Murderous Matrimony (Renaissance Faire Mystery) Read online

  I hoped Tony would think something strange was going on when I didn’t come down from the treehouse. Even if he was just snoopy enough to find out if I was doing something with Robin that he could shame me for—I’d be happy with that.

  Usually, I liked being right. I wasn’t so crazy about it then.

  I searched the room with desperate eyes. There had to be some way to get free. I’d seen spies get out of worse situations in movies. If I didn’t panic, maybe there was a way out of this.

  It was going to take John Healy a few minutes to get here, and get through the gate. I might have twenty minutes or so.

  I saw a sword near Sofie’s bed. If I could push myself over to it, I might be able to get close enough to the blade to cut the pantyhose. It was a long shot, but I didn’t have anything else to do anyway.

  It took me five minutes to maneuver myself into position near the sword. If the floor hadn’t been carpeted, it would have been easier. There was no sliding at all. When I got up against the blade, the sword fell, knocking over the lamp on the bedside table. I couldn’t get my arms or feet near the sharp part at all.

  I lay on my back with a sigh, and tried to think of another plan.

  I thought about my cell phone in the bag at my waist. There was no way to get at it. I tried breaking the lamp so I could use a shard of it to cut the pantyhose. I kicked at it, and brought my feet down hard on it. The lamp wasn’t breaking either.

  Come on, Jessie. You’ve been in worse situations! Think!

  Had I been in worse situations? Possibly. Wanda was right about my snooping. Any bad situation I’d ever been in at the Village was caused by being nosy about people and events I probably had no business looking into.

  I swore, if I got out of this mess, that I would never snoop again.

  I should have been talking to people about my wedding. I should have been enjoying my time at the Village. This was the life I’d always wanted. And I was about to lose it all.

  Robin groaned. I rolled toward him as quick as I could. If he woke up, we’d have a better chance of finding a way to get free.

  I rolled so far that I was almost on top of him. He groaned again, and his face scrunched up.

  “Mmhhmmgmm.” I rubbed my face on his as I tried to make noises that might wake him up. “Rommbmm, wmmhmm umm!”

  Finally, he came around and stared into my face with startled eyes. “MmhhmmJmm,” he said.

  That’s right, I encouraged him silently. You can do it!

  I rolled off of him so we could plot our strategy. “Rmmhmm. Wmm hvmm tgmm oumm hmm.”

  “Domm yumm thmm uh thmm?” He shot back at me.

  I nodded toward the sword. He shook his head. His hands were bound behind him, which made doing anything helpful even harder.

  Or not! I suddenly recalled that horror movie where the woman had chewed off the other captured person’s rope. Maybe I could do that.

  I pushed myself against him and nudged him on his side. Like an inch worm, I got my face close to the pantyhose that held him. My face was up against his butt as I tried to gnaw the fiber away.

  The gag prevented me from using my teeth at all.

  Robin got the idea though as he nudged me over on my back and rolled over on me. His head was deeply pushed into my chest as he lay across me, trying to rip the pantyhose off of my hands.

  The gag kept him from doing that too.

  “Mmhhmmermm,” he mumbled, his eyes apologetic.

  “Whoa! Wait! This is so wrong!” Tony’s voice came from the doorway. “Jessie! What are you doing?”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “I am so glad to see you!” I hugged Tony when he cut me loose.

  “Good job, Tony!” Robin rubbed his wrists.

  “You know I almost turned around and went back out,” Tony said. “I couldn’t believe you were . . . you know. If Jessie wouldn’t have made that squealing pig noise, I probably would’ve left you alone.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t. Where’s Marion?”

  Tony shrugged. “I think she left the forest after she had Hank close it down. Why? Did she do this?”

  “She’s the one who killed Dave and Bob,” I explained.

  “For money.” Robin spat the words as he untied his feet. “Like an assassin.”

  “Wow!” Tony grinned. “That’s kind of hot, huh?”

  “Not at all,” Robin assured him. “Who of my men are still in the forest besides you?”

