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  More Praise forTrauma Stewardship

  “Reading this book is like looking into a mirror. We will see ourselves much more clearly, will understand ourselves much better and will come up with better ways of being It and doing It. Compassion, yes, Compassion is Happiness itself. Enjoy.”

  —THICH NHAT HANH, Zen Master and peace activist

  “Anyone who works with traumatized people can be caught in the grip of anxiety, irritability, or overwhelming sadness. By shutting out those feelings, you may sink into emotional numbness. You wish for wise words and a fresh perspective. You long for an understanding heart. You can find all that and more in Laura van Dernoot Lipsky’s terrific book... It will get you through hard times. It will help you feel better and work smarter. No trauma worker should be without it.”

  —GINNY NICARTHY, counselor, educator, and author of Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life

  “Trauma Stewardship provides valuable advice for all those who toil for the betterment of society and the environment we share. Author Laura van Dernoot Lipsky’s lifetime of caring and service has given her powerful insights into those who have similarly devoted their lives to the greater good. She reminds us all to embrace the joy of connecting with the people and planet that we cherish and serve.”

  —JOHN FLICKER, President and CEO, National Audubon Society

  “Laura makes a superb case for ‘trauma stewardship’ as an approach that will benefit all of us in the service community who must deal with the struggles of our work with a hurting world. Her real-life stories hit home and clearly illustrate the ways that the traumatic situations we experience at work can carry into our personal view of our world. Laura helps us understand our own responses to trauma and provides a path of renewal. Her book offers tools to bring us back to a place of balance where we can be more effective in our work, more present with our families, and more importantly, more at peace in our own soul.”

  —MICHAEL L. TUGGY, MD, Director, Swedish Medical Center Family Medicine Residency Program; Medical Director, Swedish Family Medicine First Hill Clinic; and recipient of the Bronze Star from the US Army

  “Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and Trauma Stewardship gave me language to describe what I was feeling after three trips to Iraq and subsequent work among US service members struggling to heal from war. Trauma Stewardship helped me acknowledge that my pain was not weakness to be suppressed or anesthetized but secondary trauma. But perhaps most important, Trauma Stewardship has shown me a path—not an easy one, to be sure, but a concrete one—toward a better and healthier life.”

  —BRIAN PALMER, journalist

  “Having been an attorney for only two years, I was both surprised and relieved to recognize many signs of secondary trauma in myself. Surprised because I had never been able to acknowledge the impact of my work as a public defender in such a way; relieved for the very same reason. I have come to rely on this book as a means to help me bear the weight of what can feel like inexorable human tragedy. It is only through the practices articulated and encouraged in Trauma Stewardship that my spirit remains intact. Each person I represent is better served for my having used this book. I recommend it to every public interest attorney and law student.”

  —ELIZABETH LATIMER, public defense attorney, Brooklyn Defender Services

  “It is extremely easy, especially as caregivers, to overlook ourselves and our care. Laura takes us, the trauma stewards, on a journey of self-healing: her book’s humor will make you laugh; its tools will help make us whole. She reminds us that the work we do as caregivers not only impacts our clients but also deeply affects us. Trauma Stewardship provides us with methods to help us get in touch with habits and feelings that no longer serve us, our communities, or our work. A must-read for all those who understand that this work we do is sacred.”

  —KANIKA TAYLOR-MURPHY, community activist

  “Laura is a weaver. She takes the harsh yet resilient fibers that are the stories of trauma survivors and workers, including her own, threads them together with common-sense advice, and creates a warm and soft blanket that comforts and protects. It is an important book because it reminds you to care for yourself as you care for others and then offers practical tools for doing so. I wish I’d had this book when I first began my work with women and children experiencing domestic violence!”

  —GRETCHEN TEST, Program Associate for Child Welfare, Annie E. Casey Foundation

  “In this groundbreaking guide to trauma stewardship, van Dernoot Lipsky shines new light on the care of the healers in the helping professions and provides a useful and loving guide to developing our ability to care for ourselves as much as we care for others. Anyone in the helping professions will benefit from the profound insights offered in this book.”

  —MIA EISENSTADT, consultant, activist, and anthropologist This page intentionally left blank

  Trauma Stewardship

  Trauma Stewardship

  An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others

  Laura van Dernoot Lipsky with Connie Burk

  Trauma Stewardship

  Copyright © 2009 by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.

  Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

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  San Francisco, California 94104-2916

  Tel: (415) 288-0260, Fax: (415) 362-2512

  www.bkconnection.com

  Ordering information for print editions

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  First Edition

  Paperback print edition ISBN 978-1-57675-944-8

  PDF e-book ISBN 978-1-60509-263-8

  2009-1

  Cartoons appearing on pages 2, 7, 10, 13, 17, 20, 22, 29, 40, 47, 49, 59, 61, 65, 67, 69, 70, 79, 81, 84, 90 94, 96, 99, 101, 103, 104, 108, 110, 112, 120, 122, 131, 134, 149, 167, 173, 181, 183, 185, 196, 201, 209, 211, 223, 230, 244 are all copyrighted to The New Yorker Collection. Licensed by Cartoonbank.com. All Rights Reserved.

  “The Dream Keeper” (appearing on the cover and page vii) from The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes, edited by Arnold Rampersad, copyright 1994 by The Estate of Langston Hughes, reprinted with the permission of Alfred A. Knopf, a division of Random House, Incorporated, and Harold Ober Associates Incorporated.

  Editors: Stacy Carlson and Karen Cook. Book producer and Designer: Yuko Uchikawa. Copyeditor: Elissa Rabellino. Proo
freader: Debra Gates. Indexer: Rachel Rice. Illustrations appearing on inside front and back cover by Andrea Thomas ©2007. Cover painting: Gianni Monteleone ©2007. Cover design: Yuko Uchikawa.

  For my ancestors and the sacred wilderness that surrounds me

  The Dream Keeper

  by Langston Hughes

  Bring me all of your dreams,

  You dreamers,

  Bring me all of your

  Heart melodies

  That I may wrap them

  In a blue cloud-cloth

  Away from the too-rough fingers

  Of the world.

  CONTENTS

  Foreword by Jon R. Conte, Ph.D.

  Acknowledgments

  About the Coauthor

  INTRODUCTION: On the Cliff of Awakening

  PART ONE: UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA STEWARDSHIP

  CHAPTER ONE: A New Vision for Our Collective Work

  CHAPTER TWO: The Three Levels of Trauma Stewardship

  PART TWO: MAPPING YOUR RESPONSE TO TRAUMA EXPOSURE

  CHAPTER THREE: What Is Trauma Exposure Response?

  CHAPTER FOUR: The 16 Warning Signs of Trauma Exposure Response

  PART THREE: CREATING CHANGE FROM THE INSIDE OUT

  CHAPTER FIVE: New Ways to Navigate

  CHAPTER SIX: Coming into the Present Moment

  PART FOUR: FINDING YOUR WAY TO TRAUMA STEWARDSHIP

  CHAPTER SEVEN: Following the Five Directions

  CHAPTER EIGHT: NORTH • Creating Space for Inquiry

  CHAPTER NINE: EAST • Choosing Our Focus

  CHAPTER TEN: SOUTH • Building Compassion and Community

  CHAPTER ELEVEN: WEST • Finding Balance

  CHAPTER TWELVE: THE FIFTH DIRECTION • A Daily Practice of Centering Ourselves

  CONCLUSION: Closing Intention

  Notes

  Selected Bibliography

  Index

  About the Author

  FOREWORD

  When my friend and colleague Laura van Dernoot first told me she was thinking of writing a book on secondary trauma, my first internal reaction went something like, “That is the last thing the world needs.” She will no doubt remind me if my internal reaction was actually externalized in words. (You who are about to enjoy this book will get a glimpse into the tell-the-truth-with-loving-concern person that Laura is.)

  Whether I said it out aloud or only in my own head, my concern was that in many pieces of literature, notions of vicarious trauma (a.k.a. empathic strain, compassion fatigue, secondary trauma, burnout) are being thrown around with little appreciation for what they mean or what taking them seriously would require of us. (The same is true for many other meaningful concepts, including evidence-based practice, cultural competence, and authenticity.) Poor practice, errors in practice, agency insensitivity to employees, rudeness among colleagues, tardiness, sloppiness, and other minor and major events taking place in practice today are excused as “secondary trauma.” All kinds of work-related stress, emotional or behavioral responses to the demands of the workplace, and other work-related conditions are also fluffed off as “secondary trauma.”

  You will find in the pages that follow that Laura has a keen understanding of trauma and the responses to it. This is a book written by someone who has walked the path and knows firsthand what trauma brings and demands of those who walk that path. Her honesty, humor, and no-nonsense approach make these vital topics accessible to all of us. Even the most experienced trauma worker will find a refreshing perspective here. Her idea of trauma stewardship is a great gift to our field. It erodes the artificial line between sufferer and helper. It recognizes that trauma has impacts that can be named and managed. Trauma stewardship calls into question whether the means of exposure (direct or indirect, through relationships with those directly exposed) has any relevance to the impact of the trauma. Most of all, trauma stewardship calls on us to remember that it is a gift to be present when people deal with trauma; it reminds us of our responsibility to care and to nurture our capacity to help.

