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  ESCAPING UTOPIA

  Actor Glenn Close. Humorist Garrison Keillor. Musician Lisa Marie Presley. Actor Leah Remini. Singer Toni Braxton. The late actor River Phoenix. Each of these well-known people has more than fame in common; each was born or raised in a cult.

  Many of us think of cults as bizarre groups that only strange people inhabit, but in truth, cults are not unusual at all—and the social pressures and controlling structures that create cults exist (to some degree) in every human relationship and every human group. Cult behavior is human behavior—and by studying cults, we can learn remarkably useful things about the world and our place in it.

  In Escaping Utopia, Janja Lalich and Karla McLaren (both cult survivors) explore the life stories of sixty-five people who were born in or grew up in thirty-nine different cults spanning more than a dozen countries. This original research explores fundamental questions about human nature, human development, group dyna - mics, abuse and control, and triumphs of the human spirit in the face of extended suffering.

  The lessons we can learn from these cult survivors can inform and protect each of us—so that cultic groups cannot gain influence over us or our loved ones.

  Janja Lalich is a researcher, author, and educator specializing in self-sealing systems (cults, terrorist groups, extremist groups), with a focus on indoctrination and methods of influence and control. She is Professor Emerita of Sociology at California State University, Chico, and has studied the social psychology of exploitative groups and relationships for over thirty years.

  Karla McLaren is an award-winning author and social science researcher who grew up in a New Age healing cult. Her research focuses on emotions, empathy, autism and neurodiversity, social-emotional learning, within-group and inter-group dynamics and conflict, agnotology, and influence techniques.

  “Escaping Utopia is a must read book for everyone concerned about the real nature of human nature. Authors Lalich and McLaren do a brilliant job in revealing the various psycho-social mechanisms by which cults attract, deceive and bind recruits into their ‘families,’ at great personal costs—and how to help them exit.”

  Philip Zimbardo, Professor Emeritus, Stanford University

  “This is a unique and valuable book. The authors have taken a much-neglected subject: the fate of children growing up in cults who leave knowing little or nothing of the world outside their cult’s boundaries. The book is largely based on interviews with 65 of these former cult members from a wide variety of different types of cults. But the material is thematically unified by the authors’ profound theoretical understanding of cult dynamics gained through many decades of studying cults from both inside and out. This accessible and nuanced account of a controversial subject will be the standard reference on its subject for many years to come.”

  Benjamin Zablocki, Professor Emeritus, Department

  of Sociology, Rutgers University

  “By using contemporary scholarship to elucidate the abuse, then the resiliency, of young adults who left abusive cults, this study accomplishes the unusual task of creating an immensely accessible book for the general public, current and former members, and academics. Nothing else like it exists.”

  Stephen A. Kent, Sociology Professor and Adjunct

  Professor in the Interdisciplinary Program in Religious

  Studies, University of Alberta

  “Lalich and McLaren, both of whom are former cult members, have written the definitive work on the hidden world of those children and teenagers who grew up in cults, managed to get out, and start their lives over. With sympathy and understanding, Lalich and McLaren recount the struggles of 65 different individuals and their grief, pain, and suffering. It is a beautifully written story about the ultimate triumph of the human spirit. A well-developed theory of how cults operate and affect their members is presented to help us understand and guard against friends and family members being drawn into their orbit and how to help them, if they are.”

  Scott G. McNall, author of The Problem of Social Inequality

  and the forthcoming Cultures of Defiance and Resistance,

  University of Montana

  ESCAPING UTOPIA

  Growing Up in a Cult, Getting Outs, and Starting Over

  Janja Lalich and Karla McLaren

  First published 2018

  by Routledge

  711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017

  and by Routledge

  2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN

  Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business

  © 2018 Taylor & Francis

  The right of Janja Lalich and Karla McLaren to be identified as authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.

  Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  A catalog record for this book has been requested

  ISBN: 978-1-138-23973-9 (hbk)

  ISBN: 978-1-138-23974-6 (pbk)

  ISBN: 978-1-315-29509-1 (ebk)

  Typeset in Bembo and Stone Sans

  by Florence Production Ltd, Stoodleigh, Devon, UK

  Important Note

  The material in this book is intended to provide an overview of the life experiences and resulting issues of individuals who were born and/or raised in a cult or cult-like environment. The memories and opinions stated herein are those of the individuals who were interviewed during the research project, and are not necessarily the views of the authors. Every effort has been made to provide accurate and dependable information, and this book has been written in consultation with professionals. Readers should be aware that some professionals and academics within this field of study may have differing views, and that change is always hap pening within groups, across locations, and over time. Therefore, the authors, contri butors, publisher, and editors cannot be held responsible for any error or omission.

  The material in this book is presented for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for legal or clinical advice, and should not be used to diagnose or treat any problem. If needed, always consult licensed legal counsel, social workers, or health or mental health providers.

