Breaking Cardinal Rules Read online

  -Rod-Ni

  Periodically, when there were no invitations to dance at the University of Louisville men’s dormitory and other types of parties and encounters were few and far between, Katina wrote of personal problems and family matters. Or, as might be expected, family problems.

  Her narcissism and self-confidence, sometimes shaken, returned in diary entries like this one:

  This nigga is talking about eating my pussy until I come numerous times. If I went into a relationship I would give him a run for his money. I haven’t even touched this nigga and he’s already sprung.

  Life is amazing. I am truly the pick of the litter. I am doing my best to keep these niggas off me. It’s hard but nice to be thought of and admired by niggas and bitches!!

  In contrast:

  This weed thing is killing me 4 sure. I really need to stop smoking. I buy weed like every day, it seems like that’s where all my money goes. I could probably be a millionaire if I just stop smoking. I think niggas have me on speed dial when they get it in. Truth! I’m paying niggas car payments/furniture bills/food expenses. For real! I know I spend at least $200 a week. That’s fucked up!

  Nevertheless, she admitted in one entry:

  Yeah, maybe I’m crazy, but I let Shay smoke on Christmas.

  I know, I know, but she’s always treated so differently.

  And did we honestly think that with all of us smoking that she wouldn’t be the least bit interested? I feel a little bad because I don’t want her to form a habit. We do it and expect our kids not to do it. Wrong message.

  I know my child. She’s a bit confused right now but she will get through this phase and develop into a beautiful, confident young woman. With a job.

  Not much later, this admission:

  I smoke weed and blacks (thin cigars). So does Lindsay, Rod-Ni, and Shay. I feel sort of bad that all of us smoke, but, worse than that, they are broke and can’t afford the damn habit. So who do they come to? ME! Like now that we discovered Shay smokes, she’s constantly on my ass about give me some weed, let me hit your black.

  In January 2012, Katina wrote of Shay’s birthday:

  Today is my Baby’s Birthday! Happy birthday, I love you so much. Even though you get on my nerves you’re still my lil’ Princess. Have a wonderful birthday, ur 17 now, almost grown. I LOVE YOU BABE!!

  To her relief, Shay, like Rod-Ni before her, eventually signed up for the federal Job Corps as a way to complete her GED faster. (Rod-Ni could at least self-identify with another role in life, telling her mother at one point: "Mommy, I don't think of us as prostitutes. I just think we did it for fun."). Katina wrote:

  I really miss Shay! She called me (from the Job Corps) the other night, crying. I hate for my kids to be anywhere unhappy. I just want her to get her diploma. I don’t want my selfishness to hurt her. I miss hearing her voice, seeing her beautiful face. I love my kids so much, they are truly my best friends.

  In May of that year, the family learned that Lindsay was pregnant and would have her baby in December 2012.

  I’m so excited about my grandbaby.

  Meanwhile, she was scratching out ideas for her next show at Club T-Nine, with the theme “Illusions of Porn.” She wrote:

  Private room, massage room, pool table, human buffet, drinking human buffet, pole dancing competition between two girls, girl with most money wins. Five dancers, total. Need one male dancer. Illusions of Porn: everything done with a sheet. All the sexual acts and scenes will be covered up.

  A bar scene between him and her. Everything but the real deal. Need the microphone for sound proof.

  She worried about getting enough dates for her dance troupe.

  All these females that do shows for me really look to me for work, and I be feeling bad when nothing comes up. Shit has really been slow and hopefully it will pick up, ‘cause Lord knows I need that cash. I was thinking as many shows that I do, I hated the strip club, it’s not a money spot, but you can’t take your clothes off, and that’s up my alley. I just need a couple of good solid workouts, and the kid is back.

  Perhaps that accounted for a new entry:

  I went to church today. I needed it. The topic was WELL DONE. The pastor is a beast with preaching. I wish I could go every day. He’s the truth. He said that when you look upon and wish you had what other people got, your blessings come to a halt. God gives us our blessings, not other people. We got what we got due to the faithfulness and determination of God.

