My Last Lie Read online

  My Last Lie

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Epilogue

  A Letter From Ella

  Acknowledgements

  Copyright

  My Last Lie

  Ella Drummond

  To Dad, with love.

  Prologue

  ‘No more boring corporate drinks parties,’ Theo said. ‘I promise.’

  ‘And that’s one of the reasons I love you,’ I said, pinching my husband’s bottom. ‘You never expect me to be anything other than who I am.’

  ‘Just as well, really,’ he teased, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. ‘I know how you hate these events.’

  ‘I do, and now I’m going home. I’m tired, and this one is kicking the hell out of me.’ I stroked my rounded stomach lightly. I was eight months pregnant and on a hot July evening the only place I wanted to be was sitting at home with my feet up.

  He tried to snatch the keys from my grasp. ‘I’ll drive.’

  ‘No,’ I said, determined not to give in. He was always trying to look after me. Tonight, I needed time alone to think. ‘You stay and chat to your CEO. You’ve only recently been made a partner; it’s too early for you to leave.’

  He went to argue, but I kissed the tip of my index finger and placed it on his lips to stop him. ‘I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at home.’

  ‘If you’re sure.’ He frowned, thoughtfully.

  I shook my head and laughed. ‘What could possibly happen between here and our cottage?’

  I got into the car, waving at him before driving away between the huge entrance pillars. He looked so handsome and content. My heart ached to think that I could shatter his world if he discovered my secret. Determined to push aside my demons, I turned on the radio and hummed along to George Michael’s ‘Careless Whisper’.

  The lanes were quiet, as I had expected them to be on such a pleasant summer evening. The hedgerows, now a little overgrown, brushed against the sides of the car. The salty air from the nearby beach filled the inside of the car, dispelling my troubled thoughts.

  My almost-perfect life.

  I had everything I’d ever wanted. Soon Theo and I would be a family rather than just a couple. We couldn’t wait.

  A rabbit darted out of a hedge and into the road. I slammed on the brakes. Shaken but relieved to have narrowly avoided it, I turned up the radio and drove on.

  I could see our driveway up ahead and smiled. I’d soon be able to kick off these shoes and relax. A silver 4x4 drew up to the yellow line linking a lane to the road. I slowed slightly, expecting him to reduce his speed. My heart lurched as he glanced to his left, but not towards me coming from his right. It dawned on me that he hadn’t seen me.

  He accelerated across the yellow line, slamming into the side of my car, forcing it sideways across the road and up onto a grassy bank. Finally, the car at a standstill, I gazed around me attempting to gather my wits. Cradling my stomach, I felt the baby kick, relaxing instantly. We were fine.

  The driver ran towards me, shouting. I strained to hear him, unable at first to make out what he was trying to say.

  ‘Shit. I’m so sorry,’ he yelled as he came closer. ‘I didn’t see your car.’

  I went to unclip my seat belt, opening my mouth to reassure him, but before I could, my car slipped several feet to the right. Stunned, I peered out of my window at a scrawny privet hedge. Peering through the twigs, I noticed that my car was teetering over the edge of a much lower garden.

  My heart pounded. I scrambled to climb across to the passenger seat. I had to get out.

  I struggled to release my seat belt, fumbling uselessly in my desperation. I stared at the ashen-faced man hurrying to my car.

  ‘Please. Help me,’ I screamed, terrified.

  He reached for the passenger door and for a split second I thought everything was going to be fine. Holding my breath, I watched the tips of his fingers graze the door handle, just as the car slipped again, and the hedge gave way.

  Chapter One

  One Year Later

  ‘It’s number thirteen. You’re not superstitious, are you?’ Theo asked, glancing at the property details in his hand. He looked back at the indented number over the huge arched doorway.

  ‘No, of course not,’ I assured him, aware I did not sound as convinced as I had intended as I stared up at the imposing white Art Deco building in front of me. ‘It’s just a number.’

  ‘True.’ He smiled at me, the relief on his tanned face obvious. He’d lost weight these past months, but then again, so had I. ‘I’ve no idea why it’s that random number. This is the only house nearby. It’d be a shame if we didn’t buy our perfect home just because of it though.’

  He was right. It was a little strange, but no doubt Theo would try to uncover the background to this foible about our new home. I was already falling in love with the grand house on the hill that he had bought me as a surprise, although I wondered how I was going to get used to all the space.

  ‘Hey, look,’ he said, pointing at an enamelled sign by the gate that we had somehow missed. ‘It does have a name as well as a number.’

  ‘The Briars,’ I read, almost to myself. I liked it, although the only prickly shrubs now were a few wild rose bushes in the hedgerow to the side of the house. ‘And you say it was renovated by the previous owners only a couple of years ago?’ I asked, hoping to divert his attention from the number and stop him from fretting unnecessarily about me being superstitious.

  ‘Yes,’ he said. He stared at me silently for a moment. The old Theo had never felt the need to consider his words before addressing me. I longed for a time when we could fully relax with each other again. ‘I want this to be our “start again” home.’

