Dangerous Love Sample Read online

  Flipping her chart closed, he said, “I want to schedule you for another MRI.”

  “No, absolutely not.” She shook her head adamantly. “Being in that machine is like being buried alive.”

  “I can give you something to relax you, and I’ll be there with you the entire time.”

  “No.”

  He sighed and walked around the side of the bed, but instead of sitting in the chair, he sat on the edge of the bed. “Alessa, you have to do this test.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I have to make sure you haven’t suffered any brain trauma.”

  Being this close to him was both exciting and intimidating. He smelled like heaven, like a mixture of soap and cologne. He smelled like a man fresh out of the shower and that was the best scent in the world.

  “Please, Alessa, do this for me.” His voice was soft, pleading.

  She thought his choice of words was odd, but when he smiled at her, she knew she’d do whatever he asked of her. “And you’ll be there the entire time?”

  “Yes.”

  “You promise you won’t leave me?”

  “Never.”

  Her heart started to race at the sound of that one word and how much sincerity he’d put into it. After a moment, she slowly nodded. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  His relief was visible. “Thank you.” Josh stood, and Alessa had to stop herself from asking him to stay. “I’ll schedule it for this afternoon, after my lunch meeting,” he said, walking toward the door.

  “So soon?” She could hear the panic in her voice and could only imagine what it must sound like to him. It was easy to say she’d do it, but actually planning it was another.

  “Yes, the sooner the better.” He walked toward the door; then stopped and turned back to her. “I promise it’ll be okay.”

  Alessa smiled and nodded. The amount of trust she had in this man was unsettling. She knew nothing about him, yet, she felt completely safe with him. And when he wasn’t around, she felt uneasy. It made absolutely no sense to her, and she guessed that it was all in her mind, that Josh was just doing his job and had no romantic feelings toward her at all. “Can I ask you a question, Dr. Parker?”

  “Of course.”

  “Are you this nice to all your patients?”

  He lowered his head, but she saw the pain that flickered in his eyes. It was so strong it made her want to cry. “No,” he whispered, “just my favorites.”

  “Well, I’m glad to be one of your favorites,” she said in a cheery tone, trying to lighten the suddenly dour mood.

  “You’re the only one.” The words were almost inaudible, but she knew she’d heard them—clearly. Her heart raced as they settled in her mind. She swallowed hard and focused on him. He lifted his head and smiled, his eyes were their normal gray color and the pain was gone, replaced with concern. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

  “Okay.” Alessa smiled. When he walked out of her room, she blew out a breath. Something was happening between them. She couldn’t explain it, nor did she want to. But, there were no more doubts in her mind–Josh was feeling it, too.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Josh closed the door to Alessa’s room, and then sighed, letting his head fall back against the doorjamb with a thud. He looked up. Dear God, what are you trying to do to me? First the lonely comment and now the favorite patient comment—it was like Laura all over again. He couldn’t handle this. Not now, it was too soon. Josh wasn’t ready to feel this way again, but there was no denying it—his heart belonged to Alessa.

  He put his hand over his chest and closed his eyes. Why? Why did he have to feel this way? Why her? And why did it feel like his heart had a mind of its own right now? Pushing away from the door, he left the hospital and headed across the street toward the deli where he was supposed to meet Dr. Rhoades. He’d made excuses yesterday, but knew he couldn’t keep sidestepping his friend. As usual, David was already there waiting.

  “Nice of you to show up,” David joked with the ease of a long-standing friendship. In his crisp, blue dress shirt and tie, he looked the part of professional and mentor. Josh often wondered how David’s long hours and dedication didn’t show in the lines on his face or at least in some creases in his shirt. Running a hand through his hair, he stood beside David and tried not to feel like his friend was judging his disheveled appearance.

  “Sorry, I had to stop by the hospital and check on a patient.” They took a place at the end of the line. From the corner of his eye, Josh could see David frowning. Josh chose to ignore him. He didn’t want to be lectured, even though he knew that’s exactly what would happen before their lunch was over.