  However, she took a part-time job at a cleaning service. Among other things, she needed money to buy marijuana. She wrote:

  You guys, I want to take the next step in life. I wanna admit to my faults. Guy told me I should try a meeting, a W.A. meeting, Weed Anonymous or whatever you want to call it. I do have a problem, but I’m scared my sobriety of weed will cause me to pick up another addiction.

  But really, I do need to go to a few classes, anything to get my life on track. I’m honestly scared, because maybe I’m fighting responsibilities of the real world. Shit, I don’t know. What I do know is that I really, really, really love weed.

  I can say that at this point. I’m glad and truly blessed that it’s not a stronger drug like crack and other shit. My friend Crazy Joe has been clean now for seven years. Wow! That’s a long time to be free of drugs. All I need is a pound of that good-good Dro (marijuana). And I would be perfectly fine.

  Two months later, she had new employment with a damage restoration firm.

  I got a new job, at Rosie’s Restoration, with Shay, my partner in crime. I really love working with Shay ‘cause she’s cool.

  But this guy named Shannon is my boss and this fat muthafucka asked could he pay for a little kissing (ha).

  Not that he’s fat as hell. But check this out, his paycheck for two weeks was $2,300 (like damn, he can afford to pay me for kissing). He gets on Shay’s nerve, that’s what’s so funny.

  Meanwhile, the need to have major dental surgery because of a car accident with an 18-wheeler truck, jolted her. Her mouth hit the steering wheel which resulted in all of her teeth having to be re-done.

  On October 24, 2012, she wrote:

  It seems like my whole life, image and personal life has changed. Of course everybody knows how I feel about my appearance. Yesterday made it no better. I’ve been asking myself and God, why me? What have I done to have this stressing me out so bad? The dentist said that basically there is nothing he can do except immediate surgery. So I’m gonna be out of commission for about two to three weeks. I can’t talk to anyone or go around anyone for a long time. I cried in the dentist’s office, I cried in the car, I cried at home.

  Two weeks later, there were other things to cry about: her brother.

  Last night me, Rod-Ni and Shay were watching the TV show ‘Lockup Louisville—Extended Stay.’ Guess who the damn episode was about? Goddamn, Deshawn, ‘Rock.’ He was in for armed robbery of a dice game. I feel so sorry for him at times. These niggas act hard in the streets but when it’s time to throw ‘em these niggas nut up like ‘lil boyz. I know my daddy is trippin’ ‘cause he spends all his money on Rock’s lawyer, and Rock is still acting a fool. He’s enjoying the fact that he’s on TV and niggas are scared of him.

  To make matters worse, Rock had also recently crashed a moped into a fire hydrant and was seriously injured. About a month later he'd been shot eight times after straying into a dangerous housing project.

  But what people don’t understand is that the scariest nigga is the most dangerous muthafucka. The craziest thing about this is that my brother got skillz. He can rap his ass off.

  Plus the nigga is one helluva leader. He can get the whole world to follow him if he wanted it that way. I know that deep down in his heart he wants to do better. He only listens to certain people, though.

  God, please place your hands on Rock. Guide him your way and place him on the right track. Lead him down the right path. Give him wisdom and knowledge to know right from wrong. Allow him to think B-4 reacting. Allow him to l
ook forward to life, a new life and a new beginning. Place love in his heart and freedom in his hands, God.

  Taking stock in November, Katina found little to cheer about. As she wrote, she was turning 40, “not so cool.” Her truck had broken down and would cost $300 to repair. She had lost her job.

  I think the thing that hurts me the most is my mouth. No one can really understand what I’m going through. I know that a lot of things come in time and with age, but I never would have imagined that my teeth would have to be pulled. I have to gain my secureness back. It may take a while, but I’m a try to do it.

