Emotions Series 01 Silent Emotions Read online

  could live on that smell alone. It drove any other thought she

  had from her mind and with her now wearing his shirt the scent

  was even more intense.

  "What's the matter, B'Elanna, I already showered." he stated

  noticing her crinkling her nose.

  B'Elanna was still trying to inhale as much of that wonderful

  scent as was possible. She just couldn't help herself she

  couldn't get enough of it and the more she smelled the more she

  wanted.

  "It's nothing, Paris, you're fine." she

  mused. "It's just me, I think I need to take a shower.
  shower definitely.>

  "I'll be back soon and then maybe we could find something to do.

  A holodeck program maybe?"

  "Sounds good, I've developed a new one a while back and I've yet

  to share it with anyone. Would you like to beta-test it with

  me?"

  "Sure. I'll be back shortly and then we can go," she said as she

  turned to exit the cabin.

  "Fine. And, B'Elanna . . . "

  "Yes?" she answered as she spun around to face him.

  "It's nothing. I'll be ready when you return."

  "Okay, I won't be long."

  The door slid open and then slid shut behind her leaving Tom

  Paris standing still in the middle of his living area.
  Tom, how will you ever get over B'Elanna Torres? It is just

  impossible. She is just uniquely exquisite. Who else could you

  possibly find that would make your heart beat with such vigor and

  joy as B'Elanna? You better face it, Tommy, she's spoken for and

  you're always going to be alone,> he pondered as he sat down on

  the couch and waited for her to return.

  * * * * * * *

  B'Elanna returned to her cabin to reluctantly change. She would

  have preferred to stay dressed in Paris' shirt just so she could

  continue to immerse herself in his scent. But Tom was expecting

  her, so she removed the shirt and placed it on her bed with great

  reverence, showered, and donned her old Maquis outfit. She then

  went into her bathroom and brushed out her dark hair until in

  shined. Stopping by her bed on the way out, she grabbed the shirt

  to take it with her to return to Tom. The urge was just to great

  though as a low growl rumbled in her throat she buried her face

  in the fabric and in its scent.

  Chapter 8

  Tom and B'Elanna met each other outside Holodeck One a short

  time later.

  "I'm glad you could make it, Torres."

  "Me too, I always love your holodeck programs."

  "Even Sandrine's and the holo-pigs?" he asked.

  "Well. . . I didn't like it at first, but after you got rid of

  Gaunt Gary and that lady. . .Ricki wasn't it? It wasn't so bad,"

  she explained. "So are we ready?"

  "Yep, just let me . . . by the way where's my shirt I leant you?"

  "Oh, well I guess I left it in my cabin, I'll bring it back to

  you later ."

  "Just as long as you don't forget it, it is my favorite one."

  "I won't forget, trust me."

  Paris glanced at the half-Klingon engineer before he gave the

  computer his program selection thinking how beautiful she looked

  and how she was going to be someone else's wife. Torres looked at

  him surprised at the strange look that washed over his face.

  The holodeck doors slid open and the two stepped inside. Torres

  stopped short in awe, she was actually expecting him to call up a

  program with women or a bar. Before her though was a lush green

  forest complete with the singing of birds. The sun was just

  rising over the horizon, so the temperature was wonderfully warm.

  She could also hear the sound of rushing water in the distance.

  Torres looked at Paris, who was watching for her reaction. He

  smiled slightly, and she returned it.

  "It's beautiful," she breathed. "Where are we?"

  Paris stared at the surroundings as he answered, "Nowhere really.

  The forest is from Canada, but the waterfall you hear I just put

  in a few months ago."

  Paris started off down a path, Torres following. She stared at

  the forest and noticed it was quite calm, not even a breeze blew.

  She looked at Paris as he walked down the path ahead of her. He

  was also staring at the forest. By the way he was walking, she

  knew that he was deep in thought. She walked up toward him and looked

  at him. She was right, Tom was thinking about something.

  Something not pleasant by the expression on his face.

  "Tom," she began, placing a hand on his arm, "are you alright?"

  At her touch, Paris stared at her, his blue eyes full of

  emotions. He looked away as if to think of what to say.

  "I'm fine," he answered finally, "I was just thinking."

  "About what?" She hoped he was thinking about telling her what

  was wrong with him.

  Paris looked at her. He really didn't want to tell her, but he

  knew she would only continue to ask him. He took a deep breath

  and spoke, "I was thinking about how I wish my life was simpler.

