Beneath the Scars Read online

  He opened the door to receive a warm and loving hug from Devon.

  Devon grinned. “What were you doing, Pops, standing at the window waiting for me when you didn’t even know I was coming?”

  Conrad grinned. “I’m always standing there waiting for you. So what brings you now, boy, and how long can you stay?”

  Devon’s dark eyes flashed as he hugged the man again, then followed him into the house. “I’m not sure, to be honest. Just have to wait and see.” He sniffed the air. “I’m disappointed. I was sure I’d smell some breakfast. At least some coffee.”

  “I slept in. Then I got a call from Marna and tried to get her to let me take her out to breakfast but she said she wasn’t hungry and…”

  “Marna Cord? Gee. I haven’t seen any of those girls in forever! Not since…..”

  “Not since your parents moved you across the country when you were twelve years old.”

  “Across the country? I don’t call moving to Atlanta from Murphy as being across the country. We came in a lot, you know, but there was never time to visit anybody but family.” Devon walked over to the sofa and flopped down. “So, what are they doing now? I suppose they’re all married with kids.”

  Conrad sat down beside his grandson. “You know I’d have told you if that was true. They’re all still as single and beautiful as ever and running their grandfather’s advertising business. Making a very nice living with it, too.”

  “What about Marna? After the fire, I mean. I heard rumors that she looks pretty bad.”

  “I hear she has some scars. To be honest, I haven’t seen her since it happened. I feel guilty even telling you this, but I didn’t have the heart to…..”

  “….to look at her and pity her? To not be able to see her without blaming God for it all?”

  “Maybe.”

  “We’re all human, Pops, including you. Of course, you would pity her and you’d probably be angry with God for a while. God understands.”

  Conrad sighed.

  “So, you were saying Marna called?”

  “You know I’m still giving them business. I know a lot of people, even though I don’t need any advertising myself anymore, and my friends like for me to be their go between. It frees up their time if I handle that for them and I get a little money to supplement my own income. It’s a win-win situation.”

  Devon grinned. “So Marna called about an ad?”

  “She did. And I’m glad she did because it had absolutely slipped my mind that the deadline had come and gone and the client wanted some changes.”

  Devon’s eyes became serious. “That’s not like you. You never forget anything.” Everyone that knew Conrad commented on his fantastic memory.

  “I’m almost ninety years old. The memory card in my brain must be all filled up and needing a replacement chip or something.”

  Devon laughed. “I didn’t know you were that computer savvy.”

  Conrad’s dark eyes, identical to his grandson’s, sparkled. “I’m not as outdated as you think. Anyway, Marna is coming over for some coffee.”

  “I don’t smell any coffee.”

  “Oh, shucks! That’s because I haven’t gotten it started yet! I knew there was something I needed to do before I walked over to that window again.” He started to stand but found himself having a little trouble.

  His grandson jumped up and took his arm, helping him to his feet. “So let’s go do it now. Got anything good in that kitchen of yours that we can have with the coffee? Maybe some cinnamon rolls or cookies or something?”

  Conrad laughed. “What about a boiled egg?”

  Devon scrunched his nose. “A boiled egg! Really? Is that all you have to offer?”

  “It’ll keep you from getting Diabetes.”

  “Mammaw used to feed you lots of sweets and you know it, and you never had any trouble with your blood sugar. When will Marna be here? I’m really anxious to see her.” Devon started to the kitchen as he talked, gently holding onto the arm of his grandfather while he walked. “What about Sharris and Taryn? Sharris was always the crazy one when we were kids playing together. She was the biggest little girl flirt I ever knew. Always talking about boys! It’s hard to believe she’s still single. Taryn never had much of anything to say and kept to herself. Marna was always the most special to me, of the three. But, gee whiz, it’s been so long! She was only, like, six years old when I left. Maybe I felt like her daddy or something.”

  They continued to chatter as Devon seated his grandfather by the table and then went about making the coffee. After rummaging through the freezer, he found some frozen sweet rolls and popped them into the oven. It wasn’t long before there was an enticing aroma wafting throughout the entire kitchen.

  “Now this is how it’s supposed to be,” Devon said as he sat beside his grandfather to wait for everything to finish. “This is how it always was when Mammaw was here.”

  Conrad’s eyes saddened. “Yea, I miss her, too.”

  ∞ THREE ∞

  WHEN MARNA saw the bright new shiny black pickup truck in Conrad’s driveway, her heart lurched. He hadn’t said a word on the phone about anyone else being there. She quickly surmised that it must be the client. The business Conrad gave them was always for others, since he’d been retired for several years and no longer needed their services for himself. Knowing that didn’t make it any easier for her at the moment. It had been hard enough for her to agree to meet Conrad face to face, a man she’d known since childhood, knowing he had never seen her face since the accident. Now she had to watch two people’s pitiful, disbelieving expressions as they viewed her scars for the first time. She hated pity. She had learned to accept herself as she was but some people never saw anything but the scars.

