Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) Read online

  ‘What have we got planned?’ I slid into the backseat and Stephanie followed.

  ‘Nothing really. Maybe a day of exploring tomorrow.’ She leant back against the seat and swiped away a tear.

  ‘Steph ...’

  ‘Stop.’ She held a hand up to my face. ‘I’m fine,’ she whispered, flashing warning eyes towards her mother.

  Steph and her mother weren’t close at all.

  I stared through the window, mourning the schedule of socialising that was on the agenda back home. I had to let it go and cheer up Stephanie.

  ‘So, I’ve been dancing, but it—’ She cut me off before I could finish saying, “it isn’t the same without you.”

  ‘Suzie and Janet still irritating?’

  ‘You’ve never called them irritating before.’

  ‘Well, they are.’ Stephanie pulled at her fingernails.

  I bit the inside of my mouth and turned away. She used to only be like this when she was super stressed about something. Maybe it was more than just the move and kids at the new school.

  ‘Is it better having your dad around more?’

  ‘We don’t seem to see him any more than when we lived in Sydney and he travelled up here a couple of days each week.’

  ‘Oh, bummer.’ Maybe that was adding to her problems.

  Stephanie shrugged.

  ‘Co-ed is pretty different, hey?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  I expected her to go on but she looked out the window.

  ‘What’s Peter up to?’

  ‘I haven’t seen him since you left. He spends all his time with his girlfriend or working at the servo. Mum and Dad are happy now he’s planning to go to university next year, even though he wants to go to Melbourne.’

  ‘What about his girlfriend?’

  ‘Phoebe? Yeah, I don’t know. His course won’t start for another ten months. They mightn’t even be together then.’

  Silence echoed off the internal car walls, doing my head in until my mobile chirped. I seized the moment to entertain myself texting back and forth to Janet. Stephanie forced a sigh. I put my phone away. Conversation had never been stilted between us like this. We always talked without stopping. Like we survived on each other’s breath.

  I broke the silence and whispered, ‘Have you talked to your parents about the possibility of moving back to Sydney?’

  ‘Kind of ... no, not really. Just ... I’ll tell you about it when we get home.’

  The road wound its way up the Great Dividing Range to Toowoomba. We got caught behind a slow, fumy truck. Their old Ford gurgled and surged forward, only just picking up enough speed to pass the truck by the time we drove out into openness again at the top of the range. We drove another fifteen minutes to pick up Stephanie’s little sister. The snaking road mixed with inconsistent speed made my stomach churn by the time we arrived at their house.

  Steph led me to her room where I collapsed onto her bed and hoped the motion sickness would settle.

  ‘Keep out!’ she told her little sister, then closed the door with a slap.

  ‘So has there been any change at school?’ I asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Stephanie sat beside me.

  ‘When you stopped getting all embarrassed and just smiled at the guys harassing you?’

  ‘No, they’re still the same. I’ve only tried the smile thing once. Today.’

  ‘Give it time. Now tell me, why aren’t you dancing?’ I rolled over onto my elbow, thankful my stomach had stopped churning.

  ‘Tabbie!’

  ‘Come on, Steph. You love dancing and you’re so good at it.’

  ‘Well, I guess I was just angry with Mum and Dad and everything, so I told them I didn’t want to dance. Like, ever again. Now that I’ve said it, I guess it’s true.’

  ‘Just because you said it once to your parents doesn’t mean you can’t ever dance again. Let me show you part of the new routine.’ I was willing to try anything to get her out of her mood. I found the song on my iPod, plugged it into Steph’s dock and started to dance. ‘Make you want to join in?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Just a little?’ I pulled a cute and cheesy smile to lighten her mood.

  ‘No. I’ve made my decision.’

  ‘There’s more to it than what you told your parents, hey?’

  ‘The girls who dance here hate me.’

  Oh dear. Tears. I found a box of tissues and passed her some. ‘They just don’t know you yet.’

  ‘They don’t want to know me, Tabbie. They hate me. They’re mean. They’re rude. And they’re just different to us.’

