Cathy Hopkins - [Mates, Dates 05] Read online

  ‘No. No, course not, how can I dump you when we were never going out properly?’

  ‘But…’

  He reached for my hand, but I snatched it away. I felt hurt. Confused.

  ‘Look, Lucy, it’s not as though I haven’t asked you out in the past, but you always put me off.’

  ‘I didn’t know how I felt then,’ I blustered. ‘It wasn’t that I was putting you off, but…’

  ‘I’m not dumping you. I’m getting it straight, so we both know where we are. We can still be friends.’

  Friends? I knew exactly what the ‘We can still be friends’ line meant. It means, that’s it. Finite. The end. I didn’t want to befriends with him. I didn’t want to hear about him being more than friends with anyone else. I looked across at his wide sensuous mouth. No more snogging that mouth. I felt the back of my eyes sting. I was going to burst into tears, but I didn’t want to do it there. For him to see how upset I was. ’Got to go,‘ I said, getting up.

  ‘But what about your Coke?’ I heard him call as I reached the door and stumbled down the stairs.

  ‘You have it,’ I muttered over my shoulder. I only had one thought in my head as I rushed home. Got to phone Nesta and get her to catch the postman tomorrow morning before Tony sees that stupid stupid stupid card.

  C h a p t e r 2

  Gooseberry Fool

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  I called Nesta the minute I got home.

  ‘She’s not here,’ said Mrs Williams. ‘Do you want to leave a message?’

  ‘Um, no thanks,’ I said. I knew Tony might see it when he got home, so leaving a message was definitely a no-no.

  I quickly dialled her mobile. Murphy’s Law. Nesta who always has it switched on, had it switched off.

  I left a message on voice mail. ‘Nesta this is urgent. You must intercept that card I sent Tony. Whatever happens, he mustn’t get it. Call me ASAP.’

  Then I texted the same message. Then I emailed it. It would be all right as long as he didn’t read the card. But if he did… The thought made me feel queasy. All that stuff about how we had something special. Oh, arrghhhh. And wanting to make a go of it. Double arrrghhh.

  I lay on the bed and groaned.

  Mum popped her head around the door. ‘Are you going to come and have your supper, love? I saved some for you.’

  I shook my head. ‘Not hungry.’

  Mum looked at me with concern. ‘You OK?’

  I shook my head then nodded. ‘I’m fine, just not hungry yet. I’ll heat it up later. Promise.’ I didn’t want to talk about it. I was too embarrassed. Dumped. I’d been dumped and we weren’t even having a proper relationship. How sad is that? I needed to talk to Izzie. Wise old Izzie, she always knows the right thing to say.

  Luckily, Mum knew better than to push it. She’s good at knowing when to leave me alone. I guess it’s partly because she works as a counsellor and is used to dealing with people that are freaked out but can’t talk about it. She’s always saying that you can’t force people to open up when they’re not ready.

  ‘Come down when you want. No hurry,’ she said and shut the door.

  When she’d gone, I dialled Izzie’s number.

  ‘Isobel is round at Ben’s,’ said the lodger. He’s not really the lodger. He’s Izzie’s stepfather. She didn’t get on with him in the beginning, so she nicknamed him ‘the lodger’

  to help her cope. They get on better now, but the nickname stuck.

  I tried Izzie’s mobile. Also switched off. What is the point of having a mobile if you don’t keep it turned on? It’s so annoying. I keep mine turned on all the time. Except in the cinema, of course. It’s maddening when one of them goes off in the middle of a film.

  My mobile rang. At last, I thought, as I picked it up. Must be Izzie or Nesta.

  ‘Hey Lucy.’ It was Tony’s voice.

  I panicked. I didn’t know what to say. He was the last person I wanted to talk to.

  ‘Lucy, are you there?’

  I hung up. I felt like someone was strangling me. I didn’t want Tony to know how upset I was and I didn’t know how to play it. Not until I’d talked to one of the girls.

  The phone rang again. I switched it off in case it was Tony calling back. I felt numb and confused and was just wondering what to do next, when I heard a familiar voice in the hall outside my bedroom. Oh, thank God, I thought, as I opened the bedroom door.

  ‘TJ!’ I cried. ‘Thank God you’re here.’

