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Kealan Patrick Burke
"What follows is the transcript from a series of screenshots emailed to the Columbus City Police on June 7th, 2011, and subsequently distributed to the media."
Everyone has a page…
In the last few years, social networking has exploded as one of the best and easiest means of keeping in touch with people. It increases your visibility, allows the creation of a profile that shows you to the world and lets them know everything about you.
Allows anyone to find you.
Written mostly as a series of Facebook instant messages and presented as a true-crime case, this short story by Bram Stoker Award-winning author Kealan Patrick Burke illustrates the ease with which innocent associations on the Internet can lead to tragedy…OFFLINE.
Kealan Patrick Burke
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Copyright 2011 by Kealan Patrick Burke
What follows is the transcript from a series of screenshots emailed to the Columbus City Police on June 7th, 2011, and subsequently distributed to the media. In the wake of the investigation and as a result of the extensive media coverage, countless falsified copies and revised versions of the document were later posted to various social media platforms via a "meme" which later proved to be a virus.
This is the official authorized version of the document
# # #
May 2 nd , 2010
Josh: Hey
Mandy: hi
Josh: Thanks for accepting my request
Mandy: np. Why did you add me?
Josh: thought we had a lot in common
Mandy: cool
Josh: plus, you're hot, lol!
Mandy: thx
Josh: so how r you?
Mandy: good. Gotta go.
Josh: ok
Mandy is offline
May 3 rd , 2010
Josh: Hi Mandy
Mandy: hey
Josh: What's going on?
Mandy: nt much. u?
Josh: cooking
Mandy: that's cool
Mandy is offline
May 4 th , 2010
Josh: Hey.
Mandy: Hey.
Josh: What are you up to?
Mandy: Txtng my friend
Josh: Cool. How is she?
Mandy: Not so good. Her online 'boyfriend' just dumped her…lol.
Josh: that sucks.
Mandy: Yeah. I better go.
Josh: Oh, ok. Sorry I bothered you.
Mandy: You didn't. ttyl.
Josh: Ok.
Mandy is offline
May 5 th , 2010
Josh: Hey
Mandy: Hey.
Josh: How are you?
Mandy: Ok. u?
Josh: bored
Mandy: sorry to hear that.
Josh: I like your new profile pic.
Mandy: thx!
Josh: you should be a model
Mandy: lol. Yeah, right.
Josh: I'm serious. You look a bit like Celine Dion, only hotter…!
Mandy: Ugh, Celine Dion is gross, lol.
Josh: lol, sorry! Well you're not gross.
Mandy: thx
Josh: so do you have a boyfriend?
Mandy is offline
May 7 th , 2010
Josh: Hey
Mandy: Hi. Jeez, do you ever sleep?
Josh: what do you mean?
Mandy: you're always on here.
Josh: not always. But a lot, I guess. Nothing better to do, lol.
Josh: what are you up to?
Mandy: not much. Just responding to email
Josh: sweet.
Josh: do you get much email?
Mandy: lol
Josh: what?
Mandy: nothing. Just an odd question
Josh: oh, lol. Sorry. Just really bored. Not many people to talk to on here
Mandy: aww
Josh: I don't have many friends
Mandy: on FB?
Josh: anywhere
Mandy: that's sad. Sorry:-(
Josh: s'okay. Where I live it's hard to be popular
Mandy: where do you live?
Josh: did you look at my profile?
Mandy: no, sorry. I will now.
Josh: cool
Mandy: You're in Urbana?
Josh: yep
Mandy: cool. I used to live there a few years ago
Josh: I know
Mandy: ummm…how do u know, lol?
Josh: says you went to school there on your profile, silly, lol.
Mandy: lol. Blonde moment. Sorry.
Josh: yeah, but you're not blonde:-)
Mandy: I am actually;-)
Josh: in your picture you are, but you're originally a brunette, right?
Mandy: how do you know that?
Josh is offline
May 10 th , 2010
Mandy: Hi!
Josh: Hey
Mandy: Quick question…
Josh: sure
Mandy: when I talked to you before, you said I wasn't a real blonde
Josh: yes. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to upset you
Mandy: Nah, it's cool. Just wondering how you knew that?
Josh: so it's true?
Mandy: Yeah, but I've been a blonde for a long time
Josh: why?
Mandy:???
Mandy: Why what?
Josh: why are you blonde?
Mandy: Uh…I dunno. I just prefer it. I like how it looks, I guess.
Josh: makes sense
Mandy: So, how did you know? Is it obvious or something, lol!
Josh: Nah, you just look like you used to be a brunette
Mandy: Oh. In a bad way?
Josh: No
Mandy: Ok, phew, lol. So whatchoo doing?
Josh: Not much. Bad day
Mandy: what happened?
Josh is offline
May 11 th , 2010
Josh: Hi Mandy
Mandy: Hey
Josh: Sorry about yesterday
Mandy: S'ok.
Josh: I've been going through some stuff. Makes me cranky, lol.
Mandy: no probs. Happens to me all the time. Everything ok?
