The Misadventures of Max Crumbly 1 Read online

  I dropped my science folder, and papers went flying everywhere!

  Erin was about to go off on Thug, until he apologized and pretended the whole thing was a big accident.

  And get this! He actually told her that he loved her shirt and that magenta was his favorite color.

  YEAH, RIGHT! That dude couldn’t even SPELL magenta!

  Watching Thug trying to flirt with Erin like that was really annoying. I was happy when he finally decided to get lost.

  Anyway, Erin offered to help pick up my papers that were scattered all over the floor. But it made me SUPER nervous. . . .

  I started grabbing papers as fast as I could and stuffing them back into my folder before Erin saw any of my drawings.

  Because NO JOKE! I was literally going to DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT if she saw a secret sketch that I’d drawn earlier that week during lunch.

  What was it?

  None of your ding-dang BUSINESS!!

  Okay, FINE! I’ll tell you! I’d drawn a sketch of . . . ERIN!!

  And of course I didn’t want her to know think I was some SICKO who snuck around secretly drawing people behind their backs.

  I broke into a cold sweat and almost had a panic attack when Erin picked up the very LAST piece of paper!

  And it was (you guessed it!) . . .

  As Erin stared at the drawing again, I quickly snatched it grabbed it from her and shoved it back into my folder.

  “Wow, you’re right! She COULD be your twin! What a strange coincidence.” I shrugged and quickly changed the subject. “Thanks for the compliment. I really like drawing, and it’s kind of my hobby.”

  “Hey, you should enter our avant-garde art competition! It’s next month, I think. Every middle school has one.”

  Actually, Brandon had suggested the same thing to me too.

  He said I had awesome skillz and was “almost” as good an artist as his friend Nikki Maxwell, who is entering the avant-garde art competition at his school.

  But I think he’s probably crushing on that girl, because he talks about her ALL the time.

  So, if you ask me, he’s TOTALLY biased about who’s the better artist. I’m just saying!

  “Listen, Max, I know this is kind of last minute, but would you be interested in painting some background scenes for the school play? We’re doing The Ice Princess, and I’m part of the cast. But I’m also the director and stage manager. And unless additional people show up to help, I’ll probably end up having to do even more. I might be the audience, too!” she joked.

  “It sounds like you have your hands full!” I said.

  “Totally! My mom and I just finished making my costume yesterday. And if things don’t improve, our advisor says we might have to cancel the play this year!” Erin said, sounding a bit frustrated.

  “Cancel it?! That would be awful! I’ve never painted scenes before, but it sounds like fun,” I said.

  “Great! I could definitely use your help. Can you meet after school today in the theater classroom? I’ll bring all the paint and supplies.”

  “Cool! I’m really looking forward to it.” I smiled.

  “Okay! Bye, Max. And thanks a million for agreeing to help out!”

  “No problem! Thanks for asking me. Bye, Erin,” I said as I watched her disappear down the hall.

  I couldn’t believe that I’d finally made my very first friend at South Ridge Middle School.

  And it was Erin Madison!!

  How COOL was THAT?!

  With a big goofy smile plastered across my face, I turned around to head off to class, and . . .

  BAM!

  THUG slammed into me! AGAIN!

  Only it was like hitting a brick wall. A very STUPID brick wall!

  Why did it feel like running into that guy was suddenly becoming a really BAD habit?!

  “Stay out of my way, BARF!” he spat. “Are you trying to start something? Because if you are, I’ll be happy to give you a BEATDOWN after school today. Right after I finish detention.”

  “Actually, Thug—er, I mean Doug—you kind of bumped into ME,” I explained.

  “Wait a minute! Are you blaming ME?!” Thug snarled.

  “No, I just was trying to explain how—”

  “SHUT UP, BARF! You can explain it after school. To my FIST!!”

  Then he shoved me and walked away.

  I didn’t have the slightest idea where all of that CRAZY had suddenly come from.

  But it was definitely weird how Thug had been hanging around the ENTIRE time I was talking to Erin. Suddenly it hit me! Maybe Thug LIKED Erin too!!

