A Sinful Calling Read online

  Chapter 14

  The Tuxson, arguably Mitchell’s finest restaurant and certainly Alicia’s favorite, was filled with local businessmen and businesswomen. It was the go-to place during the lunch hour for anyone looking to impress out-of-town clients and associates. It was also the most elegant place locally for dinner and special occasions.

  Alicia walked past the breathtaking waterfall and farther inside the entryway. She saw Melanie standing closer to the maître d’ podium.

  Melanie noticed her and smiled. “Hey, girl.”

  Alicia smiled, too, and hugged her. “Hey, Mel. Have you been here long?”

  “No, only about five minutes. It’s pretty full today, though, so I’m glad I made a reservation. Especially since I have a patient to see at two thirty, and I need to be back by two.”

  Alicia looked at her silver bangle watch. “It’s only a couple of minutes after twelve, so we should be fine. And by the way, what a beautiful suit,” she told Melanie. It was navy blue with a peplum jacket and a knee-length skirt.

  “Thank you. You know I got it on sale, though, right?”

  Alicia laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure you did.”

  Melanie laughed as well because it was common knowledge that if she had to pay full price for anything, she left it in the store.

  After the maître d’ checked off their reservation, he seated them in their requested area, overlooking the river. With it being so crowded, Alicia had doubted they’d get a table with a view, but she was happy it had worked out that way.

  When the maître d’ left, Alicia and Melanie scanned their menus.

  “I’m really hungry today,” Melanie said.

  Alicia looked at her, smiling.

  Melanie noticed her staring. “You’re a trip, and I already know what you’re thinking. How happy you are to hear me say I’m hungry.”

  “Yep. Can’t help it. I remember what it was like just two years ago, and it’s so good to see how things have turned around for you.”

  “They really have, but it’s all because of God, family, and friends like you. And, of course, my therapist, Dr. Brogan. She’s been a huge blessing, and it’s the reason I still see her once a month.”

  “I didn’t realize that. I knew you still saw her, but not that often.”

  “Sometimes I see her twice a month if I feel like I need it. Because what I learned early on was that even if I didn’t have an eating disorder, therapy is still a good thing for me.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because if I’d had someone to talk to about the way my mom treated me as a child, I might not have experienced so much emotional pain. I might’ve felt better about myself, because a good psychologist could have helped me deal with my mother’s verbal abuse. I’ve also wondered if counseling would have helped Brad and me. As soon as we started arguing all the time, I knew we were in trouble. He worked day and night, we never saw each other, and I began eating less and less.”

  “I hate that you guys couldn’t work things out.”

  “Yeah, but that’s life. Divorces happen all the time.”

  “I know, but the two of you were so good together.”

  “For a good while, but after he had an affair, I just couldn’t stay with him. Maybe if he hadn’t gotten someone pregnant, I could’ve lived with it. I don’t know, but I do wish we’d gotten counseling before things got so bad.”

  Alicia thought about her and Levi’s marriage and how her issues were causing a strain on it. Worse, she was now lying to him. She’d told him last night and again this morning that she was going to ask Melanie for her doctor’s number when she knew she wasn’t. She was also keeping things from him, particularly the voice she heard.

  A young waitress with long coal-black hair and flawless cocoa skin walked up to their table. “Good afternoon, ladies. My name is Tory, and I’ll be taking care of you.”

  Alicia and Melanie greeted her at the same time. “Good afternoon.”

  “Would you like to hear our specials for the day?”

  Alicia nodded. “Yes, please.”

  “We have Dijon-crusted Chilean sea bass with new potatoes, red peppers, and zucchini; chargrilled New York strip with twice-baked potato, green beans, and sautéed mushrooms; and finally, free-range chicken breast Florentine with whipped potatoes, wilted spinach, and grilled tomato.”

  “All three sound great,” Melanie said.

  Alicia agreed. “They do, and I think I’ll have the Chilean sea bass.”

  Melanie closed her menu. “Me too.”

  “Sounds good,” Tory said, reaching for their menus. “Any drinks or appetizers?”

  “Not for me,” Alicia said.

  “Me either,” Melanie answered.

  “Okay, then I’ll bring your orders out to you as soon as they’re ready.”

  Alicia looked out the window.

  “Are you okay?” Melanie asked.

  “Uh-huh. Why do you ask?”

  “Right before the waitress came over, something changed. For a second you looked a little down.”

  “It was nothing.”

  “Alicia, come on now. We’ve been best friends for how long? So tell me.”

  “Things have been a little rocky with Levi and me.”

  “Oh no. You were just saying on the phone this morning that everything was great. Especially now that your mom and James have finally accepted him.”

  “I know, but this thing with Phillip has really bothered me, and lately it’s been worse. So, of course, I haven’t spent a lot of time with Levi. I just haven’t been myself.”

  “And you’ve not said anything? You’ve been suffering all alone?”

  Alicia wished with everything in her that she could tell Melanie about the voice she kept hearing, but she just couldn’t will herself to do it. She loved Melanie like a sister, and she trusted her with her life, but she didn’t want her to think she was crazy. She didn’t want anyone to know about it, and she believed it would eventually go away anyhow. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

  “But you don’t mind me worrying you when I have problems?”

