Tales from a Not-So-Perfect Pet Sitter Read online

  But I could end up in JAIL for destruction of property. And, even worse, to REPLACE her expensive designer phone, I’d probably have to pay her my weekly allowance for thirteen years, nine months, and two weeks !

  2. THE DIVA DASH: Apparently, Holly doesn’t like MacKenzie! I could interrupt her phone call AND exercise Holly, by allowing the dog to chase a screaming and hysterical MacKenzie all the way home.

  But that would probably be CRUELTY to an ANIMAL! And a little cruel to Holly, too!

  3. THE SMUSHED CUPCAKE CAPER: I could take that disgusting cupcake and shove it down MacKenzie’s throat. Then she WOULDN’T be able to TALK about Fuzzy Friends (or anything else, for that matter).

  But that could be MESSY! And possibly require a trip to the emergency room for doctors to surgically remove both the cupcake and my arm from her throat.

  4. THE JUST CLOWNING AROUND: I could convince Brandon to run away with me and the dogs and join the circus. Then we’d spend the rest of our lives performing a funny clown act in SUPERcute costumes. . . .

  BRANDON, THE DOGS, AND I RUN AWAY AND JOIN THE CIRCUS!!

  But then we’d miss our family and friends. I’ve also heard they get VERY SMELLY on hot summer days!

  “They” meaning the CIRCUSES, not our family and friends.

  After careful consideration, it appeared that the Smushed Cupcake Caper was probably the BEST idea overall.

  NOT !!

  This situation was HOPELESS!

  My mom was going to be picking me up any minute now, and I’d have to say good-bye to Holly and her pups FOREVER!

  I sighed sadly and blinked back tears.

  I was seriously reconsidering the Cupcake Caper when I came up with a wickedly CUNNING new idea!

  Yes, it was a long shot, but it was our only hope!

  “Well, Brandon, thanks to MacKenzie, it looks like Fuzzy Friends is going to be closed down soon,” I said loud enough for MacKenzie to hear.

  MacKenzie, who was STILL on hold, gave me a very smug look.

  OMG! I wanted so badly to WIPE that little SMIRK right off her face, but instead I continued.

  “Anyway, after dealing with all this drama, I’ve worked up a really big appetite. So I think I’m going to head back over to the CupCakery to try a few of those awesome cupcakes that MacKenzie recommended.”

  Of course Brandon looked at me like I was insane.

  “Nikki! HOW can you be thinking about CUPCAKES at a time like this?!” he exclaimed.

  “Um, because I’m HUNGRY? Anyway, while I’m there, I’m going to hang out with MacKenzie’s new friends from North Hampton Hills. They seemed SO friendly. And I’m really looking forward to hearing even more of the fantastic LIES that MacKenzie has told them. But SOMEBODY needs to keep it real and tell them the TRUTH!! Wanna come, Brandon? It should be FUN!”

  He finally caught on and gave me a sly grin.

  “Sure, Nikki! But let’s take the dogs inside first. Now that I think about it, I’d practically KILL for a Sweet Revenge Devil’s Food cupcake!”

  MacKenzie lowered her phone and nervously EYEBALLED us, all evil-like.

  “Don’t you DARE talk TRASH about me to my new friends. Better yet, I’M coming with you!!”

  “No! You need to STAY right here and save the lives of these POOR dogs!” I said sarcastically.

  “Do you think I care about these mangy mutts?!”

  MacKenzie angrily ended her phone call and stuffed her cell phone back into her purse.

  Then she narrowed her eyes and scowled at Brandon and me. “Listen! You two better stay away from my friends or I’ll make sure you never see these little flea-infested furballs again.”

  “Oh, really?! Is that a THREAT?” I scoffed.

  “NO! It’s a PROMISE!!” she snarled.

  Then she turned and sashayed back across the street to the CupCakery.

  I just HATE it when that girl sashays!!

  As Brandon and I watched her leave, we sighed in relief.

  Thank goodness the dogs were safe!

  For the moment, anyway.

  Brandon brushed his shaggy bangs out of his eyes and just stared at me for what seemed like FOREVER.

  “WHAT?!!” I asked defensively.

  Slowly a smile spread across his face until it was ear to ear.

