This is Me Read online

  Chapter 8

  ~Michael~

  When he hoisted Charlie onto the rear bucket seat, he tried really hard not to look at the black underwear she was wearing. He did! It wasn't his fault that her ass was in his face and her dress had worked its way up. He immediately covered her back up. Well, immediately might be a slight exaggeration. There may have been a 2-3 second lapse before he got his shit together.

  What a fucking night.

  He didn't know her well, not really at all. But when Jess came up panicked because Charlie was missing, he'd felt it. He'd felt it deep in his gut. Fear. He didn't want anything bad to happen to anyone he knew, but there was something about her. He felt like she was his to protect or something weird like that. He just might be turning into a complete pussy...

  That fear was nothing compared to the rage he felt when he found her half dressed, black tear tracks down her cheeks. He'd thought the worst and he was ready to kill someone for it. When she told the story about her and Trent, he wanted her to skip the details so bad he had to clench his teeth. He didn't want to hear about her being touched or kissed by that pretty boy, or anyone else for that matter. But that was ridiculous, right? How can you get jealous over someone you hardly knew? And more importantly, wasn't yours. But she'd looked so vulnerable. He could see the girl behind the hard edge she carried like a shield. And it made him want her even more than he already did.

  Yep, total pussy...

  He carried Charlie up the three flights of stairs to her dorm room, Jess following close behind. It's not like she was heavy, she wasn't. But after the second flight he was starting to huff a bit. He tried really hard not to cop a feel on his oblivious cargo. He was touching her bare thigh, but that was completely out of necessity. Could he have put his grip above her dress? Technically yes. But the material was slippery so he gripped her skin. Really, it's true. Well, it was mostly true. And did he have to stick his nose in her hair? No. But it was so soft and smelled like strawberries.

  Don't look at her tits, don't look at her tits. Damn.

  Could he help that he could see down the front of her dress? He just looked once and that was by mistake. Okay, the second time was on purpose but that was the last time. After that he looked up and counted steps. He didn't want her to be woken up by a massive hard on jamming into her spine.

  I really should tape this mother fucker down before I leave the house.

  Jess pulled the keys out of Charlie's purse and held the door open. He looked at her.

  "The bed by the window."

  "Could you pull the covers down for me?" he asked.

  That brought a soft smile to Jess's face. He laid her down gingerly and Jess pulled the covers over her. Satisfied that she was snug, he turned to leave. He was stopped by a soft hand that grabbed his pinkie.

  A sleepy voice whispered, "Thanks, Michael. Sorry I was mean before." She squeezed his fingers and closed her eyes.

  "My pleasure, Charlie."

  Jess walked him down. The adrenaline finally seeped from his muscles and only pure exhaustion remained. The street was dark except for the bluish glow coming from the small light above the door. The air was warm despite the early morning hour. He turned to go. "Hey, thanks for everything."

  "Really, I was happy to help."

  "I can tell you like her. Am I off on that?"

  "No."

  "Look, I don't know you but I can tell you're a decent guy. Watch out for her for me. And don't let that gruff front fool you. She's all softy underneath."

  He lifted his chin in response. "Take care, Jess. It was nice to meet you...Shane and Donovan had it right."

  "What?"

  "You two are pretty cool." He grinned and jumped into his truck illegally parked by the side entrance to the dorm.

  "You're not so bad yourself," she called to his back.

  He shook his head and drove home.

  Chapter 9

  ~Charlie~

  "Holy mother of hangovers!" Charlie groaned from beneath her covers.

  "I'm gonna kill that cat."

  "Cat? What are you talking about?"

  "The cat that shit in my mouth."

  Jess laughed hard and brought a glass of water to her friend.

  "Water, litter breath?"

  "Oh, yes please...I.Am.Going.To.Die."

  The sun was much brighter than it had ever been in her eighteen years on Earth.

  "You'll live."

  Charlie folded upright, hair going in every direction and eye liner down to her cheek bones. She downed the cool water in one gulp. If death was walking around in human form¸ it would be Charlie at this moment.