  I did, too. This was our chance to mend our marriage. I was determined to succeed. We both knew we had a long way to go before our relationship could return to how it was before. I thought back to our early years together at university, as we made our plans for our future. The controlled only child and the boy from the poor background. My mother had never forgiven me for defying her and not marrying a good Catholic boy, preferably with Spanish origins like herself. Instead I’d set up home with Theo, breaking her heart, apparently. Apart from that one instance I’d never regretted it.

  ‘I know it’s not as close to the coast as you probably hoped,’ Theo said quietly. ‘I was hoping for a sea view for you and wouldn’t have even looked at the house, but when I saw on the details that it had been designed by Albert Jules, I went with it. I knew we’d both love it.’

  I gave him a reassuring smile. Albert Jules was one of my favourite architects and I was willing to be as open-minded about this place as I could. ‘It looks amazing. Let’s go in, shall we?’ I suggested, slightly in awe of the enormous house in front of me, yet determining to stay in the moment.

  Theo held the front door open and smiled nervously as I walked into the pristine entrance with its double-height hallway.

  Stunned by its simple beauty, my steps faltered as I took in the vast space around me. Our riverside minimalist flat in London had been elegant and I had considered it spacious, but this was on another scale entirely. I carried on to the large white living room, stopping at the doorway. How was I going to get used to living somewhere this enormous? Or find furniture big enough for these rooms? I sensed Theo’s nervousness and, noticing the sun pouring into the room, said, ‘It has French doors out to the garden.’ I pointed to them, forgetting he had already seen the place. Looking outside I spotted a small stream cutting through the wide lawn with rectangular lily-filled pools every few yards, I smiled. ‘It’s like something out of an Agatha Christie novel.’ I immediately pushed away the unnerving thought that entered my mind.

  ‘There’s a swimming pool out the back, too,’ Theo said, his voice gentle as he came to stand behind me.

  I could sense, rather than feel, that he wanted to put his arm around me, but he must have decided against it. Too soon.

  ‘I love it, Theo. You’ve chosen well,’ I said, slipping my arm around his waist.

  He put his arm around my bare shoulder. ‘Thank you, Pilar,’ he said, his voice cracking with emotion. ‘For giving me this chance to make it up to you.’

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, guilt squeezing at my heart. I was desperate to admit what I had done, but our connection was too fragile for me to dare chance it, yet. I turned to face him. Looking up into his dark, almost-black eyes, I couldn’t help wishing we could turn back time. To before I had chosen to drive home and everything we had together unravelled. To do so though would mean facing the loss of our baby again. That was something I couldn’t bear to do twice. Once had broken me. I doubted I’d ever feel completely whole again, but I owed it to Theo to try. r />
  ‘It’s not your fault,’ I whispered, my hand slipping away from his back. I reached up to touch his beautiful face lightly on the cheek. He had that haunted expression again. Was it because he suspected there was more to my guilt than careless driving? Or because knowing he had been orphaned at eight years old, when his parents were killed in a car crash, that I had added to his fear of losing those close to him? Theo hated discussing his childhood and it had taken me years to know the little that I did. Before meeting me, the only person he’d been close to was his aunt who, unable to bear leaving her sister’s child – her nephew and godson – in foster care, took him in and brought him up. Both of us now knew though that nothing compared to the loss of our baby.

  He placed his hand over mine. Theo stared into my eyes. I could tell he was searching for something he feared he’d never find again. ‘I love you, Pilar.’

  ‘I know you do,’ I whispered, relieved. It was the only reason I had kept going. I took a deep breath, withdrawing my hand from under his. ‘Show me the rest of the house.’

  ‘Yes, okay.’

  ‘If this is going to be our home,’ I said, looking around the empty room, ‘I must decide where we’re going to put everything.’ I laughed. ‘I think we’re going to need much bigger furniture.’

  Maybe it was the rays of sun giving the walls a golden hue, or simply the awareness that this was our last chance to reconnect, I don’t know, but despite a slight chill in the air I couldn’t ignore the beauty of this place.

  ‘Come out here,’ he called from the back door. ‘There’s something special I want to show you.’

  Forcing a smile, I tried to convince myself that I would get used to living in such a large place. I followed him outside down a concrete path. It looked as if it had been laid when the house was built. We stopped in front of a stark white workshop.

  I gasped. ‘Is that a studio?’ I hardly dared ask.

  ‘Yes, and it’s yours,’ he smiled. Unlocking the door, he pushed it open, standing back to let me enter. Light poured through the floor-to-ceiling windows at each end of the room. ‘I thought you’d like the house,’ he said. ‘But when I saw this I knew it was meant for us. Doctor Farley suggested…’

  I tensed at the mention of my doctor’s name. I hated that he and Theo had become friends, since he had commissioned Theo to work on some issues with a house he was building and they’d spent time together outside the clinic. I didn’t want to be reminded of Doctor Farley, or anyone associated with that dark time. ‘What did he suggest, Theo?’ I snapped, forgetting myself.

  His face fell. ‘Sorry, I know you don’t like me mentioning his name.’