  “Hank is down there. I’m not sure who else. Marion made it sound like we should take the rest of the day off. I think most of them left when she did.”

  “We can call the police.” I took out my cell phone. “No bars? Why would it be on International Roaming out here?”

  “I don’t know,” Robin said. “But I suggest we get out of Sherwood before the bookie gets here. We have no weapons but swords and arrows. They aren’t much good against guns.”

  We heard voices coming into the encampment and rushed to the window to see who it was.

  “Great!” Robin moved back quickly. “I think that may be the bookie.”

  I peeked out. “And Marion is with him.”

  “What now?” Tony asked. “I’m only good with computers. I don’t think that’s going to help in this situation.”

  Marion had returned with a group of ten men. They were all big and tough-looking. I had a feeling they were all armed too. Security guards at the Main Gate were looking for bows and swords, maybe a few knives. They didn’t search people for guns, and visitors didn’t go through a metal detector.

  “Where are they?” The big man in the middle of the group, beside Marion, searched the trees with his eyes. “I hope they’re not up there.”

  No doubt that was John Healy. He looked as big and tough as the other men, but he was well-dressed in an expensive black suit. His shiny Italian loafers looked out of place as he stood on the dirt track. His black hair was thinning, swept off to one side to make it look like he had more up there.

  The other men scanned the trees too. They were dressed more casually in pants and shirts.

  “I left them up there.” Marion nodded at the treehouse.

  “You two,” Healy pointed to two men nearest him, “go up and bring them down.”

  The men nodded, and headed for the stairs to the treehouse.

  “There’s a back way out,” Robin said. “I suggest we take it.”

  Tony and I followed him to the back stairs, which was really just an escape ladder. We climbed down quickly.

  “We won’t have long before they know we aren’t up there.” I wiped spider webs from my face and hands. The ladder hadn’t been used in a while.

  “We can’t walk out around them,” Tony whispered. “We could scatter in the woods, but that’s about it.”

  Hank, the new Merry Man, rustled through the leaves to reach us. “I thought I saw you back here. What’s up? Who are those dudes?”

  “Bad guys,” I replied. “Is anyone else in camp?”

  “Nope. I was about to leave too, when I saw them come up.”

  “So what’s the plan?” Tony asked with an eagerness born of fear.

  “I think we have no choice but to follow your excellent suggestion and scatter into the woods,” Robin said. “We don’t have guns.”

  “I have my knife.” Hank held it up so we could see it.

  “Any other suggestions?” Robin asked.

  “I’m good with scattering. We can call the police from the other side of the forest.” I held up my cell phone again. No service? My next phone will get service out here!

  We heard the two big men trudging through the treehouse above us. One of them leaned out the front window where we’d seen them first come up. “They ain’t here, boss. What do you want us to do?”

  “Come back down.” John glanced around himself at the treehouses and the rest of the camp. “I think the thing to do in this situation is to light the place up.”

  “Burn the forest?” Even Marion sounded
concerned.

  “Sure. If they’re out there, they’ll run back, right?” John smiled. “If they don’t make it, too bad. They weren’t long for this world anyway.”

  “But the rest of the Village.” Marion smiled at him. “Instead, we could get out of town for a while. It would be okay, right?”

  “Nope. I don’t like loose ends. Let’s torch it. Better safe than sorry.”

  “What now?” Tony muttered.

  “We can’t just leave and let them set the place on fire,” I replied. “It could take half the Village with it.”

  Robin’s eyes narrowed. “Thanks for your concern for my personal well-being! There is no Robin Hood without Sherwood Forest!”

  “I didn’t mean it that way,” I recanted.

  While we were discussing our options, the men in front were stoking the fire where the Merry Men did their cooking.

  “Throw whatever you can find on it,” John instructed. “Any gasoline out here, Marion?”

  “No.” She looked around. “We don’t usually need it.”

  “Okay. No gas. Let’s get those shovels over there and walk some fire into the trees.” John pointed to the shovels by the storage shed.

