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  She tried not to feel so self-conscious or let her weight issues consume her, but she was to the point where she thought about it all the time. Like now, when she should have been changing clothes the way she’d planned, she walked over to her nightstand and pulled a family photo album from the bottom drawer. She sat on the bed, turned to some of her childhood photos, and cringed. She could barely stand to look at them, as she’d been terribly ugly and fat back then. She’d looked wretched to say the least, and it was no wonder other children had taunted her. They’d bullied and teased her all the time, and her parents had been utterly ashamed of their only child. Truth be told, her mother was still ashamed of her today, and Melanie understood why. She didn’t like most of the things her mother said about her, but she didn’t blame her for feeling that way.

  Melanie flipped through pages of photos. If it weren’t for the fact that she needed to be reminded of the way she never wanted to look again, she would destroy every last one of them. Maybe then she wouldn’t keep punishing herself this way. She wouldn’t scan through this album 365 days a year, reminiscing and regretting her childhood and sometimes bawling like a toddler.

  She placed the photos back in her drawer, walked over to the full-length oval mirror in the corner, and slipped off her sleeveless sheath. How disgusting. Here she’d eaten as little as possible all week long, yet she still saw a huge bulge in the middle of her abdomen. She also saw puffy obliques, and her face looked bloated. But she knew what the problem was, and she would fix it. Instead of going every other day without eating the way she had over the last seven days, she would stick to all liquids. She would start tomorrow. That way, she’d be well on her way to losing those ten pounds once and for all. Wearing a size ten just wasn’t bearable, and she wasn’t sure how she’d allowed herself to believe she could accept looking like this. She also wouldn’t tolerate being outright fat again. It was sad to say, but she’d rather be dead than walk around with fifty extra pounds the way she had during her teen years.

  For most of her twenties, she’d easily been able to maintain wearing a size eight, but as of a year ago when she’d had no choice but to get a cortisone shot for constant shoulder pain—which had resulted from a boot-camp-style workout class she’d taken—she’d seemed to stay hungry all the time and had quickly picked up weight. Experts swore it usually took much more than one shot to change a person’s appetite, but Melanie knew different. Even working out hadn’t helped her control the pounds she’d begun gaining. Earlier this year, however, she’d finally slashed her daily calories in half and had lost down to a size eight very quickly. But then, she’d gained it back. She’d yo-yoed up and down and up and down again. Finally, last week, she’d decided to eat only every other day, which was working but not nearly as fast as she needed it to.

  So she knew what she had to do: rid her diet of all solid foods whatsoever, except for maybe a small meatless salad each day for lunch. She would drink two protein shakes, one for breakfast and one for dinner, with water in between. She would take a multivitamin to help make up for any nutrients she would lose—she would start first thing in the morning and stick to it religiously. She’d decided this during church service, and while she’d only eaten part of a chicken Caesar salad at dinner this afternoon, she was glad she’d asked Brad to stop by the grocery store on their way home so she could pick up a few items. Since she’d told him she wouldn’t be very long, he’d waited for her in the car the way he always did. She’d been counting on this, but if for some reason he’d wanted to go inside with her, she would have purchased something for the general household and gone back to the grocery store later this evening.

  But again, he hadn’t joined her, and she was glad because right before crashing on any new diet, Melanie always ate whatever she wanted. That way she could make herself physically and mentally sick of all high-calorie, high-fat, high-carb foods, and she wouldn’t crave them as much. She’d be disgusted just by the mere thought of eating any junk food again.

  She was looking forward to devouring and enjoying every item she’d snatched up at the store—items Brad hadn’t noticed her carrying upstairs to their bedroom in the plastic bag because as soon as they’d arrived home, he’d shed his suit jacket, loosened and removed his tie, and flipped on the television. ESPN had been showing highlights from game one of the NBA Finals, which Brad had missed last Thursday because of the important trial he’d been preparing for well into the night. Although, as it had turned out, his client and the opposing side had agreed early Friday morning to settle out of court. Needless to say, Brad was ready and waiting for game two, which was airing this evening. That is, if he could stay awake. Melanie knew it wouldn’t be long before he dropped off to sleep on the sofa in the family room, taking at least a two-hour nap. This was his Sunday-after-church-after-dinner ritual, especially when he worked on tough cases for more than a couple of weeks straight; which suited Melanie just fine, because it meant he wouldn’t be coming upstairs anytime soon—it meant she could gorge herself one last time in peace. She could eat and drink every delicious item of junk food she loved: a family-size bag of Ole Salty’s potato chips, a large package of Chips Ahoy! cookies, a ten-pack box of Little Debbie Zebra Cakes, and a two-liter bottle of Nehi peach soda. She would definitely feel stuffed and ill when she finished, but she was still planning to eat all of it. She knew going nearly straight liquid might be tough for the first two or three days, because that’s how it had been when she’d done this a couple of times before, but after that, she’d be good. She’d feel fine, and it wouldn’t be long before she was ten pounds lighter. She would reach her goal and be happy.

