Shades of Milk and Honey Read online

  “Charles, do not listen to that silly girl. Bath is quite the right thing for me, even if my nerves cannot improve, as the doctor says. I have so many other complaints for which it would do a world of good. Ask Melody, she will tell you. Only do ask her.”

  “I am certain, Papa, that a removal to Bath would be the best. I worry so about Mama.”

  Trying a new tactic, Jane said, “Perhaps we should ask Dr. Smythe. He knows Mama’s needs best, surely. Would it not be best to see if he thinks it will do Mama more harm or good?”

  Mr. Ellsworth nodded at the reasonableness of her suggestion. “I shall ask him on his next visit.”

  “I could perish by then. You know how my nerves are. Really. Charles, I should think that you did not care for me at all the way you are willing to let me suffer.”

  “I let you suffer precisely as much as you wish.”

  Jane pressed her hands against her temples. “Perhaps you should all go to Bath and leave me here. I have no stomach for the crowds.”

  “What a splendid idea!” Mrs. Ellsworth perked up right away. “It is so much easier to manage having one daughter out than two, and the ton will be there at this time of year, so Melody will surely catch the eye of a beau in the fashionable set. Only think, Charles, how nice that would be.”

  He harrumphed. “We cannot leave Jane here by herself. That would not do at all. And no one has asked whether I want to go to Bath.”

  “Papa, do you want to go with us?” Melody laid her hand on his arm. “Say you do, please? It would be so lovely.”

  He patted her hand. “But think of your sister. I will not leave her alone here. It is not right.”

  “I do not mind, Papa,” Jane said, excited by the notion that she might have the house empty of all her relations. “Nancy would be here to look after me, and I could follow by post chaise if the solitude became too oppressive.”

  At last Mrs. Ellsworth seemed to awaken to the proprieties of the situation. “No. No, it will not do to have you alone in the house. Unchaperoned! What would the neighbours think? You will have to come with us.”

  “The neighbours would think that I am safe being left alone because I am an old maid. I am of an age and a character where I can serve as a chaperon more readily than needing one.” Jane put her utensils down on the table and turned to her father. “Please, Papa. I do not want to go to Bath. If you feel you must take the family, then that is all well and good, but leave me here.”

  He leaned back in his chair and laced his hands across his waistcoat, drumming one thumb against his belly. Tucking his chin in, he studied them each in turn. Jane felt his gaze on her as if she had just come in from hiding from her governess; she was not sure what she had done that made her feel vaguely ashamed, but she still flushed under his gaze. After a length, he snorted. “I will stay here with Jane and the two of you can go to Bath. I will contact our solicitor to see you settled there for a visit. Does that suit all?”

  Jane shook her head. “You should not miss out on Bath on my account.”

  “I would not stay home if I did not want to. I am well satisfied to miss Bath.” Mr. Ellsworth winked at her.

  “I think it is a splendid idea. Don’t you, Mama?” Melody clapped her hands. “I can look after Mama in Bath and you can look after Jane here. How perfect.”

  Jane had her doubts about the advisability of sending her mother and sister to Bath without anyone to check their behaviour. But without agreeing to go to Bath herself she could not see a way to convince her father, who patently did not want to go, to accompany them.

  With that decided, the family resumed their evening rituals, finishing dinner and withdrawing to various places in the house. Mr. Ellsworth excused himself to fetch the book from Lady FitzCameron’s, but since he took his pipe, it was clear that the errand merely offered him a reason to be out-of-doors.

  Only Jane did not go to her accustomed place in the drawing room. As soon as she could, she went back to her room and once more took up the only book which could interest her: Mr. Vincent’s journal.

  Seventeen

  Leaves and Confession

  Jane spent the next morning lost in Mr. Vincent’s book, ignoring the bustle of activity that passed through the halls as her mother and Melody prepared for their departure on the morrow. They were, both of them, quite determined to travel with Lady FitzCameron to Bath. Jane so could not bear the constant repetitions of her mother’s delight at being able to travel in the company of a Viscountess that she hid in her room.