  “Johnny, please—” Marion tried to appeal to him.

  “What? You called me for help. I came. Just like those knights of old, right?” John grinned. “Maybe you should get out of here. You might get hurt.”

  Marion didn’t move. I could see this wasn’t what she’d had in mind—though what she had in mind had been much worse for me and Robin. Apparently, she didn’t mind killing people as much as she disliked burning the forest.

  “We have to confront them,” I said. “We have to stall for time while one of us runs for help. They don’t know Tony and Hank are here. If we go out and surrender, Robin, it would stop them from burning the forest.”

  “I like being Robin Hood, Jessie. But I don’t want to die for it.”

  “I hope we won’t have to.” I looked at Hank. “Are the nets set in the trees?”

  He shrugged. “Sure. We always keep them set.”

  “Okay. This is what I think we should do.”

  *

  Robin and I walked out from behind the treehouse with our arms in the air. The first shovel of hot embers was about to leave the safety of the fire pit.

  “Well, well!” John grinned when he saw us. “I thought the idea of being roasted might bring you out.”

  Three guns were immediately trained on us.

  Marion looked relieved to see us. “Call them off now, Johnny. There’s no need to burn the trees, right?”

  He put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head. “She’s such a softie.” He told his men to put their shovels down. “You’re right. We can shoot them with a lot less fuss. Give them those shovels, and let’s do some grave digging.”

  “You mean dig our own graves?” I asked him. “You’ve got to be kidding. You’re going to shoot us anyway. Why would I do that?”

  “Because we could shoot you in the foot and then make you dig,” one of John’s men said with a laugh. He handed me the shovel. “Dig.”

  “Besides, this takes more time,” Robin quietly reminded me, picking up his own shovel. “We need time, remember?”

  “I know, but this is so corny!”

  “Shut up and dig,” John said.

  Five of his men were standing together to the right of us. None of them were holding their guns. Robin nodded at them.

  Tony was using the other asset he had besides working on computers—his long legs. He’d been a track star in high school. That had been a long time ago, but he also knew the back forest better than I did. He had my cell phone and could call for help as soon as he could find signal.

  Hank was waiting to do his part. At Robin’s nod, he pulled the net that was under five of the men. They flew up into the trees, yelling and pulling at the net that held them. But there was no way out of the net until someone released them.

  Robin looked at me. “Run!”

  I didn’t wait for another invitation.

  We ran toward the entrance to Sherwood Forest. It had never seemed so far away from the camp. John, and his other five thugs, came after us. I could still hear the men in the nets yelling.

  “They didn’t take the time to let them down,” Robin said as he ran. “I hope Hank has time to get to the curve in the path.”

  “Me too!”

  I had really thought John and Marion would help the other men down first before they came after us. Marion knew how. Of course, John may have left her behind to accomplish that, and just come after us without her. Maybe that’s why they always showed large numbers of bad guys traveling together on TV.

  “They aren’t shooting,” Robin huffed beside me.

  “Maybe they don’t want to draw attention,” I replied.

  “Almost there.”

  We hit the curve in the path where the Merry Men snagged their largest group of visitors each day. The net was well-hidden under leaves and dried grass. I hoped Hank had time to make it here. We weren’t far from the entrance.

  “Speed up!” Robin yelled.

  “I’m ahead of you!” I reminded him.

  “I was talking to myself.”

  There was a whooshing sound behind us as the net went up. It was immediately followed by yelling and cursing as it took at least some of John’s men with it.

  I wasn’t willing to wait and see how many were captured. I sprinted for the entrance, not looking back. My lungs felt like they were going to burst.

  The first thing I saw when we reached the cobblestones was the Tornado Twins, Diego and Lorenzo. They were offering to sell their fat, pink piglet to a visitor. The visitor and her companions were laughing as she said no and tried to keep walking.

  The twins weren’t that easy to escape. “Yeah, we can’t afford to feed her.” Diego mimed crying, and Lorenzo used a large handkerchief to wipe away his tears. “If she stays with us much longer, I’m afraid she’ll become bacon.”