  “How did you shut MacKenzie down like that?!” he asked. “I’d pretty much given up hope. I REALLY appreciate what you did just now.”

  I looked into his big brown eyes and could see he sincerely meant it.

  A wave of emotion washed over me, and I got a big lump in my throat. But more than anything, I felt really good that I had Brandon’s back and was there for him when he needed me.

  Then I shrugged nervously and started babbling like I had totally lost my mind. “Thanks, Brandon! But YOU’RE a lifesaver! And after we find these dogs a home, you’ll be a HERO! You’re also a nice person, a good friend, and . . . um, I bet you fart glitter too!”

  YES! I actually said THAT to Brandon!!

  Somehow it just kind of slipped out of my mouth. I was SO embarrassed.

  Brandon and I had a really big laugh at my silly little joke!

  “Come on, Nikki! Let’s get these dogs inside. I bet they’re starving,” Brandon said happily as he picked up the box of puppies.

  And he was right! Holly gobbled her food and then patiently nursed her hungry puppies.

  Then the pups played in their bowl of puppy chow like it was one of those plastic ball pits for toddlers. . . .

  BRANDON AND ME, FEEDING HOLLY AND HER PUPS!

  Although we had successfully averted a near disaster, Brandon and I STILL needed to come up with a plan.

  We had no idea when the dreaded MACKENZIE FLU was going to STRIKE again!

  And, unfortunately, there was no VACCINE!!

  MacKenzie is a scheming, conniving SNAKE, so I knew it would be way too risky to keep the dogs at Fuzzy Friends for the rest of the week.

  That’s when I came up with yet another BRILLIANT idea.

  “Listen, Brandon! Why don’t we simply take turns taking care of the dogs at our HOMES until Fuzzy Friends has space on Sunday?”

  “I don’t know, Nikki. Just one dog is a HUGE responsibility. Taking care of eight of them would be EXHAUSTING!”

  “Yeah, but it’s ONE dog and seven little puppies. And since the mother dog feeds them and stuff, there’s not that much we need to do. Come on, Brandon!”

  After thinking it over for a few minutes, he finally agreed. “Okay, Nikki! I’ll take the first day since they’re already here. But we’ll need to find more volunteers.”

  I knew MY mom would definitely say YES to ME keeping the dogs for a day! Just a few weeks ago she’d let my bratty little sister, Brianna, keep Rover the fish (a classroom pet) at our house for an ENTIRE weekend!

  “I’m sure I can keep the dogs for a day too!” I said excitedly. “So now we’ll only need TWO more people!”

  “Great!” Brandon smiled. “Why don’t you talk to Chloe and Zoey, and I’ll talk to the guys. I think this plan just might work!”

  Anyway, I’m SUPERexcited because I’ve always wanted a dog! I’d love it and hug it and kiss it and squeeze it and NEVER, EVER let it GO!! SQUEEEEE !!

  And NOW I’m going to get the chance to take care of Holly and her seven teeny-weeny, cutie-patootie, snuggly-wuggly, adorable wittle puppies for an ENTIRE twenty-four hours!!!

  Hey, how hard can it be?!

  !!!

  WEDNESDAY—8:10 P.M. IN MY BEDROOM

  Okay, there’s GOOD NEWS and some BAD NEWS! First the GOOD NEWS.

  When I told Chloe and Zoey about how Brandon and I had found Holly and her puppies abandoned on the front step of Fuzzy Friends, they were SUPERexcited to help out.

  So this is our plan: Brandon will be keeping the dogs tonight, I’ll have them tomorrow night, Chloe will have them Friday night, and Zoey will have them Saturday night.

  Then on Sunday morning we’ll return the dogs to Fuzzy Friends
so they can be placed in loving homes.

  Since Theodore Swagmire’s family owns the Queasy Cheesy pizza chain, he volunteered a pizza delivery van and driver to transport the dogs anywhere we need to go.

  Okay, now for the BAD NEWS !!

  Everything was going as planned until I ran into a BIG, FAT, MESSY, totally unexpected COMPLICATION !

  After dinner I was helping my mom put dishes into the dishwasher. It was the perfect time to casually mention the dog situation.

  I told her that, due to a family emergency, a good friend of mine needed a pet sitter for his dog, Holly (well, it was kinda true).

