Christmas with a Rockstar Read online
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“I can’t believe we’re going to meet our son after sex and without a shower.”
Rhys threw back his head with a laugh. “Seriously? That’s what you’re worried about at the moment?”
“I can’t help it. I wanted everything to be perfect, and now it seems tainted.”
“We can always stop at one of the Flying J truck-stops and grab a shower.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I think I’ll pass on a truck-stop shower. Although freshening up might not be a bad idea. As long as Keira isn’t progressing too fast.”
“Whatever you need, babe.”
I’m not sure how we made it the two hours back to Atlanta without having a nervous breakdown. Well, Rhys managed to shave at least ten minutes off our time with his lead foot. Thankfully, traffic wasn’t too heavy into the city considering it was Christmas Eve.
We screeched into the Emory Midtown parking lot and quickly parked in the deck. Apparently, the cell reception was fuzzy inside the hospital because we hadn’t received an update from Keira in the last thirty minutes. After sprinting from the car, we continued jogging all the way inside the hospital and over to the elevator. Once we located the maternity floor, we began frantically searching for Keira’s room number.
When we found it, Rhys and I skidded into the room before getting tangled up in the curtain. “What the hell?” Roland’s voice boomed at the spectacle.
After we burst out from behind the curtain, I said, “Sorry. It’s just us.”
“Oh, I’m so glad you made it!” Keira cried.
“So are we,” Rhys replied.
My gaze bounced from Roland to her. “How are you doing?”
She smiled. “Pretty good.”
Rhys’s brows furrowed. “Wait, are you supposed to be smiling in labor? I thought you’d look like something from The Exorcist right now.”
As I smacked Rhys’s arm, Keira laughed. “I’ve had the good drugs.”
Roland exhaled a ragged breath. “Thank God. I was just about to lose my mind seeing her in so much pain.”
A petite, grandmotherly woman entered the room. “Hi, Keira, it’s good to see you doing so well.
With a nod, Keira said, “Hi, Sandy.”
“Looks like we’re ready to get things going by starting to push.”
Keira’s formerly amused expression turned to one of panic. “Um, okay.”
Although I wasn’t the one about to push out a baby, my rising fear echoed Keira’s. Mainly it was the fear of the unknown that gripped me. I’d never been ringside for a delivery before. When Andrea gave birth, I was stationed out in the waiting room until after the big moment. With Abby having a c-section, I’d done the same thing. I realized I was about to get way more personal with Keira than any other member of my family. In a way, it made sense considering she was giving birth to my son.
When the stirrups came out and the blanket and sheets came off, it was Rhys’s turn to freak out. “Maybe I should wait outside?”
Keira shook her head. “No. It’s okay.”
“But you’re….” He appeared unable to form the words. Something about saying she was half-naked was just too much for him, least of all to see it.
“It’s okay. You can stand at the top of the bed and you’ll see the most important part,” Sandy suggested.
Rhys glanced at me, and I nodded. “You’ll always regret it if you don’t see him the minute he’s born.”
He appeared to be mentally giving himself a pep talk. “You’re right.” He then walked around me to stand so far at the top of the bed he was almost against the wall.
I’d watched babies being delivered numerous times on television and in the movies, but nothing could adequately prepare me for being in the moment. Time moved in a strange continuum where it seemed to speed up and slow down at frantic paces. Getting Keira through a contraction seemed to take forever, but then it seemed like she’d just begun to push. I didn’t even glance at the clock to see how long she’d been pushing. Instead, I focused on the baby’s progression. One minute you could faintly see a crowd of dark hair and then he was almost out.
“Okay, one more push, and he’ll be here,” Sandy instructed.
After pinching her eyes shut, Keira’s face contorted in determination. All her muscles tensed as she worked on pushing her son—our son—out into the world. Her grip on my hand tightened, and it felt like all the bones in my hand were going to be crushed. I ended up breathing right on through the contraction with her.
