Holding a Hero Read online

  “It’s okay,” he said and brushed back a hair that had fallen from her messy bun. Looking into her aqua eyes, he smiled, something he always did no matter what expression Katy wore.

  She bit her lip, a nervous habit of hers. Jesse shook his head and leaned down, kissing her cheek. “Forget it, Kate. Let me get changed and then the bathroom is all yours.”

  Katy stood there a second longer then nodded and turned around to leave. Closing the door after her, Jesse sighed. He’d never wanted this. He hadn’t wanted his best friend to die, he didn’t want to play house with Nick’s wife, and he definitely didn’t want to love her. But somehow, that’s what had happened. Nick died, Jesse had taken over as the man of his house, and he’d fallen hopelessly in love with Dr. Katy Garrity.

  ***

  Katy paced in her bedroom, chewing on her bottom lip. If she thought the first year she’d met Nick had been emotional, she was in no way prepared for the first year after losing him. Katy and Nick’s marriage had been a whirlwind romance. In less than three months, the couple had met, dated, got engaged, married, and she’d become pregnant but Katy wouldn’t have had it any other way. She had instantly known Nick was the one for her, she only wished they’d had more time together.

  In the past month alone, Katy had been through the whole gamut of emotions. When their family and friends celebrated Nicky’s first birthday three weeks ago, it had been bittersweet. Not because it was also the anniversary of Nick’s death, but it meant that Katy had spent more time with her son than she had with her husband. In one day, she’d celebrated her son’s first birthday, visited her dead husband, and his best friend admitted to loving her all in the same day. A roller coaster of emotions didn’t even begin to describe that one twenty-four hour period, let alone the past two years.

  The floor in the small two-bedroom house creaked and Katy saw Jesse enter the living room heading for his makeshift bed on the couch. She took a deep breath and moved across the room to where he sat. Reaching down, she took his hand giving it a slight tug, pulling him up to follow her to the bedroom.

  “Kate, what are you doing? You don’t have to do this—”

  Katy spun on her heel, pushed up on her tippy toes, and wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed her lips against his. Jesse didn’t waste any time kissing her back. Katy parted her mouth, letting his tongue invade and dance with hers. The kiss increased with urgency until Jesse withdrew. Katy sighed and he devoured the soft sound with another kiss.

  Looking into his eyes, Katy gave him a soft smile. “Stay with me tonight.”

  Jesse nodded and followed Katy to her bed. This wasn’t the first time he’d stayed with her. Since Nick died, he moved into Katy’s place to help raise her son. He slept on the couch until the dreams woke her. She still hadn’t responded to his confession of love but this was a step in the right direction.

  CHAPTER THREE

  A rotting jack-o-lantern sat on the front porch, its face sunken in making it look like an old man with no teeth. It was beginning to give off a foul odor that reminded Katy of raw sewage. Although it was almost Thanksgiving, she left it so that each night she could see the excitement on her one-year-old’s face.

  Every night, little Nicky would point to the orange blob from the window and repeat, “Glo! Glo, Mama, glo!” Katy would put on his jacket and with bare feet she carried him outside, tip-toeing quickly across the cool concrete to light the candle in the pumpkin. As soon as the face lit up, Nicky would clap his hands cheering and hug his mama. It melted Katy’s heart every time because it was so sweet, but mostly, she wished her husband could be there to share the moment.

  Tonight, Nicky and Katy did the same ritual. As they walked back in the house, a breeze blew and the smell became unbearable. She knew she’d have to throw it away. As she ran Nicky’s bath water, tears filled her eyes as she thought about putting it in the trash can. She shook her head thinking how ridiculous it sounded. She was crying over a decomposing vegetable. This was a new low even for her.

  Katy blinked away the tears that had gathered in her eyes. At moments like this she missed Nick the most. She sat on the floor watching Nicky play with his bath toys. He tried blowing his lips to make a boat noise causing her to laugh. This encouraged him to do it again while splashing water all over the bathroom.

  “Hey!” Katy laughed, acting like she was soaked from the waves he created.

