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  For my uncle—Luther Tennin

  (August 22, 1932–April 3, 2012)

  I miss you dearly and will love you always.

  Acknowledgments

  Many, many thanks to God for so much grace, mercy, and Your abundant blessings; to my wonderful husband, Will, for more love and support than any wife could ever ask for—I love you from the bottom of my heart and soul; to my brothers, Willie Jr. and Michael, for all the wonderful childhood memories and adult memories and for giving me nieces and nephews that I love like my own children—I love you both so very much; to my stepson and daughter-in-law, Trenod and Tasha, and your children—I love you dearly; to the rest of my loving family—I love you all: Tennins, Ballards, Lawsons, Stapletons, Youngs, Beasleys, Haleys, Romes, Greens, Robys, Garys, Shannons, Normans, and everyone else I’m blessed to be related to! To my first cousin and fellow author, Patricia, for all the fun childhood memories and for those we are still creating decades later and to my girls of girls, Kelli, Lori, and Janell, for absolutely everything—I love all four of you so very much; to my spiritual mother, Dr. Betty Price, whom I love dearly; to my publishing attorney, Ken Norwick, for such great representation; to the best publisher in the whole wide world, Grand Central Publishing: Jamie Raab, Beth de Guzman, Selina McLemore, Linda Duggins, Elizabeth Connor, Dorothea Halliday, the entire sales and marketing teams, and everyone else at GCP! To the best freelance team ever, Connie Dettman, Shandra Hill Smith, Luke LeFevre, and Pam Walker-Williams—thank you all for everything! To every bookseller who sells my work, every newspaper, radio station, TV station, and online website or blog that promotes my work, and to every book club that continually chooses my work as your monthly selection—thanks a million.

  Finally, to the folks who go out of their way to make my writing career possible—my wonderfully kind and supportive readers. I love you with everything in me, and I am forever grateful to ALL of you.

  Much love and God bless you always,

  Kimberla Lawson Roby

  E-Mail: [email protected]

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/kimberlalawsonroby

  Twitter: www.twitter.com/KimberlaLRoby

  Prologue

  Hi, I’m Jackson,” the fifty-something man dressed in a pair of work overalls said.

  “Hi, Jackson.” Twenty-two men and women of various ethnic backgrounds spoke back to him in unison. They sat around three banquet-length tables that were pushed together as one, and Denise wanted to hightail it out of there as fast as she could. For nearly an hour, she and her husband, Derrek, both of them dressed in professional business suits, had listened to one recovering drug addict after another, sharing multiple horror stories; yet Denise still couldn’t understand why they were there—why they were humiliating themselves in such a very shameful way. It was true that during the wee hours of the morning, Derrek had awakened from a torturous nightmare and had decided that they both needed serious help, but Denise honestly couldn’t have disagreed with him more. She couldn’t fathom any of his thinking because the truth of the matter was, she and Derrek weren’t the least bit addicted to anything. She did take Vicodin nightly for relaxation purposes, what with all the major stress she endured as director of nursing for one of the Chicago area’s largest nursing homes, but finding various ways to relax was normal for just about anyone she could think of. Then, as far as Derrek was concerned, about a year ago he’d begun snorting a little cocaine socially with a couple of his close colleagues, but that was it. Of course, he hadn’t actually planned on telling Denise about his newfound indulgence but when she’d accidentally discovered a small plastic baggie in his blazer pocket of all places, filled with some white powdery substance, she’d confronted him. He’d apologized for hiding things from her, and while she hadn’t necessarily liked the idea of him using an illegal drug, she also couldn’t deny that she’d always been curious about it herself. Her parents had raised her to be a “good girl,” and when she’d become a teenager, they’d kept her away from “bad girl” sorts of things, such as late-night parties and the kind of friends who could do whatever they wanted when they wanted to. Her father had also forbade her to be friends with any child—even her own cousins—who didn’t live in a “suitable” neighborhood and didn’t attend private school. He’d made it very clear that she wasn’t to consort with “riffraff” of any kind unless their parents were of a certain class.

  In the end, her parents had basically guarded her day and night, told her that she didn’t need many friends anyway, and had insisted she should focus mainly on being the best student possible. They’d also encouraged her to read her Bible daily and had kept her frequently involved in church activities. This, of course, had been fine, though, because it was Denise’s upbringing that had stopped her from doing anything that wasn’t good for her, specifically during her college years. She hadn’t even dated all that much back then and had primarily concentrated on her studies and potentially bright future in nursing. She’d learned to do exactly as her father had expected, and she’d gone very far in life because of it.

