Not Everything Dies Read online

“Here she is,” Dorotyas said, startling Ruxandra awake. The woman stood alone in the room, a bulky silhouette in the darkness. “The traitorous little slut.”

  RUXANDRA SAT UP. The daylight had faded, leaving the room dark, save for the light of the fire. “What?”

  The blanket fell away, and a sneer spread across Dorotyas’s face. Ruxandra pulled it back up. She did not want to be naked in front of Dorotyas. The utter disdain on the woman’s face reminded her of Sister Sofia.

  “I said you are a traitor and a slut.” Dorotyas stepped forward, her bulk and anger making her as menacing as a bear. “You killed five of Lady Czobor’s favorites, and then you ran away and left Elizabeth to take the blame. That makes you a traitor.”

  “That’s not—”

  “Then, once things were safer, you decided to return and get your cunny filled. That makes you a slut.”

  Dorotyas grabbed the blanket and yanked on it. Ruxandra tightened her grip, and it didn’t go anywhere. Dorotyas pulled again, but Ruxandra didn’t let go. Dorotyas dropped it and stepped back, her face going red.

  “Oh yes, hide your shame,” she said. “Hide the way you hid when Rudolph’s guards came looking for you. Slut.”

  “Why do you keep calling me that?”

  “What else do you call someone who fucks to get what they want? Do you prefer whore?”

  “That is not what happened!” Ruxandra spotted her shift lying beside the bed. She snatched it up.

  “Is that so? Because that’s what we all heard!”

  “Stop!” She pulled the shift over her head. “Why are you so angry?”

  “Because you are destroying her!” Dorotyas roared. “Your stupidity, your selfishness, your desires are putting her in a position where they can destroy her!”

  “That is not true!”

  “How do you know what is true?” Dorotyas’s hands balled into fists at her sides. Her body shook with rage. “You know nothing about politics or the happenings at court. My lady is going through hell all because of you!”

  She drove a fist into the bedpost, making the bed shake. Ruxandra felt the Beast stir as it had when the five nobles started threatening her.

  “Dorotyas,” she said. “Don’t do this.”

  “Don’t do what?” Dorotyas demanded. “Make you pay attention? Make you responsible for your actions? Make you show you care about my lady?”

  “I do care about Elizabeth.”

  “Do not call her that!” Dorotyas hit the bedpost again. The other hand went to the handle of the strap at her waist. “Do not ever call her that. You have not earned the right!”

  “She told me to call her that!”

  “I HAVE LOVED HER FOR THIRTY YEARS!” Dorotyas screamed. Her fist slammed into the bedpost again and again, punctuating her words. “I was there for every pregnancy, every time her husband rode off to war. I was there when he died and my lady spent six months grieving so deeply that she could not even think! I managed her lands and her castles while she recovered, and I helped her find her way back to power when everything was nearly lost. And you dare call her Elizabeth?”

  “I . . .” Ruxandra’s head spun at the words. She never thought of Dorotyas as more than a servant. “I did not know.”

  “Of course not, you selfish little bitch. You only think of yourself.”

  Is she right? Is that all I am?

  “Do you know where she is right now?” Dorotyas demanded.

  “With Gyorgy, talking to Rudolph’s courtiers.”

  “With Gyorgy, being questioned by Rudolph’s courtiers. They will poke and pry at her for as long as it takes to get her to admit to something—anything—that incriminates her. And she will take it because she knows that to fight invites worse criticism and questioning.”

  Dorotyas stepped closer and pulled the blankets into her fist. “Did you know that fucking another woman is against the law? That your presence in her bed is enough to condemn her if you two are found out?”

  Oh God.

  “I don’t know why she cares for you.” Dorotyas threw the end of the blanket at Ruxandra. “I don’t know what she sees in a murderous demon like you, but I will not allow you to hurt her again. Do you understand?”

  “I never meant to—”

  “Meant?” The word came out on a short, sharp bark of a laugh. “You never mean anything because you never think about anything!”

  Ruxandra fell silent. She straightened the shift and got out of the bed.

  “Where do you think you are going?”

  “I don’t know.” Ruxandra reached for her dress. “I shouldn’t be here.”