  Chapter 6

  It was a gorgeous Monday, and Alicia couldn’t have felt better. The copyedited version of her manuscript had arrived an hour ago, and she was planning to start reading it this afternoon. It was only ten thirty, and she was glad her publisher had shipped it overnight on Friday for early-morning delivery today. Her fourth novel was being published in January, seven months from now, and she’d already written the synopsis and outline for her fifth. She was trying her best to stay on a one-book-a-year schedule, and so far she’d been able to do it. The production process was long, though. First, she submitted her manuscript to her editor, and when she heard back from her, she did rewrites and more rewrites, and then once a copyeditor reviewed it, checking for grammar, punctuation, and other minor issues, Alicia read it again. She made more changes and edits during this stage also. After that, her publisher sent her the proof pages to read one last time. They also gave it to professional proofreaders, making sure that as many typos as possible were found and corrected, but there was always at least something that was missed. There was just no getting around that when you were dealing with nearly a hundred thousand words, but Alicia always hoped for no more than one or two errors.

  Alicia was also excited about the national tour she’d be embarking on, because there was nothing like meeting and talking with her readers—the amazing people she never would have had the opportunity to connect with had she not become a writer. Her publisher was sending her to ten cities, some of which she’d been to in the past for signing events and some she hadn’t: Chicago, Cleveland, Atlanta, Memphis, Birmingham, Dallas, Houston, Washington, DC, New York, and Sacramento. She was looking forward to spending two full weeks out on the road, especially since Phillip would be accompanying her this time.

  Alicia set her manuscript to the side when she heard her phone ringing. It was her mother.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hey, sweetie. How are you?”

  “I’m good. You?”

  “Can’t complain. One of my clients canceled her session, so I thought I’d give you a call. I also wanted to see if there’s anything we need to do this week for the wedding.”

  Tanya was a counselor for battered women, and Alicia couldn’t think of a more understanding or compassionate person for them to talk to than her mother.

  “No, not really. Now that Melanie and I ha
ve our jewelry, I think that’s it. Teresa has a lot left to do,” Alicia said, referring to her wedding planner, “but you and I can relax a little now. I’m actually glad because I received my copyedits this morning, and when I’m reading through those, I don’t like to be distracted.”

  “I can imagine.”

  “Phillip had a dental appointment today in Mitchell, so that’s another reason I’ll be able to get a lot done.”

  “I’m so happy the two of you worked things out. I know I keep saying that, but sweetheart, I really am. You were very young when you married Phillip the first time, and you made some mistakes. But now God has given you an opportunity to marry the man of your dreams all over again. You’ve matured a lot over the last six years, and I’m very proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Mom. It’s been a journey, that’s for sure. But it’s all been worth it.”

  “Very much so. You could search high and low for years, and I don’t think you’d ever find a man who’s as loving, caring, and honest as Phillip. Well, maybe your stepfather, but that’s about it.”

  “I know. You were really blessed to find someone like Dad James. Of course, it’s every child’s dream to have their parents together, but since Dad wasn’t the man he needed to be when he was married to you, I’m glad you found someone who was. Someone who loves you so genuinely.”

  “So am I. Your father has changed a lot, though, and I’m really happy about that. Things didn’t work out between us, but he’s grown on so many levels. Mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.”

  “He has, Mom. He’s nothing like he used to be. He’s the best father, husband, and pastor in the world right now, and he’s been that way for a while.”

  “It’s too bad your brother Dillon couldn’t see that. I realize your dad denied him when he was born, but if Dillon had been a little more patient, I think he and your dad would have gotten close.”

  “I think they would have, too. But Dillon was different. He was all about himself, and to be honest, he wanted nothing to do with Matthew, Curtina, or me. You would think because his mom died when he was only a few weeks old that he would have wanted to be close to all of us. Not to mention, he didn’t meet Daddy until he was twenty-seven.”

  “I hope he gets some help, and that maybe down the road, he’ll apologize and make things right with all of you.”

  “Maybe, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Dillon did some dirty stuff, and if you wanna know the truth, I’m glad he’s gone.”

  “That’s understandable. Oh well, I guess I’d better get going. Need to review a few notes before my next appointment.”

  “Okay, Mom. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

  “Love you, too, dear.”

  Alicia smiled when she hung up the phone. Her mother was everything and then some. Such a kind spirit who loved everyone. The good, the bad, and sometimes the awful. After all the terrible things Dillon had done to Alicia’s father and her brother Matthew, Alicia could tell that her mom still felt sorry for him. Alicia didn’t feel as much sympathy for Dillon, but she had to admit that one of the things she loved most about her mom was how forgiving she was. She forgave everyone for everything with no strings attached. To her, no one’s sin was worse than anyone else’s, even if most people thought so. She wasn’t naïve about folks who had betrayed her or deceived her at one time or another—she knew who they were and how they were—but she also didn’t hate them or talk badly about them.

