This is Me Read online

  ~Charlie~

  Charlie was having fun...She wasn't expecting that. The stadium was packed to capacity and the roar of the crowd was deafening. They were in the freshman nosebleed section, but that suited them just fine. When the quarterback snuck into the end-zone on 4th and inches for a touch down to take the lead, they'd lost their minds.

  Yes, she knew about football. She was a varsity cheerleader in high school, dated a football player, and lived in Texas, after all. It was kind of hard not to pick up on things simply by osmosis. Part of her shunning the old Charlie persona included not going to games. She didn't really like sports per se, but being at her first college game was exhilarating. The company made a difference too. She was feeling so good that she even chatted up some girls she knew from home.

  "Oh, that black eyeliner is a real statement."

  "Your hair is so pretty. I could never have it that short, but on you it looks adorable."

  "It's so nice that you and Trent can be friends again. I don't know what I'd do if I caught my boyfriend getting a BJ from another girl." Brenda Patterson whispered the word BJ.

  Charlie wasn't a moron, she could translate bitch speak like it was a second language. But she didn't care. Those Muffys could kiss her ass. They were never true friends anyway. Jess, Bridgette, Tiffany, Shane, Donovan...those were her real friends.

  Her thoughts drifted to Michael. She hoped she could add him to her list of true friends. She'd looked out for him at the game but she didn't see him. She could admit to herself that she'd had fun with him today. She could also admit that she was more than disappointed when he left to join his friends. The enjoyment was obviously one sided. Not one sided as much as her level of enjoyment far outweighed his. Well not when she was straddling him after he'd tackled her. His level of "enjoyment" had been very obvious. That's why she rolled off so fast.

  Hard-on aside, he'd gone to be with his friends. She was a realist, she didn't expect him to blow off his buds to hang out with her, but inside she'd hoped.

  "Chuck! Earth to Chuck!" Shane yelled in her ear.

  "Sorry, what?"

  "Do you want to leave? We're winning by three touchdowns and five minutes left."

  "Yes, let's try and beat the crowd," she agreed.

  The day, although amazing, had felt like it would never end. She was so relieved to finally be in her pjs and under her soft sheets. It was only 9:30, but she could barely keep her eyes open. The guys wanted her to go back to the fraternity house for the victory party, but after they'd left the game and eaten two pizzas she was D-O-N-E. She felt herself drifting when her phone beeeerrrrinnnngggg'ed right beside her head. She startled and cursed, deciding to let the answering machine get it.

  "Hey, this is Charlie. If I have to tell you what to do, then don't bother..."

  Beep.

  "Um, hey...it's Michael. You there?" She almost picked up when she heard his voice and the muffled sounds of a serious rager in the background.

  She didn't.

  "Well, I was just wondering if you were coming. Shane said you went home, but I just thought...I don't know what I thought." She was smiling at the ceiling listening to his drunken ramblings. So cute...

  "Hey, get out of here! I'm on the phone!" Door slams. "Assholes."

  "Well anyway...I guess I just wanted to say that I had fun today. I'll see you in class. Uh, good night, Charlie." Clunk, a couple of times, like he didn't get it on the base right away. She giggled and rolled onto her side, pulling her stuffed panda into her chest.

  Yes, the old Charlie loved Ming Ming, but so did the new one.

  Deal with it.

  Chapter 15

  ~Michael~

  They were all lounging under what was now called "The Tree." It had become their favorite spot on campus. The canopy that had started lush and green at the start of the semester was now brushed with reds and golds. The grass was still green and full.

  "All those eighties movies you love are corny as shit," Shane said, shaking his head.

  "Corny? CORNY! Between Scorsese and Hughes, I'll take Hughes any day of the week. Genius, I tell you, genius!" Charlie screamed, unaffected by the looks from passing students. He loved that about her.

  "Not to mention the kick ass soundtracks," Michael added thoughtfully.

  "Thank you!" Charlie said, throwing up her arms.

  "Oh really? What would you do if some stalker dude was outside your house holding up a boom box?" Shane asked Charlie.