  “Is this the memory loss patient?”

  “Yes.”

  “How is she doing?”

  “Better. She’s having an MRI this afternoon.” Josh stepped up to the counter and studied the menu board for a moment before ordering a focaccia bread sandwich with roast beef, provolone cheese, lettuce, and tomato.

  “I thought she had one this morning,” David questioned, and then ordered his lunch.

  “She woke up during the test and freaked out, so I stopped it and rescheduled it for this afternoon.”

  He could feel David’s gaze on him as he reached into the cooler at the end of the counter and grabbed a couple cans of soda. He handed one to David for his tray, and waited while Ginny, who ran the bakery with a smile and love, made their sandwiches.

  “How are my two favorite docs this morning?” Ginny asked, cutting Josh’s sandwich into two perfect halves. She wielded the large knife with the same precision as some of the surgeons on staff.

  “Can’t complain,” David answered brusquely for both of them. Josh wished that were true, but had a feeling he’d be subjected to David’s complaints shortly.

  “Well, I hope this adds to your day.” She winked and passed both their sandwiches over the counter. Josh got out his wallet and paid since it was his turn. They moved to a corner table where they could see the hospital out the window. It was always there, in the background, even when he was at home. Sometimes Josh felt like he was letting the wrong things consume him.

  “Most patients experience unease when confronted with the MRI. Why not just give her some time to calm down?” David asked after taking a hearty bite of his sandwich.

  Josh allowed himself a moment to stretch his neck to each side and close his eyes briefly. He took a bite of his sandwich and enjoyed the taste of fresh food that had never seen the inside of a vending machine.

  “She’s claustrophobic. It was more than unease. It was panic.”

  “Fair enough. It happens. Why did you need to check on her before your shift?”

  Josh opened his soda, his mouth watering at the tickle of carbonation and thought of caffeine.

  “She’s suffered trauma. Obviously. I was there when she was brought in, and I was there when she woke up, in blind panic. She trusts me. I don’t know why, but she does. So I checked in with her to let her know I’d rescheduled the MRI. I thought it might help if she had a couple of hours’ notice.”

  David’s eyes measured Josh’s response. Patience was a necessary skill for any surgeon, and he could feel the unasked question in his friend’s stare. They ate in silence for a few moments, the hum of hurried lunch guests and Ginny’s laugh made for a nice change of pace.

  “You’re a great doctor, Josh. You know that. Everyone knows that. How much you care about your patients influences that a great deal. But you know better than anyone not to let the lines get mixed up.” David pushed his plate away.

  “That’s not what this is,” Josh lied to his friend and to himself.

  “Josh.”

  Josh wiped his mouth with the napkin, crumpled it, and tossed it onto his plate. “She’s scared. Someone beat her, left her for dead, and so far she doesn’t remember who. It’s not uncommon for patients to feel safe with the first responder, which, since she was unconscious until the MRI, would be me. You know all of this. Are you always going
to judge me on my past?”

  “Are you going to keep letting your past cripple your future?”

  Josh’s eyes went cold and hard. David leaned back in his seat and put his hands up in a gesture that showed he knew he went too far.

  “I put in the same hours you do. You hardly ever leave the hospital. You’re there for your patients. How is this different? I’m not blaming myself for Laura’s death. I’m not using it punish myself, to make myself save the world. That’s not what I’m doing, David. And in part, I am responsible for Laura’s death. I didn’t see what she needed. But this . . . Alessa, isn’t Laura,” he said heavily, wondering if he was saying it for David’s benefit or his own.

  “Laura was sick. You couldn’t save her. No matter how many hours you put in at the hospital, no matter how many patients you blame yourself for, it’s not going to change the fact that your wife took her own life.”

  David’s words were gentle and without malice. Still, they scraped over Josh’s nerves.

  “The night she jumped,” Josh said quietly, leaning forward on folded arms, “we had a big fight. I kept asking her to get help, but she wouldn’t. She refused. I gave her an ultimatum. I don’t even know if I meant it, but I told her if she didn’t agree to get help, we were done.”