  “Kill Rudolph.”

  Ruxandra froze. “What?”

  “The king. Kill him.”

  Ruxandra stared at the woman, unable to comprehend what she’d said.

  “You can vanish from sight whenever you want, right? So go to the Hofburg and kill Rudolph. Now.”

  “I can’t do that!” Ruxandra snatched the dress up from the ground. “He’s the king!”

  “You don’t even know what being the king means.” Dorotyas came closer, her voice dropping. “If Rudolph were out of the way, Elizabeth could leave this place, and we could all go back to the castle.”

  I do not want to go back to the castle.

  The thought shocked her. She’d assumed they would go back together, but now that her memories had returned, she wanted . . .

  What? What do I want?

  “Elizabeth would be safe at the castle. She would be able to take proper care of her lands and her people and the girls in the school.”

  The girls.

  “She could even take care of you”—a look of disgust flitted across Dorotyas’s face—“and not worry about dying for it. Are you even listening?” Dorotyas demanded. “Or do you only pay attention when someone is shoving their fingers inside you?”

  “I’m thinking!”

  “What is there to think about? Kill Rudolph and solve our problems.”

  I can kill him. Elizabeth can return to the castle.

  But I don’t want to return to the castle.

  I also don’t want to lose Elizabeth.

  “If I kill him, everyone will know I did it.” The words sounded weak, even to Ruxandra’s ears.

  “So don’t drink his blood,” Dorotyas said. “Push him down a flight of stairs. Smother him with a pillow. Put a knife into his spine. I don’t care. Kill him so my lady will be free.”

  Why do I care whether he lives or dies? He is surely not an innocent and it will protect Elizabeth . . .

  Why am I hesitating?

  “You aren’t going to do it, are you?” Dorotyas said. “You’re going to let my lady lose everything because you’re a coward.”

  “That’s not—”

  Dorotyas spat a glob of phlegm and saliva at Ruxandra’s face. Ruxandra moved without thinking, and it spattered against the wall instead. Dorotyas watched it slide down the wall. Her face twisted in fury. Her hand squeezed the handle of the whip. Then she turned her back and walked to the door.

  “Dorotyas—” Ruxandra began.

  “Whore. Coward. Slut.” Dorotyas pulled the door open. She turned back, and her anger radiated from her like the sun’s heat. “You do not deserve her.”

  She stepped out and slammed the door.

  Ruxandra sank to the floor and put her head in her hands.

  She collected her clothes and dressed, as much to cover the shame she felt as to cover her body. Then she opened the window and made herself unnoticed before jumping down into the street.

  It was a short run to the Hofburg.

  Elizabeth returned to her room well past midnight. Ruxandra heard her slow, tired footsteps far down the hall. She listened as the older woman opened the door to the drawing room and heard the servants there greet her.

  “I will need to rise early,” Elizabeth said. “Wake me at dawn.”

  “Yes, my lady.”

  “I will undress myself.”

  “Yes, my lady.�
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  Elizabeth opened the bedroom door, stepped in, and closed it behind her. She leaned back against it, her eyes closed. She looked exhausted. For a time she didn’t move. Then she sighed again, straightened up, and looked at the bed. She saw it was empty and sighed again, her face falling.

  “I’m here,” Ruxandra said.

  Elizabeth turned. “Ruxandra? Why are you in the corner on the floor? Come here.”

  Ruxandra touched the wall. “It felt better here.”

  Elizabeth frowned. “Why?”

  “I used to dig dens. In the early years, when I was still me, I used to make each den as perfect as possible. I would beat at the earth until the walls felt as smooth as this one.”

  “Ruxandra?” Elizabeth knelt in front of her. “What is the matter?”

  “I couldn’t find Rudolph.”

  Elizabeth’s head titled to the side, and confusion flitted across her face. “Why were you looking for Rudolph?”

  “I was . . .” Ruxandra bit her lip. She couldn’t meet Elizabeth’s eyes. “I went to kill him so we could leave.”

  Elizabeth sank back to the floor, her eyes wide.

  Ruxandra felt miserable. “He wasn’t at the Hofburg. I commanded some servants to tell me his whereabouts, but they said he was out of the city.”

