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  “Do you always call your grandmother by her first name?”

  I nodded, blinking again, and found myself surprised once more by Jennifer Ishii’s total absence of magic. With my eyes closed, it was like she wasn’t there. I dreaded the moment when Jay-Tee would disappear like that.

  “We all call her that,” Jay-Tee said. “I think she wants to seem younger or something.” Jay-Tee held her hands out palms up as if to say, I dunno. “At first I thought it was an Australian thing. Reason never calls her mom ‘Mom.’ But then Tom does. Well, ‘Mum’ anyways. My parents said I could come visit. Seeing as how Esmeralda’s never looked after a teenager before.”

  “Your parents thought it would be easier for her to look after two?” Jennifer Ishii didn’t raise her eyebrow or change her tone, but she was definitely teasing Jay-Tee. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

  “I think Mom and Dad were anxious and wanted Reason to have company.”

  “And how long will you be staying?”

  “Dunno.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  “Not long. Just a week or so. I really like it. Back home it’s freezing right now. Plus we don’t have flying foxes. I really like flying foxes.”

  “And where is home?”

  “New York City.”

  “That must be wonderful. I’ve always wanted to visit.”

  Jay-Tee shrugged. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Great…” She trailed off. I wondered what she’d been going to say.

  “Great what, Jay-Tee?”

  “Pizza. The pizza in New York’s much better than the pizza here. The pizza here has all this weird stuff on it. And it’s way too thin. There’s even pizza without cheese. It’s not pizza unless it has cheese on it.”

  “How do you get along with Reason’s grandmother?”

  “I really like her,” Jay-Tee said. “It’s much more fun living with her than with my parents.”

  Jay-Tee lied so effortlessly. Her parents were dead. Her mother had died not long after she was born, and her father she’d just found out about. She’d run away from him, hadn’t lived with him for at least a year. Neither of her parents had known Esmeralda. I turned away from Jay-Tee before my next blink. I didn’t want to see her smudge of magic again.

  Jennifer Ishii sipped at her orange juice. “And what do you think of Esmeralda, Reason?”

  “She’s okay,” I said cautiously. She’d have to know that I’d spent most of my life running away from my grandmother, that I’d begged not to have to live with her. I could barely remember feeling like that. It wasn’t as if I trusted Esmeralda now. Not entirely. But there was nowhere I wanted to be other than here in her house. “It’s not as bad as I thought.”

  “Esmeralda’s ace,” Tom said. “She’s been great to me. Been teaching me, er, stuff, and—”

  “Stuff?”

  “Clothes,” Jay-Tee said. “Esmeralda taught Tom how to make clothes. He’s really good at it.” She pointed at my pants. “See those? Tom made them. He’s gotten better than Esmeralda.”

  Jennifer Ishii looked at my pants. “Wow, they’re fab, Tom. You wouldn’t want to make me a pair, would you?”

  Tom opened his mouth and she laughed. It seemed genuine. “Just kidding. So, where’s Esmeralda now?”

  “At work,” I said.

  “Does she work long hours?”

  “No,” I said, but Tom said, “Yes,” at the same time.

  “Not really,” Jay-Tee said. “Tom’s just comparing with his dad. He works at the university.”

  I saw a smile flicker at the edges of Jennifer Ishii’s mouth.

  “But he’s never there,” Jay-Tee continued. “He’s home practically all the time.”

  “It’s summer,” Tom protested. “Da’s on holiday. I mean, he’s not teaching, but he’s working. He’s writing a book.”

  Jay-Tee rolled her eyes. “How long’s he been writing his book, Tom?”

  “A while.”

  “Years and years,” Jay-Tee told the social worker.

  “So?” Tom said. “It’s not like writing a shopping list, you know.”

  “Esmeralda will be back at lunchtime,” I said just to shut them up. “She almost always has lunch with us.”

  “And brings us home yummy stuff to eat like chocolate—”

  “And healthy things too,” Jay-Tee interrupted. “You saw all the fruit, right?”

  Jennifer Ishii suppressed another smile. “So what have the three of you been doing with yourselves over the holidays?” she asked.

