July 19 Read online

  I slowly turned around inside his embrace. I looked into his eyes with a playful expression, slowly lowering my eyes to his lips. He’s beautiful, I thought. I felt the heat between us. Slowly, and gently, I kissed him on the lips. He liked it. I smiled, which told him that I liked it too. With the noise of the TV in the background, I was distracted by the reality that my friends were just a few feet away. I tilted my head toward the family room and said, “We should go back.” He gave me the saddest puppy dog face, made a big sigh, and followed me back. Dani looked up at me and smiled knowingly. Oh Dani, I thought, you are something.

  Jake and Matt stayed a little longer and just as soon as the door closed behind them, Dani and Caroline were all over me. “How was the kiss?”

  Oh god, I thought, why did it have to be so public?! “It was nice,” I said. The truth was, it was a little better than nice. It felt romantic even though we were right there with everyone’s eyes fixated on us. “Alright, it was really nice, but I still don’t know how I feel about him. We’ll see how it goes.”

  Dani rolled her eyes at me. She knew me well, but she was really struggling with my attitude about Jake.

  “Well I think you’re nuts if you’re not into him. He’s so hot,” Caroline said.

  My friends were going to stay over so we headed upstairs to my bedroom. I was so happy that I finally upgraded my childhood bedroom furniture and moved on to a “grown-up” room. When I was four, my mom had painstakingly searched for beautiful old wood furniture, which she refinished in the garage to give it a painted shabby chic look in pastel colors. We finally concluded that for my 16th birthday this past summer, it was time for a bedroom update. After a lot of convincing, my mom talked me into a very clean, modern look in shades of white, grey and turquoise. I now had a queen size bed with a trundle, so lots of room for sleepovers. The part I liked best about my room was the artwork on the walls, both mine and my mom’s.

  My parents popped in when they got home, and I could see that my mom was so relieved that everything had gone well having had the boys over. As I drifted off to sleep, I realized I was smiling, knowing Jake could be my boyfriend if I wanted him. But why, I wondered, was I not dreaming about him? Why was I dreaming about a boy I didn’t even know?

  Dani and Caroline left after breakfast, so I finally had a chance to text my sister. Sarah, my older sister and only sibling, was away for her freshman year at Babson College, a few towns over. We moved her into her dorm a week and half ago and it was a rough goodbye even though it was about a ten-minute drive away! I knew she was going to be super busy and not have the usual time for me. We had always been very close and really understood each other. She was a rock, and totally amazed me with her confidence. I already missed just flopping down on her bed and talking about nothing and everything.

  When I texted Sarah about Jake, I kind of knew what was coming. Not surprisingly, her advice was to just go with it and have a good time. She said I didn’t need to be looking for some overly intense relationship right now, just some experience. In my head I knew she was 100% right. Everyone was pretty much saying the same thing, and it sure seemed like I needed to get over this idea of having something super meaningful. Alright, I thought, I’ll go with it.

  And just then, my phone chimed with a text from Jake. He asked if I was up for ice cream. “Sure, when?” I replied.

  “Pick you up in 20?”

  That was that. I ran a brush through my hair, put on a slightly nicer top with my ripped jeans, and I was good to go.

  As I got into the car Jake said, “You look great.”

  I returned the compliment. “You do too.” He actually looked amazing in such a cool, casual way. He drove with his left hand and grabbed my hand with his other one.

  “Let’s get a big disgusting sundae to share, okay?” he said as we pulled up at Dairy Queen. “Sure!” I said, “anything with chocolate and whipped cream and I’m happy!”

  While we raced to eat the sundae before it melted, we talked about the perfect ice cream creation, mutually deciding that fruit was an unnecessary part of any ice cream experience, agreeing that the banana split is just the improper use of a banana. Meaningful conversation, no. Fun and light, yes. When we arrived at my house, he leaned over in the car and gave me a kiss and thanked me for coming out. I thanked him and said, “well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow in chem.” One more peck on his cheek, and I made my exit from the car.

  My mom was pretty quick to greet me when I came in. I didn’t really want to have the conversation she was about to start with me. She’d met Jake before the summer but knew that we weren’t in touch over the summer.

  “So, are you guys picking up where you left off before the summer?” she asked.

  “I guess so,” I replied. I told her I was just taking things slowly with him. Thankfully I had some homework to do for the next day’s classes, so I was able to cut the talk short. I just didn’t feel like getting into the whole “relationship” discussion with her.

  While I did my work, I listened to music. The lyrics I’d googled from my dream were from a song called “Name” by Goo Goo Dolls. It seemed so strange to me that a song could make it into my dream with such clarity — lyrics and all. But then again, nothing about my dreams really made sense to me.

  Chapter 3

  It was going to be a busy semester with a full course load. I’d signed up for the yearbook committee too. I wanted to try my hand at photography for the yearbook and they had an opening. I’d gotten a really nice digital SLR camera last Christmas and had already created a pretty good portfolio of shots. My friends were obsessed with Instagram, but I really wanted to produce some high-quality work. I’d taken some shots of my friends, my parents and Sarah and everyone was generally really impressed with the images.