  ‘Why, what’s the matter?’ she said.

  I was just about to launch in when I saw that Steve was standing behind her. Of course, I thought, she’d come over to see him.

  ‘Er, nothing,’ I said. ‘Just… it doesn’t matter… You carry on.’

  TJ turned to Steve. ‘Won’t be a mo.’ Then she pushed me back into my bedroom and shut the door. ‘What’s going on?’

  I slumped on the bed. ‘Oh TJ, you can’t imagine,’ I said, and filled her in on the whole story.

  She listened quietly. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘You must be gutted.’

  I nodded.

  ‘I know it may feel awful at the moment,’ she said, ‘but you don’t know what or who’s round the next corner. Remember what happened with me when I had that thing about Scott next door? I felt awful when it wasn’t working out, then it turned out to be the best thing ever. He wasn’t worth it and I met Steve. Who is worth it. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be with Tony.’

  I groaned. I knew she meant well but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. ‘But it was different with Tony…’

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘Oh Lucy, I wish I knew what to say.’

  A knock on the door disturbed any further conversation and Steve stuck his head in. ‘Come on, TJ, I’ve got the Amazon website up, I’m waiting for you.’

  TJ looked anxiously at me.

  ‘You go,’ I said. ‘I’m fine, honest.’

  ‘You sure? Because I can stay here with you,’ she said.

  Steve looked at me as though that was the last thing he wanted.

  ‘No, honest. Go.’ I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s night just because mine was turning out to be crapola.

  ‘Why don’t you come and join us?’ asked TJ, looking at Steve for agreement. Which he didn’t give.

  I shook my head. Dumped and a gooseberry in one night. No thanks.

  ‘All part of life’s rich tapestry,’ I said, quoting one of Mum’s favourite lines. Til get over it, and besides, I have loads to do. You go.‘

  I got up and began to tidy away things in my room.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said TJ. ‘Nesta will get the card. It will be OK.’

  ‘Yeah right,’ I said. ‘Me and Bridget Jones. It’s cool to be a singleton. Don’t worry, one day my Darcy will come.’

  As she shut the door, I thought, But Tony’s my Darcy, isn’t he? Or is he the bad boy character played by Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones’s Diary‘? Oh, I don’t know.

  Mum always says that things seem better after a good night’s sleep and I did - wake up the next morning feeling slightly more positive. At least that’s what I told myself. It’s not as though Tony and I were having a proper relationship. Then I looked at the clock. Ohmigod. It’s nine-thirty.

  Nine-thirty. Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Did Nesta get my message? Did she get the card before Tony did? I checked my mobile, and oh no, I’d forgotten to switch it back on after Tony’d called last night. There were three messages. One from Tony asking me to call him. One from Izzie asking me to call her. And one from Nesta asking me to call her.

  I quickly found my dressing-gown and ran downstairs into the kitchen.

  ‘Why didn’t you wake me, Mum?’

  She looked up from the table where she was reading the paper. ‘It’s Saturday, Lucy. And you seemed a bit low last night. I thought I’d let you sleep in…’

  ‘Did anyone call?’

  ‘Izzie. She said your mobile’s off and she’ll try later.’

  ‘You should hav
e woken me.’

  Mum sighed. ‘I can’t win, can I? Usually if I wake you early at the weekend, I’m wrong, and now I don’t wake you and I’m wrong. I give up.’

  I ran back upstairs and called Nesta’s number then hung up. Tony might answer. I dialled her mobile number.

  Phew, I thought, when she answered.

  ‘Lucy…’ she began.

  ‘Did you get the card?’

  There was an ominous silence.

  ‘Oh Nesta, please say you did.’

  ‘Oh Lucy, I got back late last night and I’ve only just listened to the messages on my mobile this morning. And… and the postman’s already been.’

  ‘Has he got it?’

  ‘Tony? Yes. I saw him take a card into his room. But what’s the problem? Why did you want me to get to it first? Did you change your mind about wanting to see him over the holidays?’

  ‘No. No. He’s changed his mind. We met up in Highgate and he told me he only wants to be friends…’

  ‘I’ll kill him.’

  ‘No don’t, Nesta. But find out how he reacted to the card. Oh pants. Oh, and Nesta, try to do it in a subtle way.’

