Con Job Read online

  Con Job

  Laura VanArendonk Baugh

  Text copyright 2014 Laura VanArendonk Baugh

  Cover illustration & design

  copyright 2014 Kristie Good, Crash Bang Labs

  ISBN 978-0-9859349-6-5

  www.Aeclipse-Press.com

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher, except for the use of brief quotations as in a book review.

  For all the geeks.

  Nerd on, my people.

  Author’s Note

  Fan conventions come in many flavors. There are conventions dedicated wholly to a medium, such as anime or comics or tabletop games, or to a subset of media, such as BBC television, or to a specific title or franchise, such as Star Wars or My Little Pony or the various incarnations of Sherlock Holmes, or to a genre, such as science-fiction or mystery. They can vary widely not only in content but in feel. How welcome are other fandoms at this particular convention, or should you wear your Assassin’s Creed shirt at a sci-fi con? What regional idiosyncrasies will set this fan gathering apart from one on the opposite side of the country?

  What will the people be like? A small sci-fi con might feel quite insular, while an anime con of the same size will probably include group dancing in the corridors to music someone is DJing from a corner, with plenty of enthusiasm and even hugs for a passing cosplayer dressed as a favorite character. (Always ask first! Not only for personal space reasons, but for care of the costume as well.) Some conventions limit the number of attendees, cutting off registration at a certain point, while others welcome all comers. Some are run with steampunk-clockwork precision, while others are very… loose. Some call the judging and display of costumes a masquerade, others a fashion show, others just a costume contest. At small cons without a lot of cosplay emphasis, costumes may be judged with only a glance on the stage, while at other cons judges may spend two full days examining the entries individually before they finally all go onstage.

  While some of these differences can seem divisive or confusing (I have seen a con attendee stumped by the lack of a “vendors’ hall,” while not knowing what the “dealers’ room” was), in the end cons all share the same general feel. A group of otherwise-unconnected people have come together to celebrate something they enjoy in common. It’s not a phenomenon which occurs frequently elsewhere; they haven’t come just to spectate or be entertained, as at a playhouse or cinema, they haven’t come just to buy or sell, as at a specialty store, and they haven’t come just to accomplish, as at a race or sporting event. They’ve come to share their enthusiasm with other enthusiasts.

  Come and join the enthusiasts and fans at Con Job.

  Special thanks to Sandy Della-Croce, Kate Allen, TR Goodman, Nancy VanArendonk, Dave Heigl, and Jennifer Bak for a delightful and hilarious discussion of fandom-themed food puns. I am only sorry I could not include more at the — ahem — Admiral Snackbar.

  Chapter One

  “What do you mean, it’s not there?”

  The registration girl shook her head. “Could it be under another name?”

  Jacob reached for his back pocket, glad he’d had the foresight to print his receipt. “Jacob Foster, see? Three-day badge.”

  She shook her head. Beside them, the next line shuffled forward as attendees claimed their badges. “No, that’s just your payment name, it won’t be under that. Lots of people buy badges for friends or kids. Your badge name is entered separately. But at least we know you should have one. Can I see that?”

  He passed her the receipt, and she copied the address into the computer. She frowned at the screen as a few more attendees beside them collected badges and headed off into the convention.

  Jacob glanced to his right, where Sam waited. She was trying to be patient, but she had her own badge already clipped to her jeweled belt. She was tapping at her phone, probably explaining they were delayed.

  “Man, what’s up with these lines?” grumbled someone behind him.

  “It wasn’t like this last year,” said someone else. “This is crazy.”

  “Ah, here you are,” said the registration girl, bending to look at the screen. “Instead of your name, it just shows your email address.”

  “What?” Jacob tried to lean forward and see the screen, but the angle was bad. “I wouldn’t have done that.”

  “Well, it’s here.” She shifted her eyes toward him as she started the label printer. “Though to be fair, you might not have. All pre-reg badges were entered by hand; someone might have done the entry wrong.”