  "Um, before or after I jumped out the window and had sex with him right there on the lawn?"

  "Hey, Donovan, can I borrow your stereo?" Shane said. They all laughed.

  "Are you trying to tell me you didn't like Ferris Bueller's Day Off ?" she challenged.

  "He did that one?"

  "Uh, yeah."

  "Who doesn't like that movie? ... 'Ferris Bueller you're my hero,'" Michael said. His Cameron impression was pretty spot on. Charlie smiled at him and he just about came in his pants.

  "Okay, besides that one, they suck."

  "Shane, I thought I knew you. I thought we were soul mates," Charlie teased, putting her hand over her heart. She should really consider being a theater major.

  "What about that one where they sat in a circle the whole fucking movie whining about their problems? What the hell was that about?" Donavan chimed in.

  "Breakfast Club? That's a classic! Wait, did you even see it?"

  "Didn't have to. There were no hot chicks and it looked boring as shit."

  "Okay boys, now you're just pissing me off. We'll just have to agree to disagree. ."

  "Don't lump me in with these two idiots. I love his movies," Michael said, earning a groan and then some kissy noises from the guys.

  "Barton, you pussy. You just want to get in Charlie's pants," Donovan teased.

  "Hey!" Charlie whined, shoving him.

  "What of it? I'll tell you this much, I wouldn't need a boom box."

  "Hey!" she yelled again, shoving Michael this time with her bare foot. Her toes were painted deep red. He wanted to put them in his mouth, like really bad.

  "Just kidding." Not even a little.

  Charlie grinned and laid back into the thick grass with her hands behind her head. Her long legs were covered in jeans today but he didn't mind. She looked really good in jeans. He stared as she cloud watched, pointing and saying, "Hey, doesn't that one look like a..." He wanted to lay her head in his lap and play with her hair. He wanted to hold her hand and kiss her mouth. It was getting hard. No, not that...okay that too.

  "Have you ever wondered why the sky is blue? I mean, is it the atmosphere or the light reflecting off the ocean? I've always wondered," Charlie said to no one in particular.

  She was always saying things like that, the random thoughts she didn't filter around this group. And he was glad to now be a part of her inner circle. They'd adopted him, or absorbed him, however you wanted to look at it. Of course he was drawn to Charlie, but he'd also grown close to his new fraternity brothers in the last month as well. And a little farther from his old friends, if he was honest. It happens...the ebb and flow of friendship. Trent hung out with them on and off, but he seemed to have found new friends as well, which was just fine with Michael. He thought Trent was a decent enough guy. But after hearing about what he'd done to Charlie, aside from thinking he was the stupidest guy on the planet, he'd lost some serious respect for the guy.

  She started humming, eyes closed. He didn't recognize the song but her tone was hypnotizing. Donovan and Shane seemed to be captivated as well. They were all caught in her web and no one was struggling to escape.

  "I could really go for some wings," Charlie said abruptly, leaning up on her elbows. "What about you guys?"

  "I could eat," Michael said looking forward to prolonging their hang out time.

  "I can't. I have to meet my study group in thirty minutes," Donovan whined. Shane was quiet for a moment and then said, "I think I'm gonna head back to the dorm. I have a paper due."

>   "Well, Michael, ya up for it?"

  "Sure." He shrugged his shoulders, pushing himself off the grass.

  Yes, yes yes yes...yes yes yes yes!

  Boner.

  "Let's take my car. The day is too beautiful for a truck. We need a convertible," Charlie said. He couldn't argue with logic. "You can drive if you want," she offered, handing him her keys. "I know guys don't like to be driven around by a chick." She winked and grabbed her backpack. He was officially crazy about this girl.

  "What? You're letting him drive the Stang. No effing way!" Donovan bitched. Shane just raised his eyebrow at her.

  "What? I let people drive my car." They started walking towards the library.

  "Not really. You let Trent drive your car, like once, and that was because you were toasted after a field party. Remember that one? You threw up on his shoe?" Donovan laughed.