  Alicia didn’t say anything.

  “I hid my issues from you and everyone else for years, and look where it got me. Pretending everything is okay only makes things worse. And if you can’t tell your best friend that something is wrong, what’s the point of having one?”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. But I was hoping things would get better.”

  “What difference does that make? Maybe that’s what I should start doing, too.”

  “What?”

  “Not telling you anything.”

  Alicia laughed. “You crack me up.”

  “You think it’s funny, but I’m serious. Do you want your marriage to end up like mine?”

  “No, but—”

  “But nothing,” Melanie interrupted her, clearly peeved about the whole thing. “When you have a problem, you get help for it. No excuses. So I suggest you guys go see a marriage counselor as soon as possible.”

  “Levi said the same thing, but I don’t think that’s necessary.”

  “Really? Well, I’ve given you the best advice I can, but you do what you want.”

  Alicia frowned. “Why are you so upset?”

  “Why? I’m a thirty-year-old nurse practitioner who’s divorced, who has an eating disorder and a mother who’s never loved her. I’m successful careerwise but I’m emotionally damaged, and I spend every night alone. But imagine how things might have turned out had I stopped pretending everything was perfect. What if I’d gotten help?”

  Alicia hadn’t looked at things that way. She also didn’t know Melanie felt so critical about her life.

  Alicia drank a sip of water. “But you do know you’ll find someone else, right?”

  “Maybe, but I would have rather stayed married to the man I’d loved for so many years.”

  “I guess I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. Just sto
p being in denial. Stop acting as though it’s normal to still be grieving over Phillip after all this time. Stop telling yourself that his death is all your fault and that you and Levi don’t have the right to be happy. Because I know that’s what you’re doing.”

  She was right, but Alicia let her finish.

  “I still struggle with my eating disorder from time to time, but like I said, my therapist is a blessing. And she’s also helped me through my divorce pain. She helps me with other stuff, too. Sometimes it can be something as minor as a coworker issue I’m having trouble with. If you ask me, every human being on this earth could benefit from counseling. Either regularly or at certain times in their lives.”

  “Can you give me her number?” Alicia said. “Maybe she can suggest a good marriage counselor.”

  “Of course. I’ll text it to you.”

  Alicia had only asked for it so Melanie would stop reaming her left and right. But just like she wouldn’t be calling Dr. Brogan regarding the voice she was hearing, she also wouldn’t be calling about her marriage. She and Levi were going to be fine, and it wasn’t necessary.

  “Thanks,” Alicia said.

  Melanie locked her hands together in her lap. “I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.”

  Look how she talks to you, the voice whispered to Alicia out of nowhere. Remember when she hid all her problems from you? She just reminded you of that herself, so what a hypocrite. Remember before she went into treatment and you tried to talk her into eating, and she criticized you for messing around on Phillip with Levi? Yet she claims to be your best friend. Before it was all said and done, she’d thrown you out of her house and stopped speaking to you. And it wasn’t until she was locked away at that treatment facility that she called you. She needed someone to be there for her, but other than that, you never would have heard from her again.

  Alicia closed her eyes and opened them. She did the same thing again.

  The waitress set their meals on the table.

  Melanie thanked her and then looked at Alicia. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “No, I’ve got a bad headache. Do you have anything I can take?”

  Melanie pulled her leather shoulder bag from the back of her chair. “I think so.” She pulled out a bottle of ibuprofen and passed it to her.

  Alicia poured two gel caps into her hand, swallowed them, and drank the rest of her water.

  Melanie picked up her fork. “Have you been getting headaches a lot lately?”

  “Not really. Only every now and then.”

  “Well, if it continues, you should get it checked out.”

  “It’s probably just stress. Both personal and professional.”

  “Why, what’s going on at work?”

  “Girl, that sister-in-law of mine has decided she wants to be co-pastor.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “No, but I’ll tell you the whole story another time.”

  “What are you guys doing for the Fourth?” Melanie asked.

  Alicia ate some of her fish. “Going over to my mother-in-law’s. What about you and your dad?”

  “As far as I know, nothing.”

  “Why don’t you come spend the day with us? My mother-in-law would love that. To her, the more people she can cook for, the better.”

  “Maybe we will.”

  “I hope so. And hey, I know this is way off the subject, but when are you going to start dating?”

  “I don’t know. After all this time, I’m still afraid of being hurt again.”

  “I get that, but at some point I think you should take a chance.”

  “I guess.”

  “I’m surprised Brad finally gave up.”

  “Yeah, well, he had until a couple of days ago.”

  “And you didn’t tell me? Now look who’s not sharing news with their best friend.”

  Melanie grinned. “Definitely not the same thing.”

  “Maybe not, but I’m still surprised you didn’t mention it. What did he say?”

  “He wanted to get together and talk, but I don’t have anything to say. Some things are better left unsaid, and I just don’t want to open old wounds. I shed far too many tears, and I don’t ever want to hurt like that again.”

  Alicia opened her mouth to respond, but closed it when the voice stopped her.

