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  “Permit me to add that Pinckney & Jenkins believe that this church is affiliated with abolitionists, as the former and current ministers, father and son, were educated in a divinity school in the North. I think we should find a way to close the church,” another planter said.

  “That is a serious allegation,” my husband said. “Yes, I will absolutely participate in this endeavor, but only if we find evidence that the church is engaging in illegal activity should we consider disbanding it, encouraging its members to join other places to worship and its minister to find another flock elsewhere. As to the tailor, if we find any proof of his participation, he should be told to go to another town. If he refuses to do so, we can threaten to commence proceedings in court to revoke his freedman’s status.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Allen. The other matter concerns your appointment of the circuit court judge and prosecutor. We cannot have a prosecutor who does not respect our property rights. The prosecutor should not have arrested my overseer. We ask that, when you appoint the incoming judge and prosecutor, they take an oath that they believe that the rule of law should not extend to our treatment of slaves when they are inside our property lines.”

  “I am in absolute agreement with you. I will suggest to you, however, that with regard to the discipline of slaves, we should similarly instruct our overseers and slave drivers to have respect for our property. Thank you, gentlemen, for promptly notifying me about these concerns. I will send for Pinckney & Jenkins and speak with them concerning my involvement in the resolution of these problems.”

  Dark skies during the day and constant cold at all times spent us. Another week elapsed where we did not leave home. I was in the parlor reading by the fireplace when I heard my husband’s heavy steps upstairs in his office. I heard him slam the door and go downstairs. His hands were trembling and his face was red. He pointed at me.

  “Come upstairs. Right now. Now, I said. Hurry.”

  I followed him to his office.

  “This can’t be. It can’t be. They are lying,” he said.

  “What has happened? Who is lying?”

  He pointed to his desk. “This…is…all your doing.”

  “What? What have I done?”

  “Read the damned letter.”

  I sat down because I was afraid of fainting as I read and reread the first paragraph.

  8 June 1854

  Dear Mr. Allen:

  By the time you receive this letter, your daughter and your bastard grandson will be on their way to you. I am returning her because she gave birth today to a son who is not mine.

  “It cannot be. Why do they hate her? My darling girl must be in a lot of pain after the birth, and yet they forced her to travel when she should be confined to her bed. It cannot be. I agree with you. He is lying. Of course he is. They just want more field hands. How could they be so greedy?”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  SARAH CAMBELL

  WE WERE MAKING SUPPER WHEN THE OVERSEER arrived to tell me that, commencing the next morning at nine o’clock, I had to take Mr. Julius Cromwell, who had been spending more time at home, his morning tea to his apartment.

  “But sir, I….”

  “Be careful what you say or I’ll report to Mr. Cromwell that you questioned his authority.”

  When I told Clarissa, I was surprised by what she said.

  “Sarah, just obey them. There is no use arguing. Anyway, it’s only another tray that you have to carry in the morning.”

  Isaac’s statements that evening similarly disappointed me.

  “Sarah, why do you think you shouldn’t have to do whatever they tell you to do? What’s wrong with you? Are you trying to get a whipping?”

  “Its just that I don’t want to be alone with him in his bedroom.”

  “He has that woman in town, and he’s not interested in you that way.”

  “I hope that’s true, Isaac. I really do.”

  The next morning, I knocked on Julius’s bedroom door.

  “Enter. Put the tray on the table. Please pour a cup of tea and bring it to me.”

  He was sitting in a chair by a window, wearing a robe over his sleeping garments. I handed him the tea and stood in front of him with my head bowed, waiting to be dismissed.

  “Look at me, Sarah. Yes, as I thought. Other than the fact that yours are brown and hers are blue, you have similar eyes. Quite lovely. Your hair, what does it look like? Why do you always have it covered with a dreadful scullery maid’s rag? Well? I don’t suppose you’d like to remove that cloth so that I can see your hair?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Why not?

