A Reason To Be: Book 1 Read online

  “Call me when you get home.”

  “OK” and I hang up.

  All through Monday I was replaying every conversation I had with Cole. At the bar, at the meeting, at the club. ‘Tracey will drive me home’; his words are stuck in my head and each time they sting even more.

  Why does he affect me this much? Because you like him. My conscience answers me as-a-matter-of-factly. I don’t, I protest bitterly. I can’t even fool myself though. I do like him. But I shouldn’t. And all because of Marcus. He has stigmatized my relationships, my life, my whole existence.

  *****

  Fresh out of the shower, with a bowl of ready-made noodles in one hand and my mobile phone in the other, I sit in my corner on the couch cross-legged. Too late, I realize that the TV remote is not within my reach. Typical. As I place my bowl and my phone on the coffee table I hear the message tone buzzing. I turn on the TV and smile, sure that Sam is texting me asking why I haven’t called her back yet. I open the message and an unknown number announces:

  -Sorry I left without saying anything last night. I went to ask the guys if they wanted anything from the bar and by the time I got back, you were gone.

  Alex? How on earth did he get my number? Uh-oh. I have a feeling I know how. I text him back to make sure it’s him:

  -Alex?

  -Yeah, it’s me! Thanks for leaving a napkin with your number on it. I thought I lost my chance when I saw that you’d left.

  A napkin?? I’m so gonna kill him! This is definitely Cole’s doing. No doubt! Could he make me look any more desperate?

  “Fucking-fucker!” I curse under my breath.

  -Yeah, sorry about that. It’s not really my thing; I just didn’t want to lose my chance either. Plus, I was sure you wouldn’t take it the wrong way considering our first chat.

  Before Alex answers back, I dial Sam’s number.

  “Was about time!” she starts.

  “Hey, how are you?”

  “So, what’s the deal?” she cuts straight to the chase.

  “He’s getting himself killed one of these days! That’s the deal!”

  “Who? Cole? Why?”

  “He was being an ass all night! That’s why!” I shout through the phone, a little louder than I intended.

  “What did he do?” she asks with a smile.

  “You know how a wingman acts?”

  “Yeah…?”

  “Well, he did the exact opposite!”

  Sam laughs through the phone.

  “It’s not funny, Sam! He wrote my number on a napkin and gave it to Alex!”

  “Wait, I’m confused. Did he help you or not? Who’s Alex?”

  “He- Alex is that guy I was talking to…”

  “That tall, blue-eyed babe you picked up?”

  “Sam! I didn’t pick him up!”

  “Sure, sure,” she mocks. “So, what did he do?”

  “He kept butting in and when I took him aside to talk to him, Alex left, and he’s just texted me and said thanks for leaving a napkin with my number on it!” And breathe. “A freaking napkin, Sam!”

  “See? Cole didn’t ruin anything. He did help you.”

  “So, I should thank him?” I ask her in disbelief.

  “I’m just saying…”

  I exhale in frustration.

  “Look,” she continues, “since you so adamantly state that you want nothing to do with him, just let it go and focus on napkin-guy.”

  “Let it go? Do you even know me? I’m so getting back at him!”

  “OK,” she simply states but I can tell she’s grinning.

  “What?”

  “For someone who claims she doesn’t care, you’re surely making a big deal out of it.”

  As if on cue, I spill my noodles all over my lap. “Hot-hot-hot!”

  “What?”

  “Gotta go, my dinner just attacked me!”

  A movie and a casual chat with Alex later, I almost forget about Cole. The key word here being almost.

  Well, at least Alex and I have a date on Friday night. Cool.

  CHAPTER 14

  “Use your key!” I shout as I wrap my hair in a towel.

  Right on time, Sam enters my apartment and I meet her halfway. She dumps her keys on the shelf near the door and her purse on the couch. The huge pile of clothes she’s holding land on the armchair and she turns to me.

