Not Everything Dies Read online

  “You must protect yourself, remain above suspicion, and appear to be a proper young lady at all times.”

  Ruxandra thought about the other girls, and how much more polished they were. “I will do my best. And I’m sure Elizabeth will help me.”

  “Of course she will,” Kade said. “But she is only one woman. She cannot defeat the strength of the court, and certainly not the king.” He looked away, his face flushing slightly. “I have a gift for you.”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace. As he held it out to her, the close-linked pewter rings of the chain gleamed dully in the firelight. A small pendant with a single red gem hung from it.

  “It’s beautiful!” Ruxandra exclaimed.

  “A good luck charm to wear on your trip,” Kade said. “May I put it on you?”

  “Of course!”

  Kade undid the clasp and stepped behind her. Ruxandra gathered her long red hair into her hands. Kade laid the necklace against her neck and slid his hands back to fasten the clasp. The metal was cool on her skin, a sharp contrast to the heat of Kade’s hands. He released the necklace and rested his hands on her shoulders.

  “There,” he said. “May it keep you safe in all your travels.”

  His hands stayed on her shoulders a moment longer. Then he let go, walked to the door, and bowed deeply.

  “Travel well, my lady.”

  “Thank you, Kade.”

  With that, he was gone, leaving Ruxandra to hold the pendant and relive the memory of his warm hands on her shoulders.

  They left Castle Csejte at dawn. Ruxandra dashed from the hall to the carriage, wearing the heaviest hooded cloak Jana could find to keep her skin safe from the sun. She sat in the middle of the seat, with the curtains pulled closed.

  It was still horrible.

  The bumpy road jolted the carriage with every turn of the wheels. The sun beat down on the carriage roof, like an angry creature ready to break into the carriage and rip her to shreds. Ruxandra didn’t let it touch her but she still wanted to see where they were going. So she looked out the window on the side away from the sun. Even there, the sun was too bright. It made her squint and gave her a headache. She could last only a few moments before huddling back into the stifling darkness behind the curtains.

  But what she saw was wonderful.

  A line of carriages and carts stretched out around them. On the curving mountain roads, Ruxandra could see them all. There were four carriages—Elizabeth’s, Ruxandra’s, and two for the ladies and servants of Elizabeth’s court. There were another four carts carrying everything the household needed for an extended stay. Six knights rode ahead of them, and eight more behind, all in gleaming armor.

  After the first morning, Ruxandra sent Jana to sit with the driver. There was no reason for the girl to sit in the dark with her. That evening, Jana reported to her everything she had seen. The driver was an older man who wrapped the girl in the big fur blanket he wore and treated her well. He told her where they were going, and the names of the little towns they passed, and the animals they saw. Jana passed it all on to Ruxandra.

  They stayed at an inn the first night. Elizabeth had her men clear the building first, and no one other than their party stayed with them. Then she took Ruxandra to her room.

  “It is important you stay in your room,” she said, “even if you are hungry. You cannot be seen walking the streets. It will lead to talk.”

  Ruxandra spent the night in her room playing cards with Jana until the girl fell asleep, then looking out the window at the village. The houses were all dark, their windows shuttered tight against the cold. She still wanted to wander through them. To see what they were like up close and maybe talk to some of the people who lived there.

  The next morning, she woke up hungry.

  It was a small, niggling hunger. Not enough to stir the Beast, and certainly not enough to make Ruxandra lose control. Even by evening it wasn’t enough to cause worry, but she knew she did not have much time before the Beast stirred again.

  At the end of that day’s journey, Ruxandra found Elizabeth sitting in the common room of the second inn, sipping a glass of red wine. Dorotyas stood behind her, glaring at Ruxandra like something to be wiped off her shoe. Ruxandra ignored her and told Elizabeth everything.

  “Fortunate, then, that you have the girl.” Elizabeth took a sip of her wine.

  “I don’t want to feed off her.”

  “It’s why I gave her to you.” Elizabeth put her glass on the table. “Feed off her. Anyone else will draw attention.”

