Flummox Read online

  Flummox does her soft clucking giggle.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ says a voice behind us.

  Arabella-Rose is standing in the doorway. She steps into the room and closes the door behind her.

  ‘You STOLE my monster!’ Willow grabs Flummox off the pillow. ‘We are RESCUING her.’

  Flummox squawks indignantly.

  ‘I didn’t steal her,’ Arabella-Rose says defensively. ‘She hid in my bag. I didn’t realise until I got home.’

  ‘You don’t even know that you’ve put her in danger. I bet you don’t know that your Uncle Cranky collects rare animals. I bet you don’t know that he has a secret room for magical creatures, and that he’d do really bad things in order to own one.’

  Arabella-Rose looks a bit taken aback. Then she puts her hands on her hips. ‘I do know that Uncle Cranky collects rare animals,’ she says hotly. ‘But he LOVES them. He’d never do anything to hurt them.’

  Willow opens her mouth to disagree, but I cough loudly. I don’t like Wesley Crankshaw either, but it can’t be very nice learning that your favourite uncle puts friendly monsters in cages.

  ‘Anyway, I haven’t told him about Flummox,’ Arabella-Rose says, crossing her arms.

  Willow stops short. ‘Y-you haven’t?’

  Arabella-Rose shakes her head. ‘Of course not. Flummox isn’t like a turtle or a lizard. YOU CAN’T PUT HER IN A CAGE. I was going to bring her back to you tomorrow.’

  Willow isn’t quite sure how to respond to this.

  ‘I love my uncle,’ Arabella-Rose says. ‘But I don’t tell him everything. I’m not a monster.’

  Hodgepodge squeaks indignantly.

  ‘Sorry, Hodgepodge,’ Arabella-Rose tells him. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

  Hodgepodge lets out a vinegary fart, and Flummox GIGGLES.

  Willow scowls, and looks like she might cry. ‘Your fairy charm made my monster into a silly giggling chicken!’ she says. ‘You ruined everything.’

  Arabella-Rose stares at her. ‘My fairy charm?’ she says. ‘You... YOU took my fairy charm?’

  And then they start yelling at each other.

  I feel something boiling up inside me. Hodgepodge does an anxious sock fart. I just wish Arabella-Rose and Willow would stop fighting.

  ‘I wish I’d never had to come to your big spooky old house!’

  ‘Well, I wish you’d never come too, with your silly charm bracelet and your silly scrapbook.’

  ‘ENOUGH!’ says a loud, angry voice, and I’m surprised to realise that it’s my voice. Arabella-Rose and Willow turn to stare at me.

  ‘You’ve been fighting ALL DAY’.

  You’re both being rude and selfish. We are here to rescue Flummox, and all you can do is shout at each other. And look, you’re scaring Flummox!’ I gesture to Flummox, who is hiding under the golden pillow, her fluffy tail sticking up. ‘I’ve had enough of you two. I’m leaving.’

  And with that, Hodgepodge and I stomp out of the room, down the stairs and SMACK BANG into Wesley Crankshaw.

  Quick as a flash, he snatches Hodgepodge, who struggles and farts loud, terrified anchovy farts.

  ‘Give him back!’ I shout.

  But Wesley Crankshaw doesn’t give Hodgepodge back. He grabs a big glass vase, and shoves Hodgepodge inside.

  ‘It’s really lovely to see you again, Artie,’ says Wesley Crankshaw, with a fake smile. ‘Lovely of you to bring Hodgepodge to visit my niece.’

  The vase shakes in his grasp, but he holds on tight.

  ‘The last time we saw each other, you had just ruined my life’s work,’ Wesley Crankshaw says bitterly. ‘Remember? When you destroyed my entire rare animal collection?’

  ‘We didn’t destroy it,’ I retort. ‘We set them free. You’ll never be able to lock them up again, just like you’ll never be able to lock up our monsters!’

  Wesley Crankshaw’s eyes go very bright. ‘Monsters, plural?’ he says eagerly. ‘You mean there’s more than one?’

  Too late, I remember that Willow told Wesley Crankshaw that THE BIGGE BOKE OF FETCHING MONSTERS crumbled to dust after we made Hodgepodge.

  He didn’t think we could make more monsters.

  But I just told him we could.

  There’s a gasp behind us, and I turn to see Willow and Arabella-Rose staring at us. There’s no sign of Flummox, thank goodness. Arabella-Rose looks from me to Wesley Crankshaw, to Hodgepodge, stuck in the vase.

