Steele_A Standalone Rock Star Romance Read online

  Steele

  Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Contents

  The Hysterics Logo

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Epilogue

  Did you enjoy what you just read?

  About the Author

  All books by Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Acknowledgments

  The Hysterics

  Praise for The Hysterics

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Copyright

  Steele

  Copyright © 2018 Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Published by Kristen Hope Mazzola

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

  Published: Kristen Hope Mazzola 2018:

  Cover Design: Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Cover Art: © chalabala / #110143433

  https://stock.adobe.com/images/guy-with-guitar/110143433

  Formatting by: Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Editing by: C. Marie [email protected]

  Created with Vellum

  Dedication

  To anyone that was lost in the sea of darkness and heartache and dared to love again even when it’s scary and hard. You got this and deserve to be happy and loved.

  Prologue

  The Lifespan of a Firefly

  Maverick

  Lying in the dampened grass, I let my emotions get the better of me. The setting sun sends twilight dancing around the quiet cemetery as I allow myself to concentrate on my slow breathing.

  Breathe in.

  Hold.

  Breathe out.

  Repeat.

  Enjoy the stillness.

  “I miss you,” I whispered into the dew-soaked evening air.

  My hand rested on the cool stone of Leilani’s grave marker while tears stained my face. I didn’t come out to see her as often as I used to, but with her, I found my peace. Talking to her, telling her about the first half of the tour we had just gotten back from helped center the pain and sorrow that weighed me down.

  “You were the greatest first love a man could have ever had,” I declared for the hundredth, maybe thousandth, time. I knew I was talking to a ghost, still in love with the woman I had lost years before.

  Sitting up, I grabbed the acoustic guitar I had brought along with me. Choking up, I let Dane’s lyrics pour from my heart as I sang to Leilani like I did every time I went there. In life, she had been the light in so much darkness, and Dane captured it perfectly in the lyrics to the first song he had written for our band, The Hysterics.

  It’s a dull kind of pain that just sits in my heart and weighs me down

  And you’re the only one who can fix it

  It burns and erupts at the worst times

  Stinging old wounds that have already been licked clean

  Right when headway is made, the darkness crashes again

  Closing in on my starlight

  Little flicks of magic extinguished one by one

  The firefly’s lifespan gets tested over and over

  Thankfully, she is inked into existence for all eternity

  Staring down at my forearm as I strummed and sang, I took comfort in The Hysterics logo I had gotten tattooed onto my flesh when I was barely old enough to get it: a firefly. It was our subtle tribute to the girl who’d consecrated us as more than just a band; we were a family.

  My eyes clouded with the tears welling up as the song ended. Years had passed, and my life was incredible, but I was empty. Leilani was the beginning and ending for the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. Fame was nice, touring was unbelievable, and becoming a rock star was unreal, but none of it mattered because I wasn’t sharing it with her.

  The closest I had gotten to that feeling again was seeing Cali at a gig in Tampa a while back. She was a fan who’d turned into so much more than that one night after that show. I knew my lifestyle wasn’t one she was ready to handle, and I let her go before either of us got in too deep. We stayed friends through emails and texts as much as we could. I followed her lead and never pushed for more, even though I was begging for it in silence. I needed to feel real again, and Cali was the only one who ever brought me close to that long-sought-after feeling.

  With a heavy sigh, I said goodbye to my love once more, bending down to kiss the marble that had her name engraved in it. The tour was picking back up the next morning and I knew I needed to get my head back in the game.

  “Maverick?” a sweet voice called from behind me.

  As I whipped around, I was met by bright blue eyes I felt like I hadn’t gazed into in a lifetime.

  “Cali? What are you doing here?” I took a few steps closer to her as she stood like a mirage in the deserted graveyard.

  “Rodney told me I might be able to find you here. I was wrong for telling you I didn’t want this…us.” Her arms crossed as her head fell.

  “I never thought I would see you again,” I muttered, pulling her small frame into me.

  As her arms wrapped around my middle, I didn’t hold back the tears that were already assaulting me.

  “I know this is crazy. I know this is probably terrible timing, but I had to try,” she explained, tightening her grip around me.

  “We’re leaving again tomorrow for the second half of the tour.”

  “I know, that’s why I knew I had to come up here now. I know I pushed you away, but that was because I wasn’t ready for you. I am so sorry if I ever hurt you.”

  “I just don’t know what to even think right now. What about Mitch?”