  See, this is the reason you need to end things. Otherwise you’ll end up more hurt than your girl Melanie here. If you think what Brad did was awful, just you wait. Levi is going to hurt you ten times worse. You hurt Phillip to no end, and you know what the Bible says: We all reap what we sow. So are you going to wait for that? Wait to be hurt in a way you’ll never recover from? It’s not like your family cares about you anyway. I mean, let’s face it, even though your mom claimed all was forgiven, you know she doesn’t mean it. She said she was sorry, but you know she was lying. Everyone around you lies and says whatever you want to hear. So why not do yourself a favor and get this over with? Why don’t you go home and pull that gun from your desk drawer?

  Chapter 15

  Hours had passed, yet Dillon was still livid over the way his dad had slandered him on the radio. He had a mind to leave his own church and drive straight over to Curtis’s. What he wouldn’t give to confront his father face-to-face, beat him down, and have him begging for mercy. Dillon hated how easily his father could torment him, and he just wanted to move beyond that. Why did he even care what his father said or thought about him in the first place? Because it wasn’t like he helped Dillon with anything. Dillon took care of himself, and he made things happen on his own. Plus, Dillon had a church to worry about. He had members who loved and depended on him, and he didn’t have time to focus on his dad’s foolishness.

  He sat thinking about his aunt, Susan, and how he wished she were still here. Before Raven and Alicia had come into his life, she’d been the only person who had truly loved him. She’d raised him as her own son, and she’d given him everything she could. She hadn’t been wealthy like his dad, but she’d worked hard and done her very best to provide for Dillon. Her passing still broke his spirit sometimes because, sadly, he hadn’t spoken to her much before she’d died; all because he’d been chasing after a man who didn’t want him. When he’d discovered who his dad was and where he lived, Dillon had packed up everything he owned and moved to Mitchell. His aunt had hated to see him go, and she had begged him not to expect too much from his father. But he hadn’t listened to her. He’d ignored her warning, and he’d been sure his father would become the loving man he’d hoped for. Then when it hadn’t happened, it had been too late to return to Atlanta to spend time with his aunt. She’d passed away, and the next time he’d seen her she was in her casket.

  Dillon wasn’t a weak man, but he still shed tears over his aunt because he had so many regrets. He’d walked out on her like some teenager from Bell Buckle, Tennessee, who couldn’t wait to get wild at his first Mardi Gras. He’d been naïve, and he’d paid a high price for it.

  If only he could have one drink—just one—to ease his pain. He wanted to so badly, but what if he couldn’t quit? What if his alcoholism reared its ugly head again and took total control?

  Dillon’s phone rang, and when he saw that it was Alicia he answered it.

  “Hey, Sis, what’s up?”

  “Well, if it’s okay with you, I’m taking the rest of the day off.”

  “Really? And since when do you need my permission to do that?”

  “I know you’ve told me that before, but don’t I always respect you as the founder of New Faith? I get that you’re my brother, but that doesn’t change anything as far as work. Especially since the church is closed tomorrow for our floating holiday.”

  “Yeah, well if you’re taking off you must have a very good reason. Because you don’t take off nearly enough, if you ask me.”

  “I’m cooking for my husband, and spending the entire evening with him.”

  “Good for you. He needs that, and he deserves it.”


  “I’m getting ready to make a lot of other changes, too. Life is much too short, and I’ve been letting my past control my future.”

  “You’re right, and I need to do the same thing.”

  “Are you speaking literally? Because you sound like you’re talking about something specific.”

  “Well, I won’t go into a lot of details, but I accidentally heard your dad doing a satellite interview today.”

  “Oh, so now he’s my dad?”

  “He definitely isn’t acting like mine. He said some awful things about me to the host, and to be honest, I still can’t believe it.”

  “What did he say? And he mentioned your name?”

  “No, but he didn’t have to. He talked about phony Christians and gave an example of a pastor who’d slept with his brother’s wife and had treated his former fiancée pretty badly. He then admitted that he knew the person very well.”

  “Oh my goodness. Why would Daddy do something like that? I know he doesn’t have much to do with us, but it’s unlike him to speak against his children so publicly.”

  “You mean it’s unlike him to speak against you, Matthew, and Curtina. I’m a totally different story.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Yeah, well, he definitely doesn’t care about me the way he cares about all of you. I know that for a fact.”

  “He doesn’t have much to do with me, either, though.”

  “But he still loves you, and that won’t ever change. I remember the way he always looked at the three of you. Like he would die for you in a second. He would give up everything to protect you. I used to sit and watch how you guys interacted with him, and it made me sad because I knew he would never feel that way about me.”

  “Gosh, D, I don’t know what to say, but I’m really sorry.”

  “It’s just the way it is, and I even called him last night.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “I just wanted to talk to him. I guess, deep down, I was hoping he would be glad to hear from me. But like always, he was cold and uninterested. Then, when I pushed him to tell me why he acted like this, he said I was a bad person that he would never trust again. He even went as far as saying that Matthew would never hurt people the way I have. He’s compared me to him many times before, so I’m done.”