Love Redeemed Read online

  Janie’s poor body was filled with foreign weaves of tubes and respirators that were keeping her breathing. A steady but weak pulse monitor thrummed through the room. Her face was distorted with bruising and swelling, the same swelling that was affecting her spinal column.

  Left with no other alternatives, Matthew prostrated himself in the hospital floor. He fell his face in his hands and wept for his friend, his sister, and what he might still lose, his lover. Silently, he called out to the Lord, entreating him for her life. Patiently, he tried to wait for the Lord.

  He wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but when he woke daylight was pouring into a nearby window. He had been covered with a blanket and his head rested on a hospital pillow. He sat up slowly, testing his muscles, suddenly aware that he might be getting too old to sleep on hard tile floors.

  “We didn’t want to wake you,” a gentle quiet voice entreated from above him. Matthew looked up to see a young nurse administering drugs through Janie’s IV.

  “Thanks, I think,” he groaned as he lumbered into a standing position. He swiped the pillow and blanket off of the floor and deposited them in the chair. “How is she?”

  “Stable. Finally,” the brunette answered, turning to him. “We’ve been praying for her…and you and her brother. I think she may actually pull through this.”

  “Thank you.”

  She nodded. “I’m Shelley. If you need anything…”

  “Thanks again,” Matthew replied, gratefully sinking into the chair. He didn’t think he could cry anymore tears, but more fell as he silently praised his Creator.

  By mid-morning, the doctor’s were agreeing with Shelley. They were all feeling more optimistic. Matthew was elated to learn that if she remained stable through the next few days, they would consider waking her up from the drug induced coma.

  Jake returned later in the morning, bringing coffee and breakfast. Matthew shared the good news with him as he stuffed the food into his mouth.

  “Thanks for staying here, Matty. I know you’re giving up a lot to be here with her.”

  Matthew shrugged. He had lost his job yesterday, but it didn’t bother him too much. He wasn’t leaving Janie’s side and his boss couldn’t understand that. Matthew hadn’t even tried to explain. He didn’t really need his job. His bike was done. His tuition was paid for at the present time. He lived with Janie and Jake so he had no rent to pay. He could replace his job later. He couldn’t replace Janie.

  “You guys were there for me when I needed help. It‘s an honor to be able to do this.”

  Jake was silent for a few minutes, thoughtfully chewing. He sipped his coffee and then fixed his eyes on Matthew. “I know that you are in love with Janie, Matthew. At least, I know that now.”

  Matthew started, nearly spilling his own coffee.

  “Are you ever going to tell her?”

  Matthew gaped at him, trying to compose himself. He had tried so hard for years to mask his feelings. He had never exposed them. He had never wanted to hurt her…especially when he was addicted to drugs. It was one of the reasons he didn’t trust himself - could never trust himself with her. She deserved someone better - someone without his past.

  “Have you heard about the other driver?”

  Jake’s jaw tightened. Matthew saw a tinge of anger in his friend’s eyes, but he had a point to make. Something that Jake needed to understand.

  “He’s in critical condition. His blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit.”

  “Are you angry with him?”

  Jake’s fists flexed. His jaw grew harder. “What kind of question is that?”

  “Answer it.”

  “You answer mine first.”

  “I am,” Matthew simply put. “Are you angry with him?”

  “Yes,” Jake angrily shouted. Color flashed through his cheeks as he pounded the arms of the chair. “I’m angry with him. I want him to suffer and die for what he’s done to Janie.”

  Matthew waited a few moments for Jake to calm down. “You should forgive him.”

  “What!”

  Matthew sighed. “You should forgive him. Janie would…she probably already has.”

  “You don’t know that!” Jake sputtered.

  “I was him, remember, Jake.”

  Jake’s countenance faltered as though the wind was leaving his sails. He exhaled slowly rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s different…”

  “No, it’s not. I hurt you. I hurt her. I hurt myself,” Matthew stopped, wincing at the painful memories of his drug induced past. It was like a horrible nightmare that he was unable to shake off. It lurked behind him wherever he left. All the pain…All the scars… He couldn’t ask her to help bear his shame. “There can never be anything more between us.”

  “You were never like him,” Jake seethed.

  “I was every bit like him,” Matthew hauntingly whispered. “And much worse.”

  Chapter Five

  The experimental surgery worked and Janie continued to steadily improve. A fact that many of the doctor’s still marveled at. More surgeries followed. Metal plates and pins were soon placed in Janie’s pelvis and femur to help stabilize the fractures. The swelling in her spinal cord began to decrease and slowly Janie’s reflexes began to return. Finally, Janie’s respirator was removed and she could breath on her own. The outlook was looking brighter each day, but Janie still remained in a coma.

  Jake returned to work part time, but Matthew stayed with Janie. He showered at the hospital, slept in a small reclining bed, and ate whatever take-out food Jake brought him.