  We exchanged glances. Let’s see, I thought, I fell in love for the first time, with Jay-Tee’s brother, Danny. Had sex for the first time, got pregnant, discovered magic was real, ran away to New York City, though back then I didn’t know it was on the other side of Esmeralda’s back door. What else? Discovered that my mother lied to me my entire life, met my evil grandfather, Jason Blake, also known as Alexander. Had my long-dead ancestor change me into I-don’t-know-what. For all I know, he could be living inside me, turning me into—

  “Studying,” Jay-Tee said.

  “That’s commendable. What have you been studying?”

  Magic, I thought. All about magic.

  “Just about everything,” Jay-Tee answered. “Well, mostly Reason’s been helping me and Tom with math ’cause we’re hopeless.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Tom interjected. “My geometry is stellar!”

  “And,” Jay-Tee continued, ignoring him, “we’ve been helping her with everything else. Honestly, Ree doesn’t know anything about anything.”

  “Yes, I do!”

  “What’s a Mormon, Ree?” Tom asked.

  I blushed.

  Jennifer Ishii grinned. “Ree? Is that your nickname, Reason?”

  “Yes,” I said, though before I’d met Tom and Jay-Tee no one had ever called me that.

  “Do you prefer being called Ree or Reason?”

  “They’re both fine, I guess.” I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone but Tom and Jay-Tee to call me Ree. It felt kind of private.

  “And when you three aren’t studying, what do you do?”

  Tom shrugged. “We hang out. I’ve been showing them around Newtown. They don’t know Sydney hardly at all.”

  Out of nowhere my stomach somersaulted and my mouth filled with bile. I dashed to the downstairs bathroom just off the kitchen. I made it in time—barely—filling the toilet bowl with breakfast. Why was I vomiting? I didn’t feel bad or anything.

  “Are you okay?” Jennifer Ishii asked from the bathroom door.

  I grunted, waiting a moment before looking up just in case there was more.

  “Are you sick?” She came and felt my forehead. “You’re not hot.”

  I shook my head. Just pregnant, I realised. That’s what it had to be. Didn’t being pregnant make you chunder?

  “She’s nervous,” I heard Tom say. “She chunders when she’s nervous.”

  I looked up, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “No, I don’t.” I rose unsteadily and flushed the toilet.

  “Here, let me help you.” Jennifer Ishii guided me to the sink. “Are you dizzy? Does your stomach hurt? Could it be something you ate?”

  I wished she’d go away. I rinsed out my mouth, then washed my face and hands. My eyes stung so I closed them. Magic lights everywhere. I opened them again. “Must’ve been something I ate. But my stomach doesn’t feel so bad now.” Which was true. The horrible nauseous feeling had completely vanished. I stood up and wiped my hands on the towel.

  “Do you want to sit down?”

  “No, I’m okay. Really. I feel much better now.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. Whatever it was, it’s gone. I feel fine.”

  “So it was nervousness?”

  I opened my mouth to deny it and then decided that agreeing was better than admitting the real reason. Me being pregnant after less than two weeks under Esmeralda’s roof definitely wouldn’t look good. “Well, may
be a little bit. I’m not used to social workers.”

  She smiled again. “I imagine not.” I wondered if all social workers were told to smile and laugh as much as possible. They probably thought it relaxed the clients. “But if it happens again, you should see a doctor. Vomiting like that is not normal.”

  “I will.”

  “Are you well enough to show me your bedroom now?”

  “Okay.”

  “You’re sure you’re all right?”

  How did I answer that question? “I think so,” I said.

  “Have you always been a nervous vomiter?”

  I glared at Tom. “I guess.”

  3

  Not Alone

  Jennifer Ishii walked around my room slowly. I watched her and tried not to seem nervous, though after vomiting like that, I didn’t know why I bothered. I’d made Tom and Jay-Tee stay downstairs so they wouldn’t inadvertently say anything else wrong.

  She ran a finger along the top of the bookcase, opened the glass doors to step onto the balcony. “Nice view,” she said, though all you could see was the street and parked cars and other houses, but only tiny bits of green, stunted trees growing out of the footpath with their roots covered over with asphalt.