  Still, for some reason, she’d always wondered what it would be like to smoke marijuana, or even snort a little cocaine, for that matter, simply because she’d never done anything irrational. Maybe her strong interest in trying drugs stemmed from how strict her parents had been and the fact that everything had been so off-limits. Because no matter how much education she’d gotten or how often she’d gone to church, she’d never been able to shed this relentless need to do something out of the ordinary—​something wild even. She’d known it was crazy and lowly of her to even consider such things, which was the reason she’d never shared these feelings with another living soul, but her curiosity was what it was and she couldn’t help it—so much so that when the opportunity had presented itself, she’d taken it. She’d debated back and forth and then back and forth again, but three months ago when she’d found herself home alone taking a much needed day off from work, she’d pulled out Derrek’s stash from the tan metal box he kept it in. Even then, as she’d held it in her hand, she’d debated a while longer but then she had finally poured a tiny line of cocaine onto one of her hand mirrors and snorted it with a straw she’d gotten from the kitchen. At first, she’d wondered how long it would take before she felt anything, but in a couple of minutes, she’d gotten her first buzz. She remembered, too, how she’d never felt more energized or stress-free in her life.

  So over these last three months, she and Derrek sometimes—well every night that is—did a line or two in their bedroom. They only did it, though, as a way to unwind, so why not? Especially since not only was her job extremely demanding and filled with loads of responsibility, Derrek’s position as director of finance at Covington Park Memorial Hospital was just as taxing. They both worked long hours, they did all they could trying to be the best parents they could be to their twelve-year-old daughter, Mackenzie, and at the end of every given workday a bit of cocaine always made them feel better. It took the edge off in more ways than one, but again, they weren’t hooked and had not a thing to worry about.

  But here the two of them were, front and center, sitting at s
ome humdrum Narcotics Anonymous meeting among people who truly were addicts—folks who didn’t appear to have ever lived the kind of decent life she and Derrek had worked so hard to establish. As Denise scanned the entire group one by one, she did feel sorry for these poor people, but she also couldn’t help noticing that she and Derrek had nothing in common with them. Many had talked about their days of being homeless, some had mentioned not graduating from high school, and others had talked about the horrible neighborhoods they’d grown up in. Just about every single story had depressed Denise, and she wanted to leave.

  So much for wishful thinking, though, because as soon as Jackson finished sharing about his last few days, Derrek spoke next.

  “Hi, I’m Derrek.”

  “Hi, Derrek,” everyone said, some smiling and some with quiet stares.

  “Well, I’m not sure where to begin exactly, so I guess I’ll just say that I’m very glad to be here. My wife and I,” he said, looking at Denise, “have never attended any kind of meetings for addiction before, but one thing I’ll never forget are the stories my grandfather told me for years about his days as an alcoholic. He would tell me how it was the worst time in his life and that had it not been for God and Alcoholics Anonymous, he would have likely been a dead man in his thirties. Before he died, he’d been sober for almost forty years, but even then, he still attended one or two meetings every week.”

  Many of the people around the table nodded, more of them smiling than before, and Denise hoped Derrek wasn’t going to share any more of their personal business. She wondered why he couldn’t handle this so-called drug problem in private. Some time ago, Derrek had gotten a little carried away with playing the Illinois State Lottery, but when he’d realized enough was enough, he’d prayed about it and stopped on his own. He hadn’t needed any twelve-step program back then, so for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why this new issue was different.

  Now, instead of hoping he wouldn’t say anything else, she wanted to beg him not to.

  But sadly, he did.

  “The real reason I wanted my wife and I to come tonight, though, is because I had this horrifying dream that scared me to death. It was very vivid and when it was all said and done, my wife and I had ended up just like my parents: strung out on drugs and living on the street. We were homeless and destitute.”

  Everyone stared at Derrek, attentively and compassionately, and Denise could tell their hearts went out to him—and her, too, for that matter. The only thing was, she and Derrek didn’t have a problem, and she wished he’d stop blowing everything out of proportion and being so dramatic.

  “Anyway, I won’t take up a lot of your time tonight, but again, I’m very glad to be here and thank you for having us.”

  “Thanks, Derrek. Keep coming back.” Everyone spoke together in an almost chantlike fashion.

  Derrek nodded. “I will.”

  Denise wanted to scream.

  Chapter 1

  Two Months Later

  Denise smoothed the back of her husband’s head, admiring how handsome he still was, and gazed at their beautiful daughter. She honestly couldn’t have been happier. They were all sitting in the family room, she and Derrek on the soft, plush, burnt-orange leather sofa and Mackenzie in one of the matching oversize chairs. Mackenzie’s long, slender legs were propped up on one of the ottomans as she sipped strawberry soda from an ice-filled glass. Tonight was pizza night and while Denise hadn’t eaten any, Mackenzie and her father had devoured as much as they could. They were also in the midst of watching The Color Purple for the umpteenth time and were enjoying every minute of it.

  But as Denise glanced over at Derrek again, she thought about how blessed they truly were. They’d been married for fifteen wonderful years, she still loved him more than ever, and he clearly felt the same about her. She knew there was no such thing as a perfect marriage, but if there had been, her marriage to Derrek would certainly have to qualify; partly because they undoubtedly had the love of a lifetime and partly because no disagreement or problem had ever come between them. Then, if that wasn’t enough, God had blessed them with the best daughter. She was kind and smart, she loved everyone she came in contact with, and she never got into trouble. She also had a knack for helping any of her schoolmates who were a lot less fortunate than her whenever they were in need of something. She’d been gifted with an old soul for sure, and she was the kind of child any parent could be proud of.