  “It’s not your fault, Josh. I don’t know how to make you see that now anymore than I did two years ago.”

  The deli was starting to fill up, and they both stood to clear their space so someone could take their table. Josh zipped his jacket as David pushed open the deli door with a wave in Ginny’s direction.

  “Boy, Chrissy wouldn’t want you eating here every day if she saw how Ginny looks at you.” Josh smiled, ducking his head against the wind.

  “What?”

  “Ginny. She always puts extra on your sandwiches. She likes you, man.”

  David let out a laugh that relieved Josh and assured him the tension between them had passed.

  “I’m probably ten years older than her.” David grunted, zipping his own jacket as they walked toward the hospital. Josh hit the crosswalk button and slipped his hands in his pockets while they waited.

  “Just because you act old doesn’t mean you are. You’re forty. You might have a couple of good years left in you.”

  “Well, whatever good years I have, I’m pretty sure Stacey wants them, and I’m thankful for that. She’s planning a vacation that involves no phones and no pagers.”

  “That should be interesting. How are the kids?”

  David had two great kids and an equally great wife, who had welcomed Josh, and at one time Laura, into their family.

  “Good. Lizzy is applying for a driver’s license. I can’t even get behind the wheel with her, but Stacey said she’s doing good. Mikey made the basketball team. They’re good. You should come for dinner.” David smiled at him as the light changed. They were close to the same height, but David stood just a bit taller than him. Broad shouldered with hints of grey on the sides of his brown hair, his friend didn’t lack female attention but, like Josh, spent more time at the hospital than anywhere else. Not that it would matter. Stacey and David had a solid marriage.

  “The Chief of Surgery at West Coast Medical Center contacted me yesterday,” David shared when they neared the large, mostly cement, but modernly designed hospital.

  Josh arched his eyebrows, unsure if a response was necessary.

  “They’re looking for someone to take over as the Head of General Surgery. He asked about you.”

  Josh held the door open for David, glad to get out of the biting chill that would stick around for a couple of months yet. “Trying to get rid of me?”

  “Trying to give you a fresh start, which you deserve. It’s a good opportunity, Josh, for your career, for you.” David stopped at the elevator. They nodded to two attendings who passed them and again at the residents that exited the elevator before they got in. David pressed the button for the third floor, where he had a small office.

  “I’ll think about it,” Josh said.

  “It would be good for you,” David repeated. The elevator doors slid open, and Josh held his friend’s gaze, knowing he really did want what was best for Josh.

  “I said, I’ll think about it.”

  Knowing when to retreat, David gave a small nod and exited the elevator with a wave. When the doors shut, Josh pressed the button for the fourth floor. He immediately put California and the job offer to the back of his mind. At the moment, be it right or wrong, his heart and his mind were focused on getting to one place and that was Alessa’s side. Unlike his conversation with David, her name and the thought of her settled the tension in his own stomach. He pushed that aside as well and told himself he’d think about all of that later. For now, he just needed to see her.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Excuse me, sir, but we have a slight problem.”

  He turned to look at Frankie, whose face was ashen and his eyes downcast. “What kind of problem?” It had always been his experience that no problem was ever small.

  “Maybe it’s best if we discuss this in private.”

  He looked around the table at his acquaintances and business partners. No one here was close enough to be called a friend, but he had to plaster on a fake smile and pretend to like these jerks for the sake of his own career. He cleared his throat. “Gentlemen, excuse me.” He nodded and stood; then he followed Frankie out of the restaurant.

  “This had better be good, Frankie.” His stare was cold and threatening.

  “Uh . . .” Frankie cleared his throat, “well, sir, it seems as though she’s still alive.”

  “What?” he shouted then lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. “What the hell do you mean she’s still alive? I thought you took care of that.”

  “I did. I mean, she was as good as dead when we left her in the alley.”

