Metallica: This Monster Lives Read online

  METALLICA:

  THIS MONSTER LIVES

  THE INSIDE STORY OF

  SOME KIND OF MONSTER

  JOE BERLINGER

  WITH GREG MILNER

  The author and publisher have provided this e-book to you for your personal use only. You may not make this e-book publicly available in any way. Copyright infringement is against the law. If you believe the copy of this e-book you are reading infringes on the author’s copyright, please notify the publisher at: us.macmillanusa.com/piracy.

  FOR SARAH AND MAYA

  FOR JOANNA, JOY, AND NEAL

  AND FOR PAT. WHO ROCKED HARD

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  FOREWORD BY BRUCE SINOFSKY

  PREFACE

  INTRODUCTION: THE LIVING MONSTER

  1. PITCH ’EM ALL

  SOME KIND OF NUMBERS

  2. GIVE ME FUEL, GIVE ME FIRE, GIMME SHELTER

  3. WEST MEMPHIS AND BEYOND

  4. THE WITCH’S SPELL

  5. SAFE AND WARM

  PHIL’S FIRST DAY

  6. NO REMORSE

  SOME KIND OF MONSTER

  7. EXIT LIGHT

  EARLY WARNING

  8. ENTER NIGHT

  THE ROCK

  9. THE BOOTS THAT KICK YOU AROUND

  10. SHOOT ME AGAIN

  11. VISIBLE KID

  12. KARMAS BURNING

  THE UNFORGIVEN

  13. SEEK AND DEPLOY

  14. WELCOME HOME

  SHOOTING THE MONSTER

  15. MADLY IN ANGER

  THE “FUCK” SCENE

  16. TO LIVE IS TO DIE

  17. SILENCE NO MORE

  THE LARS DOCTRINE

  18. THEIR AIM IS TRUJILLO

  THE JOINT

  19. THE BELL TOLLS

  20. FRANTIC-TIC-TOCK

  EDITING THE MONSTER

  21. MONSTER, INC.

  TOO MANY BEARS

  22. THE END THAT WILL NEVER END

  UNLEASHING THE MONSTER

  23. LIVING THE MONSTER

  APPENDIX: THE OSLO INTERVIEWS

  APPENDIX: SOME KIND OF CREDITS (A PARTIAL LIST)

  NOTES

  Copyright

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  JOE:

  Writing your first book requires the love and support of many people, whom I would like to thank here.

  First and foremost, I’d like to thank my cowriter, Greg Milner, a wonderful writer who helped me organize and distill more than three chaotic years of my life into a cohesive narrative. I’d also like to thank the members of Metallica: James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, and Robert Trujillo. Without their courage and honesty, there would never have been a film, a book, or any of the experiences you are going to read about. This book also wouldn’t exist without the shared life experiences of my documentary partner, Bruce Sinofsky, a man who has taught me more about friendship than anyone I have ever known.

  To Bob Richman, a good friend and a great cinematographer, for contributing most of the wonderful photographs in this book, as well as allowing us to interview him. (Annamaria DiSanto and Niclas Swanlund also contributed some great photos, so thanks.) Thanks as well to the others who were interviewed for this book, including supervising editor David Zieff, production manager Cheryll Stone, Q Prime Management’s Cliff Burnstein and Marc Reiter, album producer Bob Rock, and last but not least, Phil Towle, who not only gave me his time for this book but also gave me the tools to heal my broken spirit at the start of the filmmaking process.

  To my trusted lieutenants, Michael Bonfiglio and Rachel Dawson, for their countless hours of reading, suggesting, propping me up, and generally making me look good in all of my endeavors. Michael Emery’s brilliant production sound recording made transcriptions for this book a breeze. John Cunningham and Marc Resnick and everyone else at St. Martin’s Press for keeping their cool as we watched successive deadlines fly by. I also owe a great debt to Andrew Blauner, who helped convince people to trust me to write this book in the first place. Margaret Riley my manager, deserves my gratitude for sticking with me through thick and thin. Special thanks to Jon Kamen, Frank Scherma, Peter Mensch, and Sue Tropio. Thanks also to Richard Hofstetter, Julie O’Neill, Helen Wan, Rob Kenneally, Joe Cohen, Aric Ackerman, Jack Lechner, Sabrina Padwa, and Cathy Shannon.

