A Taste for Love Read online

  ‘I’m not very hungry.’

  ‘Then I’ll make you a nice cup of tea before you go back up to bed for a proper sleep.’

  It was two o’clock when Tessa woke up. She felt so much better and jumped in the hot shower to freshen herself up. She scrubbed herself with a revitalizing blue shower gel and got dressed into her navy tracksuit bottoms and her white zip-up jacket. She needed to get out, go for a walk and get some fresh air.

  In the kitchen she poured herself a glass of orange juice and ate a slice of plain toast and butter, recalling Rob Flanagan making her coffee and getting her to drink it. He’d been so kind.

  She was tidying up when she noticed he had left his expensive mohair scarf on the back of the chair. She would return it to him when she saw him at class on Tuesday. Suddenly she realized that she didn’t want Rob thinking badly of her, and phoned him to thank him for what he had done. She had the number as Alice had given everyone a list of their fellow classmates’ numbers, in case they wanted to text about a recipe, or share ingredients.

  ‘Hey, Rob, it’s Tessa. I just wanted to say thanks for last night, for looking after me.’

  ‘Are you OK today?’ He laughed.

  ‘Thanks to you, yes. And I guess I’ve slept the worst of it off. And I just need to get a bit of fresh air.’

  ‘Me too,’ he admitted. ‘I’m just going to bring the dog for a walk.’

  ‘You left your scarf. I’ll give it to you on Tuesday.’

  ‘I’m heading down the West Pier in Dun Laoghaire,’ he said. ‘If you fancy it.’

  ‘Give me about twenty minutes and I’ll bring the scarf.’

  Her mother was asleep on the couch having her after-lunch snooze. Casablanca was on the TV later this afternoon, and Florence Sullivan had put a big ring around it in the TV section of the Sunday paper. She loved planning her TV viewing.

  Tessa parked her Mini near the old ferry terminal and walked briskly. The day was bright and sunny, and as usual crowds of walkers and families had descended on Dun Laoghaire to enjoy the seaside. She was trying to see if she could spot Rob, and was just about to phone him when she noticed the man with the big golden Labrador on the lead waving at her.

  ‘Down, Bingo, down.’

  Tessa loved dogs and the big Labrador was excited to meet someone new.

  ‘Bingo likes you,’ said Rob, as they fell into step together, talking mostly about last night’s party as they walked the pier.

  At the end they got a bench and sat in the sunshine, and Tessa found herself telling Rob about her time in London.

  ‘Rob, last night you mentioned you knew one of the partners in Bridgetown & Murrow, the firm I worked in. Well, I was involved with another of the partners, Grant Armstrong. I met him when I started working there. He was divorced and charming, and I suppose we fell in love. We’d all kinds of plans to marry, but it always seemed not to be the right time. Grant worried that it would upset his teenage kids and that we just needed to wait a bit longer till they were older … less jealous … gone to college. Because I loved him, I went along with what he wanted. I kept working, and at weekends we went down to his place in Surrey, and for holidays went to the villa he had in Majorca. I was happy, and if time was passing I didn’t really make a big deal of it. Grant had made it clear that he already had his kids, and when we got married he wouldn’t want any more!’

  ‘What about what you wanted?’ Rob asked, puzzled.

  ‘I suppose what I wanted didn’t really come into it!’ she admitted, staring out at the waves. ‘I loved him, I was happy with him. Then the company opened another office in New York. Grant was involved in setting it up, and was away more frequently for longer and longer stints. I guess our relationship had run its course, because he didn’t miss me the way you should miss someone you love. I didn’t know what was going on for a while. Office politics: no one likes to tell you these things, but he was seeing one of the junior associates. Pretty little thing! She was involved in the set-up, too. Suddenly he was openly involved with her. They moved in together, and got married about six months before I came back home to Dublin. Louisa had a baby last year … so the irony is that Grant, despite all his protests, is back to being a family man again. Why I ever listened to him, I don’t know,’ she said, staring out angrily at the water and the small dinghies flying by. ‘How could I have been so stupid?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Tessa. It’s awful losing someone you love. But maybe coming back home is a good thing. It gives you time to think, do different things …’

  ‘Too much time … too many regrets,’ Tessa said, patting Bingo.