  "Why in the hell did you let me drink that much?"

  "Hey, I'm not your mom. If I was, you'd have been drinking iced tea and learning bible verses."

  "Mmmm, iced tea sounds really good."

  "How about food? Does food sound good?"

  "Um, not sure...no, no, food is definitely a no go." She ran to the bathroom. Five minutes of vomit followed by dry heaves later, she leaned her cheek against the seat and caught her breath.

  "I think I may just have tossed all my internal organs."

  She took a shower and brushed her teeth then shuffled back into her room.

  "Oh sweetie, you look like shit."

  "Thanks Jess. I feel like shit. No wait, shit would be an upgrade. I'm feeling more like Satan's jock strap right now."

  "Ooooh, ouch." She laughed. "I'm sorry I have to leave you like this, but I have class in the morning, so I better hit the road...Shane called while you were in the shower. He wanted to make sure you were okay. When I couldn't find you they were all worried."

  "Did Trent tell him what I did?"

  Jess nodded.

  "Shit, I'll bet the whole fraternity thinks I'm a grade A psychopath." She flung herself onto her bed and put her arm across her face.

  "Don't worry. Shane and Donovan won't let anyone bad mouth you on their watch. Oh, not to mention Michael."

  Charlie groaned. "Oh, I'd almost forgotten that he was front row center for my humiliation."

  "He didn't seem to mind. In fact I think he liked playing the knight in shining armor role. Do you remember he carried you up three flights of stairs? And tucked you into bed."

  "Oh, no."

  "He was as concerned as we were. How well do you know this guy?"

  "I don't. I've had like a five minute conversation with him. He's in my English class...He's in my English class! Damn it! I'm going to have to see him on Tuesday."

  "He's cool, trust me. Besides I think you need to give him a break, or at least a sober thank you."

  "A sober thank you?"

  "You don't remember thanking him and putting your tongue down his throat?'

  "NO!"

  "Oh right, that didn't happen..."

  Charlie whacked her with her pillow. "You bitch."

  "Really you just grabbed his hand and said...thank you," Jess mimicked in a breathy voice.

  What Jess didn't mention was the fact that Michael looked like that was the best thing anyone had ever said to him. He had it bad. She'd keep that to herself too. Charlie might get weirded out by that fact and Jess wanted Charlie to give him a chance. If nothing else, he'd make a great friend.

  "He was pretty sweet. What guy does that for a girl he hardly knows?" Charlie asked to no one in particular.

  "Well I guess Shane and Donovan are his frat brothers after all."

  "So is Trent." Jess pointed out.

  "Yeah. I guess I owe him an apology...a fruit basket? I don't know how to make this up to him."

  "First of all he deserved it. Any guy who cheats deserves to have his nuts punched. If you really feel bad about it, then just say you're sorry. But wait until the swelling's gone down, he might be more open to accepting."

  "Jess, I wish you could stay." Charlie pulled her down on the bed beside her.

  They clasped hands and stared at the ceiling. The silence, although comfortable, was a bit melancholy. T
hey laid like that for a while before it was interrupted by the door opening.

  "Oh, sorry, Charlie. I didn't know you had company. Put a sock on the door next time." Her roommate looked embarrassed and was looking everywhere but the bed. Jess and Charlie looked at each other and burst into laughter.

  "Stacey, this is my best friend Jess. She's not my girlfriend...at least not the way you're thinking."

  "Oh, it's okay, Charlie. I don't judge. You have a very masculine energy, so I'm not surprised."

  Jess laughed harder. "Holy shit, that would make me your bitch!"

  Charlie pushed her off of the bed, her butt hit the tile hard.

  "Ow! You are butch." Jess laughed.

  "Don't you have a road to hit?" Charlie said, trying to sound angry.

  "Stace, I'm not a lesbian. I like my bed fellows, well, to be fellows. Trust me."

  "Okay, if you say so," her roommate relented.

  "Yes, I say so." Charlie just let it go, but she wasn't sure if her roommate was buying the whole vagina non grata thing.

