Ever Bound Read online

  As if I were under the water, I couldn’t make her out, but when her white gown slid over her shoulders and landed at her feet, my body became heavier. The inky sky and her porcelain skin intertwined. The cool night air contrasted with her warmth. She spoke words that made no sense, and as if she and my body knew a language I didn’t understand, they carried out an act I had no control over. When it was done, she slid away from me.

  Grace Rollins loomed just over me. “Sleep, my love.”

  * * * *

  When I woke the next morning, it was Sunday, the Lord’s day.

  I sat on the end of my bed.

  Mama and Pop rustled around in their room, gathering their Sunday best for church. I couldn’t explain what had happened to me, but I knew it had been of the devil.

  Mama poked her head in my door. “Son, you’ll be late if you don’t hurry.”

  I stared at the wall. “I’m not going.”

  Without looking at her, I knew her mouth had fallen into an O. She took going to church and her faith very seriously. Mama stepped into my room and shut the door behind her. “Is something the matter?”

  “There are a lot of things the matter. I wouldn’t know where to start. I just don’t think I can go to the same place Grace will be today.” I finally looked at Mama.

  “I’d really hoped last night would settle things between you, but I gather it did not. You mustn’t let her come between you and your faith. I know you don’t talk about it much, but you do believe. It might do you some good to go. It’s cleansing.” Mama held her Bible at her waist.

  After the night before, I wasn’t sure if anything could cleanse me. “She’s gone too far this time. Please don’t be angry with me. I can’t do it.”

  Mama bowed her head. She’d probably pray for me all day. “I could never be angry with you. I love you. And God loves you. And in her own way, I think Grace loves you too. Last night she was very sweet in coming to see you. Why, I don’t think I’ve ever had a more wonderful meal. Or a better night of sleep. I woke fully refreshed.”

  “I’m sure you did.” I clenched my fists. They were blinded too. She must’ve used some sort of wicked sleep potion on them, and they had no idea.

  Mama and Pop left for church.

  I stared at the wooden walls. No one would believe me, a lowly farmhand, if I told the family what Grace had done. There was no reason to bother. It could even possibly be turned around on me.

  She could make it sound as though I had forced myself on her if she wanted to. She’d done it plenty of times already.

  At the wardrobe, I shoved all my expensive clothes aside. The clothes I came here in were in the back, so I pulled them out.

  * * * *

  The church steeple poked into a blue Sunday sky.

  Piano music filtered out open church windows as a chorus sang a hymn. The call to the altar at the end of preaching had started.

  I shoved the doors open.

  Everyone in the church stared at me.

  I marched straight for the parson and stopped beside Grace. I started to look at her, but I simply shook my head and continued on.

  The piano continued to play, but the congregation’s song stopped.

  The parson leaned in to me. “My son, do you need prayer?”

  “Yes. And lots of it. I’d also like to be baptized. I’ve allowed sin into my life.” I looked boldly upon Grace, then back to the parson. “I need it washed away.”

  “There’s nothing that would bring me greater joy. Let us now pray.” As he spoke soothing words of reverence, I silently asked God’s forgiveness for any part I may have had in the evening before or the provocation thereof, though I was pretty sure I’d been faultless. When I looked back up, I gazed past Grace, Mrs. Rollins, and on to Mama.

  She smiled and nodded.

  I followed the parson to the river just outside the church. Within a few minutes, I was baptized and cleansed of all my past transgressions.

  Chapter 4

  After the baptismal service, Pop shook my hand and Mama hugged me.

  I felt lighter, stronger, more focused.

  Gripping her skirts, Grace shoved past me, jutted her chin, and strode toward her wagon.

  Before Mama had too much time to study my face, I started through the trees and toward the road. It wouldn’t take her long to figure out that something very wrong had happened to me, and I didn’t feel like answering her questions.

  I made it almost home without incident.

  “So, Mr. Perfect, what exactly did your little religious show back there mean for us?”