  “I never take my head covering off, sir.”

  “Not even for your husband?”

  I did not reply.

  “You look even prettier when you blush. You are shy, aren’t you? So unlike your sister. All right, Sarah, you may leave. Until tomorrow.”

  I had never been so grateful to leave the presence of any of my masters or mistresses as I was that day. Relief, however, turned into dread that night as I thought about what he would say or do the next morning. I wanted to tell someone, but I knew that there was no sympathetic ear.

  For the next two weeks, each morning was similar to the first. He made comments about my appearance and asked me when he was going to have the pleasure of seeing me without my head covering. I stood before him, saying little, as he sat holding his cup of tea. As time passed, I became less frightened of him. That is, until the morning his language changed.

  “How long are you going to continue this pretense of being a shy little girl? Answer. I’ve had enough of your silence.”

  I stared at the floor. He stood and lifted my chin. His touch startled me.

  “Sarah, I will never force you to do anything, but you know that I could, that forcing you is within my purview. If you consent to what I am going to propose, you will no longer have to be Clarissa’s maid and you won’t have to work in the kitchen, as your responsibility will be to care for me. Look at your hands. You’re ruining them. When the new house is completed, my apartments will be on the opposite side of Clarissa’s. You will have all the pretty dresses you want. What is it? Are you worried about Isaac? I can keep him busy by hiring him out, you know. What do you say, Sarah? All right, I don’t have to have your answer today. Promise me you’ll give me your reply soon. Sarah?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He asked me the next morning whether I had made a decision.

  “Sir, I can’t do what you asked me. I just can’t.”

  “It’s Isaac that you’re worried about, isn’t it? I’ll give you more time. You’ll see. There would be so many advantages to accepting my proposal. Remember, your work will increase once Clarissa has the baby. By the way, you’re not expecting are you?”

  “Sir?”

  “Never mind. That’s not important at this juncture, but it is something else you should consider, the fate of your children when you bear them. I could free you and your children, you know. I see that sparked an interest. Very well. Yes, Sarah, that is something I could do. What do you say?”

  “Sir, I will think about it.”

  Mr. Cromwell appeared to lose patience, but strangely, he also seemed amused by my refusal to tell him what he wanted to hear.

  It was nighttime, one week later, in early June. I was asleep on a cot in Clarissa’s bedroom when she screamed.

  “Oh, that hurt. That really hurt. Sarah, I think the baby is coming. Tell them to send for the doctor.”

  She managed to speak between crying and taking short breaths. I went into the adjoining room to change into a dress.

  “Hurry. Oh, this hurts so much.”

  By the time the physician arrived, Clarissa’s water had broken. Her labor lasted over fourteen hours. When the baby was born, Dr. Walker suctioned his nostrils and cut the umbilical cord, and the child cried and turned pink. Dr. Walker told Jessie, the other maid assisting him, and me to wash and swaddle the infant.

  “No,
give him to me now,” Clarissa said.

  “Wash his face first, and cover her with a sheet,” he said to me before he departed.

  Clarissa took her son and asked for a wet cloth, which she used to clean his head and hands. “My angel. Yes, that’s what you are, my angel on earth. Mama loves you.” She caressed his back. “Sarah, tell my mother that his name is Theodore.”

  “You can tell her that yourself when she gets here, Miss Clarissa.”

  “Sarah, do you remember how happy we were when we were children?”

  I said nothing.

  “Weren’t we happy when we played in the nursery and I had lessons?”

  “Yes, we were happy then.”

  “That’s how I always want you to remember me.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Look at him. What do you think they’re going to do to me and my baby, Sarah?”

  “I don’t think they’re going to do anything bad to you.”

  “Sarah, they’re going to punish me, but I won’t let them hurt my baby. I’ll try to convince Julius to let you take the baby to my mother. Please, Sarah, I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but will you promise me that you’ll get my baby to her?”

  I hesitated.