  Everything has gotten so complicated." There, that was true

  enough without revealing the real reason.

  Torres looked at him. She was surprised to see that his mask that

  he always wore was gone. He was baring his soul to her,

  risking himself to get hurt.

  "Tom, what makes you believe that your life has become

  complicated?" She asked, but when he ignored the question

  after a few minutes, they resumed their hike.

  The two paused when they came to the edge of the forest. Before

  them was a cliff that towered fifteen feet above them. A rushing

  waterfall thundered down into a calm river. Torres stared in awe

  at the beautiful snow white fall. She could not believe that what

  she was staring at was a hologram. It appeared too real.

  she mused.

  Torres watched as Paris stared calmly at the sight before them.

  He walked closer to the river and sat down on a rock. He picked

  up a pebble and tossed it into the water. She went to him, and

  sat down on the ground. She looked at him to see his eyes fill up

  with unshed tears.

  "Tom?" she began, but he shook his head.

  "I don't want to burden you with my problems, B'Elanna," he said,

  staring across the water.

  "You're not going to burden me, Tom," she pleaded, "I want to

  help you."

  "You can't help me 'Lanna," he told her.

  "How do you know unless you try? *Please* let me help you?"

  She asked her anger building inside her because he refused to

  talk to her about it.

  "I can't. Just drop it please?"

  B'Elanna stood before him with her hands clenched into fists at

  her side, fairly shaking with anger. "Damn it Tom Paris I can't

  take this anymore!!! You tell me now or so help me I'll make you.

  . . I'll knock you. . . ." she said her voice raised in anger

  until she realized that her Klingon side had overwhelmed her

  human side at which time she abruptly stopped. "I'm . . . I'm so

  sorry Tom. I shouldn't have reacted that way," she apologized.

  "Harry alw
ays says that I should count to ten, or in my case one

  hundred, when I feel like venting my anger. He doesn't like it

  when I lose control."

  "Harry is trying to make you something you're not," Tom said

  simply, thinking that Harry couldn't see the forest for the trees

  -- B'Elanna's Klingon side couldn't be ignored it was a glorious

  part of who she was. It made her unique and special. "How can he

  ask you to ignore your Klingon heritage, B'Elanna? Doesn't he

  know that your eyes light with a beautiful, unquenchable fire when

  you're angry? Doesn't he realize that you're just being honest with

  what you're feeling?"

 
  intimidated like Harry?> she questioned herself but remembered

  her promise she made to her fiance to dampen her Klingon urges.

  "Ah. . . don't call my intended a fool, Flyboy, or you will not

  only hear my Klingon side you'll feel it too." she said holding

  up one of her fists and shaking it at him menacingly. "And

  besides Harry's right, my Klingon side only gets me into

  trouble," she stated as she turned her back to him so he couldn't

  see the sadness on her face.

  Tom walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

  "I'm sorry 'Lanna, please forgive me. The last thing I'd ever

  want to do it to hurt either of you. You two are the closest

  thing I have to a family. But I can't tell you what's bothering

  me. I just can't yet."

  B'Elanna half turned her head toward him. "But you'll remember

  that if you need anyone to talk to then I'll be there -- *both*

  Harry and I will be there."

  "I'll remember.
  together, how could I forget? That's all I can think of lately.>

  Tom sighed and rested his forehead against the back of her

  head. For a long while the only sound came from the waterfall.

  During that time, B'Elanna closed her eyes and breathed in his

  scent. The scent was stronger and fresher now that he was closer

  to her. She turned around to face him and leaned in to him to

  breathe deeper. She then opened her eyes to find Paris staring at

  her. She was embarrassed, but also strangely aroused.

  "'Lanna?" Paris asked, confused by what she was doing.

  "Sorry, Tom," Torres said, her brown eyes danced with desire.

  Paris looked at her for a moment, drinking in the sight of her.

  He then stared at the forest on the other side of the river. All

  coherent thought was driven from his mind, all he knew was that

  he had to act now, even if she didn't accept it. He took a deep

  breath to calm himself and taking advantage of the opportunity,

  gently touched his lips to hers.

  Instead of pulling away from him, as he had expected her to, she

  kissed him back with an uninhibited passion, opening her lips so

  they could explore and taste each other's mouths with their

  tongues. Tom entwined his fingers in her hair and pulled her

  closer to him and B'Elanna purred with approval as she was

  finally able to consume the undiluted scent that she craved and

  encircled the pilot with her own arms. Then just as suddenly as

  it started he could feel B'Elanna tense in his arms and she tried

  to push back from him.

