Jackie's Jokes Read online

  The Sisters 8 Book 4

  Jackie's Jokes

  Lauren Baratz-Logsted

  * * *

  With Greg Logsted & Jackie Logsted

  Illustrated by Lisa K. Weber

  * * *

  Sandpiper

  HOUGHTON MIFFLIN HARCOURT

  BOSTON • NEW YORK • 2009

  * * *

  Text copyright © 2009

  by Lauren Baratz-Logsted

  Illustrations copyright © 2009 by Lisa K. Weber

  All rights reserved. For information about

  permission to reproduce selections from this book,

  write to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Company,

  215 Park Avenue South, New York, New York 10003.

  www.sandpiperbooks.com

  SANDPIPER and the SANDPIPER logo are trademarks

  of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.

  The text of this book is set in Youbee.

  Book design by Carol Chu.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Baratz-Logsted, Lauren.

  Jackie's jokes / by Lauren Baratz-Logsted

  with Greg Logsted and Jackie Logsted

  p. cm.—(The sisters eight ; bk. 4)

  Summary: April Fools' Day is long and hard

  for the third-grade Huit octuplets, but it

  is nothing compared to the challenges

  of Tax Day, through which Jackie

  discovers her special power and gift

  and learns more about their parents'

  mysterious disappearance. ISBN

  978-0-547-22668-2 (hardcover)

  ISBN 978-0-547-05328-8 (pbk.)

  [1. Sisters—Fiction. 2.

  April Fools' Day—Fiction.

  3. Practical jokes—

  Fiction. 4. Abandoned

  children—Fiction. 5.

  Schools—Fiction.] I.

  Logsted, Greg. II.

  Logsted, Jackie. III.

  Title.

  PZ7.B22966Jac

  2009

  [Fic]—dc22

  2008036763

  Printed in the United

  States of America

  MP 10 9 8 7 6

  5 4 3 2 1

  * * *

  For the Douglas gals:

  Kaethe, Veronica, and Natasha

  Thank you for being the best invisible

  pals a trio of authors could have.

  Our work is better because of you.

  Long live pink frosting!

  * * *

  Annie Durinda Georgia Jackie

  Marcia Petal Rebecca Zinnia

  * * *

  PROLOGUE

  Let's recap.

  Hmm ... what's that? You say you don't know what recap means?

  Oh, dear. First the book is talking to you, and now you're talking to the book. My, but I think you are in trouble. Is there perhaps a doctor you should be seeing about that? You know, there are special doctors who can help with all sorts of things.

  While you're thinking that over, let me explain that recap,which is what I'm about to do, is when a person repeats the main points of something, turning a complicated something into a much clearer something. There are many reasons you might want to do a recap: (1) you might worry your listeners have fallen asleep at some point; (2) you might worry no one was ever really paying attention in the first place; or (3) you might need to remind yourself of all the important points because the story's gotten so confusing, you don't remember where you are anymore, plus you have a feeling something even more important is going to happen soon and you need to know where you've been in order to know where you're going.

  I'd ask which reason you think applies here, but you're off seeing that doctor about your little problem, aren't you? So I'll just do my recap now, even if I'm the only one listening. Deep breath. Here goes:

  • Eight sisters, octuplets, almost eight, will be eight on August 8, 2008. Named, from oldest to youngest: Annie, Durinda, Georgia, Jackie, Marcia, Petal, Rebecca, Zinnia. Last name: Huit. All with brown hair, brown eyes. Each is one minute older than the next. Each is one inch taller than the next.

  • Eight cats, all gray and white puffballs: Anthrax, Dandruff, Greatorex, Jaguar, Minx, Precious, Rambunctious, Zither.

  • Magnificent stone home that looks like a castle, crazy rooms, inventions—too bad they don't all work as they ought to.

  • New Year's Eve in 2007: Mom (Lucy) goes to kitchen for eggnog, Dad (Robert) goes out for more firewood, neither one comes back. Oh no. This can't be good.

  • Note found behind loose stone in drawing room says each sister must find her power and gift in order to find out what happened to Mommy and Daddy. By the way, Mommy is a scientist and Daddy is a model, so you'd think they'd be able to get out of any jam, but who knows this time.

