Home Again Read online

  “No, you’re not,” Cedar said, smiling. “Just chalk it up to another one of those things that complicated women do better than men.”

  “Aren’t you even going to give me a hint as to whether or not something is going on with you and Mark?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, well, I tried. Glad we could at least do business about the house,” Moose said, grinning. “I’ll be in touch soon about that. See ya.”

  “See ya,” she said, then closed the door behind him.

  As she wandered back into the living room, her mind was racing. She’d sold this monster of a house, she thought incredulously. She could get something new and sparkly that would not fall down around her ears. A house big enough for—

  Oreo strolled into the room.

  Big enough for her and her cat, she thought dismally, because that was exactly how it could end up. Just single Cedar and her fat cat. Oh, she was definitely going to bake a chocolate cake.

  On Monday morning, Cedar had no sooner greeted Bethany and entered her office when her secretary buzzed her on the intercom.

  “Yes?” Cedar said, pressing the button on the small box on the desk.

  “Your social-worker friend Kathy is on the phone for you, Cedar,” Bethany said. “She said you’re expecting to hear from her this morning.”

  “I…yes, I am. Thank you.”

  Cedar sank gratefully into the chair behind her desk, her legs suddenly trembling. She pressed one hand to her forehead for a moment, then reached for the telephone receiver, ignoring the fact that her hand was not the least bit steady.

  “Kathy?” Cedar said.

  “Good morning, Cedar,” Kathy said cheerfully. “Well, are congratulations in order? Are you a mommy-to-be?”

  “Oh, Kathy.” Cedar propped an elbow on top of the desk and rested her forehead in her palm. “I want that baby girl so badly. But I’m terrified that I’ll allow myself to get excited about being a mother, only to end up bitterly heartbroken again and—”

  “Again?”

  Cedar’s eyes widened and she sat bolt upward. “What I mean is,” she said, scrambling for what to say, “is that I’ve had…yes, I’ve had heartache in the past. You know, I told you I’m divorced and…anyway, what if I put things in motion to adopt Cindy’s baby and she changes her mind at the last minute? I couldn’t bear it.”

  “I understand your fears, Cedar. I’ve done so many of these adoptions and there have been times when I cautioned the people expecting to adopt the baby to be prepared for anything because I wasn’t that convinced that the decision made by the pregnant gal was that solid.

  “I’ve developed an instinct about these situations, Cedar, and I haven’t been wrong in years. This deal with Cindy is good to go. She wants to return home, to be fifteen years old again. She’s adamant, though, that you are the only one she’ll allow to adopt her baby.”

  “Mmm,” Cedar said, for lack of a better response.

  “This is what we call a ‘good’ baby, too. It’s a term we use when there’ve been no drugs, no alcohol abuse, and the mom has had ongoing prenatal care.

  “Cedar, I spoke with Cindy’s mother last night. She said that if all goes as Cindy hopes, they’ll move out of Arizona once you adopt the baby so Cindy can have a fresh start in a high school where no one knows she was a pregnant teen. So, my friend, what’s the verdict?”

  Cedar drew a steadying breath, looked heavenward for a moment, then squared her shoulders. “Yes,” she said, then felt a smile begin to form on her lips. “Yes, Kathy, I want to adopt Cindy’s baby. I want to be a mother and—yes.”

  “Fantastic! Oh, I’m so thrilled for you. I’ve got first dibs on giving you a baby shower. Won’t that be fun? I love to shop for baby things as long as I’m not the one who’s going to use them. Like diapers. Ick.”

  “Now wait a minute, Kathy,” Cedar said. “I trust your instincts about these things, I do, but I’m still scared it won’t really happen. I can’t help it. So, I don’t want anyone to know about this until it’s a done deal and…until I’m more settled about this in my mind. Promise?”

  “Darn. Well, okay, tell me when you’re settled, then I’ll put on a bash for you. Hey, the baby is due around Valentine’s Day. You can name her Cupid. How’s that?”

  “To quote you…ick,” Cedar said, laughing.

  “You’re right. Anyway, these young girls have a tendency to deliver early.”

  “I have to buy a new house because I’ve found a buyer for my monster.”

  “Get to it. That little girl will be here before you know it. Well, I promised to call Cindy at her foster home after I spoke to you, so I’d better go. She’ll know the scoop when you see her this afternoon at her appointment. She’s going to be one happy camper.

  “Oh, before I forget, I’m going to put through the paperwork to have today’s session with Cindy be the last one. You did a super job with her as far as making her do a reality check. Thank goodness she made the right decisions for herself, the baby and…hey, you. Well, I’m gone. ’Bye, Cedar. I really am excited for you.”

  “Thank you, Kathy, for everything. ’Bye for now.”

  Cedar replaced the receiver, then pressed her hands to her flushed cheeks, before moving them down to cover her racing heart. In the next instant, she got to her feet, unable to sit still for another second and began to pace around the office, thoughts tumbling through her mind one after another.