  ‘Everyone keeps telling you time heals,’ he said slowly, ‘I’m not sure how much time it takes. It seems an eternity when you are caught up in it … when you lose the person you love the most in the world and are left on your own.’

  ‘Tell me about her,’ said Tessa softly, and Rob haltingly told her about losing Kate and finding himself alone for the first time since he was nineteen years old.

  ‘I met her the first day I started college. We both signed up to join the debating society. I know people say it’s crazy to fall in love with the first stranger you meet, but that was exactly what happened, and Kate was part of my life for every day after that! That is, until last May when she just collapsed while she was shopping and died. They did an autopsy – the report said Kate had some kind of aneurysm in her brain and that nothing could have saved her. It was like a small balloon burst and Kate was gone! Taken from the boys … taken from me.’

  Tessa could see he was fighting to control his emotions.

  ‘It’s been so hard without her. The first few weeks I could hardly get out of bed. The physical ache for her was so painful. I know life has to go on … Kate would want that … but it is so bloody difficult.’

  Tessa automatically found herself reaching for his hand and squeezing it. It was so hard for Rob. Her loss was nothing compared to his.

  They both sat in silence for a while as people walked up and down the pier, Bingo barking at one or two dogs; he was bored and wanted to continue his walk. Getting up, they began to stroll back, stopping for a coffee and a bagel on the open-air terrace of the Pavilion. Bingo sat with his head on his paws under the table as they chatted. Tessa was glad she had made the effort to come for the walk with Rob.

  ‘I’d better get going. I don’t like leaving Mum on her own for too long,’ she explained, standing up. ‘Anyway, I’ll see you in Alice’s on Tuesday.’

  ‘Maybe we can do this again,’ he said.

  ‘What?’ Did he mean her getting drunk and disgracing herself?

  ‘I mean the walk.’ He grinned, laughing. ‘I’ve enjoyed your company.’

  ‘Me too,’ she said, surprised by how easy she found Rob to talk to. ‘Any time.’

  Chapter Thirty-three

  ‘Great film,’ teased Joy. ‘Husband has an affair, husband and wife break up, husband and mistress break up and husband and wife get back together again! Honestly, as if that is ever going to happen!’

  ‘Never. Agreed,’ said Alice. ‘Unless you are Jennifer Aniston; it always works out for her on screen.’

  They both had ordered frothy cappuccinos in Coffee Heaven, the coffee shop near the cinema, and were trying to decide about sharing a portion of cheesecake.

  ‘Half the calories!’ promised Joy, as they got two forks.

  ‘How is it going with you and Fergus?’ quizzed Alice.

  ‘Great. I can’t believe that we are still going out, and still loving being with each other. He wants me to go to Italy for a week with him during the summer. Travel around a bit.’

  ‘Are you going to go?’

  ‘Yeah, I guess. Fergus is such a great guy … so different from everyone else I ever went out with. It’s such a change to have him around. He makes me feel safe and wanted and loved, and besides that, Beth really likes him.’

  ‘So he passed the Beth test?’

  ‘Yeah, with flying colours!’

 
; ‘Joy, I can’t believe it … you back in love again.’

  ‘I know … because I thought it might never happen again for me, and then Fergus came along and changed my mind. What about you, Alice? What about that nice widower in your class? He sounds perfect!’

  ‘Rob is great. A real old-fashioned gentleman, but he still misses his wife so much. I can’t be a stand-in for another woman. I enjoy his company and being with him, and he can be very charming, but there is something holding me back.’

  ‘Is it Liam?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe! Or maybe it’s too soon.’

  ‘For God’s sake, Alice, Elaine’s got her claws into Liam,’ reminded Joy, ‘and this is no Jennifer Aniston movie.’

  ‘I know, Joy, don’t worry. I have no intention of ever going back in that space. Maybe Rob just isn’t right for me. You know, he cooked the most wonderful meal for me in his house, and it was so romantic with candles and music and the two of us on his couch, and then, I don’t know why, but I just knew it wasn’t right.’

  ‘What did you say to him?’

  ‘I told him it was too soon; too soon for both of us.’