When it was over, my son had entered the world. His first breath came in a hearty cry. It was the most precious sound I’d ever heard. Tears blinded my eyes, but I didn’t let go of Keira or Rhys’s hands to wipe them away. Blinking furiously, I tried to clear them so I could see the baby.
Oh God, he was so perfectly beautiful. Even bloodied from the birth, he was still gorgeous. He had a headful of dark hair that caused me to grin because it was the color of Rhys’s and mine.
A flurry of activity commenced as he was cleaned up and weighed. I momentarily tore my eyes away from the baby to check on Keira. As she rested her head against the pillow, she wore an expression of absolute exhaustion. I couldn’t imagine what she’d been through physically. One day I assumed I would experience it with the payoff for the arduous ordeal being a beautiful baby. But Keira wouldn’t be getting that payoff, and it broke my heart.
With the baby swaddled in a blanket, a nurse started to hand Keira the baby, but she shook her head. “No. He’s theirs.”
Wrenching pain twisted its way through my chest at her words. “Are you sure you don’t just want to hold him for a minute?”
Keira gave me a sad smile. “It’s probably best I don’t.”
Just as the wailing bundle was about to come into my waiting and ready arms, I cried, “Stop!”
The nurse jumped in front of me. “What’s wrong?”
Holding up a hand, I then stared into Keira’s eyes. “It is not too late.” When her brows shot up into her forehead, I said, “I cannot in good conscience take this baby from you if you’re not one hundred percent sure you don’t want to be his mother.”
“Allison,” Rhys said softly by my side.
I turned to look at him. “I’m serious. We can’t take him.”
A heartbreak I’d never seen flashed in Rhys’s eyes. One I felt responsible for inflicting. But it was the truth. We couldn’t possibly take the baby if Keira wasn’t completely sure. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’d caused her anguish—that I had deprived her of the motherhood she deserved.
With my heart pounding against my breastbone, I turned back to Keira. When tears pooled in her eyes, I feared my knees might buckle, and I’d tumble into the floor. This was the moment I’d feared over the last seven months. The moment we would come so close to parenthood only to have it whisked away from us.
Keira drew in a ragged breath. “I’ll never be one hundred percent sure. But ninety-nine percent of me knows this is the right thing to do for him.”
“But what about the right thing for you?” I asked.
Tears spilled over her cheeks. “It isn’t about me. It’s about him.”
At those words, the dam holding back my emotions broke, and I sobbed openly. Rhys pulled me into his arms and held me tight. I don’t know how long I wept. When I finally came back to myself, the room was quiet—not even the baby was crying anymore.
After easing out of Rhys’s embrace, I glanced over at Keira. “I’m so very sorry I just did that.”
“It’s okay.”
I stepped over to the bedside. “What you just said about it being about him—that’s what a mother would say.” After swiping a tissue, I dabbed my cheeks. “You will always have a place and a part in his life.”
Keira and I were twin waterworks again. When we finally settled down, I noticed Roland had the baby in his arms. “Sorry. Someone had to take him,” he replied at what must’ve been my surprised look.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you held him.�
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Roland appeared relieved. He then stepped over to me. “Now it’s your turn.” With a smile, he said, “Here you go, Mom.”
“Um, wow…okay.” Even though I’d been preparing for this moment for seven months, I still didn’t think I was ready. The moment the baby was placed in my arms, I would be a mother. There would be no going back. For the rest of my life, he would belong to me. I would be responsible for ensuring he was fed and clothed and brushed his teeth and did his homework. All the thousands of tiny details that mothers oversaw of their children.
When Roland transferred him into my arms, I once again teared up. With one eye open, he eyeballed me almost suspiciously. “Hi there, sweetheart.”
His response was to poke his tongue out at me. “You know, your arrival today has set the bar pretty high for future Christmas presents.” I grinned down at him. “But I can imagine you’re going to be the gift that keeps on giving, aren’t you?”
“Have you guys decided on a name yet?” Keira tentatively asked.