  Whatever...

  Sunday Sept. 6th

  Facts about this weekend:

  Jess surprised me with a visit♡

  We ate fattening food—working on that infamous freshman 15

  I got totally trashed. No really, really wasted. Got felt up by my ex. May have lost consciousness a few times. Spewed something fierce. I think a boot came out. ☢

  I may have been responsible for sterilizing Trent Stuart: I could blame alcohol consumption, but revenge was the real reason. It was hilarious until I thought I'd killed him ☹

  Humiliated myself with dramatic display: see above

  Nice boy from class proved to be more than a stalker. He had the whole knight in shining armor thing going. I definitely had the drunken damsel in distress thing going, furthering my humiliation.

  Good thing I was passed out for most of it.

  I need to figure out how to make this right with Trent. Yes, he treated my affections with flippancy (word of the week, thank you Jess) But that did not give me an excuse to sink to his level. I was the victim, but now I'm no better than him. I went from dog house builder to occupant. I fucking hate that.

  I'll ask Shane to smooth things over, then I'll apologize. Now that I've seen the guys again, I remembered how much I love them and how much they love me. I don't want to stay away from them because of Trent.

  *must find a way to coexist

  Oh and I'm pretty sure my roommate thinks I'm a lesbian. It's 90 fucking degrees and she's sleeping in a turtle neck and sweatpants with the covers pulled up under her chin. Not sure what she thinks I'm going to do to her in her sleep???

  Goals of the week:

  *Wear pink to offset "masculine energy."

  *Don't act so stand-offish

  *Eat salad all week

  Chapter 10

  ~Charlie~

  "So, am I forgiven?" Charlie asked softly, giving the best doe eyes she could drum up.

  "Yep, that should do it. Just wear a tighter shirt and you're golden," Shane suggested, mischief shined in his golden brown eyes.

  "So you really think he'll forgive me?" It came out softly, her head towards the ground.

  He pulled the edge of her jean shorts. "Hey, he couldn't stay mad at you. He loves you. But he did have to ice his marbles down most of the weekend, so maybe you could change into a short skirt, and lose the underwear."

  She shook her head and shoved him lightly in the shoulder. "Shane, I'm serious!"

  "Hey, I am too. Nothing says forgive me like a beaver shot." That really made her laugh. She pulled one of his dark curls. "Shane, I love your dirty mind. It never ceases to amuse and disgust me. And thanks for letting me rehearse my speech...As mad as I was at Trent, I was really out of line. I would have never done that sober. Tequila es no bueno!"

  "I'm just sorry I missed it. Michael wouldn't give us any details, but he seemed impressed."

  "Huh. I thought the frat bro code would frown against siding with the ball buster in this scenario."

  "Usually, yes. Exceptions can be made, especially if you're involved."

  "What do you know about this Michael guy?"

  "From what I've seen, he's a good guy. From a small town in East Texas. He gets along with everyone. His older brother is one of the most respected guys in the fraternity, also a very cool guy. I don't know him all that well yet. Why, you interested?"

  "No, no. I was just curious. He's in my English class and when he tried to talk to me, I shot him down. I feel like a real bitch. Especially after what he did on Saturday."

  "What did he do on Saturday? He mentioned that he drove you guys home."

  Charlie pulled a clover from the ground and counted the leaves. "He didn't mention the fact that he carried my drunk ass up three flights of stairs?" Some details from that night were hazy, but she did remember feeling safe with him.

  "No, he left that part out. That was pretty decent of him. I guess you can add him to your list of admirers."

  "Yeah, right."

  Shane pulled her up by the hand and grabbed her backpack. The tree they'd been sitting under for the last hour was starting to be in the wrong side of the shade. He flung his arm around her shoulders.

  "Now come on, gorgeous. I told Trent to meet us in the commons. I thought you could buy him a burrito or something."

  "Shane, you're a good friend and I love you to death. Have I told you that today?"

  "Maybe, but it never gets old." Shane smiled earning him a kiss on the cheek.