  THUG IN LOVE!

  One thing was for certain! Thug or no Thug, I had no intention of bailing on Erin after I had promised to help her.

  Especially after she told me the play was already in jeopardy of being canceled.

  10. GRANDMA CHOKES ON HER DENTURES AND DIES! (AGAIN.)

  Okay, I LIED!

  I had no intention whatsoever of BAILING on Erin, UNTIL later that afternoon I heard some football players talking about “the big fight after school today.”

  And it was going to be between THUG and some new kid named MAX CRUMMY?!

  Just GREAT!!

  Some days you’re the BUG, and some days you’re the windshield!

  And, unfortunately, that day I was the BUG!

  As much as I wanted to help Erin, I knew I had to avoid trouble with Thug or risk my parents pulling me out of South Ridge Middle School.

  So I didn’t have a choice but to tell Erin the truth some very BAD NEWS!

  You know, THAT news. . . .

  How I couldn’t stay after school to help with the play because my grandmother had sneezed, accidentally swallowed her dentures, and choked to death!!

  And I had to rush straight home to go to her FUNERAL!

  But when I got to the theater room, I couldn’t help but notice through the window that Erin seemed kind of down.

  And she kept glancing anxiously at her watch.

  Sure, I was a few minutes late.

  But give me a break!

  It wasn’t like I was helping Michelangelo paint the SISTINE CHAPEL!

  ERIN, WAITING FOR ME TO SHOW UP?

  The last thing Erin needed was me bailing on her because I was too big a COWARD to stand up to Thug, and then LYING about it more DRAMA in her life!

  With a FRIEND like me, who needs an ENEMY, right?!

  So instead of giving her a lame excuse about my grandma choking on her dentures, I decided to just head for home before Thug caught up with me.

  And if I hurried, I could still catch my bus.

  I know! You’re probably thinking, “Dude, I don’t like you very much right now. And I didn’t like you that much to begin with!”

  I totally agree with you. Because right then I didn’t like myself much either.

  But in the end I COULDN’T walk away and just leave Erin hanging like that when she was depending on me.

  And yes. I ALSO knew that I probably wouldn’t be able to walk away LATER once Thug caught up with me and broke both of my legs!

  I knocked on the window, smiled, and waved at Erin.

  Hopefully, if Thug looked for me in the theater room, once he spotted Erin he’d totally forget about the fight and try to impress her by BRAGGING about more of his favorite obscure yet fashionable colors.

  Erin gave me a weak smile as she opened the door.

  “Thanks for coming, Max! But, actually, I don’t need your help anymore. So you can go,” she said as she sniffed and wiped her eyes.

  “I’m really sorry I’m late! Um, are you okay, Erin?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine, I guess! I just got some bad news.”

  “Really? What happened?” I asked, concerned.

  “Well, I don’t want to talk about it right now, okay? But thanks for coming. I’ll see you around.”

  “Sure, Erin. If there’s anything I can do . . .”

  “No, there ISN’T. Just please leave me alone!”

  BURN!!
r />   “Um, okay.” I shrugged. Then I turned and walked out of the room.

  So that was it! My friendship with Erin Madison lasted barely half a day.

  At that moment I was sure of only two things.

  I DIDN’T understand GIRLS! AT ALL!!

  And I had exactly forty-eight seconds to get my BUTT on the bus if I wanted to make it home in one piece!

  11. WARNING!! BEWARE OF THE FREAKY LOCKER VAMPIRE!

  So for the rest of the week, I avoided Erin like my least-favorite contagious fatal disease.

  But don’t get it twisted!

  It wasn’t like I was STILL crushing on her or anything like that.

  It wasn’t like I was EVER interested in her or anything like that. Hey, I barely even KNOW the GIRL!!

  Although I DID catch her staring at me a couple of times in class because I was sort of staring at HER.

  But it was probably just my imagination.

  Anyway, NOW you know why I was so traumatized when I realized it was Erin, of all people, outside my locker.