I glanced back at Rhys, and he nodded. “Samuel Rhys, and we’re going to call him Sam.”
Keira smiled. “I like that.”
“Yeah, I think it suits him,” Roland added.
“What about you? Do you like your name?” Sam responded by letting out a giant yawn. “I’ll take that as an undecided.”
Cradling Sam to my chest, I closed my eyes as I felt Rhys at my side. In that moment, we were truly a family. It was the most amazing Christmas gift I’d ever receive.
Rhys
With a contented sigh, I watched as the first amber rays of sun streaked across the sky. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen a sunrise. I’d sure as hell never considered myself a morning person, especially in the last decade as a member of a touring band. As far as seeing the sunrise on Christmas morning, the last time that had happened was when I was a kid and couldn’t contain my excitement of seeing what Santa had brought.
A slight whimper from the bassinet had me whirling around and crossing the room. Gazing down at my sleeping son sent a sense of peace spreading through me that I’d never known existed. I’d spent the last two hours just staring at him, trying to memorize every aspect of his tiny features. After Allison had taken the first part of the night with him, I’d volunteered for the second shift.
Shortly after one this morning, we’d commandeered the hospital’s VIP suite. It was tucked away in a somewhat private alcove at the far end of the maternity ward. It was vaguely familiar to me since Mia had given birth there too.
I’d felt a pang of regret when we’d left Keira and Roland. Although she continuously reassured us that it was fine and the right thing to do, I felt like a bastard when we took Sam away. He was barely an hour old, and even though Allison was to be his mother, it still felt wrong tearing him away from Keira. Adoption guilt was a real bitch. It was a subject that had been broached to us when we did pre-birth counseling. Of course, it was one thing to hear about something and then an entirely different thing to experience it.
As Allison snored faintly, I hunkered down in the rocking chair beside the bassinet. While Sam continued snoozing in dreamland, I began texting the guys the news, along with a slew of pictures. Considering they all had young children, I knew in spite of how early it was, they were probably involved in Christmas hoopla at their houses. As their congratulations started rolling in, I’m pretty sure I had the goofiest smile on my face.
At a grunt and then snuffle from Sam, I slid my phone into my pocket. Peering over the side of the bassinet, I watched as he flailed his tiny fists and stretched out his legs. Just before he could let loose with a wail that might wake Allison, I scooped him up and nestled him against my chest. “What is it, Little Man? Are you hungry?”
In yet another act of absolute selflessness, Keira had pumped a few ounces of breastmilk sometime during the night. A nurse had brought it in just after Allison had gone to sleep. After fielding the bottle from the mini-fridge, I sat back down in the rocker. I debated waking Allison up since I knew she would probably want to give him his first bottle. But considering how peaceful she looked, I decided to let her get her rest.
As I rocked Sam, I couldn’t help feeling amazed at how much I felt bonded to him. It certainly was surprising considering how much I’d worried about my ability to be a father. But I felt absolutely in sync with Sam. When I shifted him to my shoulder to try to burp him, my mind went to my own father. While last night and this morning had been filled with calls and texts to everyone else in our lives, I had yet to call my parents.
After easing Sam back into the crook of my arm, I dug my phone out of my pocket. I probably stared at the screen for five minutes before I lifted the phone and took a picture of Sam in my arms. Then I sent a message to both my parents’ phones:
Samuel Rhys McGowan
8lbs, 9oz
21 inches
December 25th
Once the text had been sent, I started to put my phone back into my pocket when it dinged. Fully expecting it to be one of the guys, I did a double take when the response was from my father. Congratulations on your beautiful, healthy son. Merry Christmas, Father. Hope to see him in Savannah soon.
For a moment, I fought to breathe. I hadn’t expected a response. I’d wanted to be the bigger person by messaging them. Of course, they wouldn’t drop their plans to make the trip up to see their new grandson. But the fact they wanted to see him period was a development. I didn’t hold out hope they would magically become better people—that somehow by becoming grandparents it would erase the pain of the past. They still preferred to keep Ellie in a group home, rather than allowing her to live with them. That would always wound me regardless of how they moved forward in our relationship.