  I jumped.

  Grace stood in the shade with her hands on her hips.

  As mad as I was, I was afraid I’d choke her. I continued in the same direction as if she didn’t exist.

  “Are you breaking things off with me after you seduced me?”

  Clenching my fists, I stopped. I’d always been brought up to never raise a hand to a woman, but this wasn’t a woman. I continued walking.

  Grace jumped in front of me and slapped my chest with both hands. “You’re not going to take my virtue, then throw me off to the wayside, Colby Kinsley!”

  That was it.

  I stood taller and stared down into her vile, conniving face. “I feel quite sure that your virtue was thrown carelessly to the wayside some time ago. I had nothing to do with it. I don’t know how you did it, nor do I care to know, but after what you did to me, I will no longer acknowledge your existence. Understand that. Never again will we speak.”

  “My dear, Colby. You were so drunk last night, you don’t remember the way of things. You took advantage of me. I wasn’t strong enough to fend you off, but I was good enough not to tell on you. Now you’re going to treat me this way?” Grace crossed her arms.

  I slipped around her.

  “Is there someone else?” her voice broke behind me.

  Breathing in good thoughts and breathing out Grace, I picked up my pace.

  “I’m the only way you’ll ever amount to anything. You’re a poor farmhand who has nothing to look forward to but your so called salvation. The only thing you’ll ever be is a hog castrator with manure under your nails.”

  After I made it to the house, I jerked the back door open and tore my shirt off. There was just something cleansing about slinging an axe at an innocent woodpile. So, that’s what I’d do. I didn’t care if I broke the axe handle.

  “I’ll be in the back chopping that pile of wood.” I passed Mama on my way through the kitchen.

  “Oh, no you don’t. Not on the Sabbath.” She gave a disapproving glance at my shirtless torso.

  “Okay. Can I go sling an axe at wood without purposely chopping any of it? The Bible says there is a place for anger, and I don’t think you want it in your kitchen.” I eyed the few pieces of China Pop had worked so hard for.

  She looked into my eyes. “Is it anything you want to confide in me about?”

  “It’s something I want to sling an axe about.” I went out the back door and to the wood shed in search of the strongest axe.

  I raised the axe over my head and brought it down on the chopping block as hard as I could. The reverberation of the metal wedge meeting wood jarred my bones. Over and over, I slammed the axe. Raw rage burned my veins.

  It never occurred to me before now what my virtue meant to me. It had never been in danger. It was something I would have shared with the person I spent the rest of my life with. The person with whom I shared my darkest secrets and deepest desires.

  Now the first night with the woman I was bound to for eternity would be blemished with memories of Grace’s filth. I lifted the axe again and brought it down even harder.

  What if a woman could tell you’d had indiscretions with someone else? What if she didn’t want you after she knew? What if I ended up being alone?

  I’d never cared about having someone to love until Grace had shown me exactly what love wasn’t.

&
nbsp; God had taken a rib from Adam to make Eve, but I was sure that Satan had stolen another, ground it with ashes from hell, and saved it for the day he made Grace Rollins.

  A woman spoke from behind me. “He who angers you, controls you.”

  Maybe on a bright sunny day when the world was normal and my virtue hadn’t been ripped away from me, I might have lowered the axe before I turned, but this time seeing Annabeth reminded me of Grace.

  “How would you know anything about anger in your perfect world, in that big perfect house, with all your perfect little frocks and your perfect—” I couldn’t say that. She might not take well to me commenting on her endowments so I brought the axe down to a good, solid thwack on the chopping block.

  “My perfect what?” she asked with a smirk.

  I jerked and wiggled the axe. It came out easily all the rest of the times. No matter how I worked it, it still wouldn’t budge.

  “I was gonna say face. Your face. Are you happy? You look like your mother.” I needed air. Air that one of the Rollins wasn’t breathing with me. Storming past her, I almost stumbled over a log.

  “Well, Cole Kinsley. I didn’t know you noticed,” she said. “My face, that is.”

