I Am Titanium (Pax Black Book 1) Read online

  She hit him again. Oh, God. She wasn’t losing him.

  His chest didn’t move. Hitting him hurt her fists.

  None of the doctors or nurses moved or told her to stop. It was weird. She turned to look at them, afraid they were observing some kind of “moment of silence” after a death. She’d never seen that on TV, but who knows what really happens?

  The man next to her had his mouth open. She could see the overhead lights reflecting off a tiny piece of spit on his lips. Off his bloodshot eyes.

  She watched him for a few seconds, her eyes watering. He wasn’t blinking. Or breathing. She butted into him with her shoulder.

  He swayed on his feet a little—then tipped over.

  It was like watching a chess piece or a doll fall over; he was so stiff. He had a clipboard under one arm, hands stretched in front of him when he fell—and that’s exactly how he stayed when he landed.

  “What?” she whispered. “Pax… what the fuck is going on?”

  Inside her pocket, Julie’s cell phone buzzed.

  For a decade, ever since Pax had been brought to the hospital, ever since they’d found out about the acute form of scleroderma he had, her stomach clenched every time her cell phone went off, filling her stomach with acid.

  She’d had to give up surgery. Anything she couldn’t drop at a moment’s notice had been eradicated from her life. Surgery, their dog, dates… she couldn’t afford to give anyone that much of her. Pax needed her. He pretended he didn’t, but he did.

  When his father had died, she’d been filled with anger. It had been unfair of Robert to leave her alone with a young son. That she didn’t have time for. That she didn’t have the love for, not without Robert. It was a family she had wanted, the whole deal. She could work as part of a team; it’s how she gone through everything in life. Not this—one on one with a child. It was frightening.

  So she’d ignored Pax at first. Yelled at him when she shouldn’t. Just seeing him made her angry. It wasn’t so much that he reminded her of Robert. Pax didn’t even look like Robert. Pax looked like she had, when she was young. He reminded her of herself, before she’d found someone to love her, before she was strong and adult and skilled.

  She’d become a doctor so she could save people’s lives, so she didn’t have to be that helpless child anymore. Now, every time she saw Pax, she saw how she’d failed to save Robert. So she ignored Pax, and shouted at him, and shook him when he didn’t behave.

  Until she realized something was wrong with him.

  She’d brought him to the hospital and everything had changed.

  She pulled the cell phone out of her pocket. The heart monitor was hooked up to a cellular connection and it automatically texted her when something deviated from normal.

  HEART RATE ERRATIC LEVEL YELLOW WARNING.

  The phone buzzed again.

  HEART RATE DROPPING LEVEL ORANGE WARNING.

  Time itself seemed to go still. She should have been on her feet and running for the door, headed up to the seventh floor. She should have been desperately thinking, “Wait for the elevator or take the stairs?”

  Instead she stared at the phone.

  She would do anything to keep him safe, but part of her knew, knew deep down as a doctor and as a mother, that her son was dying, and she could do nothing to prevent it. To keep pulling him back like this was cruel.

  She’d get up. Any second now.

  The phone buzzed again, startling her, and she dropped it on her desk facedown.

  With a shaking hand, she picked it up.

  HEART STOPPED LEVEL RED WARNING.

  Chapter 3

  “There are two factions in the White City,” said Terry. “I and those who trust me believe Earth should be able to continue on its path to see where it will evolve and if humans as a species can attain astral form.”

  “Well, I can do it,” said Pax. “That means we’re getting close, doesn’t it?”

  “You are one of the examples I point to,” said Terry. “Nonetheless, we are in the minority. The majority of the White City believes humans are dangerous and that Earth should be sealed off from the astral plane permanently.”

  “What?” Pax’s mouth fell open. “That’s not fair. Or even logical. You can’t cut off the whole planet’s future based on what we are now.”

  Terry shifted his weight on his knees; his hands tightened briefly.

  “I agree with you,” Terry said in a voice so deep and resonant it seemed to come out of surround-sound speakers. “But possibly not for the reason you mean.”

  Pax rolled the bowl in a circle between his hands. Terry wasn’t the kind of being you whined about fairness to—not twice in a row. If he said there was no way around this situation, then… there might be, but not one Terry could resolve soon enough to make a difference. It wasn’t fair. But it’s what he and Terry had to work with at the moment; protesting would be a waste of time.

  “You know Earth has been off-limits for us to visit for some time now,” said Terry. “You coming here was allowed, of course. Any being that evolves highly enough is allowed access to the astral plane. But in the case of Earth, they’re thinking of banning even that.”

  “That’s…” Pax searched for a word but could only come up with “bullshit.”

  “As you say,” agreed Terry. “With your evolution, however, we have a chance to change that. You visiting the astral plane is proof humans are closer than most think to reaching the astral plane. If we can show them humans can evolve beyond their violence, we will be able to convince the Council that Earth should not be cut off.”

  “Then let’s do it!” said Pax. “There’s tons we could show them! I’ll lead you around and you could tell them—”

  “Not me,” said Terry. “We. I’ll be bringing someone else with me as well.”