  Jacob stared at her, seeking a way to ask the obvious question without sounding as if he were blaming her personally. “There’s eight thousand people coming here, and the registration is done by hand? After all the info was entered online?”

  “I know, I know. Rita, that’s the reg DH, she really wants to use one of those online ticket systems, you know? But con chair doesn’t want to.” She hesitated and then crumpled the freshly printed label instead of applying it to the plastic badge. “Sorry, it’s got your email as your badge name. Let me change this and print something else for you. I mean, it’s probably not as bad if you were a girl, but you know….”

  “No, I appreciate it.” And another minute longer wouldn’t hurt at this point.

  The printer spat out another small adhesive label, and she smoothed it onto the brightly-colored badge. It now read Jacob Foster instead of the screen name he normally used, but it was an improvement over [email protected].

  She handed him the badge. “Badge holders, lanyards, and program books are to your right. Have a great con.”

  Samantha looked up as he joined her. “You ready?”

  They moved around a pack of blood-soaked, ravaged half-men — survival horror was big this year — and slid past the growing registration lines. Jessica and Zach were waiting where the hotel ballroom opened into the corridor. “Hey!” Zach jumped up, trailing a floor-length scarf. “I thought you’d be in line forever.”

  “Careful!” Sam blocked his greeting hug with one arm and an apologetic smile. “I ran out of silicone rubber, so a couple of these armor spikes are resin, and they won’t flex when you hit them.”

  “Right in the solar plexus,” Zach observed. “Death by cosplay.”

  “A fitting end to anyone who touches a costume without permission,” Jessica pronounced. “But you made it!” She stood, her Twilight Princess Zelda costume making her look taller than her natural petite stature. “Registration still that bad?”

  “Ridiculously slow,” Jacob said. “Did you know they’re entering everything by hand? I wanted to check a calendar, see if we were back in the nineties or something.”

  “I know! People are complaining all over Twitter. But I guess it’ll get better as people get in, right?”

  Jacob wasn’t in costume, so he got a full hug. “Good to see you,” Zach said. “Guess who I am?”

  Jacob looked at the scarf. “The Fourth Doctor?”

  “Normally, you’d be right. But me, I’m Doctor Hu. Get it?”

  “Zach, quit,” Jessica said. “That’s totally racist.”

  Zach tapped his face. “I’m Asian. And my name is Hu.”

  “Still racist,” she said. “Racist is racist regardless of who you are.”

  “Who you are?”

  “Tell him he’s not funny,” Jessica said to Jacob. “And hi, by the way.”

  “Hi. Seen Sergio around?”

  “Not yet. But his panel’s today, so he might be setting up or something.”

  Zach opened his program book. “Anybody know where the signings are? Last year they were in the back of the vendor hall, but that was crazy crowded, so I hope the
y moved them.”

  “Which one do you want?”

  Zach found the list of guests and ran his finger down, looking for autograph info. “Mickey Groene, Sandra Shark — I swear that’s a fake name, I don’t care what she says — Ryan Brazil, Andrew Freeman, Tiffani Snyder…. Here you go, Jacob, Greg Hammer.”

  Sam leaned over his shoulder. “One two-hour slot? And he’s here only for his panel and the signing? That’s going to be packed.”

  “Well, it’s the only one I care about, so I’ll be there.” Jacob reached into his backpack. “I brought my first edition How to Die to get signed.”

  “Cool!” Zach took the book and held it carefully, admiring the stark block typography, How to Die In Five Easy Steps. “Wow, great condition.”

  “I try.” Jacob took it back and slid it into the inner pocket of his bag again. “You guys ready? Let’s hit the vendor hall. It should have just opened.”

  The vendor hall was only a few corridors away, but it took longer to reach because every few steps someone stopped them to ask for a photo of one or all of the costumes. Jacob held their bags as Sam, Jessica, and Zach fell into various practiced poses with each request, exchanging mutual thanks with the photographers before moving a bit further.