  At the first meeting I realized that every honor student at my school came to the same brilliant conclusion that I did — the yearbook committee looked great on a college application. Waking up early to be at the 8 a.m. meetings was a small price to pay for a good “extra-curricular” line item. Besides, yearbook was creative, and kind of my thing.

  By the second meeting it was clear that this committee was composed of a bunch of over-achievers. The 2015/2016 yearbook was not just going to be a high school yearbook, it was going to be a Pulitzer Prize winner. Everyone was taking this very seriously. My theory was that Mrs. Anderson, the advisor to the committee, was going to be asked to write some college recommendations for these academic strategists. After all, as Dean of Students, her recommendation would carry a lot of weight. Making a good impression on her was top priority, so everyone was going all out.

  Last week’s first yearbook committee meeting was more of a “Hi, how are you” meeting. This meeting, on the other hand, was all business. After divvying up the responsibilities, I was happy (and intimidated) to be entrusted by this committee of perfectionists with all candid photography. It would be my job to shoot random images of students in the halls, in class, and at sporting events over the course of the next few months. This assignment was right up my alley as I’m an observer by nature. Now, with the lens between me and the school, I could capture all that I see in the super-subculture that is the high school experience.

  When Andrew, Chairman of the yearbook committee, came up to me after this week’s meeting, I was surprised. “Hey Aria,” he said, “that’s a really nice camera.”

  “Thanks, I got it for Christmas last year, so I’m excited to finally figure out how to use it,” I joked.

  Andrew looked nervous, wondering if I would be in over my head.

  “Kidding Andrew. Don’t worry, it’s all good.”

  “Oh good!” he said very seriously, “the candids are like the most important part.”

  “I know,” I assured him, “I’m on it! I’m going out to the rugby game later to start shooting, if you want to come along…”

  “Maybe I will,” he considered, “I have a bunch of stuff to get done. The game is at four o’clock
, right?”

  “I think so,” I replied, and just at that moment the clicking of the PA system sounded like nails on a chalkboard. We both cringed at the loud, irritating sound and waited, listening.

  “Oh hey,” a barely audible, yet soothing voice came over the school speakers. “Just a reminder to come out today at 4 o’clock to the rugby field to cheer on the Bulldogs when they face the Roxbury Raiders in the first game of the season.” With a click, the announcement was over.

  “How weird was that?” I said referring to the timing of the announcement.

  “Very weird, it’s like Owen heard me asking you about the time of the game,” Andrew said.

  “Who’s Owen?” I wondered.

  “He’s new. He’s the guy doing the morning program,” gesturing with his head towards the school PA system.

  “Oh, the guy with the great music taste!” I said, making a connection that made me like Owen before I even met him.

  “Yeah, he’s a great guy. Sad story though.” Andrew lowered his eyes and shook his head as he said that.

  “Why? what?” Not sure if I wanted to know.

  “His parents died this past summer in a car accident. They lived in San Francisco, but he didn’t have any family there, so when they died, Owen had to come live here with his aunt and uncle, who he barely knows,” he explained.

  “I had no idea. That’s so sad! How do you know all that? Did he tell you?”

  “No, my mom does yoga or something with his aunt, so she told my mom. But I’ve gotten to know Owen because I have a couple of classes with him.”

  I was shocked, unable to imagine all of that — losing my parents suddenly, and then saying goodbye to all my friends, and starting a new life on the other side of the country, in a place I don’t know. I was filled with sadness for someone I had never even met. “Yikes,” I said, “I feel so awful for him. Then he has to come here and try to fit in junior year to THIS high school! That’s not easy!” I said, referring to how cliquey our school was.

  “Ya, but he’s pretty easy-going,” Andrew said, “You’d actually never know anything like that was going on with him. He’s just normal and chill.”

  “That’s cool,” I said, while thinking I would be anything but normal and chill if that happened to me.

  Dani and I met up at lunch in our usual place, on the lower level of the school, under the stairs that lead up to the main floor. We called it “the fort.” There was nothing down on the lower level except the gym and the boys’ and girls’ locker rooms. It was our little nook where we met pretty much every day since Freshman year. Our lunch group had grown from just the two of us, to a group of about seven. I suppose some would see us as a lunch clique, but we saw ourselves more as the anti-clique. Anyone could join us if they wanted to, but realistically, there were other groups who would be way cooler to sit with at lunch. For us, the fort was cozy and away from the fray. With the vending machines at the other end of the hall, we had everything we needed right there.

  “Did you guys hear about the party tonight?” Caroline asked.

  We all shook our heads.

  “Oh, it’s all over Facebook. Everyone’s going. It’s at a house in Newton.”

  “Whose house?” Dani asked.

  “I don’t know. But a bunch of people at our school know the guy. It seems open if you guys want to go,” Caroline put it out there, knowing that we weren't exactly a bunch of partiers. I was immediately disinterested, and then one by one, Dani, Nicole, Emma, Cali and Lexie all said they wouldn’t go. Caroline looked bummed. She still struggled with wanting to be popular. “Jake is for sure going,” she said trying to convince me to go.

