  HUMONGOUS!

  This is my problem. . . .

  I WAS AWARDED THE TRIP TO PARIS !!

  I know. This SHOULD be really GOOD news.

  I should be doing my Snoopy “happy dance” on top of my bed, NOT lying here SUPERdepressed, staring at the wall and SULKING.

  I reread the e-mail that I’d received from Madame Danielle for the FIFTH time. . . .

  FROM: Madame Danielle

  TO: Nikki Maxwell

  RE: Decision Regarding Arts & Culture Student Trip to Paris

  Dear Nikki,

  Congratulations! You have been selected to participate in the Arts & Culture Student Trip to Paris, France, sponsored this year by North Hampton Hills International Academy.

  You will be receiving your Paris Student Travel Registration Packet very soon. However, please be aware that the attached Parental Permission Form must be signed and returned by the deadline of Wednesday, June 11, to reserve your spot in the program.

  We are happy to announce that we are expanding our program from ten to fourteen days. To accommodate this change, our trip will take place this year from July 7 to July 20. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me.

  Best regards,

  Madame Danielle

  I was hoping that I had somehow simply misread the dates of the trip.

  But I hadn’t!

  My trip to Paris is scheduled for two weeks in July, right smack in the middle of my BAD BOYZ tour!

  NOOOOOOO !!

  That was me SCREAMING.

  I can’t believe I’m going to have to choose between the two—PARIS or the CONCERT TOUR ! It’s going to be almost IMPOSSIBLE to do!

  The fourteen-day trip to Paris is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to study art at the world-famous Louvre.

  However, the Bad Boyz tour will be an awesome experience for my friends and me! And I’m sure it would increase the popularity of our band.

  I think I need to talk to Brandon, Chloe, and Zoey about this since it involves them.

  But I’m pretty sure they’ll probably just tell me to follow my heart.

  I think they’ll support whatever decision I make.

  I’m so LUCKY to have friends like them!

  OMG!

  This is the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make in my entire life.

  !!

  TUESDAY—3:35 P.M.

  AT SCHOOL

  My day with André has been a complete CIRCUS!

  When I introduced him to Chloe and Zoey this morning, they pretty much lost their minds.

  “André, these are my BFFs, Chloe Garcia and Zoey Franklin,” I said.

  “Hi, Chloe and Zoey, it’s nice to meet you!” André said as he shook their hands. “Any BFF of Nicole’s is a BFF of mine!”

  “Hi, André!” Chloe said, batting her eyes really fast like her contacts had completely dried out or something.

  “Nice to meet you, André!” Zoey practically whispered, and then giggled uncontrollably.

  I didn’t know what had gotten into my friends. WHY were they acting so silly?!

  “So, André, are you ready to head off to our first class?” I asked.

  “I’ll come too, if you don’t mind,” Chloe giggled.

  “Me too!” Zoey squealed.

  That’s when I noticed that a small crowd of girls, including MacKe
nzie, had gathered. They were giggling and staring at André.

  MacKenzie gave André a big smile and waved. “Hi, I’m MacKenzie Hollister! Welcome to WCD. If you need anything at all, including a SMART, cute, and fashionable friend to hang out with, just let ME know!”

  Well, at least she was right about the cute and fashionable part.

  I could not believe it when she started twirling her hair around and around, trying to secretly hypnotize him into doing her EVIL bidding (she had tried that same stunt with Brandon!). . . .

  MACKENZIE, FLIRTING WITH ANDRÉ

  Everywhere we went, girls stopped, stared, giggled, and whispered.

  I guess you could say that André was a VERY popular guy at my school.

  It was SO embarrassing!

  I actually apologized for some of their more juvenile behavior.

  But André just smiled and shrugged it off. “No problem, Nicole. Today I’m the new kid. But by tomorrow they’ll all be IGNORING me like they do at North Hampton Hills,” he joked.

  Unfortunately, things got a little tense in bio.

  In all my classes, the teachers had allowed André to sit next to me since he was a visiting student.

  But when Brandon saw André sitting in HIS seat, he just kind of stood there staring at him with this look that I’d never seen before. . . .

  BRANDON MEETS ANDRÉ.

  Brandon looked at me and then André, back to me and then André, and finally back to me, like . . .

  NIKKI, WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHY IS HE SITTING IN MY SEAT?!!

  Finally the teacher cleared her throat. “Mr. Roberts, since André will be our guest student this week, could you please politely find another seat?”

  “Um . . . sure!” Brandon shrugged as he slid into the only empty seat. “Hey, bro, welcome to WCD,” he kind of muttered.

  For some reason I felt bad for Brandon. The whole scene was just kind of . . . AWKWARD!!

  That’s when it occurred to me that although I had mentioned the student ambassador thing with André to Chloe and Zoey, I had completely forgotten to tell Brandon the reason I’d canceled meeting him earlier.