  I was lost for words. Now was definitely not a good time to tell her I was dancing lead. Should I console her? Should I encourage her to be stronger? What was I meant to do to help her? A “Dinner’s ready” call came from downstairs.

  I sat back and observed the Stronges. Their amusing antics made them interesting to watch. Sweet April wanted to be a superstar. Mr Stronge worked long hours and didn’t seem to care too much about home life. Mrs Stronge and Mum had been friends when we were in primary school, but for some reason they stopped shopping and going out for coffee together. I never really understood why. I did ask Mum once, but she brushed off the question with a comment about Diane not caring much about anything deeper than shopping.

  After dinner, we retreated to Stephanie’s room. I needed to lift her out of her tank of misery.

  ‘I need to get back to Sydney.’ Stephanie smoothed out the creases on her doona.

  ‘So, let’s work it out. How can we get you there?’ I had to admit, life would be better with Stephanie around again.

  ‘Mum and Dad are anti boarding school.’ Stephanie shrugged. ‘Dad doesn’t have good memories of going himself. Plus I don’t think their budget would extend that far.’

  ‘What about living with us?’ I won’t regret this, will I?

  ‘Have you said anything to your parents yet?’

  ‘Yeah, this morning.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘They said that it should be fine. And if Peter does move to Melbourne next year, we’d have a spare room.’

  ‘Really?

  I nodded. Like, would I be telling her all of this if it wasn’t the case?

  ‘I’d have to talk Mum and Dad round.’

  ‘Imagine that! It’ll be so much fun.’ Life could return to how it was before she left.

  *~*~*~*

  Stephanie dragged me around the streets of Toowoomba. Boring, outdated clothes lined the windows.

  ‘The shopping here is abysmal!’ I’d had enough.

  ‘I know. Help me get away from here.’ Steph clung to my arm, scuffing her shoes on the concrete path, making a scene. Always the centre of attention.

  We walked to a huge, leafy park a block away.

  ‘This park is gorgeous.’

  I ran from Stephanie into the lush green lawn that seemed to flow forever. I was in love. With the park, that is. I wanted to run over the rolling grassy plain and dance through the tulips—well, if there were tulips. Guess it was the wrong time of year. But Stephanie didn’t seem to be in a running mood. She dawdled behind me.

  ‘I guess it’s nice.’ Stephanie looked from left to right. ‘First time I’ve been here.’

  ‘Let’s lie in the shade under that giant tree.’ I led the way. ‘You should come here whenever you get sick of living in this town. It’s just delicious!’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Doesn’t it lift your spirit? Being here in these beautiful gardens under these giant trees?’

  ‘I suppose it does.’

  Had Stephanie taken time to open her eyes to anything nice that surrounded her since she’d moved?

  ‘Yeah.’ She gazed from one end of the park to the other. ‘It is pretty.’

  We lay on the grass chatting for hours. The silences had stopped and I was sure our friendship had survived the move. The shade slid forward with the arc of the sun. Diane returned to pick us up as I was getting drows
y from the warm rays.

  For the rest of the week, ferocious winds and downpours hid the sun and kept us indoors playing cards, watching movies and laughing until our sides split. I had accomplished my mission. My best friend looked much happier than when I’d arrived. My job here was complete. It was time to go back to the real world and get out of this country city.

  ‘You know I’m going to miss you hugely. Now, will you please keep smiling? The world can be a happy place here, just like it was in Sydney.’

  ‘Thanks, Tabbie. You’re the best.’

  ‘I know. Send money, cards, flowers.’ Okay, so I was trying to be funny. Stephanie didn’t laugh, but at least she didn’t look like she was about to burst into tears again. I hadn’t mentioned dancing again or told her how much I actually loved taking a walk in the spotlight.

  I boarded the plane, homeward bound, ready to find my minute of fame.

  CHAPTER 4

  ‘Seriously Mum, what parent in their right mind would want to throw their daughter a princess party for their fifteenth birthday? You just don’t want me to grow up. You have to face it sometime. I’m taller than you. Which means I’m no longer a little girl.’

  ‘I know, honey. But you’re still so sweet. I thought having a few girls over for a tea party would be fun,’ she said and then laughed.