  “Oh.” Pax thought about it. “In my brain as well?”

  Terry smiled. “No, I think that would be too crowded, to start. No, she will be observing astrally at first and taking physical form as necessary to interact with your world.”

  “All right,” said Pax. “Let her come down.”

  “There is one other catch, Pax,” said Terry. “If the Council decides humanity is to be cut off from the astral plane, it will not allow any astral bodies to remain behind on the earth, or humans to contaminate the astral plane.”

  That took Pax a moment to understand. “They’ll… they’ll kill me?”

  “Yes,” said Terry. “Your astral body will be destroyed, and you will die as surely as your physical body is dying now.”

  “That’s not….” Pax wanted to say unfair.

  “I am sorry to rush you,” Terry said. “Your mortal body is dead. And we must move quickly if we are to reattach your astral body back to the physical world in its new form.”

  “Dead?” repeated Pax.

  “Yes,” said Terry. “You are out of time.”

  “Time,” Pax muttered. “No time at all.” They’ll kill me if they don’t like Earth. But I’m dead anyway. This way, I get to live for a little while at least. Really live!

  Pax flipped the bowl over. It dripped onto the rice mat. A small water stain spread from underneath. He wondered what Scarlett would think of him, in a new body, not weak and pale and helpless, but strong and alive. Would she still like him? Would she like him even more?

  He closed his eyes and, balancing his elbows on his knees, folded his hands to rest his chin on them. Right now, several nurses, at least two doctors, and his mom were all closing in on his hospital room to resuscitate him. They didn’t know it was the last time.

  Mom would realize the truth this time and would walk away, secretly relieved. She had lived before him; she would live after him. Scarlett would scream and throw herself on his body. And write stories about him
. For the rest of her life, probably. And, one day, those stories would mean more to her than he did.

  Or Pax could live and not be human anymore. Would Scarlett like that as well?

  If she were here she would probably slap him for overthinking. Save yourself! she would shriek. Save yourself for me!

  “I’ll do it,” he told Terry.

  Terry nodded slightly. “Then it’s time for introductions.” Terry gestured, and the air next to him shimmered. “Pax, meet Akllana’chikni’pai.”

  “I’ll never remember that,” said Pax, rolling his eyes. “Lana it is.”

  Terry smiled slightly. “I had anticipated that, yes.”

  The shimmer in the air solidified. Akllana’chikni’pai—Lana—appeared next to Terry, also kneeling, dressed in a black robe decorated with a silk flame pattern. She was drop-dead gorgeous, with long black hair that curled around her face. Pax was impressed, even though he knew it would have been illogical for her to have chosen a body that was unattractive.

  “Akllana’chikni’pai, please meet my friend from Earth, Pax Black,” Terry said.

  She nodded slightly. Her face was calm. Relaxed. Her mouth was closed, neither smiling nor frowning. The rest of her body language was formal, yet confident and at ease. She wasn’t one of those simpering hotties from an Asian ninja flick. She looked like a fighter, too, although Pax figured her more for bo sticks than katanas.

  The weirdest thing, though, was that her eyes were on fire.

  They glowed with a red, flickering light. They seemed—filled with anger. Hate. Contempt. Maybe even fear. Then she smiled at him, and the impression of negative emotions disappeared. Pax wasn’t good at emotions, either at reading them or at feeling the ones other people thought he should have. So he dismissed his initial impression for the moment.

  “He is too young, Terkun’shuks’pai.” Lana leaned one hand on the rice mat and rearranged her robes slightly with the other.

  “There is no time,” Terry said softly. “His physical body is dying. If we wish to use him as an example of how humans react as astral beings, we must do so now. That, or this boy must die, now.”

  “Your lives are so short,” said Akllana’chikni’pai. “So frail and so short. So easily damaged.” Her nostrils flared, and, for a second, he saw the anger in her again. “I will do it.”

  “Your hesitation is understood,” Terry said.

  “Is it?” she asked, staring at her hands for a moment and then shaking the sleeves of her robe to cover them. “I suppose it is.”

  Clearly there was more going on than either of the astrals was talking about.

  Terry turned his head slightly to look at her.

  “We have never been friends, Terkun’shuks’pai,” she said. “We have never agreed on anything. I think you use these humans to further your political position.”

  When Terry started to speak again, she swept a finger in front of his lips, without touching them. “I have already consented to this arrangement. I do not have to like it. And you can be sure I will do everything in my power to protect these humans from your schemes.”

  “Even as you isolate them? Even as you keep them from joining the astral plane?”

  “Even so,” said Lana. “They must be allowed to live or die out on their own terms, without interference from us and without inflicting harm on other planes.” The anger flashed across her face again. “I will be watching you, Terkun’shuks’pai.”

  “As you must.”

  Scarlett put her hand on Pax’s chest. It wasn’t warm or cold; it was solid and stiff, and when she stroked her hand across his skin, it felt like touching a slightly hairy statue.

