Tales From a Not-So-Fabulous Life Read online

  I even promised I would paint them a new one, although Brianna insisted that she wanted to do it instead.

  “Don’t worry, Mom and Dad! I’m almost done making you a brand-new anniversary present, and it’s way better than Nikki’s dumb ol’ painting!”

  But I had a really bad feeling about Brianna’s art project.

  When I asked her if she had used finger paints or crayons, she said, “Nope! A black permanent marker. And I drew it over the couch in the exact same spot where your painting was hanging!”

  Brianna said her drawing was called…

  THE MAXWELL FAMILY VISITS PRINCESS SUGAR PLUM ON BABY UNICORN ISLAND

  When Mom saw Brianna’s wall mural, she just about fainted. And then Brianna tried to get out of it by blaming Miss Penelope.

  It was kind of nice to laugh again after feeling so hopelessly depressed.

  WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 9

  My parents and I drove over to WCD forty-five minutes early so we could get everything taken care of before the students started arriving.

  As Mom and Dad sat in the office chatting with the secretary and completing the school-transfer paperwork, I couldn’t help noticing the colorful displays off the main entryway for the art competition.

  No matter how much I tried to convince myself I didn’t care, I just HAD to know if MacKenzie had won. It was like I was obsessed or something.

  If I hurried, I could stop by the art competition for a few minutes and still have time to clean out my locker, get back to the office, and be out of the building before anyone spotted me.

  “Well, I better get going,” I muttered to my parents. I grabbed the empty cardboard box I had brought to carry the junk from my locker and headed down the hall.

  The art exhibit was set up in the large student lounge near the cafeteria and was divided by grades. I hurried past the sixth-and seventh-grade displays to the eighth-grade section. There were about 24 entries, and I immediately spotted MacKenzie’s.

  Like everything she did, it was big, bold, and over the top. She had painted seven life-size mannequins dressed in her Fab-4-Ever fashions on six-foot-tall panels.

  I had to admit, she was actually a pretty good fashion illustrator.

  But the strange thing was that I didn’t see her first-place ribbon.

  Although, knowing MacKenzie, she probably had already taken it home so her parents could have it bronzed to match her baby shoes.

  Then again, maybe NOT.

  I was surprised to see the blue ribbon was hanging on the very last display.

  I couldn’t help pitying the poor artist who would have to put up with the drama over MacKenzie’s very public and humiliating defeat.

  The winning display was a series of sixteen 8 x 10 close-up black-and-white photographs of inked artwork.

  When I read the title and artist’s name,

  I almost

  FREAKED OUT!

  I immediately recognized my tattoo artwork on Zoey’s shoulder, Chloe’s arm, Tyler’s neck, Sophia’s ankle, Matt’s wrist, and on and on.

  So this must have been the “project” Chloe, Zoey, and Brandon were working on when they said they were too busy to talk to me on the telephone Monday afternoon.

  Slowly but surely, the reality of the situation started to soak in.

  I was like, “OMG! I WON first place in AVANT-GARDE ART! FIRST PLACE and five hundred dollars!”

  Thanks to Chloe, Zoey, and Brandon! They must have cooked up this elaborate scheme after my painting got destroyed. And that fantabulous display with MY name on it had probably taken hours to complete.

  I was SO wrong about them. They were the BEST friends EVER! And more than a dozen other kids had volunteered to be photographed. All of this totally BLEW MY MIND!

  Maybe WCD was not such a horrible place after all. I actually had real friends here. And of course, it didn’t hurt that I was now rich, rich, rich beyond my wildest dreams!

  I hurried back to the office in a daze and burst inside.

  “Mom, Dad! I’ve changed my mind. I want to stay!”

  They both looked surprised.

  “Honey, are you okay?” my mom asked, concerned.

  “Actually, Mom, I’m GREAT! I’ve changed my mind. I want to stay. PLEASE!”

  “Well, it’s up to you. Are you sure?” my dad said, putting down his pen.

  “I’m sure. I’m REALLY sure!”

  The secretary gathered the papers from my dad, ripped them in half, and tossed them into the wastebasket.