  ‘Poor guy.’ Joy laughed.

  ‘Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side!’

  ‘OK, OK.’

  ‘But you know, afterwards, when I was back at home, I kept wondering what it was that had stopped me. I think that deep inside I know that even though he’s the nicest man ever and we are both on our own it’s just too simple, too obvious. Oh, I don’t know!’

  ‘Don’t tell me you want heartache and heartbreak and drama!’

  ‘No … I don’t know … maybe.’

  They were just about to pay their bill when Alice’s phone went.

  ‘Hey, it’s Conor!’ she said, picking up.

  ‘Mum, where were you? I’ve been trying to phone you for the past few hours.’

  ‘Joy and I went to the cinema and I had my phone off.’

  ‘Sean’s been in an accident. He’s in hospital.’

  ‘Which one?’ Alice asked, feeling a mounting sense of panic.

  ‘He’s in the Mater Hospital. Lisa and I are here, and Jenny’s on her way from Galway.’

  ‘How bad is it?’ she asked.

  ‘Bad. He’s in a coma.’

  ‘Oh my God!’ she said, feeling like she had been punched in the ribs, trying to think. ‘What happened?’

  ‘He was with Dara in the car, and they crashed on the M50. It’s pretty bad, Mum,’ Conor said, trying to control his own voice.

  ‘I’m driving you straight there,’ said Joy. ‘This hour of the night there will be hardly any traffic.’

  Alice felt numb as she sat in the passenger seat of Joy’s car. The drive into the city centre hospital was a flash of traffic lights, street lights, and road signs.

  ‘Sean is going to be OK,’ said Joy, mantra-like, over and over again. ‘Sean is going to be all right.’

  Alice didn’t trust herself to speak – to say anything. She closed her eyes, thinking of Sean heading off to college that morning. What T-shirt had he had on? Had he been wearing the new zip-up black Oakley sweatshirt she’d bought him? She couldn’t remember. What did he say to her? Did she kiss him? Had she been too busy doing the crossword? He’d had orange juice and toast and hot chocolate for breakfast because she could remember putting the plate and glass and cup in the dishwasher … but she couldn’t remember what they had said to each other. Where had Dara and he been going?

  ‘Alice, Alice. We’re here,’ said Joy, parking as close to the large hospital entrance as possible.

  Sean was up on the third floor and Alice spotted Conor and Lisa sitting in the corridor straight away.

  ‘Where’s Sean?’ she asked, breaking down, just wanting to see him, to be able to touch her son, talk to him.

  Conor took her in his arms. His face was red and blotchy and she hugged him. He and Sean were such buddies, even though there were almost eight years between them. They were very close. Sean had always looked up to his big brother.

  ‘Mum, he’s in the ward across from here, but you need to talk to the doctor on duty first.’

  ‘Well, where is he, then?’

  ‘Come on, and I’ll bring you over to the nurses’ station.’

  ‘Your son has suffered a significant head injury,’ the young doctor explained. ‘And he is in a state of coma. We are closely monitoring his condition, and keeping an eye out for any further internal bleeding or swelling of his brain. We have him on a ventilator to help his breathing and protect his airway. Should his condition seriously deteriorate he will be transferred to Beaumont Hospital, which liaises closely with our neurology department, but for the moment he will remain with us. He has a broken collarbone, broken ribs, a broken ankle, a broken nose, and a few other injuries. We will examine him further in the morning to assess his condition.’

  ‘Will he wake up, regain consciousness?’ Alice demanded.

  ‘We hope so, but at this stage it is too early to tell. We are just trying to keep him stable and watch for any other changes.’

  ‘Can I see him?’

  ‘Of course, I’ll bring you down to him myself.’

  Alice held her breath as the doctor opened the door to the intensive care unit, passing her a gown and mask to put on.

  ‘We have some very sick people here,’ he explained.

  Sean’s bed was literally inside the door, and a young Indian nurse was sitting beside his bed. Sean’s eyes were shut, his face swollen and bruised like he had been in a prize fight, the ventilator tube attached to his mouth making a strange whooshing sound.

  ‘Is he in pain?’ Alice asked, trying to control herself. ‘Can he feel it?’