  ‘You’re joking, aren’t you?’

  Mum was now doubled over, cracking herself up.

  ‘Maybe a high tea, but not a princess tea party.’ I bit my lip.

  ‘Gotcha!’ She pointed a finger at me.

  ‘High tea?’ I snubbed her joke, swallowing a giggle. I was so glad she wasn’t serious.

  ‘Devonshire Tea?’ she asked with her head slightly tilted towards her shoulder.

  ‘Mu-um.’ A gravelly voice vibrated through my throat.

  ‘Leave it with me. Shame your birthday falls on a dance rehearsal day.’

  ‘I could skip dance.’

  ‘But love, your friends are there. Perhaps we could celebrate on Friday afternoon.’

  ‘Okay, Friday it is. And Mum, an everyday afternoon tea will be fine.’

  When Mum wasn’t watching, I checked the pantry to make sure there weren’t any princess cupcake papers waiting for her to use.

  *~*~*~*

  My birthday arrived. Fifteen. I woke up expecting the world to be different. It wasn’t. It was still the same. My ridiculously beautiful and almost perfect best friend still lived miles away. There would be school classes and dance rehearsals as usual. My day looked ho-hum.

  I couldn’t concentrate. Everyone should be given a personal holiday on their birthday. Staying focused in class was virtually impossible. I wondered what Steph was doing. At least when I had her in class with me on birthdays, we’d write notes to each other and sing, “Happy Birthday,” all day.

  My shoulders relaxed when the final afternoon bell clanged. Janet and Suzie weren’t at their lockers, so I traipsed across the school grounds by myself, to yet another practice for our upcoming eisteddfod. Why was I pursuing something I only enjoyed fifty per cent of the time? Dancers don’t even get paid well, unless they take off their clothes. And there was no way, absolutely no way that that would ever happen. I mean NEVER EVER. I’m completely modest. Give me the change room with a door every time. None of that “we’re all girls” garbage. I like my privacy and that’s just the way it is.

  I knew I had nothing on Stephanie when it came to dancing, yet I had the lead. If she could move back here I was sure she’d be back to her usual self, and I might even start enjoying dancing again. Nah—probably not. If she did move back I’d have to step back into her shadow. Which would be fine. Dreamily reminiscing of past years of dancing with Stephanie, I walked through the door of the dance studio to ...

  ‘SURPRISE!’

  Balloons.

  Streamers.

  Party poppers.

  The whole dance class and some other girls were there just for me.

  Squeee!

  Extravagantly decorated tables with tiered platters peeked through the crowd. Bliss.

  ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you!’ I cheered after they sang the ever-popular birthday song.

  ‘There, honey, you have your high tea.’ Mum pushed through the crowd and squeezed me. ‘Now shall I go and bring out the princess cupcakes?’

  ‘You’re so funny, Mum.’ I laughed. I loved the way she attempted to have fun with us. ‘I can’t believe you kept this from me!’

  Mum waved a finger at me. ‘I baked your favourite caramel mud cake. And I couldn’t help myself—I baked a double batch and put the second in cupcake papers.’

  I moved through the crowd to suss out if there were any more surprises. She’d outdone herself. Mum had brought in Great Grandma Annie’s tea sets, the ones that were usually stored on the top shelf of the cabinet. A sweet set that was hand painted with flower shaped cups. Twenty-four carat gold edging embossed one set and my all-time favourite was the one with delicate bluebirds on it. Petite caramel cupcakes decorated the tiered centrepieces. Sandwiches filled with smoked salmon and cucumber cut into small squares covered silver platters. Mum had planned well. My heart overflowed. I was thankful.

  I nearly let my head run away with an “I’m so popular” moment, until I remembered Stephanie. How I wished she was here to join in. But would the spotlight be on me if she was? Even on my birthday she would have been the centre of attention. My buzzing phone pulled me from my thoughts.

  ‘Happy birthday.’ Stephanie’s on-the-verge-of-tears voice echoed through the phone.

  ‘Thanks. It’s the first one since we met that we haven’t spent together.’