  “I hope you’re not thinking of showing up like that,” she says and gives me a look from head to toe. “I mean, you could totally pull off a half-naked style, but I’m not sure you would like to give him a heart-attack on your first date!”

  “Ha, ha,” I simply answer and start shuffling through the clothes she brought. “You brought your entire wardrobe? We’re just going out for drinks, not the prom!”

  “You should look stunning as hell given that you’re going to Cole’s bar. Right?” she tries to pull a reaction out of me – not happening.

  “What do I care? I just suggested going there ’cause it’s a nice, cozy place.” Mostly.

  “Right,” Sam drags her voice pointedly. “And it’s definitely not because you want him to see you there with your date,” emphasis on the ‘t’.

  She gives me a kiss on the cheek and walks to the fridge. “Speaking of, what time is your date?”

  I roll my eyes on the sound of the word. “We’re meeting at 8, but I was thinking if you wanted to go a bit earlier…,” I suggest.

  “Sure.”

  “Is this a dress or a blouse?” I ask her, holding up a piece of clothing too long to be a blouse, too short to be a dress.

  “It’s a dress, Lex. Just try it on.”

  “No-fucking-way!”

  I check my reflection in the mirror one last time before we head out. My skinny jeans do wonders for my legs, elongating them and hugging my curves perfectly. The plain, black tank top I chose fits in all the right places and my wedges help keep my style casual, and yet sexy. Applying a few coats of mascara, I deem myself ready to go. I hope Cole likes this. I mean Alex! I hope Alex likes this! Grrrr!

  *****

  The bar is half-full. Not exactly what I expected, but then again, it’s Friday night. Eric waves at us to take a seat at the bar and Cole turns around on his stool to look at us. Stare at us, in fact… Still staring.

  After the cold wave that creeps down my back evaporates, I can feel my pulse getting quicker and quicker with every step I take in his direction. How does he always do that? Every-single-time! How is it possible for a man to look so hot in just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt? He might as well be wearing a $5000-suit, or just jeans, or no clothes at all! I try not to gape at him and I swallow all the saliva that has formed in my mouth, so that I don’t drool all over my chin.

  He gives me a sideways smile and in order for me to cover up the fact that I’m checking him out, I narrow my eyes at him, warning him with my inner voice ‘I’m onto you’.

  “Hey, Tipsy.”

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I demand.

  “Hey, Sam.”

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I repeat.

  “I’m…greeting you?”

  “You wrote my number on a napkin?” I explode. “A fucking napkin?” I attack him, even though it’s not certain that he’s the one behind this. Not certain my ass!

  “Errr… I didn’t have a piece of paper?” he says cautiously.

  “You’re such an ass! What the fuck? Why would you do that?”

  “Err... I left my post-it block in my other jeans?”

  “Oh, come on! Cut the crap! You made me look like some desperate chick in search of-”

  “Whoa! Calm down, Tipsy,” he starts, and I feel my nails digging into my fists.

  “Why did you do it?” I ask again through clenched teeth.

  “I just wanted you to get it over with him, so you can focus solemnly on me,” he jokes and winks.

  “Oh really? Who died and made you my personal wingman?” I retort choosing not to read too much into his
remark.

  “Hey, Lex, you OK?” Eric asks passing me a drink.

  “Yeah, I’ll be even better when your boyfriend stops making decisions for me!”

  “Ohhh, not you too Lex!” I hear Sam whining at my use of the word ‘boyfriend’.

  On cue, Eric shifts his position and pretends to be taking off earrings and rolling up his sleeves.

  “Oh nah you didn’t! Uh-huh! You did nah just talk like dat about ma’ man,” he gives me a heavy ghetto accent and a few finger snaps.

  I burst into laughter and for a moment I forget the reason I was so mad. Before turning to one of the other customers he adds, “You know he has the ‘I-own-everything-and-everyone’ syndrome! Unfortunately, it’s incurable.”