  Filmmaking is a highly collaborative process, so I could never fit into this space the names of all of the amazing individuals (particularly the members of the extended Metallica, Q Prime, and @radical.media families) who helped create Some Kind of Monster. But this book would not exist without the film, so please take a look at the end credits of the movie, reproduced at the back of this book. That way, I know everyone who worked on the film will have a few moments of your attention.

  Finally my deepest gratitude is reserved for my wife, Loren, and my daughters Sarah and Maya, who put up with countless months spent without a husband and father during the making of Some Kind of Monster, only to have the rug pulled out from under them again as I was holed up in a room working on this manuscript. I love you very much.

  GREG:

  A book like this can only be as good as the film that spawned it. Fortunately for me, Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky made a great film. And thank you, Joe, for giving me access to such amazing material, in the form of transcripts, tape logs, outtakes, stories, fond reminiscences of the highs, and dark recollections of the lows.

  Thank you, Chuck Klosterman, for keeping me in mind even when I wasn’t around for lunch. Thanks also to Daniel Greenberg and David McCormick for crucial support. And to Julie Taraska for infinite patience.

  The enthusiasm my grandfather, Max Primakow, had for this book, despite never having heard (or heard of) Metallica, made it easier to write, and I wish he’d had a chance to read it.

  FORWORD BY BRUCE SINOFSKY

  When Joe first told me he wanted to write this book, I figured his head must have been too close to Metallica’s Marshall amps, causing something to dislodge in his brain. As we talked about it more, I realized that he was on to something. I suppose my perspective was skewed because as one of the creators of this film, living in the eye of the storm, I may have taken a lot for granted. As I think back on it, I realize that this was a pretty tremendous ride.

  The making of Some Kind of Monster was an exceptional experience for both of us. What I hope that you, the reader, will take from this book is a sense of the excitement we experienced on every shoot. I was always filled with the joy of the unknown, the anticipation of something special happening at any time. On some of our previous films, we dealt with subject matter that was far darker than the recording of a rock album. There were some days that I dreaded going to work, because we knew that all there was to look forward to was sadness, anger, and desperation. On Monster, we knew the stakes were high for Metallica, but I never feared entering their world.

  Our relationship with our subjects was different on this film, too. We have often forged deep friendships with the people we film, but this was the first time we’d spent so much time filming people whom we already knew had a genuine appreciation of our work and wanted to be a part of it. After all, it was Metallica who hired us to do this in the first place, so we already knew the process began from a position of trust. It was also a real pleasure to spend so much time watching the creative process of a band I really dig.

  In the past, Joe and I had made films about ordinary people whose lives were transformed by extraordinary situations. With Some Kind of Monster, we documented people with extraordinary lives undergoing ordinary circumstance
s. At least that’s how it started. By the time we had finished, we felt we had been through some of the most extraordinary times in the history of Metallica.

  Which brings me to what I thought was most amazing about making this movie. Joe and I have been working together for many years, but never before have the lives of our subjects had such a direct impact on our own lives. Certainly, every time we make a film, we are affected by our subjects, but watching Metallica explore their relationships with one another made us do some soul-searching that I don’t think would have happened otherwise. When we first started shooting Monster, Joe and I weren’t on the best of terms, but as we observed this band, whose success has surpassed anything we could ever imagine, truly finding themselves, we found our way back to the inexplicable chemistry of our filmmaking partnership. We rediscovered the things that had made us want to work together in the first place.

  Most of what I experienced while making Some Kind of Monster could never be duplicated by reading about it. But if this book can give you even a taste of the exhilaration we felt throughout the making of this film, you’re in for quite a treat.