  “And feeding off Jana won’t?” Ruxandra asked.

  “We can say the girl was sickly and died in the night. Then we can take her body when we leave and dump it in a ravine. By spring, the wolves will have taken her.”

  “That’s—”

  “What she’s here for.” Elizabeth stood and put a hand on Ruxandra’s shoulder. “I brought several extra girls with me to act as your servants, once you are done with her.”

  Please, no. I like Jana. I don’t want to kill her.

  Elizabeth put down the wine and rose from her seat by the fire. “No hunting, Ruxandra. I won’t stand for it. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, my lady.”

  She walked back to her room, remembering what Kade had said: if people learned her true nature, they would hunt her down and kill her. Elizabeth was trying to protect her. I’m not ready to die.

  The next night, they stayed in a castle.

  It was larger than Csejte, and the count and his wife greeted Elizabeth with a cold deference. They housed her knights in their grand hall and gave Elizabeth and Ruxandra each their own room. Ruxandra, at Elizabeth’s insistence, claimed weariness from the trip and retreated to her room with Jana as quickly as possible.

  Ruxandra began pacing the moment she closed the door. Jana sat in the corner, watching her with wide-open eyes. Inside Ruxandra, the Beast growled and whined, its voice becoming louder and louder in her head.

  “My lady?”

  Ruxandra spun, her talons and teeth nearly descending at the fear in Jana’s voice. The girl’s smell filled her nose. Her heartbeat, fast and hard, like a bird desperate to take flight, pounded in Ruxandra’s ears. Jana’s hands went over her mouth, blocking any sound. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Ruxandra spun away. She stood at the window, breathing the cool night air that flowed through the gaps in the shutters. It smelled of the oncoming winter. It also carried the smell of the castle. Of men and women and children. It made her dizzy with hunger.

  “My lady?” Jana’s voice was small. “What will happen if you don’t eat?”

  Ruxandra swallowed hard. She didn’t turn around—wouldn’t turn around for fear of attacking the girl as soon as seeing her.

  “I know what you are,” Jana said. “I know what you do, and I know this is the fourth day. But . . . I don’t know what happens when you don’t eat.”

  “I change,” Ruxandra said. “My mind gives way, and I become a mindless animal. The Beast kills whoever is closest, and I feed until I regain control.”

  Ruxandra heard the girl’s breath begin to shake, heard her muffled sobs. When Jana spoke again, her voice quivered with fear.

  “Does it hurt?”

  The Beast growled, long and low, like a cat about to pounce.

  Ruxandra walked to the door.

  “You can’t!” Jana cried. “The countess said you must stay here!”

  Ruxandra opened the door and stepped into the empty hallway.

  “She’ll hurt you,” Jana whispered.

  “I’ll be back before morning.” Ruxandra closed the door without turning around. Inside, the Beast’s growls had become a whine of displeasure.

  Shut up. We’re getting food. We just can’t get it here.

  She listened hard, tracking the sound of every person inside the keep. Most were asleep. Some were fornicating. A few poor souls were working. Jana was crying. Dorotyas was snoring. Elizabeth was breathing dee
p and easy.

  Three guards were coming down the hallway toward her.

  No, no, no, no, no!

  She stopped.

  I wish they couldn’t see me. I wish they wouldn’t notice me at all. She said it over and over, as if by willing it to happen, she could keep from being seen.

  The guards rounded the corner and walked straight toward her. I am a lady. I could not sleep, and I am going to the kitchens. That’s what I’ll tell them.

  They continued walking, three abreast, talking in low voices about the day. Not one of them spoke to her. Ruxandra watched them, watched them stare right through her.

  She stepped aside and pressed her body flat against the wall. The three marched past without the slightest turn of their heads.

  What happened?

  I was right there. They could not have missed me. It’s not possible!

  Is it?

  There were guards on duty, standing outside the door of the great hall. Ruxandra could hear their breathing through the door. She stopped in front of it.

  There is one way to find out.

  She willed them not to notice her and gently pulled open the door. Both guards turned and stared as it swung open.