  “This is great news!” She beamed. “And congratulations on your first place in the art show! You’re coming to the reception for the winners this Saturday, right? They’ll be giving out the cash awards, and the catered dinner is fabulous.”

  My parents looked totally confused. “I thought you said you didn’t—,” my mom began, but I quickly interrupted her.

  “Listen, I’ll explain all of this later. Like, don’t you both have somewhere to be?” I smiled and waved good-bye to them, hoping they would take the hint and get lost.

  Mom kissed my forehead. “Okay, hon! We’re glad you’ve decided to hang in there.”

  “Yeah, and you can thank Maxwell’s Extermination for hooking you up!” my dad said, and winked. “I knew it would work out for you here, if you just gave it a chance.”

  “Well, I gotta go! Oh. Here, Dad!” I tossed him the cardboard box. “Can you get rid of this for me?”

  Then I turned and rushed out of the office.

  Students were starting to fill up the halls, and a few actually congratulated me. As I made my way back to my locker, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but I was ready and willing to deal with it.

  The graffiti had been cleaned up, thank goodness. But there was something new on my locker.

  I knocked on the door of the janitor closet and then peeked inside.

  Chloe and Zoey were sitting on the floor in a corner and looking pretty sad. I felt kind of sorry for them.

  “We owe you an apology for the way we acted,” Chloe said. “We got really carried away with all of the tattoo and book stuff. And that wasn’t fair to you.”

  “Yeah! And we learned who our real friends are too. The CCPs wanted to hang out with us as long as you were doing the tattoos. What a bunch of phonies!” Zoey added.

  “Actually, I kind of figured that out too. That angry mob of cheerleaders was too scary!” I said, shuddering at the memory.

  “Listen, please don’t be mad, Nikki!” Chloe said, starting to tear up. “But we have a confession to make…”

  Zoey cleared her throat.

  “Well, after we heard about the accident with your

  painting, we rounded up the kids with your best tattoo artwork, and Brandon took pictures of them during lunch. Then he printed out the photographs on the computer in the newspaper office. Mrs. Peach let the three of us work on your entry the entire afternoon in the library. We called it The Student Body.”

  “And you’ll never guess what happened,” Chloe sniffed, blinking back tears.

  “I won!”

  “YOU WON!!” they said together.

  “Wait! You KNEW?!” Zoey asked, surprised.

  “Yeah. I just found out a few minutes ago.”

  “We know we shouldn’t have done it without asking you first. But there wasn’t time. You’re not mad at us, are you?” Chloe asked, and gave me jazz hands to try to lighten the mood.

  “Actually, I am. I’m VERY ANGRY!” I hissed. Chloe and Zoey both hung their heads and stared at the floor.

  “We’re sorry. We were just trying to help…,” Zoey muttered.

  “You’re supposed to be my friends. How could you two do this to me? I’m so TICKED! I would have given ANYTHING to have seen the look on MacKenzie’s face when she LOST!” I was trying so hard not to laugh that I was starting to snort.

  At first, both girls blinked and looked bewildered. Then, slowly, smiles spread across their faces until they were grinning from ear to ear.

&n
bsp; “OMG! Nikki, you should have seen her,” Chloe squealed. “When they announced you as the winner, she went into shock!”

  “It was hilarious! MacKenzie threw a hissy fit right there in front of the judges!” Zoey snickered.

  Pretty soon we were laughing and joking in the janitor’s closest, just like old times.

  “Uh-oh! I think I just heard the first bell,” I groaned.

  “Let’s get out of here before we start smelling like a mildewy mop!”

  Chloe and Zoey opened the door, and then stood there waiting for me to leave first.

  “Talent before…brains!” Zoey winked and then gave me the stink eye.

  “Talent before…beauty!” Chloe grinned and then gave me jazz hands.

  “Hey, girlfriends, I see the talent! But, other than me, there’s definitely no brains or beauty up in here!” I teased.

  That’s when Chloe and Zoey both socked me on my arm. “OW!!” I giggled. “That hurt!!”

  THURSDAY, OCTOBER 10

  There must have been a big sale at the mall yesterday or something, because four girls were wearing the exact same outfit.

  I hadn’t really noticed it until I overheard MacKenzie ridiculing them in the hall.