  “Sarah, I’ll give you a letter asking Papa to free you if you do this for me. Will you?”

  “Yes, Miss Clarissa, I’ll do whatever I can.”

  There was a knock and the door opened. Mrs. Cromwell, Julius, and Dr. Walker entered. Mrs. Cromwell told me to hold the baby, but Clarissa refused to give him to me.

  “All right, then, turn him around so that we can see his face,” Mrs. Cromwell said.

  Clarissa reluctantly agreed.

  “Yes, Dr. Walker, I see what you mean. You two wash her and him and clean this room,” Mrs. Cromwell said.

  We persuaded Clarissa to give us the child so that we could follow Mrs. Cromwell’s orders. Moments later, the overseer knocked on the door, and when I answered it, he told Jessie and me to go outside the room.

  “Mrs. Cromwell said that you are not to repeat anything about the birth to anyone, do you hear? And you are not to allow any other servants in this room. Sarah, Mr. Julius Cromwell wants you to tidy yourself and go to his office in an hour.”

  He was at his desk when I arrived. He told me to sit.

  “Sarah, you look as if you need to sleep. I will not keep you long. Have you given thought to my proposal? Sarah? Answer me.”

  “Sir…no, I haven’t thought about it.”

  “That is not what I wanted to hear. I have thought of little else. All right, I will tell you something in confidence that, right now, only my parents and I know. I’m telling you this because it directly affects you. I am sending Clarissa and her son to her parents. You are not surprised, are you?”

  “No, sir. I suppose not.”

  “Do you prefer to wait until she departs to give me your answer? Sarah, why is this not an easy decision for you? Think: when she is gone, you won’t have to play second fiddle to her. I’ll expect your answer when she leaves.”

  “Sir, may I ask, when are you sending her to Allen Estates?”

  “I will allow her to recuperate a few days. Commencing immediately, Jessie will be her maid and you will not have to work in the kitchen. Your only duty will be to attend to me.”

  “Does Miss Clarissa know your plans?”

  “No, and you are not to tell her. In fact, I don’t want you to go to her room. I will speak with her tomorrow morning.”

  Isaac was there when I went to our cabin.

  “Clarissa had the baby.” I was so exhausted that I lay on the bed with my clothes on.

  “That’s what they said at the stables and in the kitchen.”

  “Yes, Jessie and I helped the doctor.”

  “You’re not saying much.”

  “I’m really tired and the overseer told us not to say anything about the baby’s birth.”

  “Why not?”

  “I suppose I can tell you. The doctor said that the baby looks like he was born after a nine-month pregnancy.”

  “Oh? He can really tell that?”

  “He’s a big baby, and long too.”

  “Did Mr. Cromwell see the baby?”

  “Yes, and his mother.”

  “What did they say?”

  “Nothing.”

  I could barely keep my eyes open and went to sleep. I spent the next day cleaning Julius’s apartment. He did not ask me anything about his proposal when I saw him. That evening, Isaac said that an overseer told him to prepare Clarissa’s carriage. I learned the significance of the carriage the following morning, when I took Julius his tea.

  “Sarah. My darling Sarah. Tell me, how much sway does Clarissa have with her father? Could she persuade him to overlook what she has done?”

  “Sir, since she was a little girl, he and Mrs. Allen agreed to all her wishes.”

  “Yes, but do you think her father would agree to her wishes now?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Is there a likelihood that he would?”

  “Yes, there is a likelihood.”

  “What I am about to tell you, you cannot repeat. Clarissa, perhaps because of her guilty mind, thinks that I want to cause her and her son physical harm. I do not. I simply want her and that…bastard out of my parents’ home. She begged me to let you accompany her to Allen Estates.”

  I kept an expressionless face.

  “She said that she will ensure that you return. I told her that I have no reason to accommodate her delusions, but she said that, if I allow you to accompany her, she would prevail upon her father to give me the agreed upon number of field hands.”