  • Eight little girls, home all alone—that can't be good either.

  • Annie's power: can be smart as an adult; Annie's gift: purple ring.

  • Durinda's power: can freeze anyone, except Zinnia, by tapping her leg three times rapidly and then pointing sharply at a person; Durinda's gift: green earrings.

  • Georgia's power: can make herself invisible by twitching her nose twice; Georgia's gift: a golden compact, which she sent back the first time the carrier pigeon tried to bring it. (Note: Carrier pigeons visit the Eights often. This could be important at some point.)

  • Each cat has the same power as the Eight that it belongs to.

  • Zinnia thinks that the animals understand her and that she understands them. Everyone else has doubts about this.

  • Pete the mechanic, good; Mrs. Pete, good; the Wicket, evil; Crazy Serena, crazy; the McG, better than she was.

  • The Eights still love Will Simms, and they like Mandy Stenko better than before.

  • Carl the talking refrigerator in love with robot Betty. Well, who wouldn't be?

  • Location: Could be the States, could be England, could be somewhere no one has ever heard of. All we do know is that the address is 888 Middle Way.

  • The Eights find their powers and gifts at a rate of one sister per month, so Annie found hers in January, Durinda found hers in February, Georgia found hers in March, Jackie—

  Oh, look. Fancy that: the calendar page is about to turn, and when it does...

  Look out, everyone! There's a story coming your way!

  Jackie, look out! Your month is about to—

  CHAPTER ONE

  —Start.

  Tuesday, April 1, 2008, approximately five thirty in the morning.

  "Annie, Durinda, Georgia, Jackie, Petal, Rebecca, Zinnia—come quick!" Marcia shouted.

  Six of us rubbed sleep from our eyes before obeying Marcia's insanely early summons. We weren't supposed to get up for school for another forty minutes. One of the Eights, Jackie, was nowhere to be seen.

  We followed Marcia's shouting voice down to the kitchen.

  "Look!" she cried, pointing at the window.

  "What?" Annie asked. "Is there another pigeon out there with a note?"

  "No!" Marcia said excitedly. "Can't you see it? There's a horse's behind right outside the window."

  "What?"six Eights cried, hurrying to look out the window.

  Huh. There was nothing there.

  "Happy April Fools' Day!" Marcia gloated with glee.

  "Fine. You got us," Rebecca said sourly. "But don't think you can get us again."

  "As long as we're all up early," Durinda said, "I may as well start breakfast. Jackie, could you please get me the—Oh dear. Where is Jackie?"

  "I can help you with breakfast this morning," Zinnia offered.

  "That's great," Durinda said, looking meaningfully at Georgia and Rebecca. "It's
always nice when someone around here helps out."

  "Hey!" Georgia said. "Don't look at me! I haven't said anything awful."

  "Yet," Annie provided.

  "Yet," Georgia admitted with a blush.

  "Okay, Zinnia," Durinda directed, "you get the milk out of the fridge—I think we'll make pancakes this morning—while everyone else gets dressed."

  Zinnia opened the refrigerator door. The rest of us weren't even out of the room when we heard Carl the talking refrigerator announce: "All out of tasty worms. Must buy more."

  "Did Carl just say we needed more tasty worms?" Durinda asked.

  Before anyone could answer her, Carl spoke again. "And slugs," he said. "Must buy more juicy slugs."

  "Juicy si—? But we don't eat—"

  "And slimy caterpillars," Carl said, cutting Durinda off, "and crunchy dead leaves and hairy spiders and—"

  "Oh no!" Petal shrieked. "Carl the talking refrigerator has gone mad! If we follow his shopping instructions and then eat all those awful things, we will all be dead by nightfall! We will—"

  "Ha-ha," Carl laughed dryly. "April Fools' on you."

  "This is insane." Rebecca was disgusted. "We're even being mocked by our own refrigerator today."

  ***

  "That's odd," Marcia said as five of us headed back downstairs after we'd gotten dressed. There was still no sign of Jackie. "Durinda and Zinnia said they'd cook breakfast, but I don't smell anything."