  Finally the group held up or pointed out their badges to the staffer at the entrance and then headed inside the joined ballrooms which formed the dealers’ room. The hall was already filling with attendees eager to shop for comics, figures, DVDs, posters, books, charms, jewelry, art, and more.

  “Who’s Megan?”

  “What?” asked Jacob.

  Zach pointed. “Who’s Megan?”

  Jacob followed his gesture and saw an enormous banner reading “MEGAN!ME” suspended over an open booth several times the size of the vendors on either side. “Not Megan, Meg-anime. It’s a pun, or it’s trying to be one but is bad at it. Kind of like you.”

  “I don’t follow anime.”

  “It’s a big company which just bought up a couple other company catalogs, making a lot of waves. People aren’t sure if it’s a good thing because maybe more titles will get released over here, or if it’s bad because they ate up competition and will raise prices. Too early to tell where they’re going. And they got some fan favorites, too.” Jacob started toward the booth.

  Sam was right beside him. “They’ve got Season of the Dove, and I haven’t been able to complete my set since they bought out Famion last year. I just need two more discs.” She gave him an embarrassed smile. “I know, but I want all the DVDs. They have this really cool image on the spines, forming the Final Seal the Spellknights use…. It looks cool, okay?”

  Jacob held up his hands. “Am I arguing?”

  They reached the table, and Samantha began scanning the DVDs. Jacob browsed beside her. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but he wouldn’t mind finding a copy of Ice War, or a figure set….

  “Here it is!” Samantha beckoned to one of the sales staff and pulled first one DVD, then another from the bin. She drew cash from the concealed pocket in her jeweled belt and flipped the DVDs over. “I’ll take both of — wait.” She flipped the boxes again. “What happened to the covers? Where’s the seal?”

  “Nice Spellknight costume,” commented the salesman. “You want both of those?”

  “I want these volumes, but with the Final Seal artwork,” Sam said. “Where are they?”

  He shook his head. “Those are the only ones.”

  “Can I order the others?”

  “No, there aren’t any others. That’s the only version released.”

  Sam looked at him. “That’s not true. Famion had the complete set with the Final Seal artwork.”

  “Those were recalled and destroyed. This is the MEGAN!ME release.”

  Sam stared. “Destroyed? They destroyed the Final Seal art versions?” Her jaw worked a moment. “That was why I bought the DVDs. I could have bought the series digitally for cheaper, but I wanted the Final Seal art. I skimped on rehearsals to work extra hours to get them. The whole reason people were buying the DVDs, and you trashed them?”

  “They had the Famion logo.” He pointed to the discs. “These have a new special feature, a fifteen-minute interview with the CEO of MEGAN!ME about the anime market—”

  “I don’t want an interview with some suit instead of the art that would complete my set!” Sam looked down at the discs again. “And — wait, is this the real price? That’s ten bucks more than the Final Seal art version!”

  The salesman had the grace to look sheepish. “Well, the company took a loss in destroying the other stock. And this one has an extra feature, that interview.”

  Sam slapped the DVDs down on the box of discs. “I think I’ll pass, thanks.”

  He nodded, almost apologetically. “If you want to say anything,” he said, dropping his voice, “there’s a VP here. Just today and tomorrow.” He nodded toward the far end of the booth, where a petite woman in a dark blue power suit was shoving a program book into a man’s chest. Sam glanced at her and then back at the man, and one corner of his mouth crooked upward. “I used to do marketing for Famion. Now I’m working the exhibit hall booth.”

  Sam nodded once. “Thanks.” She started toward the far end of the booth, and Jacob went with her.

  “Look at it!” the petite woman snarled, pointing at a page in the program book. “It’s wrong. Totally wrong. If you’re not even going to get our name right, then I’m pulling our sponsorship right now. We will walk, and you’ll owe everything we gave you.”

  “Wait, look,” said the man. “You can still read it. It still says mega-anime.”