  “Sir, I do think that she could accomplish that. Mr. Allen, as I’m sure you know, owns about four hundred field hands.”

  “Well then, here is what I want you to do: on the journey there, help Clarissa because she is not thinking clearly. Help her to craft a convincing story for her father. If she succeeds in getting me any number of field hands, when you return, I will free you. Of course, that means that all your children will be free. What do you think about that?”

  “Sir, would you really do that?”

  “Yes, my sweet Sarah, I will. I promise you.”

  “Thank you, sir. I will do what I can.”

  “All right, be prepared to leave in two days. Do come bid me good-bye before you depart.”

  That evening, Isaac said that the overseer told him to have the carriage and a team of four horses ready for the day after the next. “Did you hear anything else?”

  “Yes, a lot. The carriage is so that an overseer and a coachman will take Clarissa, the baby, and me to Allen Estates,” I said.

  “What? Why are we going there so soon after the baby’s birth?”

  “Because Julius is denying that the baby is his.”

  “We’re going there to stay?”

  “Isaac, you’re not going. Julius didn’t even want me to go. He’s afraid that I won’t return, and well, let’s sit down. I need to tell you something important. I’m not coming back.”

  “What do you mean? You have to. We belong to Mr. Cromwell now. Mr. Allen will have to send you back. Don’t you want to come back to be with me?”

  “I’m not coming back here to live my mother’s life. And do you know what Mr. Allen did to my mother’s husband, Belle’s father? He sold him.”

  Isaac was silent for a few moments. “What makes you think that Mr. Allen won’t send you back?”

  “I’m going to run.”

  “Sarah, stop it, you can’t….”

  “No. You stop it. Don’t tell me I can’t run. I can and I will. And if I were you, I’d run too.”

  “Well, since you’ve made up your mind, why don’t we run together, now?”

  “No, it’s easier to catch two people. It would be more difficult to blend in when we got to a town.”

  “But we’ll never see each other again.”

  “Isaac, the only
thing that’s going to get me through all of this, and the reason I won’t cry my eyes out when I run, is that I believe I’ll see everybody I love in heaven one day.”

  “But how could I run and not get caught? Those Wilkes boys, look at what happened to them.”

  “One was a blacksmith and the other worked on a farm. As a coachman, you know the roads as far as Georgia and Florida. And there’s something I haven’t told you. There’s a way that I can help you escape.”

  “How?”

  “First, you have to tell me if you’re sure you want to run.”

  “I think I do.”

  “No, I need to know for sure and I need to know now so I have time to do what I have to do.”

  “Yes. Yes, I will.”

  “I can write you a pass because I know how to read and write.”

  “What? I don’t believe you.”

  “Well, then. Do what you have to do on your own.”

  “Sarah, really? How did you learn?”

  “I can’t tell you that.”

  “Did Miss Clarissa teach you?”

  “All right, if it’s so important for you to know. Mrs. Allen did.”

  “That explains why you talk like they do. But how good is a pass going to be? As soon as they know I’m gone, the slave catchers will know the pass isn’t real.”

  “That’s why you have to use your brains. Take a horse and go into the woods for a few days. Then, only ride the roads at night. If somebody stops you, then you show the pass. I’ll make it for you tomorrow. Is there ever a time when the main gate is unguarded?”

  “Not really. They leave the bloodhounds there when the patroller leaves around eleven at night.”

  “Do they have dogs all around the plantation?”

  “No, it’s too big. They only have them by the slave quarters, the fields, or the streams and swamps.”

  The next afternoon, when Julius was at dinner, I went to his office to clean and to use his writing materials, and that night, I prepared for the journey. The following morning, the overseer went to our cabin to say that we were departing at eleven o’clock. Isaac and I said good-bye before he went to the stables. I made us breakfast, but neither of us felt like eating. When he was gone, I put on the dress that my mother had altered. I did not wrap my hair and wore it the same way I arranged Clarissa’s.