  Then, in addition to their marriage and daughter, God had given them both successful careers. They’d each graduated from top schools, she from Johns Hopkins University with a bachelor’s degree in nursing and then a master’s in nursing from the University of Illinois at Chicago, and Derrek from Northwestern with a bachelor’s in business and then an MBA from the same grad school as her. Denise had gone to college on a partial academic scholarship, but it also hadn’t been a problem for her parents to cover the balance of her tuition since her father had been a top criminal defense attorney in downtown Chicago for years. Derrek, on the other hand, hadn’t come from a well-to-do family and had been forced to struggle and work his way through school. He’d also had to utilize as many grants and student loans as had been available to him. As a matter of fact, because Derrek’s parents had gotten so caught up with drugs, it had been his maternal grandparents who had raised him and his twin brother, Dixon. Neither of his grandparents had earned huge salaries, but they’d still given their two grandsons a good home and had done the best they could with them.

  When Denise heard Shug Avery saying, “I’s married now,” she gazed at the large flat-screen television and thought about her own wedding. The ceremony had been amazing, and she still remembered every detail like it was yesterday. Eight bridesmaids, eight groomsmen, two maids of honor, two best men, three gorgeous little flower girls, the most handsome little ring bearer, and nearly five hundred guests. It had all been a dream come true for both Denise and Derrek, and their family members had been just as happy. In fact, life had been good since the very first day they’d met, which had sort of happened by accident. Right after completing her nursing program, Denise had immediately gotten hired by Covington Park Memorial, and as it had turned out, Derrek had started working for the hospital’s finance department the same week. But the reason she’d always felt their meeting had been by accident was because she’d received employment offers from two other hospitals in the Chicago area, and it hadn’t been until a couple of days before her scheduled hire date that she’d decided against one of them and had checked to see if the offer was still on the table from Covington. She’d changed her mind at the last minute for no particular reason, although her mom always insisted that there were no such things as accidents or coincidences, only meant-to-be situations. Her mom believed that everything truly did happen for a reason.

  Derrek laughed at one of the funnier scenes in the movie and grabbed Denise’s hand. The romance between them was still very much alive, and she couldn’t be more grateful. The only thing was, however, suddenly, she felt somewhat out of sorts and a bit uneasy. She knew why, though: she’d had another long, hectic day at work, and she needed something to calm her nerves. Nothing major but just a little something to help her through the rest of the evening and prepare her for a restful night of sleep. But just as she started to get up, Mackenzie said, “Oh Mom and Dad, I forgot to tell you. Alexis’s parents are leaving two days earlier than we are for their Christmas trip, so is it okay for her to stay here with us?”

  “Of course,” Denise said. “She’s traveling with us for the holidays, anyway.”

  “I told her you wouldn’t mind, but she still wanted me to ask. I think her mom is going to call you.”

  “It’s no problem at all.”

  “Gosh, only three more months,” Mackenzie said, beaming. “Jamaica is gonna be so much fun, and I’m so glad Alexis is going. We’re gonna have an even better time than we had on the cruise last year.”

  “I’m excited, too,” Denise said just before M
ackenzie’s phone rang.

  Derrek pressed the Pause button on the DVR, and Mackenzie checked her Caller ID screen.

  “This is Alexis now. I’ll call her back, though, when the movie goes off.”

  “You sure?” he asked.

  “Uh-huh.”

  Derrek pressed the Play button, and Denise scooted toward the edge of the sofa. “I need to review a couple of care plan files for tomorrow, but I’ll be back down in a half hour or so.”

  Mackenzie looked at her mother. “But Mom, you’re gonna miss the rest of the movie.”

  “Well, maybe not all of it. I’ll try to finish up as soon as I can.”

  Mackenzie didn’t say anything else and turned back toward the television. Derrek did the same, and Denise strolled through the hallway and up the carpeted winding staircase. They’d only lived in this particular house for five years, but it was their dream home. They’d owned two houses prior to this, first their starter home, which had been fifteen hundred square feet, then their second, which was nearly double that size, and now this one, which was right at five thousand. There were three finished levels that included four bedrooms, a theater room, an exercise room, and three fireplaces. They’d built it brand new, so not only was this their third home, it was their last. This was the house they would retire in and the one they would eventually sell many years from now when they were too old and too tired to worry about normal upkeep. They would then happily and readily scale down to a nice little condo.

  Denise stepped inside her bedroom, closed the door and hurried over to her handbag. She’d gone all day without taking anything, but now her stress level was getting the best of her. So, she unzipped the middle compartment, pulled out an unlabeled bottle and opened it. She tapped it with her left forefinger until one large, white, oblong pill fell into her hand. Then, she went into the bathroom and turned on the faucet. She wasn’t too keen on drinking from the tap, mainly because she was so used to drinking bottled water, but she knew tap would have to do because she didn’t want to traipse all the way back downstairs to the kitchen and take a chance on Derrek seeing her and questioning what she was doing.