  Mr. Vincent’s words by turns fascinated and frightened her as he spoke of the intersection between technique and passion. Never before had she had the opportunity to look this deeply into another person’s thoughts. While speaking of the importance of expressing feelings without trapping them in societal expectations, he, at the same time, examined his own feelings in minute detail, breaking them down in an almost scientific study. Anger might be channeled into storms, or by contrast, turned to become the intricate detail of bark.

  She turned the page. There, in a few exquisite lines, he had rendered Beth, with a note penned below her. “Remember what it was to be young.”

  Only at the mention of Beth did Jane remember herself. She had not seen the girl since the night of Mr. Vincent’s collapse. Her conscience pricked at her now, knowing that Beth must surely be feeling the coming absence of Captain Livingston. It was so tempting to turn one more page, to read just a little farther, but if she did, Jane well knew that she would lose herself for the remainder of the day.

  Jane tucked the book under her mattress to protect it from idle eyes while she was away at Robinsford Abbey, then set out. She pulled the pink shawl she had worn to Lady FitzCameron’s ball around her for warmth; the day was sunny, but she would not hold hope that it would stay warm all day.

  The first signs of autumn were beginning to shew in the hedgerows and in the leaves on the hillside. As she walked to Robinsford Abbey, she collected a bundle of leaves from a field maple turned an early gold. Her eyes seemed to see new detail in everything she touched, such as the dark veins of the leaves standing out in sharp relief against amber. The day was still warm from the sun, but the air carried more than a hint of the coming cool.

  Down the lane, Mr. Dunkirk rode toward her, mounted on a black gelding that moved like a shadow under the golden trees. Jane imagined pulling wings out of the ether for the steed. As he neared, Mr. Dunkirk swung down. “Miss Ellsworth. How fortunate. I was on my way to see you.”

  Jane blinked. “Me, sir? I confess you surprize me.”

  Though attempting to be at his ease, Mr. Dunkirk’s face had a disturbed melancholy look. “Yes, well. May I accompany you for a short time? I would like a moment of your thoughts.”

  “Of course. Though as I am headed to Robinsford Abbey, you have made a trip to see me in vain.”

  “To see Beth?” He turned the horse around and began walking with Jane back the way he had come.

  “Just so.” Jane walked beside him, waiting for him to convey whatever intelligence he had.

  The leaves crunched under their feet, sending spicy scents of loam and bracken up to tickle her nose. In her mind, she wove the folds of glamour it would take to re-create such a scent, but even with that distraction, her skin was aware of how close Mr. Dunkirk stood to her.

  Finally, he made a soft anguished cry. “I do not know how to broach this. I believe you to be an honourable woman, and so I cannot ask you to betray any confidence that my sister might have given you, and yet—” He broke off and Jane glanced at him. The mask of ease had swept away, and all his worry lay naked on his face. Jane’s heart seized in her chest, knowing with a certainty that he would ask her about Captain Livingston. She kept her features calm with effort.

  Mr. Dunkirk twisted the reins in his hand and said, “It might be best if you heard Beth’s history, so that you would understand why I ask you to—why I ask what I will ask. You might remember that Beth had not learned glamour as part of her studi
es. It was my parents’ intent that she learn that as a matter of course, along with the other finer arts, and so they engaged a tutor. I doubt that you will remember this conversation, given everything else that happened the evening of Mr. Vincent’s collapse, but I made reference to Beth’s first tutor in glamour.”

  “I do. Your discomfort made it stand out in my mind.”

  He nodded and continued. “Mr. Gaffney came to us with excellent letters of reference. Though young, he was a man of great skill. My father had no reason to doubt his skills or his character. Ah! But how I wish he had doubted. Even the most cursory of inquiries . . . But I get ahead of myself.”