  Nicky shrieked and splashed harder. Katy sprayed him back which he got a kick out of and distracted him enough for her to soap him down. She rinsed him off, wrapped him in a hooded duck towel, and carried him to his firefighter nursery that Nick had decorated.

  As he lay on the changing pad, he smiled up at her giving that same cocky grin that his father used to give her. With his sky blue eyes and sandy blond hair, he was the spitting image of her late husband. Every time she looked at Nicky, her heart tugged. It was like staring into Nick’s face, which she loved and at the same time despised. If she had her way, she’d have both of them giving her goofy grins every day.

  Nicky was snug in his pajamas and Katy was combing his hair when she heard the front door open. Nicky looked at her with his surprised face, an expression her best friend had taught him. He shaped his mouth into a long oval, eyebrows arched high, and one hand on each cheek Home Alone style. Katy loved it when he made this face. She returned the expression with her own surprised look and asked her son, “Who is it?”

  Walking into the hallway, they saw Jesse standing before them.

  “Aww, it’s only Jesse,” Katy said to Nicky answering her own question.

  Jesse scrunched up his nose and made a face. “Only?” He set his keys on the table and held out his hands for the toddler. “Hey, little man!”

  Nicky was bouncing in her arms, reaching toward him. Katy passed Nicky off and gave Jesse a quick peck on the cheek. She watched the two of them interact, making animal noises at each other as they walked toward the living room. The boys moved to the floor and Nicky cackled when Jesse started wrestling with him.

  “He’s supposed to be winding down for bed,” Katy said in a mock motherly tone.

  “I know, but I haven’t seen him all day,” Jesse declared and gave her a pleading smile. “I’ll get up with him if he wakes up tonight.”

  “Fine,” Katy conceded, acting as though he was really twisting her arm even though every night it was the same routine. Katy and Nicky would come home, the two of them would have dinner, Nicky would get his bath, and then Jesse would get home. Katy would act like he needed to go to bed but she always let the boys stay up rough housing.

  Every night, she tried to picture Nicky with his father. But with each passing day the memory of Nick got blurrier. She was slowly accepting Jesse taking on the father role with her son. With Jesse’s midnight black hair and emerald eyes, there was no way that he could pass for Nicky’s biological father. The boy already looked like his father’s Mini-Me so they both knew that as he grew up, he’d take on Nick’s husky physique which was quite the opposite of Jesse’s lanky figure. Katy knew looks didn’t matter. It was all about love and she could tell Jesse loved her son.

  ***

  Jesse looked over at Katy. Her eyes were closed. He sighed knowing exactly what she was picturing behind her eyelids—Nick. He tickled Nicky one more time then leaned over and blew a loud raspberry on his belly. Nicky howled with laughter and Katy opened her eyes.

  The toddler jumped on Jesse’s stomach and Jesse made a loud oof sound that sent the little boy into more laughter. Jesse caught Katy smiling and he felt a small moment of paternal pride.

  Nicky started blowing raspberries with his lips, baby drool running down his chin onto his pajamas. Jesse grabbed a burp cloth and wiped up the mess. He picked him up and handed him to Katy.

  “Give your Momma some lovin’ then it’s bedtime,” Jesse told Nicky as he took a seat beside her. He smiled as he watched the little boy wrap his arms around his mother’s neck and give her a big wet, sloppy kiss. Jess
e shook his head in disbelief that this was now his life.

  He scooped the little boy up and carried him to his bedroom. Nicky grabbed his monkey while Jesse sat in the glider. Pulling Nicky into his lap, he started reading Clifford the Firehouse Dog as the toddler snuggled up to his chest and listened intently.

  “Emily Elizabeth and Clifford went to visit his brother Nero at the firehouse,” Jesse read while Nicky pointed and barked. Jesse ruffled the toddler’s blond hair and kissed his forehead.