  Goosebumps rose over her skin, and her teeth started to chatter. Oh, God.

  What if… he was dead?

  What if this was some kind of afterlife? Some kind of waiting place between worlds—and she’d followed him partway and got stuck here. She couldn’t remember what it was called, when you were stuck between life and death.

  So stupid. She was supposed to be good with words, wasn’t she?

  The doctors and nurses surrounded her, still frozen. Even the machines were silent.

  Pax’s face twisted into a grimace.

  Something was hurting him.

  “Pax!”

  Her voice echoed back at her.

  He still wasn’t breathing.

  His eyes gaped open. It looked like… it looked like they were filling up with white stuff—she couldn’t think of a more specific word—that covered his irises and pupils. It poured out of his eye sockets and down the sides of his face, onto the sheets.

  “Pax!” she shrieked.

  The white fluid was gushing out of his mouth now. It was running out of his nose, even out of his ears in thin streams.

  She didn’t know what else to do, so she put both palms shakily on his chest. She’d learned CPR for a reason, right? The worst that could happen wasn’t as bad as what was happening now.

  She almost started compressions but caught herself. “Clear his airway. First you’re supposed to clear his airway.”

  She laughed crazily and cleared as much of the white gunk out of his mouth as she could, but it was still pouring out of him. She put both hands on his chest again and started pumping.

  “And one and two…”

  The white stuff splattered onto her face, into her ear. She ignored it and kept pumping. On five she tipped his head back, scooped out all the liquid she could, and tried to blow into his mouth.

  It was like trying to blow up a balloon made out of stone, while it was full of mud. What the hell was this?

  She pumped on his chest again, but this time his ribs weren’t moving at all. She couldn’t be doing it right.

  “…and one and two and three…”

  Scarlett.

  A voice inside her head. She ignored it. She had more important things to do than go crazy.

  Scarlett.

  The voice was a woman’s, very gentle but not motherly. If she’d ever had a friend who was a girl, maybe her voice would have sounded like that.

  His body is dead, Scarlett.

  “No!” She cleared Pax’s mouth and tried to blow air into his lungs again, with no better results than the last time.

  My name is Akllana’chikni’pai. I am from the astral plane. Your friend Pax is here with me. He requests you stop trying to help that body. He says it is nothing but meat now.

  She ignored the voice and pumped five more times. She was such a wuss. Her arms were already starting to feel the strain, but she kept pushing on Pax’s chest as hard as she could. She would keep trying as long as she could.

  My name is Terkun’shuks’pai, said a new voice. I am coming to Earth with Akllana’chikni’pai. I will make a new body for your friend.

  Scarlett kept pumping. Come back? New body?

  Terry could make a new body for Pax? Why hadn’t he said so? What had made him wait so long? Right now she hated Terry. She hated him for taking Pax away from her. For getting his hopes up, then always letting him down. For being smarter than her, but even worse, for being smarter than Pax, or at least acting like he was. But most of all, for making her jealous. She felt like picking up the bed and hurling it through the window. She felt that strong.

  She felt that stupid.

  And she didn’t trust Terry at all. She kept pumping.

  She gritted her teeth and struggled to hold back her anger. She couldn’t do Pax any good like this, burning up with anger.

  The voice came again. There will be an energy flow, it said, and its tone held a warning. You need to step away from Pax. Quickly.

  “Not while I can still save him!”

  You can’t save him, said Terry. He does not need to be saved. You must
step away from him before his energy flow changes. Quickly.

  “Fuck you!”

  The white fluid that covered Pax’s face and body began to glow.

  “I won’t give up on him!” Scarlett screamed. “I won’t.”

  She is very bright, said Akllana’chikni’pai.

  She is like Pax, said Terry. Scarlett, you must move NOW! Before—

  And his urgency got through to her and she was about to move because really this was all super creepy, but the room went white, and Scarlett felt as if her whole body was being crushed from all directions at once.

  NO! Even disembodied, Pax’s cry of grief reverberated through the room. What have I done?

  You did nothing, said Terry. She would not listen; she would not get off. It isn’t your fault.

  I can see her spirit, said Pax. Scarlett! Wait!

  What… what happened to me, Pax? Am I—

  NO! Pax turned on Terry. You can’t let her die! You can’t!

  I have no intention of it, said Terry.

  Terry! Lana’s thoughts cracked like a whip through the ether. What are you doing?

  She is like Pax, said Terry. She has the power to change. She must be given the chance before—

  Terry! Pax sounded panicked. What the hell is that?

  Black tendrils that hadn’t been there before began roiling through the room, seeking out Pax’s and Scarlett’s bodies. In the same moment, astral material started bubbling from Scarlett’s eyes.

  She was floating outside her body.

  In front of her, right in front of her, her own body was falling down, sliding off Pax’s hospital bed and onto the floor. White gunk was oozing out of her mouth onto the speckled black-and-white floor tiles. Her lips were pale. The insides of her ear were turning pale as the blood drained toward the other side of her body. Her eyes looked like dry marbles, with a single white tear leaking out of each one.