  He was near the end of the old testament when the doctors decided to stop the medications inducing Janie’s coma. After conferencing with the medical staff, Matthew and Jake weren’t sure what to expect. The doctors warned that she could suddenly wake or she could wake weeks later. She would most likely be irritated, confused, and dazed. She may or may not recognize them. She may even become violent. No matter what or how she woke, Matthew and Jake were advised to be patient, calm and give her enough information to make her comfortable, but not to overwhelm her.

  Janie’s transition to wakefulness came is slow stages testing Matthew’s resolve to wait patiently on the Lord. He spent several days on his knees beside her bedside praying for the next step…for progress towards total restoration.

  Matthew was alone with her when she opened her eyes. He paused in his readings of the gospels to find her gaze intently focused on his face. He had been waiting so diligently to see those beautiful brown orbs open that he was upset he had missed it. She squinted slightly as if she were not sure he was really there.

  “Hi there, Janie-bug,” he tenderly whispered, allowing the bible to close on its own. She managed a small smile and tentatively reached her hand for his. Matthew laced his fingers through hers and released a long breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Relief poured through every ounce of his being. She was awake. She recognized him. She was coherent. So many things to be thankful for all at once.

  “Where am I?” she croaked, her voice cracked with disuse.

  “In the hospital,” Matthew quickly returned. “There was an accident.”

  “I hurt.”

  He squeezed her hand, gently. “They have you on pain medication,” he nodded to the IV above her bed.

  “Was it bad?”

  Matthew swallowed hard against the lump in his throat and nodded again.

  “I’m tired,” Janie sighed. “Very tired.”

  Fear momentarily clutched at his heart, but he remembered the doctors‘ words from earlier. No one was really sure what to expect. The goal was to remain calm. “Get some rest, Sweetheart. I’ll let Jake know when you wake up again.”

  “Matthew,” she sleepily yawned.

  “Hmm?”

  “I love you, too.”

  The warm water felt good on his aching muscles. Matthew closed his eyes and leaned again the shower stall. It was the first time in six weeks that he had been home. The house had
been a wreck, but then Jake had been splitting his time between the hospital and work. Not to metion, they were both used to Janie taking care of them.

  He had spent some time cleaning up and catching up laundry. He had cut most of the grass around the house and watered Janie’s withering garden. The bikes’ still needed washing and oil changes, but they would have to wait. He had to get back to the hospital to relieve Jake.

  Silently, he groaned. What was he going to do about Janie? She was the reason he was here now and not at the hospital. Janie knew and he needed time to process that.

  He wasn’t sure how she knew, but she knew. He could see it in her eyes, the way she watched him. And Matthew couldn’t stay away from her. She pulled at him like a magnet.

  He had spent the better part of his adolescents and young adulthood building barriers to block his attraction to Janie. He had numerous reasons. First, she was almost like a sister to him. They had grown up together. At seven, he, Janie, and Jake had spliced open their palms, mixed the small tinges of blood together, and vowed to always be a family even if the state’s foster care system decided differently.

  Second, she was Jake’s little sister. Enough said.

  Third, she was too good for him. Janie had grown up in a stable home, not a foster home. She had been a good girl. She was a straight A student, an fantastic artist, and a Christian throughout her young life. She had never given her parents any trouble. When they passed away four years ago, she had foregone college and stayed to help her brother run the family shop.

  Matthew had always been a walking disaster. He had been bounced from foster home to foster home. He had grown up in the system. If it hadn’t been for Janie and Jake, he would have never known what the definition of a true family was. He had delved into drugs in middle-school, hit hard core drugs in college, and screwed up his life for the next five years. He wound up in rehab with no job, no money, and no hope.

  He and Janie were complete opposites. The good girl and the bad boy, but he would not let this be a story book finish. Janie deserved to meet a man, not a boy who had screwed up his life and hoped to one day make something of himself. Janie deserved a husband and a home. She deserved someone who would provide for her and be a good father to their children.

  What did he know about any of that? He had been abandoned as a child. He had never been provided for. He had never been loved, doted on, or admired. He had always been pushed around, looked down upon, and thrown out with the garbage.

  Except for Janie. Janie had never done any of those things.

  He loved her. Even when he pushed her away, he loved her. He teased her relentlessly but watched her incessantly. But she couldn’t know that. He didn’t want her to know that. But somehow she knew now.

  He didn’t want her to know how his heart pounded when she entered the room. He didn’t want her to know about the excitement she sent through his skin when she touched him. He didn’t want her to see how he softened when she entered the room…how he always looked for her, needed her, wanted her.

  It would be too dangerous for her to know all these things. He had forgotten most of them himself when he was a druggie. He had wanted to forget them. He had wanted to forget that he would never be good enough for someone like her.

  Now he had no escape. She knew. He didn’t think someone in a coma could remember conversations. He didn’t want to believe that they could, but a small inkling brushed against his mind.

  He saw something different in her now. Something softer and more peaceful. She tracked him. Found different way to touch him. It was driving him insane.

  And of course, hearing her say those words…God, how good it had felt.

  It had nearly driven him over the edge.

  He had only one solution to this growing problem. He couldn’t stay. He couldn’t jeopardize Janie’s future. He had to leave. He had to get away from here. He needed to see if he could make it on his own…without Janie. When Janie was better, he was leaving.