Josh: I like your new profile pic
Mandy: awesome, thanks so much! Do you like it better than the Celine Dion one, lol!
Josh: Yes. Looks like you didn't crop it enough though on the right side.
Mandy: I was kind of in a hurry. Does it look bad?
Josh: No, but you can see your boyfriend's arm in it.
Mandy: Yeah, I like how I look in that picture so I wanted to put it up.
Mandy: If I cropped it anymore tho, I'd have had to cut myself in half, lol.
Josh: So who's the guy?
Mandy: An ex. A jerk.
Josh: why'd u break up?
Mandy: He cheated on me.
Josh: Ouch
Mandy: Yeah.
Josh: He'll get what's coming to him tho. Everybody does
Mandy: I guess. So what kind of music do you like?
Josh: It's on my profile
Mandy: K, will check it out
Josh: K
Mandy is offline
May 13 th , 2010
Mandy: Hi
Josh: Sup?
Mandy: nothing. Just saw that you were on.
Mandy: you still there?
Josh: yes
Mandy: you're not very chatty tonight, lol.
Josh: bad day
Mandy: me too
Josh: seems to be going around
Mandy: yeah. My friend might be pregnant
Josh: that's too bad
Mandy: yeah, she asked me for advice and I didn't know what to tell her
Josh: how old is she?
Mandy: 17. Same as me
J
osh: she should probably get rid of it
Mandy: she doesn't want to
Josh: then it's on her
Mandy: that's not nice. She's really freaked out
Josh: she should be. Maybe in the future she'll keep her legs closed
Mandy is offline
May 14 th , 2010
Josh: hi
Mandy is offline
May 15 th , 2010
Josh: hey
Mandy is offline
May 16 th , 2010
Josh: Did you get my email?
Mandy: Yes. Thanks
Josh: I meant what I said
Mandy: I know, thank you
Josh: I am sorry
Mandy: I believe you
Josh: Was having another shitty day. Shouldn't have said what I said.
Mandy: It's ok. I didn't like hearing it, but you're not really wrong.
Josh: what do you mean?
Mandy: She sleeps around
Josh: Ah. Not good
Mandy: lol, yeah right. You're a guy. I'll bet you do it too.
Mandy: It's okay when guys do it though. If we do it, we're sluts
Josh: I don't do that. Do you?
Mandy: sure you don't. liar:-)
Josh: I've never had sex
Mandy: yeah, right
Josh: I'm serious
Mandy: really?
Josh: swear
Mandy: wow
Mandy: nothing wrong with that though!
Mandy: r u religious?
Josh: not really
Mandy: i c
Josh: so do you?
Mandy: what?
Josh: sleep around?
Mandy: that's a bit personal, isn't it?
Josh: well, I was honest about it
Mandy: still not sure I believe that
Josh: why not?
Mandy: dunno. You're pretty good lookin
Josh: I'm blushing here
Mandy: lol.
Josh: so…
Josh: do you?
Mandy: aaargh!
Josh: what?
Mandy: my little sister is being a pain in the ass. brb
Josh: k
Josh: hello?
Josh: u there?
Josh: talk to you soon
Mandy is offline
May 18 th , 2010
Josh: Hi Mandy
Mandy: hey there
Mandy: sorry I had to go the other night.
Mandy: Ended up watching a movie with my sister and fell asleep on the couch
Josh: no sweat. What was the movie?
Mandy: eh, just some Jennifer Garner flick. Fell asleep about 20 mins in, lol
Josh: I don't know who Jennifer Garner is
Mandy: wow, you need to get out more, lol
Josh: probably
Mandy: so what you up to?
Josh: looking at your pictures
Mandy: oh yeah? I'm a hottie! lol, j/k
Josh: You are
Mandy: aw thx. ur sweet
Josh: if I was closer, I'd totally take you out
Mandy: yeah?
Josh: yeah
Mandy: my sister says you're cute
Josh: cool
Mandy: says you look a bit like Toby Maguire
Josh: I don't know who that is either
Mandy: Jeez, do you ever watch movies? He was in Spider-Man
Josh: I prefer to read
Mandy: Google Toby Maguire. I'll wait, lol
Josh: ok
Mandy: well?
Mandy: hello?
Josh: I don't look anything like him
Mandy: well, my sis thinks you do
Josh: tell her I said thanks
Mandy: she says you're welcome. She asks if you have a girlfriend
Josh: tell her to ask me herself
Mandy: she is! This is her typing
Josh: no, it isn't
Mandy: now it is! HI! This is Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Josh: hi Sarah.
Mandy: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Josh: Are you retarded?
Mandy: ur being a dick again
Mandy: what's ur problem? That was my sister talking to you
Josh: Sure
Mandy:???
Mandy: have a good night.
Mandy is offline
May 20 th , 2010
Josh: you there, Mandy?
Mandy: what do u want?
Josh: to apologize
Mandy: you could save yourself a lot of apologies by not being an asshole in the first place
Josh: I didn't mean to be
Mandy: then why did you?