  “I didn’t say it was pretty.” I stopped and stared at the tree line past the Rollins Plantation. Heck. It was probably all theirs. They probably owned half the state. And now they owned us. If word got out what happened between Grace and me. We were done.

  “No? You said it was perfect.”

  “And my name’s Colby, not Cole.” I went to the back door of my house.

  She followed me.

  “Colby’s a boy’s name. You’ve grown up, in case you haven’t noticed. And grown men don’t pitch tantrums when dumb girls insult them.”

  I started to ask what she knew about us or her sister and me because there was and never would be an us, but I wanted to forget. “In the most respectful of manners, of course, could you pass along the message to your parents that I’d like your sister to stay as far away from me as possible?”

  “Ho-ho-ho, now who’s acting better than thou? You sending me on errands.” Annabeth crossed her arms curtly over her flat—I stopped. Even the fact that her dress wasn’t as flat as it used to be sent more angered heat to my cheeks.

  “Go home, little girl,” I growled at her. “Before I turn you over my knee and send you that way myself.”

  Annabeth gave me a sweet, triumphant smile and cupped her skirts with her irritatingly elegant fingers, but before she walked away, she turned. “Fine, Cole. But the next time I find you trying to peep into my window, I may not be so forgiving.”

  My voice got garbled into some ridiculous sound in my throat.

  Annabeth swung around and stomped to her house.

  * * * *

  On Saturdays, the house cook prepared food for the whole plantation so we wouldn’t have to cook on the Sabbath. I opened my door to head up to the house for my dinner plate, and there stood Annabeth Rollins, plate in hand. I almost slammed the door.

  Annabeth shoved the plate at me. “Mama said to bring this to you. Don’t choke.”

  “Did you put something in it?” I leaned against the doorsill.

  “You’re welcome.” She slapped the plate into my hands.

  I almost dropped it.

  Gathering her skirts, she spun around and glided down the steps.

  “Wait.” Giving in, I shook my head. “Why didn’t a servant bring this? Why would you bother?”

  “Elsie was busy. And I came down here to prove to myself that I just caught you in a bad mood today, and that you could be pleasant on occasion.” Annabeth faced me. “Obviously, I was mistaken.”

  Of course, she couldn’t know all the details of her sister’s Saturday evening adventures. Maybe she’d just been trying to be helpful, but receiving a plate of food from any of the Rollinses right now was a little too early. I didn’t think I could trust any of them now or ever.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to lash out. I just…” I didn’t feel like explaining. “It’s been a bad day.”

  “I couldn’t help but hear her loud mouth when she followed you home. Don’t let her make you feel unworthy of anything life has to offer. She’s spoiled and in the opinion that no one is as good as her. I’m sorry she…broke your heart?”

  “I’m sure I’ll make it through it. Anyway, thanks for the plate.” I nodded a more polite dismissal to her.

  She didn’t deserve my anger.

  * * * *

  Months passed, but things only got worse with Grace. On the walks home from school, I stayed as far back from her as possible. She tried to start conversation as if she hadn’t somehow poisoned my food and my mind, then violated my body. Unsure how else to handle her or the situation and keep any sense of self-respect, I ignored her attempts.

  Annabeth spoke to me on occasion, but I kept her at a distance too. I didn’t know how to talk to girls anymore, except Mama. I just became a bundle of nervousness. So I didn’t bother, or if I did, I messed up the conversation.

  I admired Annabeth.

  After months of walking a distance behind her and her sister, I compared the two girls, just by watching their interactions with people.

  They were night and day.

  I sometimes wondered how Annabeth had come from the same family. She was kind to others, always putting them first, loved animals, and became more beautiful as each day passed. Why hadn’t Annabeth been the one to speak to me first? Why hadn’t she wanted to become acquainted?

  Ahh. It didn’t matter. Even if Annabeth had been interested and we had been from the same social circle, at some point, I might have had to pick up and leave in the middle of the night, so making attachments wasn’t a good idea, anyway.

