Wake Read online

  Table of Contents

  Legal Page

  Title Page

  Book Description

  Dedication

  Trademarks Acknowledgement

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  New Excerpt

  About the Authors

  Publisher Page

  Wake

  ISBN # 978-1-78651-556-8

  ©Copyright K. Evan Coles and Brigham Vaughn 2017

  Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright May 2017

  Edited by Rebecca Baker

  Pride Publishing

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Pride Publishing.

  Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Pride Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

  The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

  Published in 2017 by Pride Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL, UK

  Pride Publishing is a subsidiary of Totally Entwined Group Limited.

  WAKE

  K. Evan Coles and Brigham Vaughn

  A love worth the wait

  Carter Hamilton and Riley Porter-Wright room together as Harvard undergraduates. An immediate friendship forms, but as the years pass it deepens into something neither man understands. As attraction simmers under the surface, lines begin to blur. When they move back to Manhattan, they gradually slip into the lives their families have envisioned for them.

  Both men marry, but in time, Riley realizes he’s ended up in a passionless relationship like his parents’ while his career takes center stage. Although he loves his wife, Carter misses the emotional and physical connection he shared with Riley.

  The weight of Riley’s feelings and his growing discontentment with his life eventually push him to tell Carter the truth about how he feels. Shocked and unable to face his own feelings, Carter rejects Riley.

  As each man comes to terms with the lies they’ve told themselves, each other and the people around them, they find their lives changing in ways they never imagined. They soon discover that the truths they’ve been longing to tell shake the foundations of their friendship.

  Dedication

  Wake was part of an almost four-year journey. It wouldn’t have been possible without the incredibly supportive people in our lives.

  For my husband, who is patient (usually) and encouraging (always) of my endless scribbling.

  For my son, who makes me laugh every single day.

  For the people in and around my life who inspire me, let me be weird and make me feel brave.

  And for Brigham Vaughn, who puts up with my thousands of questions, listens to my rants, never complains when I occasionally fall off the face of the planet and is always ready to put pen to paper when our stars align.

  —K. Evan Coles

  This book is for my friends who were patient when I was too busy writing or editing to spend time with them. For the people who cheered me on and had faith in my writing long before I did. For my parents who are the best patrons of the arts a writer could ask for.

  And mostly, for K. Evan Coles, who got me into reading and writing gay romance in the first place. I wouldn’t be here without you! It’s been a wonderful—and occasionally frustrating—journey. There’s no one I would rather have done it with.

  —Brigham Vaughn

  K. and Brigham would also like to thank their patient beta readers Shell Taylor, Jayme Yesenofski, Rebecca Spence and Kade Boehme. You slogged through two hundred thousand words, multiple times, to help us mold it into the story you see before you today. We could not have done it without you.

  Trademarks Acknowledgement

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

  Audi: Volkswagen AG

  Barneys: Perry Capital LLC

  Craigslist: Craigslist Inc.

  Die Fledermaus: Strauss

  Frisbee: Wham-O Toys Inc.

  Gramercy Park Hotel: RFR Holding LLC

  Hello Kitty: Sanrio Co., Ltd.

  iPad: Apple Inc.

  Madame Butterfly: Puccini

  Maison Robert: Lucien Robert

  Miele: Miele & Cie. KG

  Mountain Dew: PepsiCo, Inc.

  Old Town Bar: Gerard Meagher

  Pull-Ups: Kimberly Clark

  Range Rover: Jaguar Land Rover Limited

  Red Bull: Red Bull GmbH

  Serendipity 3: Stephen Bruce

  The Marriage of Figaro: Mozart

  Uber: Uber Technologies Inc.

  Yossele Solovey: A Work of Genius: Noam Elkies

  Zero Wing: Sega Games Co., Ltd.

  Prologue

  As the final note of the song resonated in the air, applause rang out, filling the Metropolitan Opera House. Riley clapped robotically, his eyes never leaving the man two boxes over. Even in the relatively dim light, Riley could see Carter’s attentive expression as he leaned in to hear something his wife, Kate, said to him. At three inches over six feet, Carter towered over Kate.

  Something in Riley’s chest clenched at the sight of them together. The feeling had been worsening for months now and it had become increasingly difficult to quell the ache of longing he experienced whenever he saw his friend. At thirty-four, Riley had been friends with Carter Hamilton for sixteen years and his attraction to his friend had grown slowly. Over time it had shifted and deepened, but never dimmed.

  Riley dropped his hands to his thighs when the applause faded and the house lights came up. He tried to tear his gaze away from his friend, but he couldn’t seem to do so. He watched Carter laugh at something Kate said, his wide grin lighting up his face and causing his eyes to crinkle at the corners. It stung. Riley wanted to be the one making Carter laugh and smile.

  A soft hand touched his shoulder and he jolted in his seat, turning abruptly to look at his wife.