  “OK, the truth is,” Cole starts, “I saw you were upset, he came back looking for you after you were gone, and I just gave him your number. Just like you said you would! I did you both a favor. You should actually be thanking me!” he tries to take the blame off himself.

  “Yeah, whatever! Just don’t try anything funny when he gets here,” I warn him and take my drink to join Sam on the other side of him.

  “What?” he stops me looking…surprised?

  “Why are you so surprised? Wasn’t that the plan? You gave him my number, we talked and now we have a date!” I explain acting all nonchalantly. “Good job!” I add, and I raise my hand for a high-five, smiling with fake excitement.

  He slowly stands up and brings his hand to meet mine. “Yeah, mission accomplished,” he says and walks towards his office with a blank, emotionless expression on his face.

  What on earth just happened? I was the victim in all of this and he’s the one walking away sulking? I don’t get it.

  Eric meets my eye and gives me a kind smile and a shrug. He heads towards Cole’s office with a rather unreadable expression. Am I missing something here?

  “I’m going to the ladies’ room,” I inform Sam.

  “Did you fight with Cole again?” she asks but she’s not doing a very good job of hiding her amusement. I grunt in response.

  “What about?”

  “Hello?” I emphasize my disbelief. “Were you not here?”

  She simply smiles at me.

  “I’m going to the ladies’ room,” I repeat and leave her.

  Am I the one overreacting here? I doubt myself on my way to the restrooms.

  “…Sam’s best friend and you’re my best friend,” I hear Eric’s muffled voice stating through the closed door in Cole’s office.

  I try to get into the ladies’ room on the other side of the corridor, but my feet seem to be refusing me. I’m not the kind of person who eavesdrops and meddles in other people’s business, but it’s not like I can help it. I have super-sensitive hearing, it’s a vamp thing. And come on, this could be about me. Nailed to the floor and pressed up against the wall, I unconsciously hold my breath to see where this is going.

  “And your point is?” I hear Cole’s voice.

  “My point is, if you’re not serious about Lex don’t-”

  “Serious?” Cole cuts him and chuckled.

  “Dude, just don’t complicate things,” Eric warns with a hint of strictness in his voice I’ve never heard before.

  “Don’t worry about it, man.” Cole sounds cool and casual.

  “The four of us are going to be spending a lot of time together and I don’t want things to get awkward. And I still don’t get why you had her pose as your girlfriend. You know that was a dick move.”

  “Dude,” Cole starts “I won’t make a move on her if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “Don’t screw this up for me, man. Besides, you’re working with her now and that’s extra reason for you not to fuck it up.”

  “I won’t. Listen-”

  “No! You listen!” Eric hisses at him. “I’m dead serious about Sam-”

  “How serious? Serious enough to… tell her?”

  “Well, yeah! At some point, yeah, I’ll definitely tell her. And if you don’t see Lex that way…”

  “Dude, Lex and I… We’re just messing around-”

  “No, I’ve seen the way you two behave around each other! I know you think she’s just another chick you can use your charm on and then disappear, but no. Lexy is different. And she’s not going anywhere. She’s part of the gang now, so please don’t chase her away.”

  “I won’t!” Cole tries again, and I can tell he’s growing uncomfortable and frustrated by this conversation. “I won’t pursue her, don’t worry. I don’t even see her that way.” His words come to me in small chunks of shock. “I would never date her.” Ouch. “She’s not datable, she’s just fuckable.”

  A rush of cold blood darts though my veins at the sound of these last words. The whole world stopped, and everything went into mute. I could have been there frozen for half a second or half a year, my body numb all over, tension and a turmoil of emotions whirling inside me trying to find a way to burst out. Fuckable. I blink feverishly, fighting the urge to cry – or to burst into the office and punch him. Eric’s voice breaks my reverie, bringing me back to reality.

  “You’re a dick.”

  “I know,” Cole replies and I hear the smile in his voice. A smile I now find most resentful even at the mere thought of it.

  “Just keep your dick away from her.”

  “Well, it has a mind of its own, you know,” I hear him argue as sounds of some sort of physical attack make him grunt.