  "I can't . . . We can't . . We can't do this. . It's not right,

  Tom, not . . . .not honorable. I'm engaged to Harry, I love

  him and he's your friend. What were we thinking?" she asked.

  "B'Elanna," he began, "I . . ."

  "I don't want to talk about it Tom, this is wrong . . . very

  wrong. What would Harry say if he found out?"

  "Carey to Torres," Torres' commbadge chirped.

  She tapped it and spoke hoping that her voice sounded normal,

  "Torres here. What is it, Carey?"

  "I want you to take a look at the warp core. It's acting up

  again. I took some scans, but they don't say much."

  Torres looked at Paris, who just shrugged and stared at the

  river. She felt her heart sink. She wanted to stay with him and

  explain that it was all her fault, but they needed her in

  Engineering.

  "I'm. . . I'm on my way, Carey. Torres out."

  "I guess I'll go to my quarters," Paris said, his voice quiet.

  "I'll try not to take long," she promised and Paris nodded.

  Torres then got up and headed for the exit.

  Paris put his head in his hands as he let the tears fall.

  * * * * * * *

  Tom returned back to his cabin, sat down heavily on the chair by

  the dining table and saw that B'Elanna had left a message stating

  that the problem in Engineering was a little more serious than

  she had anticipated and that she'd return as soon as she was able

  but she didn't know exactly when that might be. She also

  mentioned that she had to talk to him about what had happened in

  the holodeck.

  He could just imagine what she had to talk about, about how he

  had taken advantage of her and Harry's friendship. Here he was,

  Harry's best friend and he had just put the moves on his friend's

  fiancee. If there was anything lower than a pig he was it. It

  was bad enough thinking about B'Elanna and the fact that he

  couldn't have her, but to experience a bit of intimacy with the

  beautiful half-Klingon to see her eyes flash with desire and to

  never partake of the pleasure again was unbearable.
  again, I screwed up and screwed up big time,> he mused.

 
  How could B'Elanna or Harry ever forgive me? How can I possibly look

  at either one of them in the face again?> These thoughts streamed

  through his mind as he sat until his eyes lit upon his medical

  assistant medkit tucked away on the top shelf against the wall.

  Maybe inside lay the answer to his problems.

  He reached up and brought down the medkit and opened it with a

  trembling hand. He withdrew a fully loaded hypospray and held it

  up to the light in the room. Yes, there might be just enough.

  Just enough to put himself out of his misery and let everyone go

  on with their lives without having to worry about the infernal

  screw up Tom Paris. His father had been right those many years

  ago when he said: 'If there's a way to mess something up Thomas,

  I can always count on you.' Those words from his past never rang

  more true than they did at that moment. The decision made, he

  pressed the hypospray up against his neck as he released the

  entire contents into his system and before he could remove the device

  from his neck he had collapsed on the floor. "Forgive me

  'Lanna," he mumbled as darkness descended upon him.

  * * * * * * * *

  B'Elanna had just left Engineering covered with bioneural gel on

  the way to her cabin leaving Carey with instructions to monitor

  the warp core and to call her if the problems re-occurred.

  she said to herself as the stomped down the hall.

 
  Paris. But boy did it feel good, much better than . . .don't go

  there B'Elanna . . . don't even think it. Harry will make a finer />
  husband.> she argued with herself as she stepped into her

  quarters and proceeded to change into clean clothes.

 
  him. But with Tom it's different there are places in your soul that

  comes alive when he's around, when you smell his scent,> a

  little voice at the back of her mind reminded her as she pulled

  on a blue short sleeved top.

  "Stop it!," she said out loud to herself. "Harry's just fine

  he'll love me, take care of me and see that I don't do things

  that I regret."

  Grabbing Tom's shirt from the bed, she could still hear her inner

  voice. *Things like being half-Klingon? And do you really want

  someone to take care of you?*

  she thought

  but was surprised at what she almost admitted to herself.

  *If you say that often enough, after twenty or thirty years maybe

  you might finally believe it* she thought as she strode back

  down the corridor to Tom's cabin.

  B'Elanna finally reached Tom Paris' door and leaned up against it

  still clutching his shirt, preparing herself before she went in.

 
  call upon your Klingon half, and be strong enough to face the

  truth. You've caught Tom Paris' scent and you need him, you can't