  Shane opened the door for Charlie. She stepped inside, the air conditioner hit her bare arms. The commons was a food court in the middle of campus. The center was filled with table and chairs. There were couches tucked in each corner where students lounged or met with study groups. Charlie noticed Trent almost immediately. He was sitting by the window, his hair shining gold in the sun. When she approached he smiled, then pursed his lips and gestured to the seat beside him. Charlie grabbed the edge of the chair. "Thank you for meeting me." Although she'd practiced what she was going to say in her head and to Shane, for the life of her she couldn't remember. So she just went with what came to her head.

  "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your balls."

  Fuck sake, Charlie!

  "Um, I mean...sorry, just sorry." She slid into her seat and let out a frustrated huff.

  "Look, I was so beyond out of line...It seemed like a great idea at the time. I saw you and it all came flooding back. Then I thought drinking half a bottle of tequila would help."

  He looked up at her. "I know, I know," she said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I've been so mad at you... I hated you, Trent. You know how that feels after caring about you for so long?" She whispered, "You were my first...my first everything and you cheated on me." She stopped, the emotion clogging her throat.

  Trent rubbed her shoulder "I know I've said this before, but I'm so sorry about what happened. I was drunk...and horny. My brain just shut off or something. It wasn't worth it. Not losing you..." Trent paused. If she wasn't mistaken she thought she detected a little moisture in those aqua eyes of his. Charlie squeezed his hand and nodded.

  "I'm not going to say it's okay what you did. It's never cool to do that to a guy's scrote...but I know why you did it. I may've even deserved it a little."

  "Okay, so you messed up and so did I. I guess that make us even?" Charlie asked.

  "If you can forgive me for what I did, then I can definitely forgive you. Can we start over, please?" She wasn't sure what his version of starting over was, but she knew hers. "Sure, Trent. I would love it if we could be friends again."

  "Friends, huh? Well, I can work with that." The cocky look on his face made her nervous. Trent was not one to back down from something he wanted. But she wasn't going there right now, maybe not ever.

  "I see smiles, so is it safe to assume you guys have kissed and made up?" Shane asked, sitting down with a tray full of food. He handed Charli
e a large cup.

  "Unfortunately there was no kissing involved." Trent winked at Charlie, causing a familiar tug in her stomach. Hey, she could still enjoy the view, he was gorgeous. And his tight shirt was showing off his drool worthy biceps.

  "We've decided to forgive each other and be friends again," Charlie said, taking a sip of her diet soda. See? She could eat healthy.

  "Ouch, friend zoned," Shane teased.

  "Hey, you're in the friend zone too, so shut the fuck up," Trent said, throwing a hot sauce packet at his head. Shane deflected the aerial assault with a laugh. At that moment being stuck at this school didn't seem so bad.

  Charlie stood under the spray, the hot water was soothing her aching shoulders. Her face to face with Trent had gone better than expected, but it was still emotional. As to the ache in her chest she'd been carrying, it seemed to follow the suds down the drain and she was glad to be rid of it. Being an angry man-hater took a lot of energy. Finally getting closure seemed to be just what she needed.

  Chapter 11

  ~Michael~

  "Hey, where'd you disappear to Saturday night?" Michael's brother asked, hanging on the door frame. One of the perks of having an older brother at the same school was being able to move into the house he had off campus. He'd had two roommates, but one graduated, leaving an empty room for Michael.

  "Nowhere. I just felt like going home is all." He grabbed his books, cramming them into his army green book bag.

  "You hook up, little bro?"

  "Nah, just drove some girls to their dorm. They'd had a rough night."

  "Oh, that was decent. Sorry I didn't get to see you much. I was working on a little something." Chad had a wicked grin on his face.

  "That hot blonde with the tight dress?" His brother just winked. "Nice."

  Chad had a pretty steady girlfriend for a couple of years, but they broke up last semester before she went off to graduate school in Boston. Now he kept it casual. He wasn't a man whore, but he was good looking and had no shortage of admirers.