  Mr. Dunkirk paused for a moment of reflection. Sighing a bit, he continued. “I was away at school, as was my brother, Richard. I like to think that I might have noticed if I had been home. She was always a dreamy child, given to romantic fantasies. Once, she sent me a story she had written in which a clockmaker created an automaton of a monkey as a means of winning the love of his fair lady. Such fancy! It was only natural that my father should want to engage an excellent tutor, believing that Beth would shew an aptitude in glamour. Mr. Gaffney settled in our house and was engaged to work with Beth daily to improve her skills beyond the schoolroom glamour which every girl learns. I believe that he did start in this manner. When I came home from Oxford for the holidays, Beth shewed me what she had been learning and I thought, even at the time . . .”

  Jane pressed her hand against her lips in complete empathy with his emotions, even without fully knowing the cause.

  “Even at the time, I thought that Beth had not learned as much as she ought to have, but was willing to believe that perhaps she did not have as much aptitude as my parents had hoped. No one else said anything, and I, fool that I was, said nothing, not wishing to bring discord where everyone seemed content. I returned to Oxford after the first of the year.

  When I came again three months later, Beth put on a very pretty tableau vivant for us, and I was relieved that my fears were groundless. Even then, though, I remember noting that he had stood by her, but presumed it was to catch her if she fainted. He was flushed and sweating, but I attributed that to a mixture of pride and nervous energy. Now—oh, now I understand all too well why he was flushed. I also remember the laugh she gave when she finished and how, when I praised her, she said that all the praise belonged to Mr. Gaffney. I should have seen it then. In her manner; in his. But I had been so long away that I thought she was only growing up. And him? What did I know of him? Only what my father told me, which was nothing but praise.

  Shortly after, I left the family to go hunting with some fellows of mine. We were gone some days in the country, and only when we returned to my friend’s house did I find that I had an urgent post from my father. Beth had run away with Mr. Gaffney.”

  He paused again to collect himself, the memory even now too raw in its horror for him to continue without effort. Jane could see all too clearly why Beth did not want her brother to know she had a secret engagement; it would only bring this earlier indiscretion to mind.

  “You cannot—indeed, I hope that you cannot—imagine the horror this gave me. I had known, you see, that something was not right. But with Gaffney’s references, with his manners and bearing, it was impossible to imagine that he had spent his time with Beth, not teaching her, but wooing her. Though the clues were small, they were there for me to see in hindsight. Her poor performance at the holidays, followed by a sudden leap in ability. And then—then I understood why she had given all praise to Mr. Gaffney. She had not performed the tableau vivant. He had. To mask the hours spent together and how little they worked on glamour, he had worked the folds of glamour from his place by her side. Had I but looked, I would have seen it.

  The scoundrel took her across the border into Scotland, and after a week, I caught up with them. I met him in the only manner that I could.”

  Jane, startled, stopped in the lane and said, “What? Did you meet him to—?” Her thoughts went to the box on the mantel in his drawing room, and to the dueling pistols it contained.

  “It was unavoidable, after what he did to Beth.” He rubbed his palms on his britches, as if trying to wipe off blood. “Beth does not know. She knows only that I arrived and took her home. Her virtue . . . she is so trusting, and has such a very good nature, but she was only fourteen. How we managed, I do not know, but we managed to keep the knowledge within the family.”

  Jane murmured that she was honoured by Mr. Dunkirk’s trust, and would keep it. As they began to walk again, she thought of Beth’s desperate plea that she not reveal her engagement. Beth might not know what had happened to Mr. Gaffney, but she must surely suspect.

  He smiled wryly. “This, then is my dilemma. If I believe, as I do, that you will not betray a trust, then Beth’s story is safe with you; but if you will not betray a trust then you will not be able to answer my question. But I must ask, so please forgive me for the burden I place on you.”

  He stopped. The air between them was charged with the question they both knew he must ask. Jane trembled, waiting.

  “Does Beth have a relationship with Mr. Vincent beyond that of student and teacher?”