  She was going to do it, she thought incredulously. Oh, dear God, she was going to be a mother. Have a daughter. A precious little girl. That dream had been shattered years ago and now she wanted to dash to the outer office and tell Bethany the glorious news, share it with her parents, with Mark and Joey and Oreo and—

  No, she had to keep silent. She just had to. Despite Kathy’s reassurances, she feared that something would go wrong…again. That all her hopes and dreams, her incredible joy would be smashed to smithereens…again.

  She was going to be emotionally demolished if the adoption fell through, whether she kept it a secret or not. She wasn’t making much sense keeping the baby to herself, she supposed, but that was the way it was going to be.

  “Cupid?” Cedar said, allowing herself to smile. “No, I don’t think so. I’ll make a list of names and…”

  Her smile faded.

  No, there would be no list of names. Not yet. That made the baby too real, too…hers. No, no names on a list. Not yet.

  A knock at the door brought Cedar from her tangled thoughts. A moment later, her secretary opened the door and poked her head in.

  “You’re due in court, Cedar,” Bethany said. “Oh, and since you’ve been spacey ever since those gorgeous flowers arrived way back when, I’ll remind you that this afternoon you have appointments with Cindy, then Joey. You’d probably come back down to earth if you told me who sent those roses.”

  “Cindy,” Cedar said.

  “Oh, and do you have a bridge you want to sell me?” Bethany said. “Cindy did not send you those roses.”

  “No, no, of course she didn’t,” Cedar said.

  Kathy was going to call Cindy and tell her that Cedar had agreed to adopt her baby. Cindy was liable to babble the bulletin to Bethany and—oh, good grief.

  “Bethany, take the afternoon off.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I mean it. Don’t you have Christmas shopping to do? I only have the two clients after lunch. You can have the service pick up any calls, and I’ll check with them after Joey’s appointment.

  “View it as a fact-finding mission. You can tell me where the bargains are before I shop for gifts.”

  “Well, if you put it that way,” Bethany said, “how can I refuse?”

  “Exactly. You’re a gem. Now, I’m off to court. I’ll grab a bite while I’m out and be back in time to meet Cindy. See you tomorrow. Bye.”

  “You’re acting weird,” Bethany said, narrowing her eyes. “Why are you shuffling me off to the mall when Cindy, then Joey are exp
ected to arrive here? Joey…and his Uncle Mark.”

  “I…”

  “Yes!” Bethany punched a fist in the air. “I did it. I’m Magnum, P.I., and Columbo rolled into one. You’re afraid I’ll pick up on the vibes between you and Mark Chandler. Uncle Mark sent the roses.” She beamed. “Darn, I’m good. And, oh, that Mark is so yummy.”

  Cedar snatched up her briefcase and marched past a grinning Bethany.

  “I’m taking the Fifth,” Cedar said, ass he zoomed by.

  “What that Mark does for a pair of faded jeans is to die for,” Bethany said wistfully.

  “Aakk,” Cedar yelled, then slammed the door to the suite behind her as she left.

  “Will you be in the room with me when I deliver the…your baby?” Cindy said. “I saw this thing on TV once where the people who were adopting the baby were in the delivery room and cut the cord. That is so gross…but, anyway, I’d really like you to be there.”

  “What about your mother?” Cedar asked.

  “No, my mom doesn’t want to see the baby. I know it’s her granddaughter and all, but she said it would be better to just put this behind us. We’re going to move to California, which is so cool I can hardly wait.”

  “I’m glad you’re excited about the move.” Cedar smiled at the teenager.

  “Oh, I am,” Cindy said. “Anyway, my mom said she’d be okay with me calling you when I go into labor. I wish I didn’t have to do that labor junk because we’re talking major pain here. So…will you be there to see your baby born?”

  “I…well, I…yes,” Cedar said, feeling an achy sensation in her throat. “Thank you for asking me. And, Cindy? Thank you for trusting me with this precious gift. I’ll be the very best mother I can be.”

  “I know. That’s why I picked you. Are we done? I’m hungry.”

  Cedar glanced at the clock on the wall.

  “Yes, our time is up.” She got to her feet and came around the desk to hug Cindy after the teenager heaved herself up. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

  “Sure,” Cindy said, patting Cedar on the back. “I’m going to learn to surf. Cool, huh?”

  “Way cool,” Cedar said, blinking back threatening tears.

  “’Bye for now,” Cindy said, heading for the door. “See you when I’m doing my screaming and yelling thing. Remember that you’re supposed to cut the cord. Oh, that is just so majorly gross.”

  Cindy wasn’t going to change her mind, Cedar thought frantically, after the girl closed the door behind her. Anyone listening to Cindy would know that she had already moved on. She was going to learn how to surf, for heaven’s sake.

  It was really going to happen. She was going to be a mother. It was going to happen.

  Wasn’t it?

  “Have faith,” Cedar whispered, closing her eyes. “Believe in what you just heard Cindy say. Come on, Cedar, have some faith.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Faith.