  ‘Yeah, course. But I think we need to meet up. Urgently. I already said I’d meet Izzie later this morning. You phone TJ. Ruby’s, eleven-thirty?’

  Tab,‘ I said. ’Thanks. And tell me everything Tony says.‘

  ‘Every last detail.’

  Ruby in the Dust is Nesta’s favourite cafe. It’s by the roundabout in Muswell Hill and is even funkier than Raj’s. The sofas and tables are so well-worn they look like they came off a skip, but it gives the place a cosy, lived-in feel. Loads of local teenagers hang out in there, us included, most weekends.

  The girls were all there when I arrived and they looked up at me anxiously when I walked through the door.

  ‘You OK, Lucy?’ asked Nesta, as I sat beside her on a sofa in the window.

  It was then that I spotted Ben. He was at the counter ordering drinks. What was he doing here?

  ‘Do you want a cappuccino?’ he called.

  I nodded.

  ‘Sorry,’ mouthed Izzie. ‘I didn’t know what it was all about until Nesta told me just now.’

  ‘And Simon’s coming too,’ said Nesta, looking sheepish. ‘I tried to call him to put him off, but he’d already left.’

  Oh great, I thought. And I suppose my brother’s corning too. I looked over at TJ. She shook her head.

  ‘Steve’s at football this morning,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah, course,’ I said. He played every week. I was bursting to ask if Tony had said anything about the card so turned to Nesta quickly before Ben came back.

  ‘So?’

  ‘He didn’t say much. Just that he’d got your card and that it was private. I didn’t let on that I knew what you’d written. He asked me to ask you to call him.’

  ‘Is that everything?’

  Nesta nodded.

  ‘Honest?’ I asked.

  ‘Honest,’ she answered. ‘And I didn’t hit him or anything. Though I’d have liked to.’

  ‘So what should I do?’ I asked, looking around.

  ‘Try to stay friends,’ said Izzie.

  ‘No. You must never speak to him again,’ said Nesta.

  ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have given him such a hard time,’ I said. ‘Maybe it’s my fault.’

  ‘Rubbish,’ said Nesta. ‘You were too good for him. You deserve better.’

  ‘You’ll find someone else,’ said TJ.

  I looked around the cafe. There were a few boys there and, as always, they were all ogling Nesta. She did look stunning in her denim shorts and a cut-off T-shirt, with her hair loose like silk all the way down her back.

  ‘No. No one will ever look at me again,’ I groaned,.

  ‘Rubbish,’ said Izzie. ‘You mustn’t let this dent your confidence.’

  ‘Find someone else, settle down and have a really committed relationship. That will show him,’ said TJ.

  ‘No, no. Last thing she needs,’ said Nesta. ‘Have some fun. Go out with loads of boys. Play the field.’

  ‘No. You need some quiet time,’ said Izzie. ‘Time to heal.’

  ‘No, no. Fill your diary. Keep busy - you must keep busy,’ insisted Nesta.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘D’oh, thanks girls. Now I’m really confused.’

  As Ben came back with the coffees, the cafe door opened and Simon came in. Some of the boys in the cafe looked peeved when they saw him make a beeline for Nesta, who smiled and kissed him. Of course the boys being there put an end to any discussion about Tony, so I did my best to act happy and not let Ben or Simon see how freaked out I really was.

  After we’d drunk our cappuccinos, Simon suggested that as the weather wasn’t brilliant, we go to the early show of a movie. I wanted to go home and hide under my duvet but Nesta insisted that I go as well and there’s no arguing with her when she’s made up her mind about what’s best for someone. TJ will be there, I thought. So it’s not as though I’ll be the only singleton.

  ‘Um, I said I’d meet Steve after football,’ said TJ, getting up and looking anxiously at me. ‘I can cancel if you want to do something.’

  I shook my head. ‘Don’t be mad. I’ll go to the movie.’

  I didn’t like this kid-glove treatment they were giving me, like I was ill or something. The last thing I wanted was my mates feeling sorry for me. Oh, poor Lucy, she’s been dumped. Poor Lucy sent a romantic card to someone who’s not interested. I’d show them I was fine. So they’ve all got boyfriends and I haven’t, I thought. No biggie. I’m not going to let it get to me.