  Charlie rolled her eyes. "I'd rather forget, thank you very much. Well I'll have you know I do let people drive my car. Shane gets to all the time. And Michael is a very responsible young man. I just really need to put my feet on the dash and bask in what's left of the sunlight. In order to do that, I need a driver. It's no big deal."

  Even though she played it off, Michael still felt special.

  "Well, I don't have a problem being driven around by a pretty girl, but I wouldn't want you to miss out on your basking."

  "But if you harm Marshmallow in any way shape or form I will shave your head and super glue the trimming onto your ass." She smiled sweetly and pranced away from them. "See you later my sweet boys." She wiggled her fingers and walked towards the parking lot.

  "I'll catch you guys later," Michael said. He ambled away in the same direction, resisting the urge to sprint after her. Hey, he didn't want to look like a bitch.

  "Man, this is a sweet ride. Now I see why the guys were making such a big deal about driving Manilow."

  "It's Marshmallow!"

  "Oh, my bad." He grinned at her and she laughed. He loved her laugh. It was loud and uninhibited. When she really got going her whole body would shake. He'd just recently realized that making her laugh had become his new mission in life.

  "So now that you have your chauffeur, were to Ms.?

  "I wish there was a place we could get wings and a cold beer."

  Yup, he loved this woman.

  "Well, we can go pick up some wings and go to my place. Tons of cold beer there." He was surprised he'd offered and he was even more surprised when she said, "Sounds great."

  She smiled and rested her head on the soft leather seat, closing her eyes. They sped down the road and he watched as she caught the wind on the peaks and valleys of her undulating hand. Right then, that moment, was one for the memory bank. The section that housed all the small nothings, that meant something.

  He figured, right then and there, he might as well make an entire folder just for her.

  Chapter 16

  ~Charlie~

  "Thanks." Charlie grabbed the cold bottle and took a sip. The wings had been delicious and there was no polite way to eat them. But she didn't care. She knew she could be herself around him with no judgement. He took the lawn chair beside hers and they laid in companionable silence with intermittent casual conversation. This continued until the sky went from blue, to rust, to black. The absence of the sun made the air crisp and she shivered.

  "You cold? We could go inside," Michael offered.

  "It's all right, the night's too beautiful to waste." It seemed like every star in the sky was out and within reach. The moon was large with a warm yellow glow.

  "Well, at least let me get you a jacket." He pushed off his seat and headed toward the door. The thought of wrapping herself up in his clothes brought a little warmth to her chilled skin. He came out and handed her a blue sweatshirt that said Spartan Athletics. She slipped it over her head and sniffed, discreetly of course. She was not disappointed. It smelled like him, at least the scent of the detergent that always clung to his clothes. The sleeves were a little long and it was big enough that it covered most of her legs. She was tall for a girl and Michael was just above average height so it wasn't a tent, but it was just big enough to feel like she was wearing a guy's sweatshirt.

  He smiled as she pulled her hands into the sleeves.

  "You see those stars shaped like a kite?" He pointed towards the sky, leaning towards her so their faces were almost touching.

  "Where?"

  He leaned closer and she could feel the vibrations his deep voice created. "There, see?" She followed the line of his arm to the tip of his finger and then she saw it.

  "Yes! I see it!"

  He laughed softly. "That's Pegasus. It's one of the brightest constellations in the fall."

  "Oh, I love Pegasus." What teenage girl doesn't like a flying horse?

  "So you're familiar with Greek mythology?"

  "A little. Just what I learned in school and from that movie Clash of the Titans."

  "That's a classic...Legend is that Pegasus was sired by Poseidon and Medusa gave birth to him. I know, weird, right? He ascended to the heavens and was given the job of bringing thunder and lightning to Mt. Olympus...sorry this must be boring the shit out of you." He started to move back to his seat when Charlie placed her sheathed hand on his arm. "No, not in the least. I love having any discussion with a guy that doesn't include boobs or sports. And I love that you're into Greek mythology." Her smile was small and genuine. She'd never been turned on more than she was at that moment. Brains were her Achilles heel, Greek mythology pun intended. And when those brains were inside of such a handsome head, thoughtful hazel eyes and full, had to be soft lips, it was hard not to rip off her clothes and straddle him with Pegasus looking down on them.