  She peered into the wardrobe. Pushed the winter coat that Danny’d bought me on its hanger. “Don’t think you’ll get much wear out of that here. You don’t have many clothes, do you?”

  “No. Esmeralda says she’ll buy me some more.”

  “Do you always call her Esmeralda?”

  “Yes. That’s her name. We don’t really know each other very well yet.”

  “No,” Jennifer Ishii said, smiling. “I imagine not.”

  She stepped into the bathroom. “This is lovely. Must be nice having your own bathroom.”

  “Yup. I never have before. It’s grouse.”

  “Are you happy, Reason?”

  I blinked, saw dots of magic light and the dark gap where Jennifer Ishii must be standing. Shivered again. Her not being there was spooky. It was as if she were dead.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded.

  “Really? You don’t seem okay. Or happy.”

  “I miss my mother.” It was true. I missed our life together. I missed her being sane, or at least not scary mad, like she was now. Sarafina had always been odd. Even the little I’d seen of other people had taught me that. I missed the time when I hadn’t known about magic.

  And even though it had only been one night, I missed being able to close my eyes without seeing it everywhere. I missed how I was before Raul Cansino had done whatever it was he’d done to me. I missed being able to sleep. And Danny. I missed Danny, even though we’d only been apart for a day. Jay-Tee had called him, but I hadn’t. I didn’t want Tom and Jay-Tee overhearing.

  “You’ve been to visit your mother?”

  “Yes, twice, but she’s…she’s not how she was.” I sat down on the bed.

  “Are you getting enough sleep?”

  I opened my mouth, then shut it again.

  “Those are very dark shadows. And your eyes are so red. Like you’ve been crying. All the time.”

  Not like I’ve been crying—like I’ve been trying not to blink, not to see the world the way Raul Cansino saw it: a world of magic. “I don’t sleep very well.” That wasn’t true. Usually I slept fine, but yesterday the old man had given me his magic and taken sleep away. I wondered what I’d look like in a week.

  “Does she treat you well? Your grandmother?” Jennifer Ishii was peering at my face, at the fading bruises around my eye.

  I touched it. “Oh, no, that wasn’t Esmeralda. Truly. I tripped.”

  “In the cellar?”

  “I really did. Esmeralda would never hit me.” Drink my magic, maybe, but hit me? No.

  “But she leaves you alone a lot?”

  “Oh, no,” I said. “I’ve hardly been alone since I got here. First Tom, then Jay-Tee.” And Danny. “The three of us hang out all the time. Like I said, Esmeralda’s almost always here for lunch. And Tom’s dad keeps an eye on us. You can talk to him if you want.” Then I remembered that Tom had said he was spending the morning at the library.

  “I’ll be doing that after I’ve talked to your grandmother.”

  “Also, I mean, we’re fifteen, so it’s not like we’re babies that can’t be left alone. My mum had me when she was fifteen.”

  “Which is not recommended. But Reason, I’d be worried about an adult who’d been through what you’ve been through.”

  I didn’t know what to say. She didn’t mean magic. I tried to think what she did mean.

  “It must have been awful for you, finding her like that, having to call the ambulance…”

  I flashed to my mother, covered in blood. She’d tried to kill herself. I blinked, wanting to push the image away, and saw only magic: Tom’s, Jay-Tee’s, all the magic objects in this house and next door, and a little way out Sarafina, and, I supposed, Tom’s mother too, stuck together in the loony bin, and beyond that countless other magic lights, belonging to who-knew-what or who. I wobbled. Jennifer Ishii steadied me.

  “Are you all right, Reason?”

  I nodded, though my eyes had filled with tears. They stung but at the same time felt good against my eyeballs. None of them spilled out.

  “Here,” she said, handing me a tissue. “It’s good to cry, Reason. You’re allowed to if you want to.”

  I blinked, saw magic. The tears were already gone.

  “Have you had a chance to talk to anyone about what you’ve been through? Your grandmother? Your friends?”