  When I came into Cali’s life, she had to make a tough call: be with me or take the easy road of the long-term friend who professed his love for her at the same time. I never blamed her for making the safe choice, but I knew, deep down, it wasn’t what Cali truly wanted.

  “It’s over,” she muttered into my chest. “It wasn’t working. I left him to be with you.”

  “Come on tour with me,” I hastily insisted.

  “What about my job? I have to be back at work on Monday.”

  Without even thinking it through, I kissed her quickly. “Quit. We can make this work, but not apart. Come on the road with us and see where this crazy ride takes us. It’s insane—I know it is. It’s a lot to ask, but I can’t risk losing you again.”

  “And if I say yes?” she asked, pulling away from me to look into my eyes.

  “Kiss me like you’re going to love me by the morning.” I smiled down at her.

  “What if it happens?” Her question took me b
y surprise.

  “It can’t,” I assured her.

  “Don’t believe in love at first sight?” she asked. “I know this isn’t really first sight, but I feel like I am truly seeing you for the first time.”

  “I don’t believe in happily-ever-afters,” I murmured into her soft blonde hair before kissing the top of her head. “But what if I’m wrong?”

  Chapter 1

  It’s Over

  The day before

  Cali

  It was four in the morning, and as I lay in bed next to Mitch snoring and muttering to himself in his sleep, I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were making a huge mistake. Our house was gorgeous, and our life together was picture perfect. Friends to lovers seemed too good to be true, and it was. I knew I was forcing myself—my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. I wasn’t really in it, not like Mitch deserved me to be.

  Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I hastily booked a flight to Chicago for later on in the afternoon. It’s now or never. Mitch was going to hate me, and Mags and Walker would be pissed, but none of that could matter. I needed to do the right thing and listen to my heart.

  I had taken the safe route when I chose Mitch over Maverick. It was the smart move, the right bet—but I had chosen wrong. The easy road is rarely the one that leads to truly happy endings. Sure, staying with Mitch, I would have a great life, but is it fair to be with someone who loves you more than you do them? He deserved the freedom to truly find the love of his life. It wasn’t me, he was just blinded by the same safety I was.

  After dozing in and out of terrible sleep, Mitch’s alarm finally blared.

  “Morning, babe,” he mumbled as he rolled over and kissed my forehead.

  “Morning,” I responded with a sleepy smile that hid the truth I knew he would find out sooner rather than later. I had a plan, and it was about to quickly get thrown into gear.

  Hopping in the shower, I masked my crying with scalding water.

  Mitch got ready for his training session, which would take up most of the day. By the time he was home from practicing putting out fires, I would be at the airport, boarding a plane to profess my love for another man.

  From the tiny glass shower, I watched as Mitch shaved and brushed his teeth. I tried to memorize all of it: his sleepy face, the way he smiled and winked at me as he put on my favorite aftershave, the way his eyes looked as they filled with the love he had for me.

  Opening the shower door, Mitch leaned in for a quick kiss.

  “Love you, babe cakes,” he cooed as he said goodbye to me.

  “Have a good day, love,” I responded as I shut the door between us.

  I was shaking, but he didn’t notice in his rush to get out the door on time.

  As soon as I heard the front door slam shut, I turned off the water, grabbed paper from the nightstand, and put my plan into motion.

  My dearest Mitchell Rebel Katz,

  This will be the hardest letter I have ever written in my life, and I hope it explains everything that needs to be said. Please know this decision was not made lightly at all. I have been trying to make this work for months, and I am afraid I have failed you and us. Sadly, I know without a doubt that it’s not just cold feet. I do believe we are making a mistake and we should not be together. I love you, but it is not enough. We are not each other’s great love, the love each of us deserves. I have dreamt about becoming your wife for as long as I can remember, and it’s with a heavy heart that I have to close the door on that dream. You’re an amazing man and will be a fantastic father and partner for someone, but I don’t believe I’m the one you’re supposed to be with. My eyes were opened more and more over the last few weeks to things that aren’t going away, getting better, or changing. I know over the last few years I have changed, and that’s a huge part of this. I do take responsibility for my hand in what is happening. I know this is all my fault and my decision. I hope you can understand and respect that. I will always love, admire, respect, and be so proud of you, and I will always be here for you, Mitch. I’m going out of town for the weekend to be alone and truly get my head on straight. Please give me this space. I’ll help with the house if you need it and I do not expect anything. Please understand that the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I know inevitability that is what is going to happen, and I am so sorry. I do love you, Mitch. I will talk to you soon.