  We took our places at the table and looked down at our plates. The pancakes didn't look quite right. Annie was the first to try to cut hers, but the fork wouldn't even make a dent. None of us could make a dent.

  "I'm starving," Rebecca said, giving up on the fork and resorting to her fingers. But when she went to take a bite—

  "Ugh!" she cried. "This pancake isn't made out of pancake! It's made out of rubber!"

  "April Fools'!" Durinda and Zinnia shouted, high-fiving each other.

  "I don't think it's very funny," Rebecca said. "Some of us are starving here, you know."

  "Oh, where's your sense of humor?" Durinda said. Then, when it was clear Rebecca hadn't any, at least not where rubber food was concerned, Durinda added, "Why don't you have some pink frosting?"

  "And why don't the rest of us adjourn to the front room while Durinda makes us all some Pop-Tarts?" Annie suggested. "It's about all we have time for now."

  "Oh no!" Petal cried as we entered the front room. Then she fainted.

  We all looked around to see what had bothered her so, and there it was: Daddy Sparky, the suit of armor we usually dressed up in Daddy's quilted smoking jacket and fedora hat to make nosy parkers believe there was a real man in the house, was wearing Mommy Sally's sleeveless purple dress and pearls, while Mommy Sally, the dressmaker's dummy we dressed up so people would believe there was still a proper lady of the house, was wearing Daddy Sparky's smoking jacket and hat. We must admit, the corncob pipe in her hand looked very elegant there.

  "April Fools'?" Annie winced out the words as we tried to bring Petal around by whispering her name and patting her cheeks softly. Okay, so maybe Rebecca did shout her name ... and then slap her.

  "Wh-wh-wh-what happened?" Petal stammered, coming back to life.

  "This is your doing?" Rebecca rounded on Annie.

  Annie nodded, meekly for once.

  "I'm shocked, I tell you," Rebecca said, "simply shocked. I'd expect such behavior from Georgia and, well, from me, of course, but you? You're supposed to be the eldest, you're supposed to be in charge, you must have known such a trick would be too much for Petal, who is always so—"

  "All right,"Annie said through gritted teeth. She'd felt guilty for a moment, but she certainly wasn't going to go on feeling that way forever. "Zinnia," Annie instructed, "why don't you take Petal to the bathroom and, oh, I don't know, put a cold washcloth on her face?"

  So that's what Zinnia and Petal did.

  There was still no sign of Jackie.

  ***

  Rebecca's mood was not improved when Georgia put on a monster mask and then leaped out from around a corner and shouted, "Boo!" right in Rebecca's face. Rebecca nearly went through the roof, in more ways than one.

  "April Fools'!" Georgia laughed, removing the mask.

  "This whole house has gone insane," Rebecca muttered. "Am I the only one left here who has any sense?"

  And Rebecca's mood really didn't improve any when Petal and Zinnia returned, all excited.

  "What's wrong?" Annie asked immediately, for Petal and Zinnia were so excited, they couldn't even speak. Well, at least Petal wasn't fainting anymore.

  "Come quick!" Zinnia at last gasped out the words.

  "Yes!" Petal blurted. "Come quick! The cats are going crazy!"

  Not that this was anything new. It seemed as though our cats were always going crazy. Someone breaks into the house while we're out at a party? Cats go crazy. Someone steals Mommy's Top Secret folder from her private study? Cats go crazy. Too much fruitcake smell in the air? Cats go really crazy. Honestly, those cats were hysterical so often, they might as well have been Petal.

  As it turned out, when seven of us entered the cat room (which is like our drawing room, only for cats), the cats weren't going crazy at all. In fact, they looked downright peaceful.

  "Are you sure they're going crazy?" Marcia asked, one eyebrow raised. "It looks to me like they're practically sleeping."

  It was true. Anthrax, Dandruff, Greatorex, Minx, Precious, Rambunctious, and Zither—they were all curled up together like one giant ball of gray and white yarn.