  PREFACE

  05/23/02

  INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, HQ RECORDING STUDIO-SAN RAFAEL, CALIFORNIA - DAY

  The members of Metallica–JAMES HETFIELD (singer/guitarist), LARS ULRICH (drummer), and KIRK HAMMETT (lead guitarist)–sit at a large table with their producer and temporary bassist, BOB ROCK, and PHIL TOWLE, a “performance-enhancement coach.” Phil is leading a therapy session with the other four.

  PHIL (to James): You say you’re not having any fun with Lars, and that you need Kirk in the room as a buffer. Let’s go back to that. What does that mean?

  JAMES: I don’t know what that means. It means that him and I aren’t anywhere near getting any issues resolved.

  PHIL: That’s what we’re here to do. What is it that you want resolved?

  JAMES: I don’t know. I want to feel some trust. (to Lars) I just feel static all the time from you.

  PHIL (to James): What would it take for you to trust him?

  JAMES: I have no idea.

  PHIL: No, what would it look like?

  JAMES: With him? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it.

  LARS (to James): What does trust mean to you? I would like to know what you keep talking about.

  JAMES: Well, first of all, you never trust someone 100 percent, because that’s just plain unhealthy. But to trust someone with all your thoughts, your feelings, trust that that person is not going to … stomp on your feelings, trust that there’s no manipulation going on to divert the decision-making process. I’ve had a lot of problems being able to let go and trust that someone is going to do what’s right.

  LARS: So, if that happens, you can let the other person make the decisions?

  JAMES: No, I would trust that they’d ask, “What do you think about this?” I guess that’s part of it.

  KIRK: You want a true collaboration.

  JAMES (to Lars): What do you think trust is?

  LARS: I don’t know. I’m not the one throwing it around all the time. You use that word so much. I think that part of what has to happen is–

  JAMES: Do you believe in trust? Do you think it’s important?

  LARS: It’s not about me right now. It’s about you.

  PHIL: No, it’s about the both of you.

  LARS (to James): You come in here and throw this “trust” thing around. Part of my problem with you is that I don’t understand … Okay, I have a reality, (points to Kirk) he has a reality, we all have our different realities. I have never in my life felt as disconnected from you as I do at this moment. So part of getting more connected to you is me understanding your realities. What goes on in your head? What do these things mean to you? Since we hooked up again in February, you’ve used the word “trust” more than you have in the first twenty years of our relationship. What does it mean to you? It’s not what it means to me. I would like to be able to ask you that question without having to answer what it means to me.

  JAMES: Why?

  LARS: ‘Cause I’m curious.

  JAMES: I know you’re curious, and so am I. I think we should go around the table and put it out: What does trust mean to everyone? What does commitment mean? What does love mean? All these words we throw around …

  LARS: But I don’t throw it around, so I don’t know why I have an obligation to tell you what it means to me. You’re the one that throws it around.

  JAMES: Because it’s something that I lack in my life, that I’m trying to get a hold of. I don’t trust people.

  LARS: Right.

  JAMES: I’m trying to.

  LARS: So, I’m trying to get closer to you by finding out what these things mean to you, okay? You were away for nine months. I realize now that a very key moment was when we started this process in February, and I told my wife that we were going to get to know each other again, and she said, “Did you ever really know James to begin with?” And that, to me, is one of the core questions. So in order for me to trust you, respect you, I have to understand what all these realities are in your life…. So, you are a different person. No, I will take that back–you’re trying to be a different person than you were when you went away last year, and to understand that person and to enlarge the area that we share, I need to understand some of those things.

  JAMES: Do you think you understand me less than, say, Kirk, or Bob, or Jason, or Phil?

  LARS: I think I have a different … I think I have a … I think I have a higher level of … I might want something deeper from you than they do.

  JAMES: I guess I don’t get that.