  ‘Uncle Cranky!’ Arabella-Rose shouts. ‘What are you doing?!’

  Wesley Crankshaw goes red and suddenly looks guilty. ‘Bella, darling,’ he says quickly. ‘This is a very special creature, and I—’

  ‘Oh, I will,’ says Wesley Crankshaw with a smile. ‘But as I said, he’s very special. And I want something special in return. Say the magic monster-fetching book?’

  Willow shoots me a look. ‘NO WAY,’ she says fiercely.

  ‘I’ll get it,’ says Arabella-Rose.

  Everyone stares at her.

  ‘I’ll get the book for you, Uncle Cranky,’ she says. ‘But I am so upset at seeing poor Hodgepodge like that. Do you promise you’ll give him back?’ Arabella-Rose’s eyes look shiny.

  Wesley Crankshaw opens his mouth but Willow scoffs at Arabella-Rose. ‘You don’t even know where it is.’

  Arabella-Rose smiles coldly at Willow. ‘You left me alone in your weird house all day. Did you think I was just watching TV?’ She turns back to Crankshaw. ‘I know where it is, Uncle Cranky.’

  Willow stares at her, her fists clenching.

  ‘DON’T DO IT, ARABELLA-ROSE,’ I say. ‘That book is powerful. You don’t know what he might do with it.’

  Wesley Crankshaw snorts. ‘And you think it’s better off in the hands of a couple of kids?’

  Arabella-Rose looks from me to Willow. There is a glint in her eyes. ‘I’ll just pop over and get it now, shall I, Uncle Cranky?’

  And then she skips from the room.

  Wesley Crankshaw narrows his eyes at us. ‘I think it’s best if you two wait in the bathroom,’ he says. ‘So you can’t get up to any mischief.’

  He herds us into a fancy bathroom and shuts the door There is a clicking sound as he locks it.

  WE’RE IN REALLY, REALLY BIG TROUBLE.

  To pass the time, I try to name all the moons of Jupiter. The big ones are easy - Io, Europa, Ganymede and Callisto.

  Willow is very quiet.

  I don’t know what time it is. Will our parents be worried?

  What if Wesley Crankshaw calls them and tells them we’re staying for dinner? They’ll believe him, because he’s a grownup.

  I close my eyes.

  ‘What are you muttering about?’ Willow asks.

  I explain about the moons. ‘There are seventy-nine altogether. Some of them don’t even have names yet.’

  ‘What? Why haven’t they named them? Are the scientists too busy? I could do it.’

  I try to explain the rules for naming a moon, but Willow isn’t listening.

  ‘Moonique. Moontgomery. Er... JEFF. EASY!’

  It’s getting dark outside.

  I miss Hodgepodge.

  ‘Artie?’ says Willow, in a small voice. ‘I’m really sorry I’ve been so angry and mean all day. You’re right. I... I was a bit disappointed in Flummox. I just really wanted a cool monster to be friends with, and Flummox...’ Willow pauses. ‘She likes musicals better than actually good music, and... And she likes Arabella-Rose better than me.’ Willow looks as if she might cry. ‘But we brought Flummox here, and we have to take care of her. We can’t let Wesley Crankshaw put her in a cage. We have to rescue her, even if she doesn’t want to be my best friend.’

  Suddenly, the bathroom door opens to reveal Wesley Crankshaw and Arabella-Rose.

  Arabella-Rose is holding THE BIGGE BOKE OF FETCHING MONSTERS under her arm!

  ‘My darling Bella has obtained your book – or should I say, MY book,’ says Wesley Crankshaw. ‘She is so kind and tender-hearted that she’s ins
isting I keep my end of the bargain and let you and Hodgepodge go, before she will give it to me.’

  He looks fondly at Arabella-Rose, who makes a soppy face at him.

  Willow clenches her fists in rage.

  Wesley Crankshaw scoops Hodgepodge out of the glass vase, and gives him to me.

  The vase smells like vinegary socks. I hug Hodgepodge tightly.

  Wesley Crankshaw stands back to let us out of the bathroom.

  Arabella-Rose holds out the BOKE to Wesley Crankshaw.

  ‘NO!’ I yell. ‘Don’t give it to him, Arabella-Rose!’

  But she just smiles sweetly at me, and hands over the BOKE.

  ‘Now then,’ says Wesley Crankshaw, and starts to open the book.

  Arabella-Rose clears her throat.