  Unfortunately, I was about to humiliate myself AGAIN!!

  ME, ACCIDENTALLY FREAKING OUT ERIN!

  As she cautiously stood outside my locker, I slumped against the back wall, closed my eyes, and held my breath.

  I could always just pretend like I WASN’T in here and HADN’T been screaming for help like a maniac just a few seconds ago.

  Then maybe Erin would think it was just her imagination and go away.

  “Hello?! Is anyone inside there?” she asked nervously.

  Awkward silence.

  Erin looked over her shoulder, suspecting that maybe the whole thing was a big joke being filmed for the school’s website or something.

  “Um . . . did someone in there just ask for help?”

  More awkward silence. Erin folded her arms and bit her lip.

  I could almost hear the wheels spinning in her brain as she tried to figure out what was going on.

  She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching and then slowly raised her fist.

  KNOCK-KNOCK!

  I couldn’t BELIEVE Erin had actually knocked on my locker door like that!

  Unfortunately, I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head and then immediately wished I hadn’t.

  “Um . . . WHO’S THERE?!”

  Erin seemed really surprised that I’d answered.

  Heck, even I was really surprised I’d answered.

  “It’s me, Erin! I was just walking by and— Wait a minute! Is this some kind of joke?” she asked, highly annoyed.

  “No.”

  “Listen, I’m in a hurry, so I don’t have time to stand here talking to some weirdo in a locker. If that’s your thing, fine! But I just want to make sure you’re okay since you were screaming for help a minute ago.”

  I sighed and cleared my throat. “Um . . . yeah. I’m fine, I guess. I just seriously need to get out of here!”

  “Okay, I’ll get help! The principal or a teacher or maybe a janitor. Somebody! Just wait right here until I get back, okay?”

  “Like, WHERE am I going to go? I’m STUCK in here. Remember?”

  “Sorry! I’m just trying to help. . . .”

  “Maybe I can give you my combination. As long as you can get that stupid door open, I’m good!” I muttered.

  “I can try. But I have trouble getting my OWN locker open,” Erin said as she spun the dial a few times. “Okay! What is it?”

  “38, 12, 7,” I answered.

  She stared at the lock, deep in concentration.

  “38, 12, 7,” she repeated.

  Then . . .

  CLICK!

  I held my breath as Erin slowly opened the locker door!

  The bright hall lights flooded in, temporarily blinding me.

  I blinked and squinted my eyes.

  But Erin blinked and widened hers in surprise. . . .

  I flushed with embarrassment.

  “Um . . . would you believe by . . . accident?”

  “By accident?! But, HOW?”

  “Well, I was looking for my, um . . . math book, and I leaned over and fell in, and, um . . . somehow the door slammed closed and I ended up trapped inside. That’s exactly what happened. Kind of . . .”

  Erin just stared at me in disbelief like I had a two-pound booger dangling out of my nose.

  “Oh, really? Puh-leeze, Max! You actually expect me to believe that?”

  Then she rolled her eyes at me so hard, I thought they were going to pop out and roll down the hall.

  “Look, I don’t mean to get into your business, but if someone did this to you, you owe it to yourself to report them. If NOT, lurking inside your locker like some kind of creepy, freaky . . . locker vampire could be dangerous! I suggest you get some psychiatric help. FAST! At least maybe talk to the school counselor or someone. I really need to get going. I think I left something in the library, and my parents are going to have a meltdown if I don’t find it. Bye.”

  She turned and rushed down the hall.

  “Erin, wait! I, um . . . just wanted to let you know that I’m still willing to help out with your play. I can stay after school next week. And I paint really fast, so . . .”

  Erin stopped and spun around to face me.

  “Thanks, Max. But the play . . . it got, um . . . canceled,” she answered, and stared at the floor.

  “Oh, I didn’t know! I’m really sorry to hear that,” I muttered, wanting to kick myself.

  “Hey, I gave it my best shot. Besides, there’s always next year.” She shrugged. “I guess I owe you an apology for the way I acted. I had just gotten the bad news from my advisor and was a little upset. But still, that’s no excuse.”