  "Well, yes," Petal said hurriedly, "they do look peaceful now—"

  "Actually," Zinnia said, cutting her off, "they never looked notpeaceful, but—"

  "But Zinnia heard them all talking," Petal said, "and they were saying they heard that the Wicket returned last night."

  The Wicket was our evil neighbor, stealer of Top Secret folders everywhere, who back in February we'd tricked into going to Beijing by making her think that Mommy had taken her secret to eternal life and fled there. We'd long been worrying about her return; the Wicket's, that is.

  "Is this true?" Annie demanded of Zinnia.

  "Of course it's not true," Georgia said.

  "Exactly," Rebecca agreed. "Everyone except Zinnia knows that the cats don't really talk to Zinnia, nor do the cats understand her."

  "Oh, but that's exactly what the cats said," Petal said. "You see, this time, I heard them too."

  "You did?"

  All eyes were on Petal.

  "Oh yes," Petal said, practically hopping from foot to foot. It was hard to tell if she was excited, nervous, or had simply failed to use the bathroom when she'd gone in there with Zinnia. "And what's more, Zinnia and I also heard the cats talking amongst themselves, and they're plotting to ... they're plotting to ... they're plotting to..."

  "Plotting to what?"Rebecca snapped.

  "They're plotting to take over the house!" Petal burst out at last.

  "What?"Annie said. "This is serious."

  "But they are only cats," Marcia observed.

  "There's no such thing as 'only cats,'" said Durinda, who took her Dandruff very seriously. "That's like saying we're only eight little girls home all alone.' As if we have no power. As if we don't count. As if—"

  "Cut the drama," Rebecca said to Durinda. Then she glared at Petal and Zinnia. "You two, tell us all about the kitty coup."

  But Petal and Zinnia couldn't tell us that or anything else. They were too busy laughing so hard, they were nearly crying.

  "Kitty coup," Petal finally gasped. "April Fools'!"

  Petal, who'd never played a practical joke on anybody in her life, looked particularly pleased with herself.

  There was still no sign of Jackie.

  Come to think of it, there was no sign of her cat, Jaguar, either.

  ***

  "Ta-da!"

  At last, Jackie was back among us. The only problem was...

  "Your hair!" Rebecc
a shrieked.

  "Happy April Fools' Day!" Jackie trumpeted.

  "But cutting your hair is no practical joke," Rebecca said. "It's certainly not a temporary one. So let me point out, once more"—and here she started to shriek again, biting off each word—"You! Cut! Off! Your! Hair!"

  "Not all of it," Jackie said, bobbing the tips of her new short hair.

  In fact, her new haircut was a bob—short, straight, parted in the middle—which was very different from her usual look: long hair. It did take getting used to.

  "Don't you like it?" Jackie asked, but she didn't look worried about our opinion. We could tell she was pleased with what she'd done.

  "I ...think I do," Petal said, walking in a wide circle around Jackie. "But however did you manage it?"

  "Simple." Jackie shrugged. "I went to the haircutting room."

  "The haircutting room?" Petal reeled back in horror. In truth, we all reeled back in horror, all except Annie. Annie was the only one brave enough to go by herself into the haircutting room, where scissors flew around your head like crazy and you never knew if you might lose an ear. The rest of us hadn't gone in there since Mommy had disappeared. Or died.

  "You went in there all by yourself?" Petal gulped. It was obvious Petal couldn't think of a scarier thing in the world for a person to do. At least not right that minute. But give our Petal five more minutes, and she'd think of something new to be scared to death over.

  "Of course I didn't go alone," Jackie said, "not entirely." Then Jackie placed her thumb and forefinger in the corners of her mouth and let out a loud whistle.

  Jaguar came running and threw her little gray and white body straight into Jackie's open arms.

  Turned out, Jaguar had had a haircut too.

  "Your cat is practically bald," Rebecca said.

  "No, she's not." Jackie finally looked offended, and she hugged Jaguar a little closer, stroking her furry chin. "She just has less hair now than all of your cats. So she'll stand out more. It will be very nice for her."

  "And now you'll stand out more too," Rebecca said, not looking at all pleased. "Just like your cat, now you have shorter hair than the rest of us."