  John and two of his men were still behind us. I didn’t see Marion.

  Robin and I kept running.

  “Get out of my way, freak!” I heard John yell.

  That was all Diego needed. It fit right in with his act. He threw himself at his feet and wouldn’t get up. “Please! Please! Take me with you. Don’t leave me here. I’m not really a freak like the rest of them.”

  “Get off!” John tried to kick at him.

  Lorenzo threw himself into the act. He managed to wrap himself around one of the other men and kept asking for his support. “I know there must be a wallet in here somewhere.”

  Instead, his eager hands dislocated a small knife that clattered to the cobblestones as he dropped it. The thug held up his gun and fired three times. Visitors and residents began screaming and running toward the Main Gate.

  “Shoot them!” John yelled at his men behind him as he pointed at me and Robin.

  The Green Man was ambling by. He wrapped his huge, leafy tree branches around the man. His gun fell to the ground too. The Green Man held him tightly in his embrace.

  People had stopped running to take pictures. I was completely amazed.

  A dozen fools, with bells jingling on their heads, pushed the second of John’s men into a goat cart. A nearby pickle vendor grabbed the top from his pickle barrel and trapped him in the cart.

  I could see some of Chase’s security men running toward us. I knew John was still behind us with a gun. There was no way to let them know.

  But I couldn’t run anymore. I couldn’t draw a breath. I dropped to my knees as a severe cramp in my mid-section stopped me. Robin stumbled over me, and we rolled off the walkway and into the grass.

  “He . . . can’t kill us . . . right here in front . . . of everyone.” Robin panted and groaned at the same time.

  Or maybe he could.

  John hadn’t backed away. His deeply lined face frowned down at us. He pulled out a very large hand gun, and everyon
e started screaming and running again. They tripped over each other, and across fairies, knocking the pickle vendor over. Bo Peep’s sheep tried to get out of their path, and a goatherd ran into a privy.

  “Think they’ll know, in all this confusion, who killed who?” John grinned and aimed his gun at us.

  I squeezed my eyes closed tightly as I painfully gasped for breath.

  There was a dull thud above me. I knew that sound. It was an arrow hitting its target.

  John slumped down on the cobblestones next to me. “My arm! He shot my arm!”

  I looked across the street and there was Manny in front of the museum—a long bow in his hand—and a smile on his dark face.

  A large arrow protruded from John’s shoulder. Robin jumped up and grabbed his gun. He threw back his head to laugh, but didn’t have enough air to do it. He slid down to his knees.

  “Welcome to Renaissance Faire Village and Marketplace, Mr. Healy,” I managed to get out. “I hope you enjoy yourself while you’re here.”

  Chapter Twenty

  The Village was closed for the rest of the day. Police were everywhere. Several ambulances had come and gone with the injured. None of the visitors were hurt—that was a good thing.

  Tony had made it to a spot where there was signal, and had called the police. It was after we’d nearly caused a stampede on the cobblestones. He returned to the Village, triumphant, and came to see me right away.

  Chase had propped me up against the side of the Honey and Herb Shoppe where Mrs. Potts was bringing me tea and honey cookies. I couldn’t move a muscle to get inside, and I wanted to see everything that was going on.

  “I’m glad you’re okay.” Tony gave me a brief brotherly hug. “Where’s Robin?”

  “He wasn’t hurt, as far as I know. He may be in Sherwood, nursing his wounded ego. He never saw this coming with Marion.”

  Tony grinned. “I’ll go help him. I could give him some tips with women, you know? When they start using your credit card, it’s over.”

  “You don’t have a credit card.” I laughed and then regretted it as the pain in my side returned.

  “Exactly! See you around.”

  The police were questioning everyone in the Village about what they’d seen and heard. Most residents hadn’t seen anything since they were on the other side of the Village. Only a small group had taken part in the melee. I would be sure to personally thank the valiant pickle vendor, the jingling fools, and the Green Man.