  Right after that, she discovered that some 700 text messages with McGee had disappeared from her phone because of a virus. She wanted to write a book, and she was angry. She had copied some of them down, and later would retrieve many of them, but the episode “taught me a valuable lesson, to stop procrastinating and do stuff right away.”

  On December 5, she wrote:

  I can’t wait for things to get better. Don’t get me wrong or seem as though I’m always complaining, but, DAMN, I’ve been so down and depressed that it’s taking control of my everyday life. This shit just got so real.

  Like not only do I need a job, I need a new hustle. I’m not scared of competition, I’m just not in the game like I used to, but it’s crazy because people keep asking me to do shows. All my old people been calling. My cousin Gregory keeps asking, because he would rather go to one of my shows than a strip club. My niece keeps saying we need to break bread (make money).

  I really need to get motivated again. But what can get me motivated?

  Finally, things brightened a little.

  Of course you guys know that our favorite team is back in season, U of L basketball team, my niggas and white boyz!! The season just started so they haven’t called in a minute, ‘cause they’re going hard on the practices. They look pretty good on the court with their new uniforms with wings and their new attitudes.

  Russ is my nigga—he’s so sweet and polite with his white boy swagger. Blackshear with his bedroom eyes. He’s a freak though, he wants threesomes on a regular. (Like Chane, Blackshear always asked but never had the money to do it.)

  Russ Smith and Wayne Blackshear were guards. Both came to parties frequently, she said.

  Chane Behanan from what I’m hearing is in a little bit of trouble, he can’t do interviews or talk to the press. I saw Chane in the summer when I was working in the cleaning business. He was off the chain so when we went to the apartment that he was in it smelled like straight Ono (major weed).

  Behanan eventually was suspended and later dismissed from the team for chronic drug use.

  Old themes came back to the diary:

  This weed thing has really got to stop. I’m like sick that no one has weed in the east end. I need to start recording how much weed I smoke in a week’s time, 4Real.

  I talk to God so much that I know I’m getting on his nerves. I feel bad for constantly asking when I should be grateful for what I have and the fact that I could be in worse situations.

  I know that God’s work is never done. God, I need you. I need guidance. I’m giving up on myself and I don’t wanna do that. I just want my mind to be free. Right now my head is really cloudy.

  On December 26, Lindsay delivered a healthy boy, nicknamed D.A., and Katina wrote:

  I got to witness the whole birth. He is more than I expected, he’s light-skinned, dark gray eyes and very good hair. I’m so proud of Lindsay for having such a beautiful child. She seems to be happier now that she has someone to call her own.

  I can’t, we can’t stop loving on him. We are so grateful that God blessed us with him.

  Chapter Seven

  MCGEE CALLED AND ASKED IF I COULD BRING TWO FEMALES UP TO U OF L TO 'TAKE CARE OF' TWO NEW RECRUITS AND A PARENT WHO IS VISITING. LATER HE CALLED AND SAID HE NEEDED A WHOLE SHOW. I'M LIKE, NIGGA, MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND.

  -Katina Powell

  The approach of the new year, 2013, began with a promising harbinger from Andre McGee.

  On December 29, 2012, Katina wrote:

  Got a text message from McGee. He said they needed a show. If they win they need a big show, if they lose they want a small show. Well, they actually beat Kentucky, first time in four years, so they were pumped. I took T-Mama, her friend Ne-Ne, TooTall and Rod-Ni.

  McGee wanted the girls to dress normally when they arrived at the dorm to get past security. So the girls quit wearing high heels and wore T-shirts and shorts and then changed into their dance outfits in the dorm bathroom.