Josh: I get angry a lot
Mandy: at me? Why?
Josh: at everything. I don't like where I am or what I am and it gets to me. Makes me crazy
Mandy: what are you?
Josh: angry and miserable
Mandy: maybe you should talk to somebody
Josh: I am. You.
Mandy: maybe somebody who could help u with your issues
Josh: you could help me with them
Mandy: not sure I'm qualified
Josh: do you have issues?
Mandy: sure. Everybody does.
Josh: what are yours?
Mandy: I hate my nose, lol
Josh: you have a lovely nose.
Josh: for an anteater
Josh: that was a joke
Mandy: better be. You're on strike two, buddy
Josh: lol
Josh: seriously though, you're beautiful. I've always thought so
Mandy: always? You added me about three weeks ago, lol.
Josh: I knew you before I added you.
Mandy: explain pls
Josh: I remember you from middle school back in Urbana
Mandy: seriously?
Josh: yeah, we were in the same grade for a year
Mandy: wow
Mandy: that's cool!
Josh: you don't remember me, do you?
Mandy: I think so
Josh: no you don't. lol. That's okay though. not many people do.
Josh: my family only moved there in time for me to take the last grade.
Mandy: wow
Josh: yeah
Josh: I think I was in love with you
Mandy: awww, that's so sweet. Why didn't you ever say anything?
Josh: I did
Mandy: what did you say? I don't remember?
Josh: better if we don't go there
Mandy: uh-oh…was I mean?
Josh: a little bit, lol. It's okay though.
Josh: I was awkward as hell in those days. Had a stammer. Probably spat all over you
Mandy: lol. That's cute
Mandy: I'm sorry if I did anything mean. I was a bit spoiled in those days
Josh: no worries
Mandy: so I've gotta get ready
Josh: where u going?
Mandy: staying over at Sue's. not looking forward to it. She's still a mess
Josh: cool. I'll be here for a while, so if you can get online later, I'll chat at ya then.
Mandy: okee dokee. l8r!
Mandy is offline
May 20 th , 2010
Josh: hi
Mandy: SUP
Josh: how is the sleepover going?
Mandy: UD
Mandy: GUD
Josh: what are you all up to?
Mandy: IGNOREING U
Josh:?
Josh: why?
Mandy: BC UR A FAGET SHIT 4 BRANES
Josh: uh…what?
Mandy: MANDY TOLE ME WAT U SD ABT ME
Josh: is this Sue?
Mandy: WHO D FUCK U THNK U R? U DNT EVN NO ME!!
Josh: Yes I do
Mandy: HOW?
Josh: I know you from school
Mandy: U DNT GO 2 MY SKOOL DICKHEAD
Josh: And you don't go enough, apparently.
Mandy: MY FREIDNS WLL FUCK U UP U MESS W THIS!!!.
Mandy: DNT U DARE TLK SHIT ABT ME!!!
>
Mandy: U DONT ME OR WAT IM GIONG THRU.
Josh: You're right. I got you confused.
Josh: I only know you from your picture on Mandy's FB.
Josh: You're the one who looks like a diseased crack whore, right?
Mandy: FUCK URSELF PEACE OF SHIT
Josh: maybe if you'd done that, you wouldn't be in the trouble you're in now.
Mandy: CANDY ASS BITCH. ILL BRAKE UR FACE
Josh: Where's Mandy? Can you get her for me? At least she speaks English.
Mandy is offline
May 21 st , 2010
Mandy: nice job dude
Josh: what?
Mandy: Sue is pissed at u. big time.
Josh: So what? I don't even know her. Or as she would say: U DNT EVN NO ME!!!!!
Mandy: LOL
Mandy: yeah, well I know her
Josh: my condolences
Mandy: she said you were on her friend list
Josh: For a little while, until I started reading her status messages.
Josh: They made me a little queasy. The ones I could understand anyway.
Josh: So I unfriended her.
Mandy: ic
Josh: you probably shouldn't have told her what I said about her
Mandy: I didn't tell her your name. just said a guy on FB I was talking to.
Josh: is that what I am?
Mandy: what?
Josh: a guy on FB you're talking to?
Mandy: what else would u be?
Josh: dunno. Thought we were friends
Mandy: we are, kinda. But I think to be friends you have to have met in real life
Josh: we have met in person, remember?
Mandy: years ago
Josh: so those 1,355 people on your FB are all people you've met in real life?
Mandy: you're giving me a headache. I'm not in the mood for this.
Josh: I could have told Sue what you said about her
Mandy: what did I say?
Josh: You agreed with me about her being a slut
Mandy: No I didn't
Josh: I could email a screenshot to her. How mad would she be then?
Mandy: don't
Josh: why not?
Mandy: fine. Do whatever you want.
Mandy: if you do, I'm unfriending you bc a friend wouldn't do something like that
Josh: I'm kidding
Mandy: u better be. I have enough trouble
Josh: so do you want to meet?
Mandy: I'm tired. Need to sleep. night
Josh: just answer me before you go.