  You will soon read Laura’s claim that she brings no new knowledge to this calling. This is far from the truth. Not only is trauma stewardship a new formulation, but in ways that no other book or trainer has done, Laura links the key components of responding to trauma together in a way that is seamless and natural. One cannot go away from this book without understanding the relationship between oppression and trauma, the importance of purposeful action to protecting others and self, and the vital role that spirituality plays in protecting us from and managing trauma’s impact on our own lives, as well as on the lives of our clients and friends. It interests me that Laura comes to this appreciation of the role of spirituality from walking the path, although increasingly this is also a finding from research on vicarious trauma.

  Laura directs our attention to the impacts of trauma work on those who help and witness. Rather than pathologizing those of us who experience these reactions at one time or another, she helps us to understand our feelings and behavior as natural responses that flow from our humanity. In the same way that oils splatter on the painter’s shirt or dirt gets under the gardener’s nails, trauma work has an impact. As psychotherapists, we know that when the sources of anxiety go unrecognized, the anxiety cannot be managed. When that is the case, not only we but also our clients may suffer unnecessary distress. Laura gives us a range of possible emotions, ideas, and behaviors that can indicate that the work is taking a toll.

  Perhaps the greatest gift this book gives us lies in the sections on finding compasses. Instead of producing a cookbook, Laura takes us along on her own journey. The Five Directions invite us, it seems to me, on a single direction that is inward so we can again go outward to the work. I haven’t told Laura until now that when I first read this, I was angry.“Laura, for heaven’s sake”—maybe the real words were a bit stronger—“tell me what to do!” Then I came to understand, as I took the deep breath she invites her reader to take, that the answer for her cannot be the answer for me. She gives us a compass, but each of us has to find the direction.

  Those of you who are about to read this book are at the trailhead of a path that holds great promise for you, for your work, and for those whom you are privileged to work with. In an age when the same ideas get repeated until they lose any meaning, this is a book with fresh ideas. Unlike cookbooks or manuals that invite quick responses that have not been thought out, this book invites us on a journey. On that journey, we are invited to take a fresh look at why we do the work, and how our work must be contextualized in efforts to end oppression and privilege. We are reminded that the work has inevitable benefits and challenges, that we are stewards not just of those who allow us into their lives but of our own capacity to be helpful, and that a mindful and connected journey, both internally and externally, allows us to sustain the work.

  We are in this work together, all of us. Our best hope is to understand that it is a long journey. We need to take care of ourselves and each other. Laura has given us a great compass and map to help us on our journey.

  JON R. CONTE, PH.D.