  Alex frowned down at him. “It’s intermission, Riley.”

  He nodded jerkily and stood, following Alex through the throngs of people on the way to the bar that exclusively served box seat ticket holders. Metropolitan opera patrons had any number of privileges. Alex took full advantage of the perks allowing them to mingle with the rest of the city’s elite, but Riley preferred the ones that allowed him to learn more about the opera. A chance to talk with the conductor about the remaining shows for the season thrilled him more than rubbing elbows with other patrons.

  Once they had their drinks in hand, Alex went off to socialize and Riley sipped his gin and tonic gratefully. He watched her chat and flirt with other people, her vibrant red hair swept into a neat updo. Against the stark black of her el
egant dress, her skin seemed especially pale and smooth tonight. He observed Alex for a long time, trying to understand why he couldn’t muster up an ounce of desire for his own wife.

  Objectively, Riley could see her beauty. Her body and face were flawless. The shallow, materialistic qualities he disliked about her personality were nothing new. He’d known about them before he’d asked her to marry him. Nothing had changed. But the dim flickers of desire Riley had had for Alex initially had become completely extinguished now.

  He watched her flirt with someone whose name and face he couldn’t quite identify. The man was on the board of directors for a major company, but for the life of him, Riley couldn’t remember which, despite them having interacted at half a dozen cocktail parties and social events in the last few years.

  Riley knew he should be angry at the intimate way his wife touched the man’s hand, at the way her blue eyes sparkled when he flirted with her. But he felt nothing. Not even a twinge of the jealousy that had rocketed through him when he’d watched Carter and Kate together.

  With a sigh, Riley took another gulp of his drink and looked away. He had no idea why he couldn’t shake Carter from his thoughts tonight. Riley’d had a busy week and he was tired, but if he was being honest with himself, his strange mood had little to do with stress from work or lack of sleep.

  It was more than that. It was the wife he couldn’t stand, the life he led and hated and the endless expectations from his family slowly wearing him down, day after day, year after year.

  It was the lies Riley told everyone.

  The lies he told himself.

  Someone stepped close behind Riley and the hair on the back of his neck rose. One whiff of the woodsy cologne Carter always wore and Riley knew it belonged to the man he’d been thinking about all night. Riley turned to his friend, swallowing hard at the sight of him in a tux. How many times had he seen Carter dressed in a tailored black tuxedo, crisp white shirt and neat bow tie? Dozens? Hundreds? It didn’t seem to matter. Riley’s heart still sped up as if it were the first.

  Carter grinned. “Having a good time tonight?”

  Riley nodded, mouth parched, so he took a sip of his gin and tonic before speaking. “Very much. I like Turandot.”

  Normally it was one of his favorite operas, but he’d barely paid any attention to it tonight.

  “Are you okay?” Carter asked, reaching to grip Riley’s biceps.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” Riley lied. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

  Carter shrugged, letting his hand fall away, and sipped from his glass of bourbon. “Kate’s enjoying herself—that’s enough for me.”

  Kate Hamilton and Riley both loved opera, although Carter didn’t share their feelings. He attended the performances because it pleased Kate, just as he had gone with Riley when they were in school.

  They made small talk for a while, discussing work and mutual friends. Carter told Riley the latest antics of his seven- and four-year-old children, Sadie and Dylan. Riley struggled to focus on anything but the husky cadence of Carter’s voice and the shape of his mouth. His breath grew shallow as he stared at the fullness of Carter’s upper lip, the soft curve of the lower. He could imagine it against his own, taste the mellow bourbon that would linger on his tongue.

  “Jesus, Ri, are you sure you’re okay?” Carter asked suddenly, the concern in his voice clear, his hazel eyes worried as he squinted at Riley.

  “I’m fine. It’s just been a long week. I’ll be all right, Car,” Riley said, his voice too tight to be believable. He glanced away, unable to tell an untruth while he looked Carter in the eye.

  Carter sighed, but, thankfully, his friend didn’t push. Instead, Carter gestured to a secluded corner and walked toward it. Wondering why he wanted more privacy, Riley followed him. He gave Carter a questioning glance and rested his shoulder against a pillar. Carter glanced around, leaned in, and spoke in a low voice. “You do know what a week from now is, right?”

  It took Riley’s muddled brain far too long to piece together his friend’s hint. When it finally sank in, he nodded. “It’s the third Thursday of the month.”

  “Our first Thursday without Natalie. I’m going to miss her like hell, but I think we should find her replacement. I don’t know about you, but I’d miss those nights.”

  Riley’s cock stirred. He set his almost empty drink on a nearby table and shoved his hands into the pockets of his tuxedo pants. “I’d miss them, too,” he said, his tone husky.