  PHIL: Explain a little more…. You think you have a deeper level of need with James–

  JAMES:–than with anyone else?

  LARS: Probably, yeah.

  PHIL: That’s very powerful.

  JAMES (tentatively): Yeah …

  PHIL (to James): No?

  JAMES: It doesn’t hit me right…. I don’t know …

  PHIL: Doesn’t hit you right, meaning, you think he’s bullshitting you?

  JAMES: Sure.

  BOB: What do you guys gain by all of this, by this lack of trust? What’s up for grabs here? Is it control? Are you guys fighting for the control of Metallica? Isn’t this supposed to be a cooperative effort?

  PHIL: That’s a good question. Let them answer that. What’s the payoff for not trusting?

  BOB: Right, because, I’m sorry, but you wanna talk “reality?” Even though you’re unhappy, I see “reality” when you guys play. That is the reality. The reality is that you two–the three of you–you’ve stuck it out. You’re meant for each other. There is something there.

  JAMES: Right. What is the payoff for not trusting? Absolutely nothing. I mean, it sucks. I hate not trusting. I would like to trust people, but I know the question within that question is: Why is there such a lack of trust between us? What is it we’re not trusting the other person with? That’s the question.

  BOB: Is it the past? (to James) I mean, are you seeing the changes he’s made? (to Lars) Are you seeing the changes he’s made? Because I’m in the middle, Kirk’s in the middle. We both see the beauty in both of you, but you guys don’t want to see it.

  JAMES: I guess it’s really hard to see, because there’s been twenty years of mistrust. I want to feel it, but it’s not there, (to Lars) Like, when I walked in, I wanted to hug everyone in the room, but I didn’t want to hug you. That’s how I felt. It’s not a lack of love. I didn’t feel like touching you that way. I was carrying some of that ugliness, and it’s not good for me.

  PHIL: And when he reached out for you, did you feel it was genuine? Or would you prefer to believe it wasn’t, so you could feel safe?

  JAMES: Sure, that’s the safest way to go, for sure.

  PHIL: So mistrust is a defense against being hurt. I mean, the more we find a reason not to trust somebody, the safer we feel. The closest relationships have the most difficulty with trust.


  JAMES: Uh-huh.

  KIRK: That’s, uh, pretty amazing.

  JAMES: Because there is so much more to get hurt with, or so much to lose.

  KIRK: I’ve never really looked at it like that, but you’re absolutely right.

  JAMES: So when there is total trust …

  KIRK: You feel more vulnerable, because you’re opening yourself up. You’re literally, like, an open wound. You’re more vulnerable to the slightest thing, the smallest slight. Now, is it a question of toughening ourselves up?

  BOB: You guys have been toughening yourselves up for twenty years.

  KIRK: Yeah, and you know, frankly, I don’t have the energy for that anymore.

  JAMES: Nor do I, and I guess that’s what scares me.

  PHIL: That’s good, in my opinion. It’s good you don’t have the energy for that. But you apparently still have some energy….

  JAMES: Enough to hang on and not want to leave….

  INTRODUCTION

  THE LIVING MONSTER

  04/21/01

  INT. ROOM 627, RITZ-CARLTON HOTEL, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY

  LARS: We were talking the other day about whether we wanted to do this film or not…. I was wondering whether the intimacy that’s between us now, and the complete lack of barriers, whether having these guys (gestures to documentary film crew) here will affect that. There’s an intimacy that you get when it’s just a few people in the room, and I’m wondering if that’s going to get lost, if we’re going to go back to, like, battling each other and trying to be all strong and–

  JAMES: What intimacy? What the fuck are you talking about? (Everyone laughs.)

  KIRK: We’ll just edit it out later, anyway. (laughs) I mean, if there’s anything bad.

  PHIL: No, let’s not edit anything out. You know what I mean? Really, I think it’s not going to be a matter of whether the cameras are in play, but whether or not that level of intimacy you’re talking about–whether you guys are free enough to risk having it seen by other people.