  Alicia answered a few email messages from some of her readers and responded to two more from online bloggers who were requesting a feature interview for her new book. Then she called Phillip.

  “Hi, baby,” she said when he answered.

  “Hey, you. What’s up?”

  “Just finishing up a few things so I can start reading my copyedits.”

  “Wow, when did those arrive?”

  “Early this morning.”

  “Then I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t follow you back to Chicago yesterday after all.”

  “I guess it is,” she said.

  Phillip was always off on Mondays, the same as everyone else who was employed by the church, so on Sundays, he usually spent the night with her and then drove back to Mitchell on Monday evenings. Alicia was getting to the point where she no longer wanted him to do that, however, because it was just too hard spending late nights together and not being able to make love to him.

  “So how long do you think it’ll take you?”

  “The rest of today and most of tomorrow. After that, I have to type in any additional changes I have. Which means I won’t be completely finished until sometime on Wednesday or Thursday.”

  “Then you probably won’t make it over for Bible study this week, will you?”

  “Not sure. I’ll be able to tell by Wednesday afternoon.”

  “I have a pretty busy schedule this week myself. I also have a few business errands to run today.”

  “Well, I won’t hold you,” she said, all while looking at her email inbox and seeing a new message from Levi. She could barely contain her anxiety.

  “Baby, did you hear me?” he said.

  “What?”

  “You didn’t hear anything I said?”

  “Um, no. I was reading something…I’m sorry.”

  “I was just telling you to call me later when you take a break from reading.”

  “I will. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, baby. Have a good day.”

  Alicia ended the call and set her phone on her desk. Why was Levi doing this? During church service, she’d made her decision about not responding to him. She’d come to her senses and had decided that her love and place in life were with Phillip, and nothing was going to change that. She wouldn’t do anything to ruin what God had blessed her to have all over again. But now it seemed that if she didn’t respond to Levi, he wasn’t planning to leave her alone. She wished he would just go away, but since it was obvious that he wasn’t going to, she took a deep breath and opened the email.

  Hey Beautiful,

  At this point, I’m not sure what else to do. I’ve emailed you, sent you a note on Facebook, and now I’m emailing you again. Most men would assume that you don’t want to be bothered, but sweetheart, I think you and I both know that this isn’t the case. I’m still in love with you, and you’re still in love with me. Even without hearing your voice for all these years or seeing you, I’d be willing to bet my life on it. What you and I have, some people never experience in their lifetime, so I know you haven’t gotten over me. And sweetheart, believe me when I tell you this: You can’t have two soul mates. And since I’m your only soul mate, I really hope you’re not serious about marrying your ex-husband again. If you do, you’ll be making the biggest mistake of your life. You’ll marry him and think about me…every…single….day. So, sweetheart, please don’t. Also, unless you’ve changed your number (which I doubt), I still have it. I was hoping you would email me back and then we could go from there, but if I have to call you I will. I’m not trying to be pushy, but I love you too much to give up without a fight. And you know my motto: I never lie, I don’t play childish games, and if I say something I always mean it.

  With all my love,

  Levi

  Alicia read the email again and leaned back in her chair. She was speechless. Nervous. Confused. Why was this happening? Why wouldn’t he find someone else to harass? He knew she was with Phillip, and he knew they were getting remarried, so why was he making things hard for her? What she and Levi had once had together was in the past. It was over. It had been for six years, and they hadn’t seen each other in all that time. Surely he didn’t think she still loved him. And as far as she was concerned, there was no possible way he could still love her the same, either. He might still be infatuated with a few lingering memories, but too much time had passed for his feelings to mean anything else.

  Alicia sat at her desk with her eyes closed for more than a half hour, thinking and worrying. But when her phone ran
g and she saw the word Private display on the screen, her heart pounded. She knew it was Levi. Part of her was afraid to answer, but she knew she needed to talk to him and get this over with so they could go their separate ways.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  “I really wish you wouldn’t call me that.”

  Levi laughed, and for a second, she pictured his mesmerizing smile. The one she’d never been able to resist, no matter how hard she’d tried.

  “So after all this time,” he said, “that’s all you have to say?”

  “Levi, why are you calling me?”

  “Because you wouldn’t respond. I tried to handle things the right way. Tried to give your fiancé his respect. I didn’t wanna call if he was around.”

  Alicia thought about how in the past, Levi had never spoken Phillip’s name. He’d always referred to him as “he,” “him,” or “your husband.” She’d decided then that the reason Levi did that was because it made Phillip seem less real. “And you think calling me behind his back is any better?” she said.

  “No, but it’s like I told you when I emailed you earlier, I’m not giving up without a fight.”

  “But you know I’m getting married.”

  “Yeah, and when I heard about that, it broke my heart. My boy Darrell told me last year.”

  “Then I’m sure you also know that our wedding is set for August.”

  “The date doesn’t matter. The question is: Why are you marrying someone else when it’s me you really wanna be with?”

  Now, Alicia laughed. “You’re really funny, you know that?”