  ‘We have him sedated, so he’s pain free,’ the doctor reassured her.

  She leaned over and kissed Sean. Her poor boy, what had happened to him? She touched his arm and hand, stroking them, wondering if he could sense she was there.

  ‘How is he?’ the doctor asked the nurse.

  ‘The same,’ said the nurse, passing him a chart.

  ‘This is Sean’s mother.’

  ‘Alice Kinsella,’ Alice said, introducing herself.

  ‘He’s in good hands, Mrs Kinsella, I promise,’ said the doctor, excusing himself. ‘They need me on the second floor. Nurse Assaf will look after you, and I’m on duty all night.’

  ‘Would you like to sit with him for a few minutes?’ offered the nurse, getting up off her bedside stool. ‘I’m sure Sean would love to know that you are here.’

  Alice sat beside her son. She felt like crying and breaking down, but instead told him about her visit to the cinema with Joy and the film they had seen, and going for coffee after. She held his hand, stroking his palm and fingers and wrist, wanting to feel the pressure of his fingers, a movement, anything. Instead her son seemed to be in a deep, deep sleep, in a place where she could not reach him. Sometimes when Sean was a little baby, she would stand at the side of his cot and watch him slumber, his two arms above his head, his face so peaceful as he slept so deeply, lost to the world and the rest of the household around him.

  ‘Leave him be!’ Liam used to tease her. ‘You’ll wake him.’

  It was only when he stirred or drew a breath or moved that she could relax and go back to her own bed, knowing that her baby son was OK.

  Now she watched, too, for a sign, a movement to show that he was going to be fine.

  A few minutes later she went back outside. Lisa handed her a cup of coffee, and Alice filled them in on what the doctor had said.

  ‘We just have to wait,’ said Conor. ‘Sean’s a tough kid … he’ll get through this.’

  ‘Have you phoned your dad?’ she asked.

  ‘He’s in London on business, but will get a flight home first thing in the morning and come straight here. He’d missed the last Aer Lingus one from Heathrow and the Ryanair from Stansted.’

  ‘Poor Liam, I’m sure he’s in a right state.’ She could imagine how she would
feel if the situation had been reversed.

  ‘What about Dara? What’s the news on him? Were they brought in here together?’

  ‘Dara’s been transferred to St Vincent’s Hospital,’ said Conor, his eyes welling with tears. ‘He’s got a ruptured spleen and they think he might need a liver transplant.’

  Alice closed her eyes, thinking of the two best friends, always together, praying that the two of them would survive.

  Joy refused to go home, and insisted on keeping vigil with them.

  ‘Alice, do you honestly think I’m going to get a wink of sleep all night if I do go home?’ she said. ‘I’d far prefer to be here with you, instead of worrying about you.’

  Alice had to admit she would feel the exact same way if Beth had been in an accident.

  There was a small waiting room for families, and they made themselves comfortable there. They took it in turns to check with the nursing staff how Sean was doing. Alice felt such relief when she saw Jenny and Dylan arrive.

  ‘Dylan was great, he just put me in the car and drove like the clappers to get us here,’ Jenny said.

  ‘The new Galway to Dublin Road is so much quicker,’ Dylan explained, as Jenny briefly introduced him to Conor, Lisa and Joy.

  ‘Can I see Sean?’ she pleaded.

  ‘Come on and we’ll ask the nurse,’ said Conor.

  Jenny was only allowed to stay a few minutes with her brother, and came out in tears.

  ‘He looks so bad. So banged up! What the hell were himself and Dara up to?’

  ‘They were in the new car Dara got for his twenty-first,’ explained Conor. ‘But look, they didn’t do anything wrong. Apparently a truck ahead of them just jackknifed in the rain and went out of control, and came right across their lane. The ambulance men said it was a miracle any of them are alive.’

  ‘Where is the truck driver?’ asked Joy.

  ‘The doctor said they were operating on him earlier, but he wouldn’t give us any more information.’

  Jenny sat curled up on the bench beside Dylan, while Lisa dozed against Conor. Joy sat loyally beside Alice as the staff came in and out and Alice was let in once or twice to check on Sean. The hospital was quiet except for the odd siren as an ambulance arrived into the busy casualty department.