  Elizabeth drew in a long breath. “Oh, my dear.”

  “I failed.” Ruxandra looked at the floor. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I failed, too,” Elizabeth said. “I spent four hours trying to convince Gyorgy’s friends of my intentions, and the necessity of letting my lands remain in my hands, but they would not listen. They only discussed Rudolph’s desire to strengthen the kingdom, as if taking the lands of one of the largest noble estates in Hungary would do that.” She rose. “Could you help me undress, Ruxandra?”

  Ruxandra looked up. Elizabeth stretched out her hand. Ruxandra took it and Elizabeth pulled her to her feet.

  “Though without the talons this time, please,” Elizabeth teased. “I only have so many dresses.”

  “I am sorry about that,” Ruxandra said. “I was . . .”

  “In a very difficult place.” Elizabeth smiled. “I was not overly fond of that dress to begin with. Now, begin with the strings at the collar.”

  Elizabeth guided Ruxandra through the steps of undressing her. Ruxandra pulled the pins from her hair and set it free to flow down her back. She undid the ties of her dress and slipped it off her. Then she knelt to unroll Elizabeth’s long stockings.

  I like being on my knees before her. It feels so right.

  “I am glad you did not kill Rudolph,” Elizabeth said. She put a hand on Ruxandra’s shoulder. “He has no love for me and covets my land, but he keeps the nobles from organizing against me.”

  “Why do they want to?” Ruxandra pulled the first stocking off and set it aside. She ran her hands up Elizabeth’s leg to the top of the other stocking. “Is it because of the girls?”

  “The girls?” Wariness crept into Elizabeth’s voice. “Why would it be about them?”

  “The five nobles I killed . . .” Ruxandra swallowed hard to suppress a shudder. “One of the girls said she had not heard from her sister in two months, that her last letter said she was being tortured.”

  “Tortured?” Elizabeth sounded appalled. “The girls at my school are Blood Royal, not peasants, and I treat them as such. The discipline is strict, yes, but no one is tortured. No one is punished without reason, and those punishments make them stronger and more disciplined.”

  “I see.” Ruxandra remembered the fear and pain on the face of the girls at the school. She remembered also, how Sister Sofia used to beat Adela and Valeria and her. What do they mean, then, by torture? Is it what Elizabeth does to her peasants? She rolled down the other stocking. “It is what she said.”

  “It is nonsense.” Elizabeth pulled off her chemise and stood naked in front of Ruxandra. “It is a pretext for action against me. Nothing more.”

  They looked so scared. The thought came in unbidden, unwanted, and with it the memory of the fear and fierce concentration in the girls’ thin, pinched faces.

  “They will say anything to destroy me, Ruxandra.” Elizabeth let Ruxandra pull off the other stocking and stepped away. “Anything to make me surrender my lands and power.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m tired.”

  It was a statement, not a complaint, and Elizabeth’s tone made Ruxandra look up. In the light of the fire, the lines in Elizabeth’s face appeared to deepen. Her back was bent, her shoulders slumped, like a woman twenty years her senior.

  “If only I could let it all go,” Elizabeth said. “But I cannot. Not as things stand now. If I could secure guarantees from the nobles, I would let my sons inherit and leave this all behind.”

  The thought of leaving made Ruxandra’s heart leap.

  “But they won’t provide any guarantees.” Elizabeth turned away from the fireplace and walked to the bed. “I have no power here anymore, Ruxandra. I have done my best, but I have so little energy left.”

  “I want to leave, too,” Ruxandra said. “I want to go far from here.”

  Elizabeth held out her hand. “Come to bed, Ruxandra.”

  Ruxandra wanted to. She yearned to wrap herself in Elizabeth’s warmth. “Won’t you be in trouble if they find me in your bed?”

  Elizabeth dropped her hand. “If they found us fornicating, yes. How did you know that?”

  “Dorotyas told me,” Ruxandra said. “I should leave, then.”

  “No.” Elizabeth stepped forward. “Please. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  “But—”

  “Pass me my chemise,” Elizabeth said. “You wear yours, and no one shall find fault with it.”