  She always walked with girls who turned off through the woods to go home. Her brown hair shone in the sunlight, and with a carefree bounce, she clutched her speller and chalkboard.

  From behind me, Drew Cobb, with his blond hair slicked back and his finely pressed clothes, slapped the back of my head and ran on past. He caught up with Annabeth.

  I figured he’d head for one of the girls beside her or even Grace. But he didn’t. He slid right in beside the most pure person I knew.

  Annabeth stiffened at his closeness at first, but it wasn’t long before she politely exchanged conversation with Drew.

  I wasn’t very fond of him, but I didn’t hate him, either. He just wasn’t the type I would be caught fishing or doing anything else with really.

  Drew was from a prominent family in the town. Socially, he would be a good match for any of the town girls, but he wasn’t the most respectful person I knew. And that was putting it lightly.

  His conversation was tasteless when the lady folk weren’t around.

  As the parson would have put it, he was foul-mouthed and flesh-driven.

  Drew leaned in and whispered something to Annabeth.

  A deep blush rose from her neck and brightened her cheeks, but she smiled at him.

  Her smile was too bright to be wasted on him.

  Didn’t she see the way he talked up all the girls at school?

  I walked a little faster.

  Drew Cobb was not going to get fresh with Annabeth Rollins.

  “So I hear you’re going to college.” Drew nudged her playfully.

  A few of the girls turned off the path, and two of the younger ones up ahead kicked up dust as they giggled.

  Annabeth smiled after the girls. “I’m going to try. Men don’t see the value of women researching alongside them, but one day, I’ll be a doctor.”

  Huh. I hadn’t seen that one coming.

  “Talk like that is bold coming from a woman. She has her place.” His fingers twitched beside him as he moved nearer to Annabeth. The closer he got, the more my skin crawled.

  Passing Grace, I closed the gap between us by three more feet.

  “I feel a woman should be held
higher than she is in society, but I’m in no way contending that a woman is better than a man or that she can do the things a man can physically. Intellectually, she can contribute just as much to the research of medicine.” Annabeth held her head high.

  That a girl.

  Drew stared off into the woods as if she were a babbling loon. “Women are to run a household and bear children.”

  “Ah, we see things differently there.” She gripped her speller and sped up a bit.

  “So, you still want to have children and do all the wifely duties, but you want an education too?”

  “I want an education and a career, and then I may think of having a family after that.” Annabeth stared straight ahead and walked faster.

  “You have it all planned out. Some men might not like that, but I think that’s attractive in a woman.” Drew nudged her.

  Their contact sent heat to my face.

  Looking down, Annabeth smiled sweetly and held her speller flat against her.

  Drew poked his hands into his pockets. “I’d also planned to go school to be a doctor of medicine. We’d make quite a pair.”

  What a crock.

  “That’s to be seen, Mr. Cobb.” She turned down our drive.

  Drew stared after her. When I got to him, his gaze was on Annabeth’s backside, but he stopped me.

  “That’s a tough one to figure.” His grin was mischievous. “Boy, are you ever lucky.”

  “How do you suppose?”

  “You live right behind both of them. I bet you sneak a peek in their windows at night, and if you don’t, you’re crazy.” He chuckled.

  I balled my fist. “Actually, the thought has never crossed my mind. Do I need to tell the groundskeeper to watch for young men with less than respectable motives?”

  Drew bucked up. “You trying to get cross with me, boy?”

  I stepped up until we were nose to nose. “No, I’m warning you. Boy. Stay away from Annabeth.”

  Drew put his hand on my chest and backed me up. “You should probably let Annabeth decide who she wants to bed.”

  Every bit of bone and flesh in my body exploded into flames.

  “She’s not the kind of girl to take kindly to some slop boy making threats to a possible suitor. If I decide I want her, that’s my business.” A wicked grin twisted Drew’s lips.