  I shook my head. “Not really.” There had been too many other things to talk about: magic and the choice between using it and dying young, or not using it and going mad, the new Cansino magic, the baby growing inside me…

  “It might do you good, Reason. To talk to someone.” She handed me a card. “It’s the name of a counsellor. She’s a friend of mine. Isabella’s very good at listening and at suggesting ways to look after yourself. I’ll tell your grandmother about her. It will help you, Reason.” Jennifer Ishii looked at me as if she’d asked me a question.

  I looked away so I could spare myself the sight of her not being there when I blinked.

  “Reason, you’ve been through so much. It makes sense that you would feel sad, or angry, or nervous, or any of the ways you’ve been feeling. You need to let yourself feel those things. You need to let yourself rest, take care of yourself. It’s still early days. In a very short amount of time, you’ve been through a lot, including moving into a new house in a whole new city. Just that alone would be overwhelming for most people.”

  “You won’t send me away from Esmeralda, will you?”

  Jennifer Ishii smiled again, but it was a smaller smile—realer—sadder too. “Of course not. My job is to make sure you’re okay. The last thing you need right now is to be moved again. I wouldn’t recommend it unless it was absolutely necessary. You’re lucky, Reason. Most kids in your situation don’t end up in such a lovely house. Your grandmother has a lot of money, but I have to keep in mind that just because a household is rich doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Children can be neglected anywhere.

  “I’m trying not to be distracted by how gorgeous this place is. It seems to me you need more attention than your grandmother has been giving you. No one should be left alone with the kind of experiences you’ve been through. You’re only fifteen, Reason. You’ve had to look after yourself and your mother for a very long time. You don’t have to continue taking on everything all alone.”

  She was staring at me. I nodded, not knowing what to say. I hadn’t been prepared for her to say something like that. Had I really been looking after Sarafina?

  “Promise me you’ll go and see Isabella.”

  “Isabella?”

  “The counsellor.”

  I looked down at the card in my hand. ISABELLA SANDITON, SPECIALISING IN CHILD PSYCHOLOGY. I couldn’t imagine taking the time to sit with some strang
er and tell them the tiniest portion of my troubles, when I had so many bigger and scarier problems, like what to do about this scary Cansino way of seeing, and how to keep Jay-Tee from dying and bring my mother back to sanity. Not to mention seeing Danny again, telling him about our baby.

  I grunted.

  “I’ll tell your grandmother the same.”

  I nodded.

  “Are you ready for your tests? I was pleased to hear that you’ve been preparing. It’s great that you’ve decided to go to school even though you don’t have to anymore.”

  “I always wanted to go to school,” I said, feeling confused. “Test?”

  “This Saturday. Your scholastic abilities test.”

  “Scholastic abilities?” I had no idea what she was talking about.

  “Isn’t that what you’ve been studying for?”

  “Um.”

  “You don’t know? You were supposed to be told about this. All the information has been sent to this address. Your grandmother hasn’t mentioned it?”

  Too late to lie. “Not that I remember.”

  “She really should have told you.” Jennifer Ishii’s forehead crinkled and her lips turned down before she remembered to smile.

  Another black mark against my grandmother.

  It wasn’t as if she’d had time to fill me in. The first day I’d stayed locked in my room not talking to her, and then I’d gone through the door to New York City. There hadn’t ever been a quiet, let’s-talk-about-your-future moment. Well, there had, but it was the more pressing immediate future: Don’t use magic or you’ll die; your mother is a liar, your grandfather a very bad man. Not a single mention of my scholastic abilities test.

  “You have no school records, Reason. You have to be tested so we can work out what class to put you in. Obviously, it would be great if you could be placed in year ten, so you’ll be the same age as your classmates, but you’ve had a very unusual upbringing. We can’t be sure you’ll be able to cope with year ten.”

  I nodded. “That makes sense.”

  She opened her backpack, pulling out a sheaf of papers. “Your grandmother should already have these, but just in case. The test is on Saturday. I’ll come and pick you up a half hour beforehand. Is that okay?”

  I nodded again.