  “No problem at all.” I smiled. “I was just trying to help.”

  Then we both just kind of stood there, looking at each other and not saying anything.

  AWKWARD!!

  I was about to mention the fact that I was seriously thinking about joining the computer club, when Erin finally broke the silence.

  “Well, be careful! And don’t go accidentally falling into any more lockers. Because, dude, that’s just BEYOND WEIRD. See you.”

  I watched as she disappeared down the hall.

  Did Erin just call me . . .

  BEYOND WEIRD?!!

  Yep! She DID!

  Okay, so why did I suddenly feel like crawling BACK into my locker and slamming the door?

  I sighed and grabbed my backpack.

  As I looked at the clock near the main office a new sense of dread spread over me, and my stomach started to churn.

  I had gotten to school twenty minutes late and had been stuck in my locker for almost twenty minutes, which meant I had missed most of my first-hour math class.

  I didn’t have a choice but to drag my butt back to the office and request a SECOND slip.

  For being even MORE tardy! . . .

  ME, GETTING A SECOND TARDY SLIP!

  And since I’d probably already missed our math quiz, I was going to get an F and a note home to my parents.

  Which wasn’t quite as horrible as the fact that Erin, the ONLY person in the entire school who’d even bothered to talk to me in the past two weeks (well . . . other than Thug), thought I was some kind of psychotic LOCKER VAMPIRE WEIRDO.

  I hated to admit it, but maybe Erin was right about talking to someone about my Thug Thurston problem.

  And since I was already in the office, I could just skip my science class and ask to see Ms. Robinson, the school counselor.

  After I explained what happened to me this morning at school, she’d probably give me an excused pass AND authorization to make up my math quiz.

  Everything would work out just fine!

  UNTIL Thug found out that I’d RATTED on him!!

  And BROKE BOTH MY ARMS!

  The last thing I needed was for my parents to pull me out of middle school to be homeschooled by Grandma until I graduated from high school.

  Suddenly, be
ing stuck in my locker seemed like the LEAST of my problems.

  The first class period wasn’t even over yet!

  And my day was already in the TOILET! NOT going well!

  12. SETUP FOR A LOCKDOWN?

  Lucky for me, I somehow managed to steer clear of Thug the ENTIRE rest of the day.

  WHEW!!

  So when the last bell finally rang at three o’clock, I decided the best way to avoid a run-in with him after school would be to hide out in the new computer lab for fifteen minutes.

  Our brand-new computer lab just opened two weeks ago, and it’s my favorite place to hang out.

  It has that weird new-computer smell that only computer nerds can truly appreciate.

  After three years and a dozen fund-raisers, the school purchased $100,000 worth of equipment.

  But the best part is, I’ve NEVER seen Thug in there. EVER! I was chillaxing and having a blast playing Valiant Knights of the Galaxy. . . .

  ME, PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IN THE NEW COMPUTER LAB

  So when my watch suddenly beeped at four p.m., I was surprised that I’d been playing an entire hour!

  It was eerily quiet, and no one was around. Even the computer lab teacher had cleared out.

  FINALLY!

  It was safe to make my escape and head home. I was SUPER happy that we had a three-day weekend.

  And the icing on the cake was that there would be no Thug Thurston for an entire seventy-two hours!! WOO-HOO!

  But, most importantly, I was relieved that I’d managed to SURVIVE yet another WEEK at school with Thug.

  All while successfully AVOIDING another school year being homeschooled with Grandma. SWEET!! Right?!

  Yep! Max C. had once again outsmarted Thug T.!

  I did my VICTORY DANCE. . . .

  Then I moonwalked all the way back to my locker.

  I was humming along to my fave tunes as I packed up my stuff for a relaxing, fun-filled, Thug-less weekend.

  If this next scene were in one of my favorite comic books, it would be written like this. . . .

  “When we last left our unsung hero, he had used his extremely high IQ and advanced intelligence to completely outsmart his evil archnemesis, Thug Thurston.