  - Cali

  My tears stained the page as I penned my breakup letter. It was the coward’s way out, but I knew I would never go through with it if I had to do it in person.

  “Siri, call Mags,” I barked at my phone, which was sitting on the bed next to me.

  After two short rings, my best friend’s voice answered, “Hey, Cali. What’s up?”

  “I’m leaving Mitch,” I spit out as quickly as I could. I knew I had to tell her right away, and I knew she was going to reluctantly be pulled into the middle of this terrible mess of a shit storm I was brewing.

  “What the fuck? Why? What’s going on?” Her frantic questions spilled out in rapid succession.

  “You know why.”

  “Maverick?” My best friend wasn’t dumb.

  “I already have a plane ticket. I leave at six tonight.” I couldn’t even believe the words that were coming out of my mouth.

  “What do you need to me to do?” Just like that, Mags did what I knew she would do—be my best friend no matter what.

  “Can I bring my stuff to your house? It’ll just be a few boxes. I don’t know what I’m actually going to do, I just know if I don’t try, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.”

  “You can put anything you need to in the guestroom closet. You know Walker is going to have a shit fit, right?”

  “I think that is the least of my worries right now.”

  “True. See you soon, then?”

  “I’m going to get packing now.”

  “Cali?” Her voice turned meek and my name echoed in my ear.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you really sure about all this? There’s no turning back once you do it.”

  “Yes, I’m sure, and I do know that.”

  “I love you, you crazy fucking bitch.”

  “Love you, too. Thank you.”

  “Ride or die, promise.”

  After we hung up, I ripped all of my belongings out of their homes—all the clothes out of the drawers and off their hangers, all my toiletries from the cabinets in the bathroom. I saved everything from the desktop onto an external drive that was mine and erased myself from the hard drive, grabbed my important documents from the filing cabinet, and found all the other priceless artifacts that had been scattered around the home I had made with Mitch.

  Once it was all boxed up, I loaded my car and made my way for Mags’ house, which she shared with another one of my best friends. It had always been the four of us against the world, and I was destroying that in a matter of hours.

  Before I could ring the doorbell, Mags was whipping open the front door.

  Right when I saw her face, I broke down in her arms. As I blubbered, Mags did her best to comfort me. It didn’t matter that she said; no words could truly break into my heart, which was black and calloused, breaking for a love I knew I never should have stolen for so long. It wasn’t that I was unfeeling or terribly wicked, it was that after what had happened with my ex-husband, I knew Mitch deserved better than me. I was broken. He wasn’t—yet. He’d have a chance to heal and move on with someone who was as kind and thoughtful as he was. In that moment, I knew what was really happening. The baggage I carried had never matched his, and it wasn’t fair for him to carry the burden of my weight on his shoulders.

  Wiping away my selfish tears, I looked into Mags’ kind eyes.

  “Am I doing the right thing?” It came out as a question while snot poured from my nose and sniffling got the better of me.

  Pushing the matted hair out of my face, Mags responded, “If you don’t love Mitch enough to fight for him then yes, you’re
making the right decision for the both of you. In time, he’ll grow to see it for what it was. Your actions will be his liberation.”

  “When did you get so wise?” I faked a coy smile as I made my way to my car to get some of my things.

  “Blame Walker.” Mags and Walker’s journey had been paved with crashing and falling away from and into each other before they were able to heal enough to realize they were better off together than apart. Their battle had been bloody, but they were finally stitching up their wounds with silver threads of love and devotion.

  “I’m really happy for you two.”

  Grabbing boxes and hoofing them upstairs, the weight of my situation started to lift from my shoulders. Mags was right; in the end, I was doing what was best for Mitch and for me. I just hoped he would see it that way sooner rather than later.

  “I can’t say I am overly happy about this situation,” Mags stated in the doorway as I thumbed the keys in my hand.

  “I know. You should be pissed at me. Mitch is your friend too.”

  “But, at the end of the day, you’re my best friend, and no matter what, I will always have your back.”

  “How did I ever get so lucky to have someone like you in my life?”

  “Not sure, but you’re stuck with me. Now get the heck out of here before you miss your flight and all of this was done in vain.”

  With a long hug, I said goodbye to someone who was more to me than a friend. She was my family.