  Chapter Six

  A nurse was braiding Janie’s hair when Matthew arrived back at the hospital. She looked more like herself with that long braid, but he was going to miss seeing her long blond hair spilling over her shoulders.

  Janie grinned at him. “Was the house a wreck?”

  “Worse,” he teased. “Where’s Jake?”

  “I sent him back to work,” she answered as the nurse slipped out, stating she would check back later. “I wanted some time alone…try to process the fact that I’ve been asleep for almost two months.”

  “I’m just glad you’re still alive.”

  “The doctor was in earlier. According to him, I’m some sort of miracle. The swelling in my spinal column didn’t leave any permanent damage. My reflexes are all normal and the incisions have all healed nicely. He says I should be able to start physical therapy soon,” she shuttered involuntarily. “He mentioned something about traction…”

  “It’s because you’ve been lying down for so long. You’ll have to relearn sitting up and some other basic functions. Later, we can work on learning to walk again, once that femur bone has a chance to heal.”

  “And let me guess,” she lightly teased. “You were doing exercises while I was sleeping…”

  “To keep your muscles from atrophying,” he laughed. “I learned a lot of new exercises while you were asleep.”

  “I guess I should be grateful. When I told the doctor that you were entering your second year in a doctorate’s program for physical therapy, he was positively delighted. He said he may even release me early because of you.”

  “I guess it was fortunate for you that you helped me get off drugs and into school. And then there were all those hours you spent helping me get through undergrad….”

  She smirked. “I feel like I’ve already been through college once. Too bad I didn’t get any credit for it.”

  “It just means that you’ll breeze through your core classes.”

  “If I even get to go,” she dejectedly muttered.

  “Hey! What’s this? No bad attitudes. We talked about this already. Jake’s talked to your school and got your enrollment deferred. If all goes well, you should go next fall…maybe even next summer.”

  Janie sighed. “Yeah, I know. Sorry. It just feels like school’s been put off so many different times. It feels like I’ll never get to go.” She slowly exhaled. “What about you? Shouldn’t the semester have already started?”

  “Emergency hardship deferral. I’ll start again in the spring.”

  “That will put you behind.”

  Jake shrugged. “You’re more important, Janie.” He reached for her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “We almost lost you…several times. I couldn’t leave you.”

  Janie bit her lip. “Tell me about what happened. How did you guys find out?”

  “Your brother got a call at the shop…”

  Janie’s eyes closed. “Just like Mom and Dad.”

  “I was there with your brother when he got the call. We rushed here, but you were already in emergency surgery. They almost lost you twice on the table. You went into cardiac arrest three different times in ICU. The doctor’s told Jake that he would have to make a decision about life support if you went again…He almost fell apart.”

  Janie shook her head. “No more. I changed my mind. I don’t want to know. Poor Jake. No wonder he’s hovering.”

  “I’m surprised you got him to go to work today.”

  “I threatened him.”

  Jake’s eyebrow lifted. “With what?”

  “He likes the nurse, Shelley.”

  “And you threatened to tell her.”

  Janie eagerly nodded her head and laughed.

  “It’s good to have you back, Janie.”

  Janie’s introduction to physical therapy was worse than she anticipated. She hated it. Why Matthew wanted to become a physical therapist was beyond her. Maybe he got a kick out of malicious torture of another human being. All the same, she was glad he was ther
e. She didn’t know what she would have done if he hadn’t been. His coaching and encouragement got her through the rougher parts.

  The routine started with simply helping her to sit up by degrees. The experience was nauseating and draining. It took weeks to get to a full sitting position. Then there had been traction and exercises that made her muscles ache in tandem. Janie shuttered at the memories of that experience.

  At least she was mobile now, thanks to her new wheelchair and she was getting to finally go home. Soon, she hoped to be walking.

  It felt strange to be a passenger in a truck rather than on a motorcycle. Her bike had been decimated in the accident - not that she ever planned to ride again. No, she had no plans to ever get back on a bike again. Hence the reason her brother was driving Matthew’s beat up Ford pick up truck and Matthew was following behind on Angel.

  She glanced into the rearview mirror, a smile playing on her lips. She had finished that bike months ago, but to her it felt like only yesterday. Matthew had taken to calling the bike Angel, the nickname she had originally chosen. But to her, the real angel was seated on top of the bike.

  Matthew hadn’t really left her side since the accident happened. She owed her life to that man and he loved her. The thought thrilled her. It was the one bright side to everything that had happened. It kept her going when depression threatened to overtake her.

  If it wasn’t for Matthew, she would have given up long ago. The physical therapy was hard and exhausting. One session consumed her entire energy for the day. She slept a lot, which doctor’s assured her was normal.

  She would have a long road back to recovery. She had months left of therapy. Walking again would not be easy especially with all of the trauma her body had experienced.

  Matthew kept her grounded when Jake was hovering. She couldn’t really blame Jake. After all, she had nearly died….five times. It had been very close to the situation with their parents, but knowing that Matthew returned her feelings made everything less irritating.