  I hear a familiar squawk. And suddenly I can smell smoke.

  Wesley Crankshaw shuts the book.

  HODGEPODGE SHIFTS IN MY ARMS AND THE SMOKY SMELL GETS STRONGER.

  Wesley Crankshaw narrows his eyes at me. ‘If you think I’m going to fall for that trick a second time, then I’ve got news for—’

  He is interrupted by the sound of sirens, faint but clear. The wail gets louder and louder until it’s so loud it must be coming from just outside. The sirens wail again, louder this time, so loud they could be right outside.

  Wesley Crankshaw freezes. HIS EYES ARE WIDE. Then he throws himself on the ground. ‘FIRE! Get down, everyone! Get down low and go, go, go!’

  Wesley Crankshaw starts crawling on his hands and knees towards the front door.

  I glance over at Arabella-Rose, who is staring at me.

  She mouths the word run.

  AND THEN SHE WINKS.

  I don’t have time to think about what’s going on. I just hold tightly on to Hodgepodge with one hand, grab Willow with the other, and race to the front door.

  There’s nobody there. No car. No fire engine. No fire.

  We run home as fast as we can.

  Mum is waiting on the front doorstep. ‘There you kids are,’ she says. ‘It’s dinnertime, come on.’

  I quickly tuck Hodgepodge behind my back and we follow Mum inside.

  David Cole has made roast lettuce with bacon custard. I slip food under the table to Hodgepodge, who munches happily. I’m not hungry. I’m too worried about Wesley Crankshaw. Is he making a monster RIGHT NOW? Is he going to make a whole army of monsters, and take over the world? Is Flummox okay?

  And why did Arabella-Rose tell us to run and wink at me?

  Did she...help us?

  ‘How did you kids get on with Arabella-Rose in the end?’ David Cole asks.

  Willow isn’t listening. She looks small and sad.

  ‘Um,’ I say. I am not very good at lying. ‘It’s been a really long day.’

  Hodgepodge taps me on the knee. I peek under the table and he points into the kitchen. I look into the kitchen and see the edge of a fluffy antenna.

  ‘Willow,’ I say loudly, standing up. ‘Why don’t we clear the table?’

  Mum beams. ‘Such nice kids.’

  Willow sighs and stands up slowly.

  I grab dirty dishes so fast I nearly break them. Then I hustle Willow out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

  Flummox is there, perched on the sink, with a note in her beak!

  ‘IT’S A TRAP,’ says Willow. ‘She’s working for Wesley Crankshaw! He wants to get Flummox and Hodgepodge.’

  I think about the way Arabella-Rose winked at me. ‘But then why would she send Flummox to us?’

  ‘How else is she going to get us a message?’

  I stare at her. ‘The phone?’

  ‘She doesn’t know our number,’ Willow says.

  ‘Oh...well, maybe—’

  ‘IT’S A TRAP, ARTIE!’

  Hodgepodge sits on the bench and opens a jam jar. He burps and farts at the same time. He looks pleased to see Flummox, who waves her antennae at him and clucks happily. I remember how scared Hodgepodge was of Wesley Crankshaw. He doesn’t seem scared at all now.

  ‘Do you two think we should go and meet Arabella-Rose?’ I ask the monsters.

  Hodgepodge nods, and Flummox flaps her wings. Neither of them look scared, or anxious.

  Willow and I exchange A LOOK.

  ‘Okay, then,’ she says. ‘Let’s go.’

  We go:

  Through the East Wing.

  Back to the piano room.

  Through the secret door.

  Along the passage.

  Down the slide.

  And find ourselves in the secret room again.

  The stars on the ceiling are all shining, making the room look cosy and golden.

  Arabella-Rose is waiting there for us, with her scrapbook on her lap, looking very pleased with herself.

  Flummox flaps over to her and perches on her lap.

  Willow takes a step forward, clenching her fists and opening her mouth to yell at Arabella-Rose, and for once, I’m totally with her. Arabella-Rose gave Wesley Crankshaw the BOKE!

  But Willow stops.

  Willow takes a deep breath.

  Willow unclenches her fists.

  ‘What do you want?’ she asks, in a normal voice.

  ‘To give you this back,’ says Arabella-Rose, holding out her scrapbook.

  Willow frowns. ‘What?’