  She was tempted to drive by, call Conrad back and make some excuse for not showing up. One glance at the window threw that thought to the wind. Conrad was standing there looking outside and another man was with him. They seemed to be watching the children playing next door and probably hadn’t noticed her, but they’d certainly know if someone started to pull into the driveway and then suddenly backed out again. If only she didn’t have this fear inside her about first impressions. People couldn’t help but pity someone who was disfigured or handicapped. She did it herself. The last thought stung. How many times had she looked at an injured person and felt sorry for them? Even when she tried not to, it still happened, and there was no way they hadn’t seen it in her eyes. Now it was going to happen to her, just as it had happened over and over again.

  She stopped her car behind the truck, noticing for the first time it had Georgia tags on it. It neither eased nor worsened her anxiety. People were all the same, no matter what state they lived in. In an effort to calm herself, she turned her attention to the children playing in the yard next door. There were two little girls and one little boy, probably none of them older than six or seven. Running around and laughing, they were having so much fun. It reminded her of when she and her sisters were small. They never needed anybody else to keep them happy because they always had each other.

  There was no use putting it off any longer. She opened her door slowly, knowing Conrad would be wondering why she didn’t get out of the car. No sooner did she close it than all three of the children ran over to her. For a moment, she forgot everything except the excitement in their eyes – until their expressions of laughter froze when they saw her face.

  She smiled, trying to ease their discomfort as well as her own. “Looks like you’re having lots of fun. It sure is a pretty day for it.”

  Silence. Stares.

  Marna kept smiling. “What’s your names?”

  Finally, one of the little girls spoke. “You look funny.”

  The other said, “Does your face hurt?”

  The little boy started backing away, as if he was too frightened to say or do anything else.

  Marna forced herself to keep smiling at them, reminding herself they were only children. It was the comments of the adults that really
hurt. “Don’t be afraid of me. I was in an accident and it messed up my face, but it didn’t hurt my heart at all. My heart loves children.”

  A smile started on the lips of the first little girl. “I’m glad your heart is okay. My grandma’s heart got ‘tacked and she died.”

  The second girl added, “Your face won’t make you die, will it?”

  “I’m sorry about your grandma. No, my face won’t make me die.” Oh, but how many times she’d wished it had!

  The little boy finally stepped forward and grinned. “It don’t look that bad. You have really pretty hair. It looks like silk.”

  They were interrupted by a loud, panic-filled voice from the doorway of the house next door. “Jana! Carol! Micah! Come in here at once.” A woman started walking toward the children.

  The first little girl said very softly, “We aren’t allowed to talk to strangers.”

  The boy said, “We talked to the man because we know him, so Mama didn’t come out to get us. We knowed Devon for a long time.”

  Turning quickly, they all ran to meet their mother, and all of them went into the house without so much as another glance at Marna – and her funny face.

  Devon! Was that who was with Conrad, his grandson Devon? How long had it been since she’d seen him? Years and years. Vaguely, she remembered him playing with her and her sisters when they were little. But it was so long ago. Conrad mentioned him often in his correspondence and phone calls and there was no question as to his fondness for him. A smile found its way to Marna’s lips. It would be so nice to see him again.

  Then she remembered what she looked like. “Help me, Lord,” she whispered as she started toward the house. “Help me remember that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me, as long as You love me the way I am.”

  The door opened immediately and the first thing Conrad did was grab her and hug her, before he even looked at her. But as she returned his embrace, she found herself staring into the startled eyes of the handsome man with him.

  “It’s so good to see you again, Marna!” Conrad cried, pulling away to look at her. At once, his smile faded and he became silent. There was that look in his eyes. That pitiful expression. The same one that was still in the eyes of Devon.

  Although the silence in the room lasted only a few seconds, it seemed like hours before Conrad smiled again. “Why, honey, you don’t look nearly as bad as I heard. You’re still as beautiful as ever.” He turned to Devon. “Isn’t she?”

  Devon swallowed and she could sense his discomfort, but he smiled anyway. “What’s a few scars? It’s what’s inside that counts. Remember me, Marna? I’m Devon. Gotta hug for me?” He opened up his arms.

  What could she do but accept the embrace he offered? What she never expected was the tingling sensation that ran throughout her entire body as their arms wrapped around each other. In the mere fragment of a second, it ran from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, surprising her with the intensity of it. Had she ever felt like this before? If so, she couldn’t remember it. His grasp was strong, yet gentle. In the space of a heartbeat, she wanted to stand perfectly still, maybe even close her own arms a little tighter around his firm, lean body, and take in several deep breaths of his fragrant cologne. He smelled better than any man that had ever held her before. Her mind immediately returned to the moment at hand as it continued on to taunt her. When men had wanted to hold her. Before they could no longer even stand to look at her.

  She forced herself to pull away. It had been nothing more than a friendly gesture on his part, for old times’ sake. She wondered if it would have even happened if he hadn’t known it was what his grandfather expected.

  “I can’t believe I’m seeing you again,” she said, forcing the biggest smile she could muster as she tried to quiet her still racing heart. “I had no idea you’d be here.”