  “Really?” I said, uncomfortable with that thought.

  “Ya, for sure. I think he actually knows the guy having the party,” she was getting excited that I’d then have a reason to go.

  I felt myself shifting around, processing what she said. “Still,” I said, “that’s not really my thing.” Dani looked at me. I could tell she was wondering if that was the right answer. “You think I should go?” I asked Dani specifically.

  “I just think that if you don’t go, he will wonder why not. It’s not like you have to get drunk or anything. You can go and hang out with him,” Dani said.

  I was pretty shocked that she said that. Dani wasn’t one to do anything because anybody else was doing it. She was pretty confident to go her own way. But then again, she thought the way I should go is down a path with Jake. And, going to the party would take me down that path. I wasn’t so sure. About any of it. “Besides, he didn’t even ask me about it,” I said, making the point that maybe he didn’t want me there.

  “It’s a party. He’s not going to invite you, you just need to show up like everybody else. That’s how it works,” Caroline said a little too aggressively.

  “We’ll see,” I said, just wanting that conversation to be over.

  Later that day, after classes were over, I met Dani at her locker and walked down to the field at the back of the school. On our way I told her about the yearbook meeting and my assignment to take candids. She thought that was pretty cool and gave me some great (and not-so-great) suggestions for what to shoot. One of her ideas — classic Dani — involved getting myself inside the boys’ locker room after the rugby game to shoot the boys bare-chested, towels wrapped around their waists, and on their way into the showers. Right.

  We got to the field early, which gave me a chance to walk around and figure out the best place to set up. I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself by walking around too much during the game, so I scouted the best place to be able to shoot both the players on the field, and the spectators in the stands. I brought all my lenses with me to be able to get it all. I chose a spot mid-field, on the “Visitors’” bleachers, about ten feet above field level, with the sun behind me. The “Home” bleachers were on the opposite side of the field, and with a zoom lens, I would be able to capture our fans cheering, and the action of the game in front of me.

  Students for both schools started filling the stands. It was a beautiful Fall day — the sun was shining and there was a crispness in the air that made wearing our Brookline Bulldogs hoodies the perfect outerwear. The school was smart to sell the sweatshirts the week before for $10, which guaranteed that everyone could and would buy one. It seemed like a good investment for the school to buy team spirit. It worked, we look spirited and uniform, and my photos would bring that to life.

  The game was exciting to watch, and our school was happy to beat the Raiders 48 to 10. After the game, the stands cleared out. For a few minutes I sat and reviewed the shots on my camera before packing up. I got some great shots of Jake, but I was careful to get a good balance of all the players, at risk of showing favoritism. The lighting from the sun, low in the sky, created a calming mood that contrasted the aggression of the game. I won’t go as far as to say that the photos were Sports Illustrated worthy, but certainly good enough for the critics who would be evaluating them. Phew.

  As I was packing up the lenses, I watched Jake walk across the field toward me. That same wonderful lighting caught his eyes, and his smile, which melted me a little inside.

  “Hey,” he said, smiling as he lunged up one of the steps of the bleachers.

  “Hey back,” I replied, putting the last of my equipment away.

  “You looked so pro taking your pictures during the game.”

  “You looked so pro out there passing,” I shot back.

  “Thanks,” he said smiling some more.

  “You heading home now?” I asked.

  “Yeah, can I help you carry this stuff?” he asked as he picked up my tripod.

  “Sure thanks. You guys really did great today. Congrats!”

  “Thanks, the Raiders are a bunch of bullies, so it was fun to crush them,” he said with a somewhat menacing expression.

  “Well you crushed them — so, good work,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

  On the walk home Jake told me
about the party in Newton. The guy having the party was a friend of his from hockey. The parents were in Europe and this guy and his brothers were big partiers, so it was supposed to be pretty wild. They got a couple of kegs and were expecting close to a hundred people to show up.

  “I’m going around 10 — do you want to come?” he offered.

  “I don’t think so, thanks,” I said nervously.

  “Not into that, right?” He offered.

  I replied, “No, not really.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t think so, but I just thought I’d ask…” He looked disappointed, but not surprised.

  Happily, Jake didn’t push it any further. Instead, the conversation turned back to the rugby game as we walked about five more minutes together before going our separate ways. He passed me the tripod and kissed me on the lips, but I could tell he had getting home quickly on his mind. So, with a camera bag, a lens bag, and a tripod all draped off me, I walked home wondering if I had made the wrong decision.

  That night, my posse of friends talked in a group chat about the whole party situation. Caroline didn’t end up going because none of us agreed to go with her, and the thought of walking in alone scared her to death. My friends knew me well enough to know why I didn't want to go, but all of us were wondering the same thing: what do Jake and I really have in common? We’re actually polar opposites. Jake has dated so many of the popular cheerleaders and I really couldn't figure out why he liked me. I had to figure that I was either a challenge to him, or a science experiment. Either way, I’m not sure I was game to play it out.