  Then I asked BEGGED her to PLEASE let me keep the dog overnight on Thursday.

  Of course, I conveniently left out the part about the dog having seven rambunctious puppies. I didn’t want Mom to FREAK OUT over that very minor little detail!

  But after talking to her, it was ME who totally FREAKED OUT. . . .

  ME AND MOM, HAVING A LITTLE CHAT!

  Her LAME excuse about it being “bad timing” made no sense WHATSOEVER!!

  What does it matter if the dog has a little accident on the carpet tomorrow or TWO MONTHS from now?!

  Either way you just clean it up! DUH!!!

  Sorry, Mom, but if you let Brianna keep a pet overnight, then WHY can’t I?!!

  It’s NOT fair!

  Especially since I’m OLDER, more MATURE, and ten times more RESPONSIBLE than Brianna.

  Come on! She accidentally murdered poor Rover the fish by giving him a bubble bath, remember?!!

  Like, WHO does that?!!

  Mom, if YOU were an ANIMAL, which of these two people would you want to be YOUR pet sitter?! . . .

  PLEASE SELECT THE PERFECT PET SITTER!!

  I thought so!! I rest my CASE!!

  Mom, I don’t WANT to keep Holly “maybe in a few months”!

  I want to keep her NOW!!

  Who knows?! I might be DEAD in a few months!!

  And then you’ll be at my funeral SOBBING YOUR EYES OUT and rambling hysterically about how you’ll NEVER, EVER forgive yourself for NOT letting me keep a pet overnight, especially after you let Brianna do it and she’s a lot younger than me.

  So thank you, Mom, for completely RUINING my life, endangering eight innocent dogs, and giving me LOW SELF-ESTEEM, which will probably require YEARS of intensive therapy.

  Because you obviously LOVE Brianna way more than you love me !!

  I need to text Brandon and tell him the very bad news that my mom won’t let me keep the dogs.

  He’s going to be really disappointed. I feel horrible that I let him down like this.

  But right now I’m just too upset.

  I plan to spend the rest of the night just sitting on my bed in my pajamas, STARING at the wall, SULKING.

  !!!

  WEDNESDAY—11:51 P.M. IN MY BEDROOM

  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!

  (That was me screaming in FRUSTRATION!!)

  I have a major project due tomorrow in biology. And it’s an entire third of my grade. Things have been so KA-RAY-ZEE the past week that I’d COMPLETELY forgotten about it!

  The LAST thing I wanted to do was to procrastinate and then just throw something together the night before, like I did for my Moby Dick book report back in December.

  I’d made this silly video that starred Brianna as a whale that said “ROAR!!” So I was shocked and surprised when I got an A+ on it !

  I decided to finish my SULKING later because I needed to get started on my bio project. Only I didn’t have the slightest idea what I was going to do.

  Then my mom yelled, “Nikki! Don’t forget to take the clothes out of the dryer, fold them up, and put them away BEFORE you go to bed!” . . .

  ME, TAKING LAUNDRY OUT OF THE DRYER

  The laundry included four pairs of my dad’s long underwear that he wears to work on colder days.

  They actually look a lot like those one-piece footie pajamas that toddlers wear.

  I was about to fold up the last one of them when I suddenly got the most brilliant idea!

  Since Dad still had three pairs left, I decided that he probably wouldn’t mind if I borrowed one for my bio project.

  Besides, he is always harping about how important it is for me to get good grades so I can get a scholarship to a major university. And his long underwear would technically be helping me get a good grade. RIGHT??

  So I confiscated them, took out my paint and markers, opened my biology book, and got busy at the kitchen table! . . .

  ME, DILIGENTLY WORKING ON MY DAD’S LONG UNDERWEAR BIO PROJECT!

  I finally finished my project a little before midnight, and I think it came out pretty good.

  Especially considering the fact THAT it was based on a wacky idea I had while folding laundry. I just hope my teacher gives me a passing grade on it.

  Anyway, now that my bio project is out of the way, I can finish SULKING !!

  I can’t believe the woman who gave birth to me let Brianna keep a pet overnight but is REFUSING to let ME do the EXACT SAME THING !

  Life is SO unfair!!

  I guess I’ll tell Brandon the bad news tomorrow.