The next two hours were a flurry of activity with the nurses coming in to do vital signs as well as the pediatrician on call coming in. Somehow through all the craziness, Allison continued sleeping soundly. I was glad she was getting good rest. She was going to need it. We both were.
When she started stirring just before eleven, I climbed into the bed with her. “Merry Christmas, Mama,” I whispered into Allison’s ear.
With a drowsy smile on her face, she replied, “Merry Christmas, Daddy.”
I grinned down at her. “You know what I was just thinking?”
“That even though you didn’t actually give birth, you can physically feel like you were hit by a bus?” she questioned.
I laughed. “No. I was thinking that never in a million years would we have thought last year that we’d be parents this Christmas.”
“That’s for sure.” Raising her arms over her head, she asked, “What time is it?”
“Almost eleven.”
Her blue eyes popped open as a panicked expression came over her face. “Oh my God. Sam!!?”
“He’s fine.”
Relief only flickered in her eyes after she glanced past me to peer at the bassinet. “How’s he done?”
“He just powered down two more ounces of breastmilk, and now he’s back snoozing.”
Her mouth widened. “He took a bottle?”
“Yep. Twice.”
“And you didn’t wake me?” she asked, disappointment resonating in her voice.
“You needed the sleep, babe.”
“I know, but I wanted to give him his first bottle.”
“I’m pretty sure you have a lifetime of firsts to complete with him. Missing out on the first bottle won’t matter in the vast scheme of things.”
After weighing my words, Allison nodded. “You’re right.” With a teasing smile, she mused, “Of course, he’s back asleep now. He’s got his days and nights mixed up.”
I laughed. “Hopefully, it’ll be better when we get home.”
“Do they still think it’ll be tomorrow?”
“That’s what the doctor said at rounds this morning.”
She yawned. “I can’t believe I slept through all that.”
“You took the first half o
f the night when Sam was a livewire,” I acknowledged.
With a laugh, she said, “I suppose that’s true.” After shifting in the bed, she wrinkled her nose. “I would kill for a shower right about now.”
I jerked my chin at the bathroom. “Go on. I’ll man the fort.”
She kissed my cheek. “Thanks.”
After the shower turned on in the bathroom, Sam began stirring again. Since I couldn’t resist snuggling him, I picked him up. I turned on the television, and with A Christmas Story as background noise, I began walking him around the room.
When a knock came at the door, I went over to answer it. After throwing it open, I quite unexpectedly came face to face with Santa Claus.
“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa bellowed.
“Look, Sam, you’re barely twelve hours old, and you’re already meeting Santa,” I mused.
“Hey, I’m the best-looking Santa he’ll ever see,” Santa added.
My brows furrowed as there was something familiar about the Santa’s voice. “Wait a minute. AJ?”
After jerking the powdery-white beard down, AJ grinned back at me. “Surprise!”
With a laugh, I shifted Sam in my arms. “What in the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m spreading Christmas cheer, dumbass.”
“But I thought you guys were leaving for Mexico today?”
AJ winked. “We can go to Mexico anytime. It isn’t every day you meet another member of the Runway Train family.”
As he held open the door, Mia and the rest of the Resendiz clan came clamoring in the room. Each of them was carrying a platter or container of food. “Merry Christmas, Rhys,” Mia said with a smile.
“Merry Christmas.”
Shaking out of her coat, Mia glanced around the room. “Where’s Allison?”
“She’s grabbing a quick shower.”
“Better make sure she knows we’re out here before she comes out,” AJ joked, which earned him a playful smack on the arm by Mia.
Another knock came at the door. Before I could open it, Jake and Abby came charging through with the twins. Just like AJ and Mia, they came laden down with food. “Merry Christmas!” Abby cried.