  Talk about an understatement. I knew I had no right to be harsh on him, not after what I’d done, but I couldn’t help myself. ‘You said you wouldn’t.’

  ‘I did. I’m sorry.’

  Feeling bad about my outburst, I pushed aside my anger. Theo was trying so hard to please me. Anyway, I couldn’t help being captivated. ‘What did he suggest?’ Doctor Farley was a good man, I knew that, most of the time. Unfortunately, I’d confessed everything to him and it troubled me. I didn’t want him anywhere near Theo.

  ‘He mentioned that when I looked for a home for us, I should try to find one that would accommodate a painting studio for you.’

  I recalled him saying something similar to me and assumed that the perfection of my new art space was the deciding factor for Theo when choosing this place. They both knew of my dream to paint full time. It wasn’t Theo’s fault I struggled with my guilt. I looked at his tanned face. He meant well. ‘Thank you,’ I whispered, not trusting my voice not to give away the depth of emotion threatening to break free. ‘It’s magical.’

  He hugged me tightly. ‘I’m so relieved. I want to make everything right for you. For us,’ he whispered. ‘I know we’re doing the right thing, coming here.’

  I nodded, unable to speak. I cleared my throat. ‘We are, I’m sure of it.’

  A sense of suffocation came over me and I gently pushed him away. Theo covered his disappointment almost immediately.

  ‘When can we move the rest of our things in?’ I asked, trying to divert his attention.

  ‘The van should be here first thing tomorrow, so we only need to camp here for one night. I can book a hotel if you’d prefer.’

  I shook my head. ‘No, I want to settle in here as soon as possible.’

  His mouth drew back into a smile. ‘We can shop for the rest of the things we’ll need later today, if you like?’

  I shrugged, happy to do whatever he suggested. ‘That sounds good.’

  I didn’t add that I’d always intended moving into the house he bought, whatever it looked like. I didn’t think I had the right to be too choosy about anything. My only insistence had been that it was somewhere new, far away from our previous life.

  * * *

  While Theo was working, I spent our first few days at The Briars unpacking most of our boxes. It was a relief to focus on my pristine studio. I placed a hand on either side of my well-used easel, wondering how soon I’d be able to lose myself in my art.

  Canvases lay stacked in rows against the whitewashed walls. I’d even let Theo hang up a couple of my paintings inside the house. His pride in my achievements was never in doubt; it was my shame that he assumed came from my part in Olly’s death he’d found difficult to deal with. Me too, I thought, knowing he was only half aware of the enormity of my secret. I shook away the memory trying its best to worm its way into my mind and focused on my plans.

  My palette lay on the black granite worktop Theo had installed along one wall. He was right; it would be easier to clean than wood, prettier too. I could concentrate in here, I decided, and keep out the rest of the world and the difficulties that came with it. I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to keep my own ghosts at bay, though. That was something we both knew I constantly needed to work on.

  ‘You okay in there?’ he asked from outside the door.

  ‘Yes, come in and see for yourself.’

  I watched him stride in, his long legs encased in the faded jeans I thought suited him so well. I always used to love laying my palm against his chest, where his t-shirt rested against his muscles. I wished I could allow myself to feel a part of him once again. If only I was ready. Instead, I waved him over and in my cheeriest voice pointed at a spot on the floor where I intended setting up my easel.

  ‘If you can’t find me, I’ll be right there,’ I smiled, picturing myself hard at work.

  ‘Any idea of the subject matter?’ he asked. His question felt loaded somehow, making me feel like my answer would have some sort of hidden meaning.

  ‘No,’ I said, to be on the safe side. I didn’t want to cause any unnecessary upset between us, imagined or otherwise. ‘Not yet, but I’m sure I’ll find inspiration in our exquisite garden.’

  ‘I almost forgot,’ he said. ‘Anna’s here.’

  He held out his hand. I wasn’t sure why, but I took it anyway, comforted by his familiar touch. His fingers tightened around mine, giving them a squeeze so light, I wasn’t sure if I’d conjured it up in my imagination.

  Anna was our estate agent. I hadn’t yet been introduced to her, but I did have to thank her for helping Theo find this property. We walked down the pathway towards the house. Stepping out of the French doors was the most polished woman I’d ever seen. She spotted me and beamed.

  ‘Pilar,’ she said, reaching out to shake my hand. ‘How wonderful to finally meet the woman with such an intriguing name.’

  ‘Thank you. I’m named after my maternal grandmother,’ I explained. ‘She was Spanish.’

  She seemed surprised by this information and smiled. ‘Sorry, I assumed your mother was a Hemingway fan.’

  This wasn’t the first time someone had said this to me. My boss at the PR agency where I worked before losing the baby had initially assumed the same thing and asked if I was named after Hemingway’s second wife.

  Anna smiled. ‘I bought this for you, as a little house-warming gift.’ She held out a purple orchid. ‘I hope you like it.’

  I shook the manicured hand and nodded, grateful for her thoughtfulness. ‘Thank you, it’s lovely,’ I said, taking it and glancing up at Theo. ‘Theo tells me you were the one who found this beautiful place for us.’