  To each of our sixty-five narrators: We thank you for your courage, your openness, your hard-won resilience, and your wisdom. You fought and dreamed to save your own lives; your stories can and will change the world.

  Janja Lalich and Karla McLaren

  CONTENTS

  Acknowledgments

  Introduction

  1.

  We Weren’t There by Choice

  2.

  The Transcendent Belief System: Purity, Perfection, and the Eradication of Individuality

  3.

  Charismatic Authority: Exhilarating Vision, Electrifying Charisma, and Total Domination

  4.

  Systems of Control: Official Rules, Formal Structures,

  5.

  Systems of Influence: Social Pressures, Rigid Expectations, and Constant Manipulation

  6.

  Landing on Mars: Finding Their Way in an Alien World

  7.

  Surviving and Thriving: Trauma, Resilience, and Integration

  Appendices

  Appendix A: Rese
arch Methodology

  Appendix B: Print and Multi-Media Resources

  Appendix C: Cult Information and Resource Websites

  Appendix D: Influence Methods that Support a Behavioral-Control System

  References

  Index

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  My inspiration for this book came to me in 2003 while I was attending a cult-education conference in Orange, California, sponsored by the American Family Foundation (now the International Cultic Studies Association). One of the panels focused on growing up in the Children of God/The Family cult, and featured Julia McNeil (sadly now deceased) and Daniel Roselle. Listening to them speak about their lives as children in the cult moved me to tears. Later, we spoke at length, and I so admired their courage, fortitude, and humanity. They gave me a deep understanding of this new generation of cult-leavers and how we as a society have neglected to recognize them or offer them much-needed services or resources to aid them in their integration into the mainstream world. I left that conference knowing that children of cults would be my next research project, and this book is the culmination of that dream.

  Grants from the Strategic Performance Fund and the Faculty Travel Funds of the College of Behavioral and Social Sciences at California State University, Chico, enabled me to develop and complete the project. So I thank then-Dean Gayle Hutchinson for seeing the value in this project. I also thank the College’s Sabbatical Committee for awarding me a semester-long sabbatical in Fall 2008, which gave me time to complete the interviews. And it goes without saying that the sixty-five individuals who granted me an interview about their lives both in and after the cult are forever in my heart. Often their stories were difficult to listen to because of the neglect and abuse, so I can imagine how difficult it must have been for them to share their experiences with me. Yet, they did so with honesty, grace, wholeheartedness, and the desire to help others who may find themselves in situations similar to theirs. They are the true champions of this book.

  There are so many others who contributed in one way or another along theway. First, I am so grateful to my undergraduate Sociology students who became my research assistants who transcribed the recorded interviews and entered data from the surveys: Allison Cross, Maggie Dean, Catherine Foerster, Shannon Simmons, and Jessie Parsons. Also Mandee Kleene worked diligently on searching out relevant literature for me to review. Later in the project, others helped in much-appreciated ways in the final stages of the manuscript process: Alexandra Kokkinakis, a former student and Teaching Assistant of mine, and now Adjunct Faculty in the Sociology Department; Nicole Quinn, a nursing student; and Joni Giraulo, who grew up in the Children of God/The Family and is one of the sixty-five who were interviewed.

  I am indebted to my friend Scott McNall for suggesting our book proposal to Dean Birkenkamp at Routledge, who immediately saw the significance of the material and gave Karla and me mounds of encouragement along the way. Thank you, Dean.

  I also want to thank those friends and colleagues who were early readers of the manuscript, offering helpful critiques and general enthusiasm for the book: Polly Thomas, Miguel deCruz, Alyson Juers, Shagay Anselment, Emily Gallo, Miriam Boeri, and Alexandra Stein. They, along with other friends, Barbara Besser, Kate Transchel, Marny Hall, and my sweet dog, Ollie, were invaluable in keeping me on track and able to bring the narrators’ stories and wisdom to the light of day. And last but certainly not least, I cannot say enough about my dear friend and coauthor, Karla. She’s brilliant. She’s empathic. She’s a terrific writer, and a joy to work with.

  Janja Lalich

  I thank each of our narrators, whose bravery, pain, griefs, and triumphs have lived inside my heart since the first moment I read their stories. I also thank and admire Janja for discovering a hidden world of pain, despair, and systematic injustice, and walking right in to see what could be done. Her willingness to not only confront the worst of human nature, but to willingly engage with, study, and work to change it is a vital skill for times like these—or indeed, for any times.

  I thank Janja for bringing me into this project, and I am indebted to each of the research assistants who organized this voluminous data. I thank our editor, Dean Birkenkamp at Routledge, for his sensitive and enthusiastic encouragement. I also owe a huge debt of gratitude to my husband, Tino Plank, and my colleagues at Empathy Academy, Amanda Ball and Sherry Olander, for keeping the world turning as I made journey after journey into the underworld of cults, and wrote my way back out.