  Relief spilled through Ruxandra. She gave Elizabeth her chemise and slipped out of her dress. They climbed into the bed together, and Elizabeth pulled Ruxandra’s head to her breast.

  “There, my dear,” Elizabeth said. “This is better. Isn’t it?”

  “Yes.” Ruxandra molded her body to Elizabeth’s. “It is.”

  Elizabeth ran her fingers through Ruxandra’s hair. “So red.”

  Ruxandra smiled. “Sister Sofia used to say it was a sure sign the devil lived in me.”

  “Sister Sofia?”

  “One of the nuns when I lived at the convent. She said that if I didn’t change my ways, the devil would take me.”

  She was right.

  Elizabeth chuckled. “I imagine she did.”

  She let her fingers slip through Ruxandra’s hair again. Ruxandra watched the flames dancing in the fireplace.

  “I would leave,” Elizabeth said, “if I were you.”

  Ruxandra looked at Elizabeth’s face, saw the emotions playing. “Do you want me to?”

  “No.” Elizabeth’s hand went under Ruxandra’s chin, cupping her face. “Lord no, Ruxandra. It is only that things are so dangerous here for you now.”

  “I see.” Ruxandra put her head back against Elizabeth’s breast. The sound of the woman’s breath, of her heartbeat and the blood flowing through her veins, was warm and comforting.

  This blood whose scent is so intoxicating but not like food. I don’t want to taste it, not even a little. I want . . .

  “I don’t want to be alone.”

  “So stay, tonight. Stay with me until morning.”

  Ruxandra closed her eyes and let Elizabeth’s caresses take her to sleep. She woke when Elizabeth slipped out of bed at dawn. Ruxandra sat up, but Elizabeth gently pushed her back.

  “Sleep, my dear. Be here when I return.”

  Ruxandra closed her eyes and let sleep take her again.

  Ruxandra’s head snapped up off the pillow. She was wide-awake, anxious, and angry and had no idea why.

  Then she heard the crack of a strap against flesh and heard Jana’s muffled scream.

  She was out of the bed and out of the room before the scream faded. She raced down the hall, not caring who saw her, n
ot caring of anything except that Jana was in pain. She tore through the Stallburg and smashed the door open with her shoulder, shattering the lock and sending it flying as the strap cracked down again.

  The curtains had been pulled back, the shutters flung wide, making the room painfully bright with sunlight. Jana was tied to the bedpost, her arms stretched high above her head, only her toes touching the ground. She was naked, save for a thick of cloth jammed between her teeth like a horse’s bridle and tied tight on her head. Blood flowed down her back from four wide, fresh cuts. Dorotyas, behind her, raised the strap high for another blow.

  “GET AWAY FROM her!” Ruxandra screamed.

  Dorotyas’s strap came down again, slashing across Jana’s backside and opening the flesh. Blood spattered and Jana’s back arched as she screamed.

  Ruxandra charged.

  The Beast screamed its terror of the sunlight. It tried to take control but Ruxandra’s fury, even greater than its own, drove it back. She took two steps into the room and leaped.

  Her talons cut through the rope holding Jana to the post. Her arm wrapped around the girl and pulled her from the bed. Together, they flew into a shadowed corner of the room.

  But not before the sunlight lit Ruxandra’s hair on fire and burned her flesh.

  She howled in agony, the Beast howling with her, but held Jana tight. She let go the moment she hit the floor and beat at her head with her hands until the flames died. Blisters opened and split over the entire length of her back and legs. The pain was excruciating.

  In the midst of it, the tip of Dorotyas’s strap came down on the open flesh of her back.

  If the sunlight burned like fire, the strap on the raw flesh of her back was like lightning. Ruxandra screamed and spun, her talons shredding the strap as Dorotyas pulled it back. She charged, talons out and fangs bared, ready to kill the woman. Dorotyas backed up, putting more sunlight between them.

  The Beast screamed and fought her with every step. If she allowed the sunlight to touch her again, it would gain control. So she stayed in the shadows, screaming like an angry wild cat. “You don’t touch her!” Ruxandra brought her talons up. “She is mine, you hear? Mine!”

  “Then stop me.” Contempt oozed from Dorotyas words. “Or are you too scared?”