  “It’s MEGAN!ME,” snapped the woman, “and the exclamation point is missing. That’s an I.”

  “People are still going to know exactly what company it is.”

  “That’s not the point! Branding is very important. I want this fixed!”

  “There are thousands of program books already distributed,” he said with an incredulous little squeak. “Even if I could somehow have thousands more printed in the next couple of hours — which is impossible….” The man trailed off as he noticed Sam and Jacob, and he seemed to deflate a little. “Look, if you guys have a question, can you take it to Con Ops, please? I’m kind of tied up at the moment.”

  “Actually, we were waiting to talk to you,” Sam said, looking at the woman in the suit.

  She gave them a frigid look. “Are you sure you have the right person? I’m not con staff.”

  Jacob caught Samantha’s arm. “We can see you’re busy,” he said. “Maybe later.”

  Samantha pulled away. “I’d like to give you some customer feedback.”

  “Feel free to talk to the guy behind the table.”

  “He suggested I speak with you—”

  “Sorry!” Jacob cut in. “We’ll talk with him and maybe try to catch you later.”

  Samantha went with him, scowling. “What a hag,” she said. “Why’d you stop me?”

  “I read the face of that guy she had by the throat. Anything we said was going to be his fault, you know?”

  “You might be right. Poor guy. Did you hear her? Yanking their sponsorship because of the letter I?”

  “It’s supposed to be an exclamation point.”

  Sam laughed. “I’ll bet she made the Final Seal art decision herself,” she said. “Personally. With the artists pleading and crying in front of her desk, holding photos of their starving little kids. And puppies.”

  “Real puppies, or pictures of puppies?”

  “Both.”

  Zach and Jessica were still browsing the dealers, so Jacob and Samantha started for the door on their own. The room was getting crowded, and Sam preferred to avoid crowds. As they passed a booth of fan art Jacob turned to examine a Wonder Woman poster, and bumped into someone. “Sorry!”

  “No problem,” said the young woman, smoothing a strand of hair back into place. She wore a neat blue business suit with a corsage, and her convention badge hu
ng behind a more traditional industry badge which read, Hello, my name is Laura. “All good.”

  Sam frowned as they went on. “She’s got to be in costume, with that badge, but I can’t place it.”

  “You can’t recognize everyone, not at a mixed con like this. Too many fandoms.”

  “No, this is something I know. It’ll come to me in the middle of the night or something.”

  They passed the row of video rooms, mostly empty this early in the convention. Jacob slowed to read down the schedule of the first, hoping against reason that Ice War would be on it. No such luck; the room was presently screening season two of Battlestar Galactica.

  “Jacob.”

  He glanced up, caught by Samantha’s tone. She was standing outside the door of the second room, looking inside, and as he watched her eyes shifted to catch his.

  He took a few steps to join her and looked in at the enormous screen which should have been, per the schedule posted on the easel outside, showing the Tenth Doctor. Instead, a fat woman and a chubby, bleached-blond little boy were screaming at one another.

  Jacob’s stomach clenched and for a moment he couldn’t breathe.

  On the screen, the little boy turned and yanked down his elastic-waist pants, mooning the shouting woman with barely-pixelated buttocks.

  Jacob crossed the empty room to the DVD player and slapped the eject button. The disc which came out wasn’t commercial, just someone’s home-burned copy with permanent marker spelling out Cougars and Cold Ones. Jacob snapped the DVD in half and threw the pieces into the trash can in the corner.

  “Right,” Sam said. “No telling where that came from. Somebody’s idea of a practical joke.” She took a breath. “We going to Sergio’s panel?”

  Chapter Two

  Sergio’s session was supposed to be on the import and translation process to bring foreign media to the US, but judging from the abandoned slide about distribution channels on the over-sized wall screen, the discussion had gone its own way. Samantha flipped a little wave at Sergio as they took seats in the back, but he didn’t seem to see them. The room wasn’t large, but it was nearly full.