  I just hope we can find another person to take my place.

  !!

  THURSDAY, MAY 1—2:05 P.M. IN THE GIRLS’ BATHROOM

  I was seriously dreading having to tell Brandon I couldn’t keep the dogs.

  It didn’t help matters that he was happily waiting for me at my locker. Then he went on and on about how great the dogs were doing!

  When I finally got up the courage to break the news, I interrupted him and said, “Um, Brandon, there’s something really important I need to tell you.”

  But he said, “Really? Because there’s something really important I need to tell YOU!”

  He started gushing about how thankful and lucky he was to have me as a friend!!

  Which made it even MORE difficult for me to tell him.

  Then he said, “So, I’ll drop the dogs by your house right after school today, okay?”

  But before I could answer and say, “Actually, Brandon, you CAN’T drop the dogs by my house!! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the past ten minutes,” he said, “Later, Nikki! See you in bio!” and disappeared into the crowded hallway.

  The whole thing was SO FRUSTRATING !!!

  So now I had to try to explain everything to him AGAIN when I saw him in bio.

  Only right before bio, I went into the girls’ bathroom and stood in front of the mirror and practiced telling Brandon the bad news.

  But I practiced too long and ended up four minutes late for bio, which meant I completely missed the chance to tell him the bad news AGAIN!

  I just KNEW my teacher was going to be SUPERirritated with me for handing my project in late, and maybe even take a few points off.

  But the strangest thing happened. . . .

  My teacher actually LOVED my project!

  She said it was not only creative, but very realistic.

  As a matter of fact, she was SO impressed that she asked for a volunteer to WEAR it while she taught today’s lesson on the human body.

  Then she waited patiently for a student to raise his/her hand.

  But I already knew she was wasting her time.

  Who’d be STUPID enough to wear my dad’s long underwear with the HUMAN ANATOMY painted on it in front of a classroom of their middle-school peers?!

  Well, okay!

  I’ll rephrase the question. . . .

  WHO, other than ME, would be that STUPID?! . . .

  CLASS, THIS IS WHAT COMPLETE HUMILIATION LOOKS LIKE!!

  Most of the students must have thought the lesson was hilarious, because they snickered and giggled the entire time I was up there.

  OMG! I was SO embarrassed.

  I looked like some . . . FREAK who’d been in a really bad . . . parachuting accident and had somehow gotten . . . turned inside out.

  Anyway, after class was over my teacher thanked me for crea
ting such a wonderful project and sharing it with my classmates.

  Then she suggested I enter it in the citywide science fair that our school would be hosting tomorrow after school.

  Like, WHY would I want to HUMILIATE myself in front of the ENTIRE city?!

  That’s when I completely lost it and screamed, “I’m really SORRY, Ms. Kincaid! But I can’t discuss the science fair right now. I need to rush outside, dig a really deep hole, crawl into it, and DIE!!”

  Of course, I just said it inside my head, so no one else heard it but me.

  Right now I’m hiding out in the girls’ bathroom writing all this.

  Unfortunately, I’ll probably NEVER be able to do the laundry again. WHY?

  Because I’m ALLERGIC to LONG UNDERWEAR!!

  Anyway, I never got a chance to talk to Brandon.

  So I’ve decided NOT to tell him!

  Instead, I’m going to keep the dogs as planned.

  I’ll just HIDE them in my bedroom the entire time so that Mom and Dad will never even know they’re in the house.

  I’m sure the dogs will mostly just hang out in their cage and eat and sleep all day long.

  And since the mother dog is there watching her puppies, that means LESS work for me!

  Besides, I’ll only be HIDING them in my room for twenty-four hours!

  Hey, how hard can it be?!

  !!

  THURSDAY—5:20 P.M. AT HOME

  I thought the school day would NEVER end! I was DYING to go home so I could get everything ready for Holly and her puppies.

  First I cleaned my room (the last thing I wanted was for one of the dogs to nibble on that ten-day-old moldy pizza slice under my bed). Then I puppy-proofed it (my room, not the pizza).

  And just in case Brianna decided to SNOOP around once she got home from school, I cleared out enough space in my closet to hide the dog cage.

  When Brandon finally dropped off the dogs, I excitedly took them upstairs to my bedroom.