  Seattle, Washington

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  There is no end to the people to whom I offer thanks for their much-needed help in writing this book. I am grateful to Aliyah and Mikaela, for teaching me what it truly means to have faith and for forgiving me each and every time I said, “Solamente dos más minutos”—a promise on which I could rarely deliver. To Joshua, who is my greatest role model, for reminding me what is truly important in life, and for helping me find my way back home. To Craig, who was the first to help me get back on my feet in life when I fell. To my father, who gifted me with an understanding of what it means to be grateful for my surroundings. To my mother, who gifted me with my passion and whose spirit kept me company throughout the process of writing. To Margarita Gutierrez, for being my sister and showing me what an open heart looks like. To Connie Burk and Jake Fawcett, whom we are proud to call our family and our friends, who inspire us with c
easeless generosity, and who are largely responsible for this book’s emergence. To Caleb, who taught me what it means to be present. To Richard Appelbaum, for helping me connect with the rest of my life. To Jon Conte, whose willingness to sit with me and to bring true joy and great clarity has been unconditional and whose wisdom has allowed me to pursue this path. To Billie Lawson, who was a lifeline after many graveyard shifts, and whose humor has taught me so much. To Heather Andersen and Leslie Christian, for being deeply inspiring friends and beautiful mentors, and for their wonderfully generous financial support. To Michael Lipsky, whose tough love and belief in me helped form the foundation for my writing. To David Andrew, whose honesty and commitment to what could be helped the book truly come into its own. To Jerry Litner, who provided the wisdom that led me to a critical turning point, and to Suzanne Litner, for her care and practical support of the book. To Shayna Berkowitz and Phyllis Wiener, for their thoughtful donation to the book. To Charlie Browne, for inviting me to live in gratitude and start anew. To Harry, Anna, Helen, Vance, Cindy, Deadria, Heather, Cheri, Polly, Warren, Vicky, Donna, and Jonathan, whose insights, honesty, and wisdom inspired my efforts to create a place that would be worthy of holding their stories. To Charles Newcomb, Sarah Bexell, Luo Lan, Jill Robinson, L.P., Kati Loeffler, Kirsten Stade, Victor Pantesco, Karen Lips, Chihchun, and Nancy Dammann, for helping me to realize my dream of connecting this work with their efforts to protect animals and ecosystems worldwide. To Zaid Hassan, whose friendship, encouragement, and feedback provided tremendous support. To Eli Kimaro, whose confidence and refusal to collude with my doubts allowed for critical forward motion. To Ginny NiCarthy, who has generated light and strength for me for two decades. To James and Linda Mooney, George Bertelstein, and Karena Goldfinger, for their love, for letting me sit at their feet, and for keeping the mirror dusted off. To Claire Guyu Johnson, for lighting the way inward. To Jack Kornfield, for his openness to collaborating with me, which has given me a gift I’ll always cherish. To Thây, for creating a world I did not know was possible and for inviting me to walk along with him. To Jane Hansberry, Laurie Leitch, Elaine Miller-Karas, and Kathleen Tyrrell, for their warm welcome and invaluable sharing. To Felix, Hanna, Saskia, Tina, and Mark, for reminding me daily of what is truly possible. To Yanet Moo Chan, Laurence Opiniano, and Michelle Opiniano for critical communal parenting. To all who have provided feedback, critique, enthusiasm, introductions, and reminders that they care about this work, including Steve Tan, Robert Ruvkun, Mariette Newcomb, Ron Slye, Jacob Lipsky, Suzanne Goren, Stephanie Levine, Phyllis Barajas, Ingrid Dankmeyer, Claudia Carreño, Issraella Kleiman, Rivy Kletenik, Kym Anderson, Aislyn Colgan, Erin Healy, Holly Morris Bennet, Mia Eisenstadt, Shelly Shapiro, Julie Edsforth, Jay Katz, Abbey Semel, Russell Saunders, Jayasiddhi, Theresa LaLanne, Lisa Willis, Maia Olson, Lisa Fitzhugh, Sister Pine, Lavinia Browne, Sister Susan, Louise Ste. Marie, Joseph Rodríguez, Melissa Winter, Heather Higginbottom, Chris Lu, Laura Amazzone, Garry Trudeau, Colin Kopes-Kerr, Adam Vogt, Eric Semel, Michele Matrisciani, Jon Bergevin, Marc Heusner, Jason Robertson, Jayna Gieber, Tom Kenney, Erin Galvin, Karyn Schwartz, Cynthia Garrett, Michael Tuggy, Kanika Taylor-Murphy, Gretchen Test, Chelsea Sexton, Norm Stamper, John Flicker, David Olson, Benjamin Schonbrun, Tom Johnson, Robyn Nordstrom-Lane, Laura Simms, Dean Ericksen, Karen Maeda Allman, Data Reproductions, Megan Sukys, Jeremy Richards, Tim Taylor, Lisa DiMartino, Brian Palmer, Elizabeth Latimer, Jamie Willis, Christie Schmid, Tara Wolfe, Barbara Casey, Daniel Siegel, Brother Pháp Huu, Brother Phíp Trì, Debra Gates, Rachel Rice, Betsy Model, and independent bookstores around the United States. To Jay Katz, Toby Cox, Rachel VanDeMark, Ann Sonz Matranga, David Kerns, Janice Rutledge, Jenny Williams, and Donna Calame, whose investment in and dedication to our work, along with tremendous generosity, allowed us to go even deeper and aspire to even greater heights. To Rinku Sen, for her sincere support of our work, for her inspiring guidance, and for an invaluable introduction to Berrett-Koehler. To Johanna Vondeling and Jeevan Sivasubramaniam, for truly understanding our intention with this book and for welcoming us into their world with unparalleled faith, generosity, kindness, skill, and humor. For all those at Berrett-Koehler: I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to work with them and have one more chance to create this book. To Samantha Wipperman, for her endless belief in this work and her ever-present kindness. To Merrideth Miller and all the fabulous New Yorker cartoonists who have sustained my laughter over the years. To Jessica Stockton Bagnulo, for her spectacular attention to detail and a final read-through that gave us peace of mind. To Elissa Rabellino, for her willingness to go so above and beyond, and for the grace and talent with which she does her work. To Andrea Thomas, for her care in translating the concepts into wonderful visuals. To Britt Martin and Gianni Monteleone, for being such loving comrades and for blessing this work with their tremendous artistry.