  Oops. Wrong thing to say. Now she wasn’t talking. Sniffles crackled through the line.

  ‘But hey, I’m sure things will start getting better for you at school soon.’

  ‘Urgh.’ Stephanie snorted.

  ‘Would you like to come here next holidays?’ I asked, hoping to cheer her up.

  ‘Yes.’ Sniffle, snort, sniffle. ‘I’ll ask Mum.’

  ‘Your birthday is just around the corner. Have you got any plans?’

  ‘No one to do anything with.’

  ‘Why don’t you and your mum set up a high tea?’

  ‘She’s too busy making friends for herself.’

  ‘Oh.’ Why was Stephanie finding it so tough in Toowoomba?

  A few minutes later I said goodbye and reached for a cupcake. The hum of the crowd filled my ears, bringing Mr Biceps to mind. Such a fine sight. The image without essence gave me some distraction after chatting to my depressed best friend.

  I did wonder, like way too often, what it would be like to have a boyfriend. Was it strange that no one in my immediate circle of friends had had a boyfriend? Not Stephanie, or Susie or Janet. We talked about boys all the time. We even checked some out from our brother school, Hill End Boys Grammar, at our combined social events. Mum tells me, “Don’t be so boy crazy.” But it’s not like I go chasing them or anything. Just a little eye candy. There wasn’t anything wrong with a little eye candy, was there?

  Most boys target one thing. And I wasn’t into that. Stephanie and I used to talk all the time about staying celibate until we got married. We would dream about our wedding day and how we would save ourselves for that one special person.

  I know it’s not the coolest thing in the world. At our school, popularity didn’t revolve around having the right boyfriend or wearing the right clothes. That made our school pretty cool.

  ‘What are you doing over there near the window, love?’ Mum’s voice made me jump. ‘Come over here for some photos.’

  I needed to stop thinking and start enjoying. It was my party after all.

  By dinner I’d made a decision. I’d enjoyed the afternoon off rehearsals immensely. I wanted every afternoon off. ‘Mum, I want to quit dancing.’

  ‘But love, you’re doing so well this year.’

  ‘It was Stephanie’s thing, not mine. I want to get into running, or
maybe even swimming.’

  ‘How about you just see this year out with the school dance studio and then decide over Christmas.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because we’ve paid for your classes for the entire year.’

  ‘So it’s about money?’

  ‘Attitude,’ she warned, raising her eyebrows at me.

  ‘And money?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Great, so I was going to be spinning and twisting my pear-shaped body, trying to get it to move the way Stephanie could get her body to move, for the rest of the year. Stephanie moved like a swan. I moved more like a baby elephant. I could see it now, “Watch out, everybody. The pear shaped elephant is about to dance a solo.” And the crowd would roll with laughter. Maybe I was being too hard on myself. I must have been doing something right. I did get the lead.

  *~*~*~*

  Later that week, Janet bowled me over on the way to school.

  ‘Party is on. This weekend at my house. Mum and Dad are away. We can have the party we’ve always dreamed of.’

  ‘Sounds fantastic.’ I hoped.

  ‘Who would you invite?’ asked Suzie as she bit a fingernail.

  ‘You know Suze, everyone,’ Janet said.

  But Suzie was thinking straight. Who would we invite? It may as well be a pyjama party if we didn’t invite any boys. We had to balance it out. Good-looking boys, of course. Younger versions of Mr Biceps would be perfect. Just for a little eye candy.

  ‘Tabbie.’ Janet snapped my attention back to here and now. ‘Are you daydreaming about something?’

  ‘Just Mr Biceps.’ A warm flush tickled my neck.

  ‘Mr Who?’ Suzie and Janet chimed in, laughing together.

  I giggled. ‘On the way to see Steph, I sat beside this dreamy guy.’

  ‘Why haven’t you told us?’ Suzie asked.

  ‘Did you talk to him?’ Janet’s eyes widened. ‘Did you hook up?’

  ‘Be real. As if. He was like thirty or something.’ And as if I’d hook up with a random guy on a plane.

  ‘So, why were you just thinking ...’ Suzie's voice trailed off.