  *****

  I bang on the door to the ladies’ bathroom and go straight to the sink. I put my hands on each side and stare at…nothing. I might as well have my eyes shut. Staring into emptiness, feeling this emptiness, I simply try to remember how to breathe. Fuckable. Out of all the things he could’ve called me, he chose this? Fuckable?

  I really need to pull myself together. But how can one pull herself together after this? After hearing the man that makes her heart flutter saying that she’s…she’s… No! I take a deep breath and I feel a burning behind my eyes. I shut them closed and try again. Deep breath. You will not cry, Lex. You never cry! You’re not starting now!

  Deep breath. I focus on my reflection in the mirror. My hot-flushed cheeks slowly turn back to normal. Mascara: check. Eyeliner: check. Clean teeth: check. Let’s get me some Alex.

  *****

  Returning to Sam, I try not to make eye contact and act like nothing has happened. This girl seems to be able to see right through me every time. I put on my best act.

  “So, how do I look?”

  “You’re gorgeous.”

  “Sexy!” Cole comments on my side. I turn on my heels and my fist lands on his face, repeatedly. In my mind that is.

  Instinctively I glance at Eric and notice him giving Cole a piercing look, and Cole shrugs and says:

  “What? You meant starting right now?”

  Before I relate this comment to their previous conversation, I catch movement on my left with the corner of my eye.

  “Alex is here,” Sam says while at the same time Cole remarks:

  “Your boyfriend is here.”

  “Yes, he is,” I simply say without giving away which comment I’m replying to. I wave at Alex and he comes over while I start collecting my stuff from the bar.

  “Hey you!” I greet him with a smile.

  “Hello,” he says to everyone.

  “This is Sam. And this is Eric.”

  “Hi, nice to meet you guys. I’m Alex,” he says and shakes hands with Sam. Eric nods from behind the bar.

  “And you might remember Cole from the other night.” Please, say you don’t.

  “Of course. How are you, man?” he says and reaches for Cole’s hand in salutation.

  “Great!” Cole puts on the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. His expression remains the same but, as he shakes Alex’s hand, there’s something in his eyes, something…menacing? Perhaps I’m just imagining it; it’s not like I can read him anyway.

  “OK, you wanna go get a table?” I take A
lex’s arm and lead him to an empty spot near the window.

  “Have you been waiting long?” he starts.

  “No, don’t worry. Sam and I just got here a few minutes ago.” I give him a smile as we settle into our seats, but it quickly fades away seeing Cole approaching us. I stare at him through malevolent eyes.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” Cole acts out his role as a helpful waiter. “Vodka cranberry for you Lex and…?” he says to me and turns to Alex. That’s exactly what I wanted. Is he doing this on purpose? Trying to prove something? Simply out of spite I order another drink.

  “I’ll actually have a strawberry mojito,” I snap at him.

  He gives me a sideways smile, suggesting that he knows why I ordered something else. I break eye contact by looking at Alex.

  “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” Alex doesn’t even look at Cole. He locks my gaze and smiles. And just like that he pushes Cole out of the picture. I like this guy more and more by the minute.

  “I gotta-” “I’m sorry-” we start at the same time.

  “You go first-” “You go first-” again we start together, and we chuckle.

  “I gotta admit, you look normal in even prettier light,” he says and just like that he makes me laugh and I immediately feel more comfortable.

  “I look normal?” I try to sound offended but can’t hide my amusement.

  He realizes his reversed phrase and he laughs.

  “Yeah, in a prettier light,” he adds simply.

  “Phew!” I say teasingly. “I’ll try to go out in prettier light from now on.”

  He smiles and shakes his head.

  “It’s official: you definitely have that effect on me.”

  “What effect?”

  “The college-boy-trying-to-impress effect. And it’s apparently not good for my mojo.”

  “Your mojo? Who uses that word?” I joke.

  “That’s a perfectly good example of what I’m trying to say!”