  The thought of fucking a beautiful woman like Natalie didn’t make Riley hard, though. It was sharing her with Carter. Of being able to touch Carter, kiss him. Unfortunately, that thought—and the ones that always went along with it—never failed to leave Riley melancholy. They never failed to make him wonder how he and Carter had ended up married and hiring an escort once a month.

  For over six months, Riley and Carter had shared Natalie. When Natalie had retired, they’d been disappointed, though both had been pleased she’d decided to return to her first love, dance. They didn’t know a lot about Natalie’s past, but she’d told them she’d been a dancer before working as an escort and was now planning to teach.

  Now, Carter and Riley had to find someone new and although Carter kept pushing him to do so, Riley wasn’t so sure they should. The arrangement they’d had with Natalie was unique. She’d allowed them the freedom to be together in the only way he felt able to. She’d been everything a man could want in a woman—beautiful, skilled in bed, witty and kind. Riley didn’t want another woman, though. He didn’t even want another man. When it came right down to it, he just wanted Carter. And that was the problem. He couldn’t have him. Even if Riley divorced his wife and threw his career and relationship with his family out of the window, he was afraid Carter didn’t want him. Or at least not enough for Carter to risk his own career, disrupt his children’s lives and divorce his wife. And who could blame him?

  Finding a replacement for Natalie wouldn’t solve their issues, wouldn’t lessen Riley’s longing for Carter. It was time Riley came clean about his feelings. He was terrified, but he couldn’t live the lie any longer.

  “Look, I…I enjoy those nights,” Riley said now, his voice softening, trying to tell Carter the truth without saying the actual words. This wasn’t the place for this kind of discussion. “You know I do. I’m not sure about finding someone new.”

  Carter sighed, the brash exterior he sometimes put up as a front to the rest of the world melting away. “I don’t want to give up those appointments. I always feel so damned great afterward.”

  Riley made a noncommittal sound of agreement. He felt good after their appointments, too, up to a point. High from the orgasms with his partners and being near Carter, Riley always felt like he was flying. When they were all naked together in bed, it was bliss. After, when they dressed and went their separate ways, Riley crashed, disappointment tearing him apart. He always hoped he’d feel different the next time but he never had. Riley knew better than to hope, but wasn’t that the crux of his addiction to his best friend? No matter how much he’d tried to stop, tried to believe those evenings wouldn’t make the craving worse, they always had.

  The feeling of discontent had been building for months. The thought of stopping the monthly appointments with Carter had terrified him. How could he go without touching Carter, without kissing him? The idea of renouncing that was intolerable. But Riley didn’t know how much longer he would be content with the status quo, either. He’d been hovering at this point for a while and Natalie’s retirement seemed like a sign pushing him to change his life.

  The pressure had been building and building and Riley was afraid if he didn’t make a change, he’d snap one night, grab Carter and kiss him in the middle of some cocktail party, in front of everyone they knew.

  “What’s going on with you?” Carter frowned at him in confusion. “You seem off tonight. Have for a while now, starting with whatever was bothering you during our last time with Natalie.”

 
Riley closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I-I need to talk to you about something.”

  “You know you can tell me anything.”

  Riley gave his friend a sad smile, wondering if that was entirely true. He had no idea how Carter would feel once he’d unburdened what had been on his mind lately. “Intermission is nearly up and we can’t discuss it here, anyway. I need you to meet me somewhere private tonight. Tell Kate we’re going out for drinks or something. I don’t care, but I have to talk to you.”

  Carter gave him a long, searching look, confusion and apprehension mingling in his gaze before he nodded. “Of course. Where do you want to meet?” Carter asked.

  Both men paused when the chimes signaling the end of intermission rang out.

  “Meet me at the apartment on West 10th.”

  * * * *

  By the time the performance was over, Riley’s chest was tight, his pulse raced and he felt flushed and jittery. He wondered if he was having an anxiety attack. He’d paid no more attention to the final act of the opera than he had the first two, although this time he’d rarely glanced at Carter. He’d been too busy trying to muster up the courage to say the words he needed to say to his friend. Riley helped his wife into her coat, trying to think of what to tell her about why he wasn’t going home with her.

  Once they were outside in the crisp November air, Riley found their car, waving away the driver’s help when he moved to open the doors for them. Riley snagged Alex’s elbow before she could climb in. “Carter and I are going out for a drink. I’ll probably be a few hours.”

  Alex huffed and pursed her lips. “Fine. I’ll call the girls to see what they want to do. Maybe they’ll be more fun than my husband.”

  “I’m sorry, Alex,” he said softly. He was sorry he wasn’t in love with her, sorry he couldn’t be who she wanted him to be. He was sorry he was abandoning her to run off to his secret apartment to spill his heart out to the man he had feelings for. Jesus, my life is way too fucking complicated, he thought, rubbing the back of his neck.