  Neither stared at her.

  “You said it was closed tight, idiot,” said the first guard.

  “It was,” groused the other. “I swear it.”

  “You swore wrong,” said the first, reaching inside to grab the ring on the door.

  Ruxandra twisted out of his way and jumped out of the grand hall into the courtyard. Neither guard took any notice of her. Even when they went back to their positions, neither looked at her.

  Curious, Ruxandra stepped in front of one. His eyes went to the side, refusing to look in her direction. Ruxandra walked back and forth in front of them. Each time she appeared in one’s line of sight, his eyes went elsewhere.

  They don’t see me.

  Ruxandra slipped across the courtyard. The front gate was shut, the portcullis down. She had hoped to slip out the front, but it wasn’t possible. Someone would surely notice if she opened everything. She couldn’t get out the front gate and had no idea whether there was another. There was no way out unless she could fly.

  She stared up at the fifteen-foot wall and remembered how the Beast had moved in the dungeon.

  I’m fast and strong. Maybe . . .

  Ruxandra bent her knees, stopped, gathered up her skirt, and then bent them again.

  I hope this works . . .

  RUXANDRA CLEARED THE wall with five feet to spare.

  She was so surprised that she looked back. The movement sent her off balance, and she hit the ground hard, landing in a heap. It hurt, but nothing felt broken or even badly damaged. A moment later the pain faded.

  Ruxandra sat up slowly and looked down at her body. She didn’t have a single bruise. She looked back up at the wall and started laughing. Then she clamped her hands over her mouth, fearful someone had heard her.

  The night was still quiet, save the steps of the guards atop the wall.

  Now what?

  Ruxandra stood, brushed off her clothes, and walked through the village. She heard the breathing of the people in each house as she passed. The Beast rumbled inside, wanting to feed.

  I can’t hunt in the village. Elizabeth will know.

  I shouldn’t go too far, though.

  She sniffed the air, looking for scents of people outside of the village. A hint of wood smoke rode on the wind, coming from not too far away. Ruxandra walked toward it. The Beast growled, wanting her to speed up. Ruxandra didn’t want to, for fear of ruining the dress.

  CLOTHES STUPID.

  Shut up.

  HUNGRY.

  Stupid Beast. Shut up.

  Except the Beast wasn’t as stupid as it had been. It was still separate from Ruxandra, still an animal, but filled with cunning. It knew what it wanted, could communicate so. The fact that it spoke to her . . .

  Is it really part of me? Or is it something different?

  HUNGRY.

  Shut up.

  She stopped at the edge of the woods. Most of the animals had gone to ground for winter, or fled the oncoming cold. The trees had long since lost their leaves, and spiked branches stuck out like skeleton fingers waiting to grasp and tear at passersby.

  The woods called to her like a siren’s song.

  How long has it been since I’ve run free?

  Elizabeth will know if I ruin this dress.

  DRESS STUPID. NO DRESS.

  Tempting. Though what if someone sees?

  They can’t see me. Not if I don’t want them to.

  Ruxandra willed herself to be unnoticed and stripped off her clothes. She hung them on the branches and put the shoes in the crook of a tree. The ground beneath her bare feet felt cold and solid and alive in a way that shoes could never match. The cold breeze brought her skin to gooseflesh and made her nipples so hard they nearly hurt.

  Ruxandra breathed deep, taking in all the smells of the night and pinpointing the direction of the wood smoke. She started running, and the world rushed past is a blur.

  When did I become so fast?

  The Beast had always been quick. Ruxandra had chased down game many times, either for herself or the wolf pack. She was much faster now. She sprinted through the trees, faster than any deer. She jumped over fallen logs and hollows in the earth, and across a stream without slowing once. She ran off all her confusion about Elizabeth, her fear of Vienna, and her concern for Jana.

  Deep in the woods, she found prey.

  The old hut looked abandoned at first glance. The roof was sagging, the shingles on it old and worn. There were holes between the planks of the walls, and the clothes that hung over the windows were ragged and torn. Only the thin stream of smoke coming from the chimney suggested that someone might still live within. Ruxandra slowed and sniffed the air. Beyond the smell of wood and decay was the scent of an old, unwashed body.