  ‘Well, I knew that Uncle Cranky was never going to let Hodgepodge go without the BOKE,’ Arabella-Rose says. ‘And... I thought about how I’d feel if Flummox lived with me, and someone took her away.’ She stroked Flummox gently. ‘The BOKE is about the same size as my scrapbook. So I ripped off the covers and swapped them over.’

  Arabella-Rose opens up the scrapbook. Inside are the familiar pages of THE BIGGE BOKE OF FETCHING MONSTERS.

  I blink. ‘You... ripped the cover off the BOKE?’

  Arabella-Rose nods proudly. ‘Then I asked Flummox to make a diversion, so Uncle Cranky wouldn’t look inside the BOKE until you were safely home. She made the fire engine siren noises, but I’m guessing Hodgepodge made the smoke smell. The monsters are so clever!’

  Hodgepodge farts happily, but I feel a bit sick. ‘But ... but ...the BOKE is so old! It’s a piece of history! It should be in a museum, and you ripped it?’

  Willow rolls her eyes. ‘Not now, Artie.’

  ‘I love Uncle Cranky,’ says Arabella-Rose. ‘But I don’t think a book like that would be good for him.’

  ‘Was he very angry, when he realised?’ Willow asked.

  Arabella-Rose chuckles. ‘Oh, sure. I told him how you two had been mean to me all day, and that stealing my precious scrapbook was just another horrible prank.’ Arabella-Rose smirks, but I wonder if that sort of thing has happened to her before.

  ‘So,’ Arabella-Rose says, ‘Uncle Cranky was mad, but not at me. Anyway, we had a good time looking through my scrapbook, then I sang him a song, and he was fine.’

  I remember them sitting together while Arabella-Rose was playing the piano and can’t imagine she’s lying about this part.

  Willow clears her throat. ‘Arabella-Rose,’ she says. ‘I’m really sorry I stole your fairy charm. I can buy you a new one with the money I’ve been saving up for a new guitar amp.’

  Arabella-Rose pauses, and for a moment I see how upset she is to lose her fairy charm. ‘It’s okay,’ she says at last. ‘I get it. You wanted to make a monster. I’m glad you made Flummox.’

  Willow looks down at her shoes. ‘I...’ Her voice goes a bit wobbly. ‘I think Flummox should live with you,’ she says.

  I stare at Willow.

  Arabella-Rose stares at Willow.

  Flummox and Hodgepodge stare at Willow.

  ‘WHAT?’ says Arabella-Rose.

  ‘You didn’t steal Flummox. She loves you. And... and you helped save us even though Wesley Crankshaw is your uncle, and I was pretty horrible to you.’ Willow looks down.

  Arabella-Rose looks happy and frightened and hopeful. ‘Are you sure?’

  Willow nods. ‘I’m sure. Flu
mmox belongs with you.’

  Arabella-Rose grins and steps forward, throwing her arms around Willow. ‘Thank you, Willow.’

  Willow makes a face at me over Arabella-Rose’s shoulder and pats her back awkwardly.

  Arabella-Rose lets go and Flummox flaps her wings and clucks happily. She hums a bright and happy tune at Arabella-Rose, who hums back at her.

  ‘What about Wesley Crankshaw?’ I ask. ‘How can we keep Flummox safe?’

  Willow shrugs. ‘Wesley Crankshaw knows where we live now,’ she says, ‘so Flummox is no safer with us. But I trust Arabella-Rose to protect her.’

  Arabella-Rose looks proud.

  ‘And we can meet up in the Secret Monster Clubhouse,’ says Willow. ‘So Flummox and Hodgepodge can play together.’

  ‘And I won’t tell Uncle Cranky about your new monster,’ Arabella-Rose says firmly.

  ‘New monster?’ I say.

  ‘WHAT NEW MONSTER?’ Willow asks.

  ‘Well, I assume you made Flummox for you,’ Arabella-Rose says to Willow. ‘But she’s living with me now. So you still need to make your monster?’

  Willow grins, and I immediately feel nervous.

  Arabella-Rose tips her head to one side. ‘Do you hear that?’

  There is a funny noise coming from behind the green door. A kind of rumbling, gravelly noise, like a small avalanche.

  Flummox lets out a terrified squawk, and Hodgepodge does an old-sock fart.

  We all turn to face the green door.

  IT SWINGS OPEN.

  And a boy wearing a soccer uniform and a headband with a lightning bolt tumbles through. He looks up at the ceiling, which has the words MONSTER CLUB written in very large letters across it. He looks at Willow, Arabella-Rose and me. ‘Where am I?’ he asks.