  "In all honesty, space has always fascinated me." She paused and licked her lips. "I can't tell you how many nights I laid on the lounge chair trying the count the stars. The infinity of space is hard to wrap my mind around. It makes some people feel insignificant, like a speck in the cosmos or something, but me...it makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger, ya know?" Now it was her turn to be self conscious, but when her gaze shifted his way something entirely different came over her. No guy had ever looked at her that way before, like he saw her, the real her. It was a bit unnerving. And more than a bit fantastic. She only hoped to get out of his friend zone, but maybe geeking out about space probably wasn't the right approach.

  She sat back and looked down at her watch. "Oh man it's late. I better head out."

  "Uh, okay." The nice look he had on his face soured.

  She stood and started to take off his sweatshirt.

  "No, keep it. You have to walk back to your dorm from the parking lot and I don't want you to be cold. I'll get it later."

  "Are you sure? I don't mind being cold."

  "Charlie, it's just a sweatshirt." The abrupt coolness of his tone seemed to shatter the intimacy that had wrapped around them just moments before. Anger, she could handle pretty well. But embarrassment—Charlie hated that feeling more than anything. She nodded and went inside, grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

  She looked back over her shoulder and said, "Thanks, Michael. I had fun tonight. See ya in class." She shut the door and ran to her car.

  Chapter 17

  ~Michael~

  He wasn't sure what he'd done, but he'd done something. He'd been disappointed she was leaving, so what did he do? Not tell her he was sorry she was leaving and that he had a fun night. Noooooo, that would have been to easy. He had to act like a fucking baby. The night could have ended with her arms wrapped around his neck and her tongue down his throat. Instead it ended with a door in his face. She seemed to be into him tonight, like into him, into him. Maybe he should call and make sure she got home, maybe apologize? He walked over to the phone in his kitchen. He picked up the cordless receiver and stared at the numbers. When the dial tone turned to the loud beep he pressed the off button and shook his head. No, he didn't want to make it into a thing. It's no b
ig deal. Right?

  This girl had him turned inside out. He felt confused and frustrated and he hated it.

  "God damn it!" He kicked the wall and went to bed.

  Monday Oct. 14th

  What in the hell just happened?

  Why did I start talking about space?!!

  Could I be more of a nerd?

  But wait he can talk about constellations and Medusa giving birth to flying horse babies? I mean, what the fuck? How is that fair? Maybe he wants to be the nerd in the relationship. I know, I know, what relationship? But there's something there, I fucking know it! And I'm going to sleep in his sweatshirt tonight. So there.

  Am I being a drama queen? Don't answer that...

  *How do I act in class tomorrow?

  Like it never happened...any of it.

  Chapter 18

  ~Charlie~

  Charlie was true to her word. Back to casual and friendly. She wasn't being aloof, just a little guarded. Michael might have been confused by her behavior at first but then seemed to take it in stride. She knew she was over-reacting about what happened that night, but that just proved to her that she had no business starting anything with anyone. She was just getting herself sorted out. She didn't want the anxiety and insecurity that relationships brought. It could bring bliss too, but she just wasn't ready for any of it. Besides, it was her first semester of college. She needed to have fun, be free and still needed to get a few more hook ups under her belt. Not that she wanted to whore around or anything, just some mugdowns.

  So when her new friend Molly Vargas invited her to a Halloween party she saw this as her opportunity.

  "Do I have to dress up?"

  "Charlie, it's a Halloween party, of course you have to dress up. And don't just wear black and say you're midnight or some shit like that." They'd grabbed their usual seats in the middle of the row towards the back of their stadium style classroom.

  Charlie laughed. "That's actually a good one. Okay I'll dress up. Can we even drink at this club?"