  “Neither did I,” Conrad said, grinning. “He just popped in, out of the blue. Perfect timing, huh?”

  Perfect timing?

  Devon didn’t say anything but merely continued to smile. A smile that did nothing to erase the pity in his eyes.

  “Cat got your tongue, son?” Conrad finally asked, looking at him.

  Devon grinned. “I guess you could say that. Marna, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “I’m okay with it.” She spoke the words that came often, but found she didn’t quite believe them this time. “I’m alive and other than being scarred, I’m healthy. God’s been good to me.”

  “Let’s go to the kitchen,” Conrad suggested. “I’ve been waiting for you to get here to have a cup of coffee with us. Devon even baked us some sweet rolls.”

  Devon chuckled. “It’s not too hard to take them out of the freezer and heat them up.”

  “It’s okay. I didn’t come to eat.” She lifted the laptop case she was carrying and looked at the elderly man. “Conrad, we’ll go over this design and then you and Devon can enjoy some together time. It won’t take long. Taryn went over everything with me and I think I know where the problem is.”

  “How is Taryn?” Devon asked. “And Sharris?”

  Beautiful and unscarred. The words that jumped into her mind both surprised and embarrassed her. Immediately, she grinned to ease her discomfort. “They’re good. I’ll bet they’d like to see you again.” He wouldn’t have a hard time looking at them either, the way he had with her. Even with the excess weight she was carrying, Taryn was every bit as beautiful as Sharris.

  “We’ll have to get together.” Devon turned to Conrad. “As much as I’d like to stay and chat with the two of you, Pops, I have a commitment that I have to keep. I wanted to drop in and see you first, but now I’ve got to get going or I’ll be late. I probably won’t be back til late this afternoon, but when I get here, I’ll take you out to a big old steak dinner. How’s that sound?”

  Conrad laughed. “Sounds good enough for me to fast all day while I’m waiting for it.”

  Devon looked again at Marna. “I’d love for you and your sisters to join us. What about it?”

  Join him? In public, where she would be the main, pitiful attraction? She was sure he was just being polite. Or maybe he was eager to see her sisters. She could imagine how Sharris would react when she saw how handsome he’d become. She wasn’t sure about Taryn. Taryn was too much of a mystery, always hiding behind her shyness.

  He was waiting for an answer.

  “I appreciate the invitation but I can’t. I can check with Sharris and Taryn. If they’re free, they could meet you someplace.”

  It was Conrad who responded. “No, we want all of you. If you can’t make it today, we’ll do it some other time.”

  She forced a smile she felt no part of. “Okay. Some other time.” Some other time that would probably never come.

  Devon spoke. “I’ll see you later, Pops. Marna, it really is great to see you again.”

  Then he was gone, leaving a hollow feeling inside Marna that she didn’t like at all.

  ∞ FOUR ∞

  THE WEEK PASSED and Marna heard nothing more from Conrad or Devon. Not that she was surprised. The ad was finished and she assumed Devon had returned to Atlanta. She would probably never see him again. She winced at the thought, but quickly told herself everything was as it should be. Just because she hadn’t been able to get Conrad’s handsome grandson out of her mind for more than a few minutes at a time for the entire week didn’t mean a thing. She knew better than to let herself get interested in him – or any other man. For her to fall in love would be disastrous and heartbreaking. No man would ever want someone like her, especially a man that looked like Devon.

  “Why did this happen to me?” she whispered, as she stood by her bedroom window late Friday evening. “What did I do, God, to deserve such a fate? I’ve tried to be good, kind and honest, but still I’ve been severely punished. Am I truly destined to live my entire life alone, without love and children?”

  For several long moments, she stood
in silence, staring outside at the black sky, the half-moon and thousands of twinkling stars. Finally, she continued with her prayer. “I’m sorry, Lord. I have no reason to complain. You spared my life and I am eternally grateful. Please let me be contented with it. Please let me stop longing for what can never be mine. Let me never forget that You will always love me, no matter what I look like, and that You are all I need.”

  A short time later, Taryn entered the room to find her sister still standing there, still looking out the window. Not having heard her approaching, Marna jumped when she spoke to her.

  “Sorry,” Taryn said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

  “You’ve seemed quieter for the last few days and you’ve been here in your room more than you usually are. Anything you want to talk about?”

  “No.”

  Taryn sat down on the bed and said nothing more, but her eyes never turned away from Marna.

  Marna finally spoke. “You’re going to stare a hole in me if you keep that up. You must be the one that needs to talk, so tell me what’s on your mind.”

  “You’re on my mind, just like I said.”

  Marna sighed. “I’m thinking that it’s going to be really hot soon. It’s almost July, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “Then it’ll be the 4th…..”

  “And you’ll be standing exactly where you are now, watching the fireworks from your window.”

  “And you’ll be right here watching them with me.”

  “Yep, we’ll be two old spinsters together before you know it, sitting in our wheelchairs by that window, looking outside at everybody else living their lives.”

  “You sure are cheerful, aren’t you? And you’re asking if anything’s wrong with me.”