  Dancer in the basketball dorm bathroom

  We got there about 11:15 p.m. at the dorm. We took pics with McGee, Siva, Behanan, a recruit, a tall dark-skinned guy and another guy whose face I will never forget. I was shocked that Siva stayed as long as he did. Chane always fucks with us with his pill poppin’ ass. The one dude that was there when I use to do it with Honey and Meka (Honey and I fucked him) but yeah that nigga was there trying to cop some weed. McGee paid me $600 cash for T- to fuck the one guy whose name I have yet to get. TooTall fucked the new recruit. Rod-Ni fucked the tall dark guy (Montrezl Harrell) who’s always joking on how fast a nigga cums.

  Once again that left McGee who knew that for the right money we could have got it poppin (just kidding) He tried but he wouldn’t be McGee if he didn’t. That’s my nigga for real. I have to come up with a way for both of us to make some money before I write my tell-all book.

  Montrezl Harrell and Rod-Ni before a show at the dorm

  In late winter, with the NCAA tournament approaching and the Cardinals figuring to be a strong contender, anticipation grew, but Katina's focus was on domestic matters.

  In early March she wrote:

  It’s three o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. I must have gone to bed pretty early. As they say on Facebook, it’s wake and bake time (time to smoke).

  I’m so proud of the girls (the kids) for trying to stay in their own spots. Even Shay has moved out of the house. I miss them all but sometimes being missed is a lot better than a person always getting on your nerves.

  Mama’s baby D.A., I always miss his little chunky monkey butt. He is getting so big that I don’t want to miss anything that he does in life or in his baby stages. His smile is amazing. I love him more than life itself. He is an amazing gift from God.

  But trouble developed soon enough. Katina's father, Ernest, had learned that Lindsay was strip-teasing. Calling her father by his name, as she usually did, Katina wrote:

  My whole family are back stabbers to the fullest. I’m the blame for all that goes wrong on a daily basis.

  How in the world did Ernest know that Lindsay was dancing? Of course Lindsay knows that it was my sister Lisa and Boobie’s dumb ass. I sat down and thought long and hard about ‘my family.’ I feel as though I have to bury my family and start over from scratch. Like build my own family, a sister and a few brothers.

  I have to stay clean and keep my head clear ‘cause some strange things go through my head. I’m not about to let other people shut or tear me down. I have nothing to prove to anyone.

  After struggling with menial jobs, it was back to the old ways of making money—escorting. Again she didn't have to do the 60/40 thing and could keep all of her earnings. In nine days she made about $1,400. Katina confessed it was scary, though, having to get a room and never know who's coming and what his plans are.

  So far I have been lucky and watched over by GOD.

  I have this one guy who is already a regular. I have had some strange clients. I think this one white man thinks that we go together. He told me he has a wife but he’s looking for a girlfriend. I have one man who likes licking female toes.

  He said he would pay $200 a week to lick my feet. I don’t judge people, but damn that’s crazy.

  I witnessed the craziest shit ever. I actually saw a man do a line of coke. He offered some to me but, you know, the kid don’t get down like that AT ALL. I’m so proud of myself not feeling other people’
s pressure of doing the drugs of their choice. The shit had this muthafucka looking quite crazy.

  Shit, I can barely handle weed. I know I can’t do that bullshit.

  And then:

  Surprised myself on this day. The girls and me and D.A. went to church with my boyfriend. It was nice ‘cause we haven’t been to church in a long time. I didn’t understand the service, but it felt good just being in his house. Afterwards we went to Golden Corral to eat.

  For a while, there was peace in the family. Katina couldn't stand it when her kids were mad at each other. She wished they understood that they were a team. Rod-Ni was now 19 and seemed to have changed overnight. She was at that age when older guys could persuade her to do certain things, telling her what she wanted to hear.

  Lindsay, on the other hand, seemed to have grown up since becoming a mother. Katina was proud of her. Shay, too, was growing up, but not in all the right ways.

  You know I wanna say this, I really don’t approve of them escorting. All of us. That’s some Oprah shit. I want all of us to stop.

  Old habits die hard, though. Katina started doing discreet massaging, as she called it, and started taking on a lot of clients. Most of her calls came in the middle of the night.