  The relief. The sudden, palpable relief that flooded Jane’s limbs nearly overwhelmed her senses. She laughed outright. “No. I can honestly say that she does not, and have no fear of breaking a trust.”

  At her words, Mr. Dunkirk heaved a sigh. “Thank you, Jane. I—” He broke off at the shocked expression on her face, only then realizing that he had used her Christian name. “Forgive me! Beth speaks of you so often as Jane that it has become more natural in my thoughts than it ought. Please, please forgive my impropriety.”

  Jane held up her hand to stop him, though her heart trembled at his words. “I am certain you meant nothing.” That he felt it natural to think of her by her given name was so marvelous, so unexpected, that she could barely pay heed to the next moments.

  He thanked her, she was certain of that, but the details of his thanks were hidden behind the wonder that he had used her name. The moment passed, faster than she would have liked, and his attention returned once again to Beth. “You have no idea how much more at ease I feel.” He looked ahead to where the steps of Robinsford Abbey waited for them. “I am glad you are coming to visit Beth today. She has been melancholy, and you always bring cheer to Robinsford Abbey.”

  “Do I? I had not thought I brought anything with me today but a bundle of leaves.”

  “You do.” His gaze was steady, and it seemed as if he might say more, but he turned suddenly to attend to some trifle on his horse.

  After an awkward series of half-sentences and pauses, he and Jane managed to find a comfortable footing for conversation and finished with the pleasantries that were necessary to satisfy both that nothing untoward had happened.

  And yet, Jane could not hear the crunch of gravel underfoot for the echo of her name repeated in his voice. Nor could she see the sun shining on the oak trees for the memory of Mr. Dunkirk’s gaze when he assured her that she brought cheer to Robinsford Abbey.

  Eighteen

  Order and Disarray

  When Jane and Mr. Dunkirk arrived at the door to Beth’s room, the enormity of the history that Mr. Dunkirk had just revealed to Jane returned and drove out all thoughts of his use of her name. It added to the weight of the knowledge Jane should not have, but now that she knew these elements of Beth’s past, she was required to conceal that knowledge within herself.

  Jane bid adieu to Mr. Dunkirk as she was admitted to Beth’s rooms, and prepared herself to be cheerful and of service to her friend.

  The disorder of the room almost undid her resolution, with gowns thrown over chairs, a tray of uneaten food sitting on the writing table, and books on the floor by the chair where their unhappy owner had dropped them. The glamour in the room conspired to shroud it in gloom, with heavy folds of darkness masking the corners. Beth lay in bed, the covers disarrayed around her. Her hair was down, in tangles,
and her skin was as pale as fog.

  Jane could not restrain a cry of dismay at the sight, which did little to stir the unhappy maiden. Surely Mr. Dunkirk had not been in his sister’s rooms, or he should know that there was more wrong with her than simple melancholia. This was depression, black, dark depression.

  “Beth?” Jane went to the bed and sat beside her. “Dear Beth, tell me what is the matter.”

  Beth rolled over and gazed at her listlessly. “Jane.”

  Her cracked, faded voice pierced Jane’s heart, but Jane would not let tears fall. She brushed the hair back from Beth’s face. “Will you tell me? Do, please. It worries me to see you so distraught. Perhaps if I knew what the trouble was I might be able to help.”

  Beth sighed. “Nothing can help. Henry is gone away and I shall never see him again.”

  She burst into sobs, each cry tearing from her throat as if it would be her last. Jane exclaimed and did her best to console the girl. Gathering her up, Jane rocked her back and forth as she cried, incoherent, on Jane’s shoulder. “Hush, hush. It cannot be as bad as all that. The world is too small to never see someone again.”

  With an inarticulate cry, Beth pulled away and flung herself back to the bed, hiding her face in the pillows. “You don’t know! You don’t understand. He’s leaving tomorrow. When a man leaves, he never comes back.”