  She heard a grunt. Then another.

  Ruxandra sank deeper into the bushes, her hunter’s instincts coming to the fore, even as she remembered she couldn’t be seen. The hut door opened, and an old, frail woman emerged. The woman groaned and tottered out of the hut. She had both hands wrapped around the grip of a long stick and leaned on it as she staggered out into the night. On each step, she gritted her teeth, and a low moan of pain escaped.

  What’s wrong with her?

  Suddenly, Ruxandra saw the woman’s pain.

  It looked like red flags wrapped around her aching joints. Her knees hurt the worst, her hands and wrists only slightly better. Every step she took caused her pain.

  Ruxandra was so stunned that she couldn’t move.

  Why can I sense all this?

  The moment she started wondering, the sense disappeared. Ruxandra frowned. She inspected the old woman more closely, but nothing came.

  Before, I was wondering what she was feeling.

  She focused on the woman’s feelings, and the images in her mind returned.

  The woman was weary. Not tired, but weary of living, weary of struggling against the pain. Lonely and missing those she loved who had died. She wanted desperately to not hurt anymore—to leave this world for whatever might come after.

  It works as long as I concentrate.

  The woman leveraged her backside over a log and pulled her dress out of the way. She hissed in pain and let loose a few spurts of urine. Ruxandra watched the red flaring in the old woman’s belly as she urinated, felt the despair in her mind as she struggled to stand back up afterward.

  She remembered when she ran with the wolves. How they separated the old and weak from a herd of deer and cut them down. She started moving, her steps silent on the cold ground.

  HUNGRY.

  I know.

  Ruxandra caught the old woman at the door of her hut. The pain the old woman felt as Ruxandra sank her teeth into her neck flared bright in Ruxandra’s mind, then faded to darkness as she drank her dry.


  Ruxandra slipped back into her room just before dawn. Jana was asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace. She had Ruxandra’s cloak wrapped tightly in her arms, her face nearly buried in the folds. She looked like an infant finding comfort in her mother’s scent. Ruxandra put a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder and shook her awake.

  Jana blinked, her eyes red from tears and lack of sleep. She realized who it was and jumped back in fear. Ruxandra caught her shoulder.

  “It’s all right,” Ruxandra said. “I’m fine. It’s all right now.”

  Jana looked uncertain. “Then . . . you . . .”

  “Yes.” Ruxandra pulled the girl close and hugged her. “I promised I’d never hurt you, and I won’t.”

  Jana squeezed her, hard, and snuffled against her bare skin. Then she pulled back, her eyes wide.

  “My lady, where are your clothes?”

  “Right here,” Ruxandra handed her the pile. “Now help me get into them before Elizabeth comes to see us.”

  An hour after dawn, Dorotyas banged once on the door and flung it open. Elizabeth strode forward and froze in the doorway. The four women behind her barely managed to keep from knocking her over.

  “Good morning,” Ruxandra said brightly. “Are we ready to leave, then?”

  Elizabeth looked from Ruxandra, sitting in the room’s only chair, to Jana, pouring two cups of tea from a small kettle on the fireplace. Jana paused her pouring and sank into a deep curtsy.

  “We are.” Elizabeth glared at Jana. Then she put on a false smile for Ruxandra. “It will be a long, dull day, so I suggest Jana stay in the carriage with you, so that she may . . . entertain you.”

  She turned away. The four women behind her nearly fell over themselves to get out of her way as she strode back down the hall. Dorotyas stayed in the doorway, looking the two of them over.

  “Is there something else?” Ruxandra asked.

  Dorotyas glared at them both and walked out, practically slamming the door behind her. Ruxandra looked at Jana. They both began giggling.

  Four nights later, Ruxandra killed an old man who lived alone in the forest, draining him and leaving his body for the scavengers. In the morning, Elizabeth glared at both her and Jana but said nothing.