  He lowered his head and dragged his hand through his hair. Incompetents—all of them. This was just another affirmation that if he wanted something done right, he had to do it himself.

  “Obviously she wasn’t,” he snapped. Lifting his head, he pointed his finger at Frankie’s chest. “Well where is she?”

  Frankie shrugged. “Don’t know, sir.”

  He didn’t know? Oh, that was priceless. He took a deep breath that did nothing to calm him. “Did you check her apartment?”

  “Yes. She hasn’t been there. Her neighbor hasn’t seen her in days, either.”

  “Check that dive of a diner she used to work at, too, but don’t raise suspicions with anyone.”

  Frankie nodded, his expression firm yet worried.

  “And track down that friend of hers. Krista or Kristy or whatever her name is. Find her and you’ll find Alessa. But Frankie, you’d better deal with this. Now! Or I’ll find someone who can.” He turned on his heel to go back inside, but stopped and looked over his shoulder. “And you know better than anyone. I never leave any loose ends.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Alessa tried to keep her face stoic, which, in itself, took effort. She was starting to feel bruises and aches she hadn’t noted earlier in the day, and it was making her movements feel slow, like she was wading through mud. Josh stood at her side, his hand ready in case she fell. If she hadn’t been so deathly afraid of what she was about to do, she would have had the effort to feel humiliated over needing him there, physically and emotionally.

  “You’re doing fine. Are you sure I can’t give you something mild to help you relax?”

  She sat on the lip of the cold, white bed, her hand on the coarse linen they’d covered it with to make it more comfortable. She gripped the sheet in her hand as she shook her head. The movement brought a fresh wave of pain, and she let out an involuntary gasp.

  “Alessa?”

  “I’m fine. No meds. Please, Josh,” she pleaded, looking at his handsome face. She wondered why he was being so kind to her. He must think she was next door to crazy—panicking when he tried to leave the first time was also on her to-be-embar
rassed-about-later list.

  “Okay, if you are sure. I’ll be here the whole time. It shouldn’t take more than forty minutes. Do you like the beach?” His voice was soft when he asked, and she wondered if it was so the technician couldn’t hear him or if it was another effort to soothe her. Still, the question caught her off guard.

  “It’s a little cold for the beach, isn’t it?”

  He laughed, and the nerves slapping at her ribs were replaced by a wave of warmth. His gaze, tired but happy, met hers.

  “Do you like it?’

  “Yes. I think. Of course, who wouldn’t like the beach?”

  “Okay. Think about the beach. Think about the waves crashing on the shore and the sun, hot on your skin. Think about lying there in the sun and let everything else go. Close your eyes and just breathe,” he instructed.

  He helped ease her down so she was lying flat. One hand gripped hers while the other absorbed her weight until she was settled. He seemed closer than he had a moment ago, and the butterflies dancing in her stomach suddenly had nothing to do with entering the tunnel of death.

  “Will you be there?” she whispered.

  She didn’t even know why she said it. Perhaps having her eyes closed made her braver. Why would he want to be there with her? She had seen her own face, if it could be called that, in the mirror this morning. Her lip was split, making it look like she had bitten through it. Stitches sat above one eyebrow, and the other eye was swollen and several shades of purple.

  “Alessa,” he said softly. She opened her eyes and got lost in his, in the sincerity, the masked pain that made her curious. He leaned closer, his breath warming her face. “I won’t leave you.”

  * * * *

  She couldn’t speak when he helped her sit up. She needed all of her energy just to breathe and realize that she made it through. Josh hadn’t left, and she hadn’t freaked out. She tried to smile but it hurt. Her eyes were still a bit blurry from having them closed so she couldn’t see the name of the nurse who came to her side to assist her into the wheelchair.

  “Thanks for the day at the beach.” Her voice came out croaky. She needed a drink. Josh nodded and gave a tight smile, unlike the one he had given her before she went into the MRI machine. Though the nurse placed a blanket on her lap; the absence of light in Josh’s eyes made her feel cold.