  Karla McLaren

  INTRODUCTION

  Actor Glenn Close. Humorist Garrison Keillor. Actor Winona Ryder. Musician Lisa Marie Presley. Actor Leah Remini. Musician Toni Braxton. Actors Alexis, David, Patricia, Richmond, and Rosanna Arquette. Actor Rose McGowan. The late actor River Phoenix. Each of these well-known people has more than fame in common; each was born or raised in a cult.1

  Most of us think of cults as bizarre, baffling, or otherworldly groups that only strange people inhabit, but cults and abusive cultic relationships are not unusual at all. In fact, the behaviors, social pressures, and controlling structures that create cults exist (to some degree) in every human relationship and every human group. Cult behavior is human behavior—and by studying cults, we can learn remarkably useful things about the social world and our place in it.

  In this book, we’ll explore the life stories of sixty-five people who were born in or grew up in thirty-nine different cults spanning more than a dozen countries. These stories come from the original research of sociologist and cult expert Janja Lalich, Ph.D., who interviewed these survivors and analyzed their stories to identify the key features they shared. Though each story is unique, these individuals were chosen for the study because of two important similarities: (1) They were all brought into their cults at a very young age or at birth; and (2) They all escaped from their groups on their own, without any help from inside or outside their cults. This focus on the children of cults gives us new information about how cults treat and affect their most vulnerable members, and reveals how we as a society can ease their integration into our world.

  As you’ll see in their stories, very few of these cult survivors found the support they needed once they got out of their cults. Many social service agencies and counseling professionals do not yet understand the unique needs of people who were raised in closed, controlled, and cultic groups—and a main reason that we wrote this book is to share real-life stories and examples of what cult survivors endure, and what types of support they need. Also, the lessons we can learn from these survivors may prevent more of us from joining these controversial and often harmful groups.

  As we delve into these stories, we will explore fundamental questions about human nature, human development, group dynamics, abuse and control, and the triumphs of the human spirit in the face of mistreatment, loss, and suffering. We will also explore the ways that cultic groups are similar to all other groups, and the specific ways in which they differ.

  Many of us have encountered controlling or cult-like groups—but for many reasons, we tend to feel unsure about what we see. We may notice something off; yet the people involved will assure us that everything is wonderful, exciting, or life-changing. Or when we encounter a troubling group, we might ask ourselves, “Is this a cult, or is it just a very close-knit group? Am I being too judgmental?” While this confusion is understandable, unfortunately it also helps many controlling groups avoid scrutiny.

  Additionally, the way that the media portrays cults obstructs our view and makes us less aware of the true nature of these groups. For instance, in 2011, media outlets focused intense ridicule on the seemingly bizarre cult of the Reverend Harold Camping,2 whose three failed doomsday prophecies became the butt of endless jokes. Yet almost no one pointed out how utterly commonplace end-times predictions are, since most mainstream religions3 promote end-of-the-world prophecies, as did believers in the Y2K, Supermoon, and Mayan 2012 New Age prophecies.

  The media feed us shocking and lurid accounts of
failed prophets, polygamist cults, and seemingly strange people wearing strange outfits. Because of the way these groups are portrayed, we miss out on important knowledge that could help us. Instead, we mistakenly believe that cult members are different from us because we are constantly told that all cults are made up of wild-eyed followers, bizarre leaders, and gullible fools.

  Subsequently and tragically, when we meet up with actual cultic groups, we may miss most of the telling signals and unknowingly walk right into danger. This book will help you learn, in a step-by-step way, how to read those signals correctly so that cultic groups cannot gain influence over you or your loved ones.

  By focusing on the often-wrenching true stories of children and teens who grew up in small groups, large international movements, unknown family-based collectives, or infamous cults, we will help you learn how to identify the four dimensions that all cultic groups share.

  Who Are We?

  We are Janja Lalich, Ph.D. and Karla McLaren, M.Ed., and we have a special knowledge of cults. Both of us were cult members, and both of us got out, started over, and created new lives for ourselves. Coauthor Janja is now a retired Professor of Sociology, a researcher and author, and an internationally recognized cult expert; but in her earlier life, she spent more than ten long years in a Marxist political cult that was going to change the world through a workers’ revolution. Coauthor Karla is now an author, educator, and social science researcher, but she spent most of her teens in a New Age cult that was going to change the world through spirituality, nutrition, and right living. In both of our cults, the focus wasn’t particularly harsh or alarming at first; both of our cults were filled with idealistic and dedicated people who gathered together to save the world in ways that made perfect sense to them at the time. We weren’t building cults, as far as we knew. Rather, we thought of ourselves as groundbreakers who were creating utopias. We were certain that our intense dedication was essential to making our utopias flourish and endure. They didn’t, of course, but our groups’ downfalls weren’t due to a lack of our effort.