  At the cinema, Nesta and Izzie insisted that I sat in between them rather than on the end. It was OK at the beginning and I was glad I’d gone with them. No one can see that you’re on your own in the dark. We were just five teenagers watching a film.

  That is, we were until Ben put his arm round Izzie and they cuddled up and Simon went into a snogathon with Nesta. I felt a right twerp, sitting with a straight back in the middle, giant tub of popcorn on my lap that no one was eating except me. The only one really watching the movie. I tried to focus on the film and forget about Tony and boys and what was happening on either side of me, but the film was a romantic comedy. Oh, arrggghhh, I thought, as the screen hero moved in for a snog. Arrrghh, arrrghh. Snogging to the left of me, snogging to the right. And snogging in front of me, in glorious magnified technicolour on the screen. No escape.

  I’m not doing this again, I thought.

  C h a p t e r 3

  Solo Sundays

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  The next day, I decided I’d hang out with my brothers. It seemed a good idea, as in term time it’s like we’re just lodgers in the same house. Eat, queue for the bathroom, fight over what’s on telly, go to bed, go to school, pass on the stairs. I’d spend what Mum calls ‘quality time’ with them.

  ‘Do you want to do anything after lunch?’ I asked at breakfast time.

  ‘Busy,’ said Steve, peering at me over his glasses. ‘Meeting Mark for termis. Sorry.’

  ‘Harry and Edward are coming over after lunch,’ said Lai. ‘We’re going to discuss our summer strategy for pulling girls.’

  ‘Oh, get a life, Lai,’ I said. ‘Don’t you ever think of anything else?’

  ‘Yeah, food,’ replied Lai, spreading peanut butter and honey on his toast then ramming it into his mouth. ‘Need to keep up my strength for all the top totty.’

  ‘Dream on, dorkbrain,’ I said. ‘Who in their right mind would look at you?’

  ‘Get lost, toadbreath,’ said Lai. ‘Loads of girls fancy me.’

  ‘Quality time with them? Well so much for that plan,’ I said to Mum, as Steve and Lai scoffed down their breakfast then scarpered off to their rooms.

  ‘Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making plans,’ she said. She’s always coming out with stuff like that.

  ‘Yeah right,’ I said, thinking about my plan to spend the s
ummer with Tony. ‘Tell me about it.’

  I’ve got three choices, I decided, as I went upstairs to my room.

  1) Mope and be miserable;

  2) Find another boyfriend;

  3) Find an interesting alternative.

  I decided to go for option three. Moping and being miserable would be a waste of time and the precious holidays. As Mum says, life is not a rehearsal. You only get one shot at it so make the most of it. And the thought of option two, looking for another boy just to make up the numbers with Nesta, Izzie andTJ, was too gruesome. I’m not that desperate and I don’t need a boy to be happy. Having a boyfriend can be exciting and fun, if it’s the right boy. It can also be heartbreaking, humiliating and confusing. So, good alternatives?

  I tore a sheet of paper out of my notepad and sat on the bed. Right, I thought. Nice things to do when you’re single. A list:

  1) Eat chocolate.

  Good idea. In fact, I’ll get some right now.

  I took a quick break from the list to go and raid the cupboard downstairs. Only organic in this house of course, but Green & Black’s is pretty good.

  2) Shop.

  Got no money, so cross that out for the time being.

  3) Movies.

  I could go on my own, but as I discovered yesterday, all that’s on at the moment are romances. Or boy’s films, and I’m not in the mood for watching people blow each other up in space.

  4) Little treats, like a manicure, pedicure or facial.

  That’s a good idea, I decided. I’ll have a beauty day.

  I spent the next few hours pampering myself. I painted my nails with my strawberry-scented glitter polish. I did a papaya facial. I took a long foamy soak with passion fruit bath gel and exfoliated my whole body, including elbows and knees, with citrus and ginger exfoliator. Then I washed my hair with Mum’s apple shampoo, rinsed with fresh lemon and then conditioned with peach afterwash.

  Then I was done. Beautified. I smelled like a fruit bowl. Now what? It was one o’clock and the day was starting to feel very long.

  Life is what you make it, I thought. Clearly I needed a hobby.

  I went down into the kitchen where Mum and Dad were preparing Sunday lunch.