  Jesse never complained about taking care of the Garrity family. Nicky was a great kid and he’d do anything in the world for him. Well, he’d do anything in the world for Katy, too. She wasn’t the typical woman he was attracted to. Standing at only five feet, four inches, she barely came to his chest. Her wavy chestnut hair that flowed down her back and her eyes the color of the ocean at sunrise definitely weren’t typical of the long-legged blondes he was used to. She kept herself in good shape by running every day. Jesse actually quit smoking because of her running. When Nick was working, he asked Jesse to run with her while she was pregnant. When he couldn’t keep up, he decided it was time to give up the cancer sticks. Plus, it was embarrassing to be outrun by a girl almost half his size, especially one who was pregnant.

  Jesse turned the page and looked up to see Katy standing in the doorway. Even though she wore a smile, he could still see the pain she felt over her tragic loss.

  Jesse had watched her love his best friend, treating Nick better than any other woman had before, and then stay strong when he was taken so quickly. Her grieving process was delayed by the priority of taking care of her newborn son and he wasn’t sure she’d fully processed it even a year later.

  After spending time with her and becoming part of the family, he understood what Nick meant about love. There was no denying it, he was in love with Katy. He’d want to see her again before they had even parted, he thought about her and Nicky all day, and his heart leapt when he caught a whiff of her peach scent.

  He finished the book and set it on the shelf beside him. Reaching for a photo album, he flipped to a page that held a picture of Nick and his older brother, Ryan. Smiling, he pointed and said, “Nicky, this was the night your dad graduated from the fire academy. Your Uncle Ryan gave your daddy a hard time because he’d scored higher than him on the exit exam.”

  He caught Katy smiling out of the corner of his eye. The small gesture made his pulse race, but he reminded himself not to get too excited. He was happy to be able to hold her in his arms as he drifted off to sleep; however, their relationship hadn’t made it to the next level yet.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Katy stood in the hallway leaning against the wall. This was her favorite part of Nicky’s bedtime routine. After showing him pictures, Jesse would rock him to sleep while telling her son stories of his father. She loved that it was a way to keep Nick’s memory around while she learned more about her husband. Memories that weren’t hers because he’d never gotten the chance to share them with her.

  Some nights, Jesse would tell him stories from their old glory days in high school football or at the fire academy. Other nights, it would be heroic tales of Nick fighting fires. Katy enjoyed hearing how brave her husband had been and how he was never scared to enter a burning building but she feared when Nicky was old enough he’d want to join the FDNY like his daddy, Jesse, and both his grandfathers. She knew he probably would anyway because it was an unspoken rule that all boys born to a member of FDNY would grow up to follow their father’s footsteps.

  Jesse stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind him. He leaned down and brushed his lips across Katy’s forehead. “Long day?” he asked rubbing her arms.

  She shrugged and pulled away walking toward the kitchen. She reheated leftovers as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. Katy recalled the times she used to do this for Nick. He would have stood behind her, pressing her against the counter as he smothered her neck with kisses. She wondered if Jesse would do that one day, but she knew they weren’t there yet.

  She placed his dinner in front of him and then she sat across the table. Jesse smiled as Katy instigated the “what’s yours is mine” drink she took from his bottle. As she set it down, he nodded toward the front door and said, “I threw away the pumpkin. It was starting to smell rank.”

  Her lower lip quivered as she tried not to bite it but tears sprung to her eyes. Jesse rushed on, “I have another one in my truck that we can carve so Nicky can still see it glow.”

  Her lips formed a grin and she pushed up on her foot to lean across the table and kiss him. Katy’s heart skipped when her mouth touched his, and she licked his lips. The kiss didn’t linger, and they both blushed. Some nights, they didn’t give a second thought about sharing kisses, but other nights they both shied away from it. Inevitably, on those nights, one or both of them had Nick on the mind.

  Katy had been blind to Jesse that entire first year. True, she had seen him falling in love with her son, but was oblivious to his feelings for her. Then, while visiting Nick for the first time since they’d laid him to rest, she looked at Jesse and saw it. She’d grown accustomed to mindlessly kissing him good morning, texting with him throughout the day, and listening to him put Nicky to sleep. But in that moment when she stood at Nick’s grave, she knew she should be in love with Jesse, wanted to be in love with Jesse. He'd done so much for her after Nick died, been there to help raise her son. She owed him something, but could she fall in love again? With another fireman? She'd lost too many men in the line of duty already.