  “OMG! Look at that! They’re ALL wearing the same butt-ugly ensemble! Wait, don’t tell me. They were giving them away for free with a purchase of a McDonald’s Happy Meal!”

  It was only 7:45 a.m., and I was already visualizing duct tape over her mouth.

  When MacKenzie finally noticed me, she tried to act all innocent.

  “Just in case you’re wondering, I DIDN’T write ‘Bug Girl’ on your locker. Lots of people wear Ravishing Red-Hot Cinnamon Twist, you know.”

  I just rolled my eyes at her. That girl is SUCH a liar! I didn’t believe her for one second.

  MacKenzie flipped her hair and gazed at her perfect image in her mirror.

  “Besides, even if I did it, you don’t have any proof!”

  Then she applied her morning layer of lip gloss.

  Since I was stuck having a locker next to MacKenzie’s for the rest of the year, I decided to utilize the mind-over-matter coping strategy that Zoey had developed.

  In my MIND, I was so OVER being impressed with MacKenzie, because she didn’t MATTER!

  Although, I have to admit, those hoop earrings she was wearing were to die for.

  Why is it that huge dangly earrings look really GLAMTASTIC on the CCP girls? But when normal girls (like me) wear them, we end up needing reconstructive cosmetic surgery.

  Zoey, Chloe, and I sat together at lunch at table 9, and a lot of people stopped by to ask about tattoos. Since our Ink Exchange Program was such a big hit, and we had already collected almost two hundred books for charity, we decided to continue it for just three days each month, starting in November. It was going to be great NOT having to hide inside my locker between classes, due to my fear of angry mobs—I mean, my shyness.

  But the strangest thing was that I was actually starting to look forward to attending National Library Week at the NYC public library. And we had a good chance of being selected. I mean, just think about it! Chloe, Zoey, and me in Manhattan for five days without our ’rents! How EXCITING would THAT be?!

  We were going to have Friends, Fun, Fashion, Food & Flirting like it says in That’s So Hot! magazine. And maybe even get tickets to the

  TYRA BANKS SHOW! I just LOVE that GIRL!!

  I also planned to take full advantage of the “Meet-n-Greet” with all those famous authors. I had no idea an autographed novel was so valuable.

  I planned to collect a half dozen and then sell them on eBay for big bucks. Then, KA-CHING!! I could buy that iPhone I’ve been wanting! Am I NOT brilliant?! !

  BTW, I decided to save the $500 prize money for art camp next summer. It was going to be my fifth year attending, and my instructor said I already had an art portfolio strong enough for college. Which is pretty fantastic, seeing as I’m not even in high school yet! She said if I continued to work really hard, I could maybe land a four-year scholarship to a major university. SWEET!

  Brandon stopped by our table to ask if he could interview me about winning the avant-garde art competition, since it was “breaking news.”

  I thanked him for taking the photographs of my tattoo designs and told him what a great job he had done on them. But he said it was no biggie, and he planned to use the photos for the article he was writing.

  Then MacKenzie came over, acting all friendly, and actually congratulated me. I was so shocked, I almost puked my lunch on her Jimmy Choos!

  But I think she really just wanted to flirt with Brandon, because she kept batting her eyes at him all fluttery, like she had accidentally stuck a false eyelash to her eyeball or something.

  How does she have the nerve to do that right to my face?! Probably because she has the IQ of lint.

  In spite of the fact that we had agreed not to do any tattoos until next month, Chloe and Zoey insisted that I do just ONE more…

  FOR MYSELF. My tattoo totally ROCKED!

  Okay, I admit I was wrong about Grandma being senile. But I was correct about that DEMENTED puppet, Miss Penelope.

  After lunch was over, Brandon walked with me to biology class. He brushed the hair out of his eyes with his fingers (again) and smiled at me kind of shylike.

  “So I…um…was wondering if…um…you wanted to be lab partners for ‘structure of mitochondria’?”

  I could NOT believe he asked me that. So I looked deep into his eyes, all serious, and said:

  “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”

  I’m sure he thought I was CRAZY.

  But, hey! I can only be myself, right?

  I’M SUCH A DORK!