  Jesse finished his meal and ran to get the pumpkin from his truck. Katy spread newspaper on the kitchen table and got out the carving knife and a bowl. She sat on the edge of the table while Jesse cut a lid. She watched as he tried to focus on the cuts he was making but she noticed him peeking at her out of the corner of his eye. Katy glanced down and saw her tank top had exposed her midriff when she leaned back on her hands. She smiled as he continued to sneak glances at her.

  “Murph mentioned he might be retiring,” Jesse said, obviously affected by her bare skin.

  “Maybe you should do the same.”

  Jesse looked at her and laughed. “Kate, you know I’ve still got a lot of years to put in before it’s my turn.”

  She shrugged and rolled her eyes. Jesse was the only person allowed to call her Kate. When he first started calling her, that she’d hated it but now she had grown to love hearing him say her nickname. However, she still acted like it bothered her. She gave him a smirk. “It was worth a shot, right?”

  Katy had never pushed Nick to leave FDNY, it was his passion. But after losing her husband and her father to the job, she wasn’t going to hide her disdain anymore. She wasn’t sure where things were headed with Jesse but she cared for him so she’d do what she could to try to keep him out of the dangerous element that had claimed the last man who held her heart.

  ***

  Jesse lifted the stem off the pumpkin and started scooping out the innards. He knew Katy was afraid of the fire and it gave him a sense of valor to protect her from the flame—the one she really feared. Nick had been the best in their crew so if he couldn’t stay safe, there was no guarantee any of them could. But Jesse loved the fire, he was born and bred to love it just like Nick, and he didn’t plan on leaving FDNY.

  Katy reached in the pumpkin with a spoon, not wanting to touch the “icky” part as she called it. He chuckled at her. “Okay, surgeon, you can cut people open and touch their organs but you are scared of a little pumpkin goo?” He shook his head, unable to understand.

  Katy tried to pull the spoon out but it snagged on a thick pumpkin string. When it finally came loose, the seeds flew out and hit Jesse in the face. Katy’s face mimicked Nicky’s surprised look and she tried to stifle her amusement.

  Jesse slowly touched his cheeks, wiping the pumpkin gunk off. He held it up in his hand. “Think that’s funny?”

  Katy was unable to hold in the laughter and broke out in a fit of giggles. Je
sse smiled and smeared the innards on her cheek. She jumped and squealed, “Eww!!!”

  She reached into the bowl of orange mess and rubbed more on his face.

  “Hey, this means war!” He joined her laughter and swiped pumpkin from the bowl, returning the favor to her. Soon, they were wearing the entire bowl of pumpkin guts.

  Katy grabbed her side, catching her breath and nodded toward the newspaper. “So much for keeping things clean.”

  Jesse laughed and pulled her to him, holding her closely as she sat in his lap. As his manhood rose, she swallowed but didn’t move away. It’d be over a year since his favorite vice, and while he longed to be intimate with her, he wasn’t about to push her into something she wasn’t ready for. As he rubbed his fingertips up and down her back, he imagined running his hands over her naked body. He shook his head, trying to forget that image as he knew it wasn’t time yet.

  “Yeah, so much for that...” he trailed off as he looked into her sapphire eyes.

  Katy smiled, pressed her hips against him, and moved her lips over his slowly. She pulled his shirt over his head and whispered, “We should get cleaned up…”

  Jesse nodded, his hands under her tank top running over her flat stomach. “Yeah, go take a shower, and I’ll clean up in here.”

  Katy shook her head as she headed toward the bathroom, tugging on his hand to follow. He didn’t resist. He watched her hips sway as the two of them walked quietly to the bathroom. Even with pumpkin in her hair, she was incredibly sexy and he was ready for whatever she might offer.