  Cedar opened her eyes, then smiled.

  “Faith. Oh, yes, it’s perfect. I’m going to name my daughter Faith Cedar Kennedy. Faith.”

  She stared into space and repeated the name over and over like a mantra, ignoring the fact that she’d given herself a firm directive not to make a list of names for the baby, let alone pick one.

  She blinked suddenly, looked at the clock and realized that Joey and Mark would be arriving at any moment for Joey’s appointment.

  She rushed into the small bathroom and gazed at her reflection in the mirror to be certain she didn’t look any different, that there wasn’t a telltale clue that she was maybe, oh, please, yes, going to be a mother in a handful of weeks.

  “You’re acting like a dolt,” she told her image.

  After marching to the outer office, she plunked down in Bethany’s chair so she’d be prepared to give Joey his snack. Moments later, the door opened and Joey and Mark entered, Mark attempting to brush dust from his jeans as he walked.

  Bethany was right, Cedar thought dreamily, staring at Mark. What that man did for a pair of faded jeans was…

  “Hi, Cedar,” Joey said, from where he stood in front of the desk.

  “What?” she said, shifting her gaze to the little boy. “Oh. Hi, Joey. Want to pick a juice box from the refrigerator and a granola bar from the basket?”

  “Sure,” Joey said, heading toward the treats.

  “Sure…what?” Mark said.

  “Huh?” Joey said. “Oh, sure and thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” Cedar said, smiling.

  “Well, this brings back memories,” Mark said, moving into the space in front of the desk that Joey had vacated. “I do believe that the first time we met you were impersonating Bethany and I made a total and complete jerk of myself.”

  Cedar laughed. “Yes, indeed, your memory serves you correctly, sir.” She paused, her smile fading. “A great deal has happened since that day.”

  Mark slid his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and nodded. “Yes,” he said quietly, “that’s very true. A lot has changed, hasn’t it?” And at the top of the list, Cedar Kennedy, is the fact that I’ve fallen in love with you. How’s that for stupid, Ms. Shrinky-dink, considering that you don’t want any part of hearth, home, marriage and kids? “For example, I learned how to make barbecue chicken.”

  And I learned how to love again, Cedar thought, and fell in love with you, Mark Chandler. Some shrinky-dink I am. I lost control of my own emotions.

  “Cedar, I—”

  “Would you like a snack, Mark?” Cedar said, cutting him off as she got to her feet.

  “No, thanks.”

  “Joey,” Cedar said, pulling her gaze from Mark, “are you about finished with your goodies?”

  “Yep,” he said, throwing the empty juice box and granola bar wrapper in the trash basket. “All done.”

  “Okay,” Cedar said, walking around the desk. “Let’s go into my office. Mark, will you join us, please?”

  “Me?” he said. “Well, okay.”

  In her office, Cedar settled into the chair behind her desk and waved Joey and Mark into the chairs opposite her.

  “We need to chat about Christmas,” she said finally, looking at Mark, then Joey. “It will be here very soon, and I’m sure you’ve noticed that decorations are already up in the stores and that Santa even made some early appearances during the parades on Thanksgiving.”

  “I used to believe in Santa Claus when I was a little kid,” Joey said, “but now I’m big and I know Santa is really my…” He stopped speaking and frowned. “I don’t want to talk about Christmas stuff.” He crossed his arms tightly on his chest. “No.”

  “Okay,” Cedar said. “Mark, why don’t you share some of your Christmas traditions with us?”

  “Traditions?” Mark said. “Like what? Give me a hint here.”

  “Well, I assume you put up a tree in your living room and decorate it,” Cedar said.

  “No,” Mark said slowly, “I don’t.”

  “Why not?” Cedar said pleasantly.

  “It’s more like…why?” he said. “I mean, I’m there all alone, so what’s the point? I don’t even own any decorations for a tree, or doodads to put around the house during the holidays. I just treat Christmas like any other day off from work. I sleep late and watch some football.” He shrugged. “No tree, no traditions.”

  “Well, that’s not very nice,” Joey yelled, which caused Mark to snap his head around and stare at the boy in shock. “I don’t want to sleep late and watch dumb football on Christmas. Aren’t we going to have a tree and a bunch of presents and stuff? What kind of person are you? You’re like that green Grinch guy, that’s what you are.”

  “Now, Joey,” Cedar said calmly, “let’s be fair. Uncle Mark didn’t have a family here in Phoenix before, and sometimes when people live alone they don’t do all the usual Christmasy things. But now he has you and that changes everything. However, he doesn’t have any experience at doing this, so maybe you could help him out. What do y
ou think?”

  “Well, maybe,” Joey said. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “That would very generous of you. Right, Mark?”

  “Huh? Oh. Yes, that’s…swell. Thanks, buddy, I appreciate your being willing to lend me a hand.”

  “You’re going to need lots of stuff, Uncle Mark. Tons. Maybe we should make a list, you know? And you can’t forget presents. Presents are very, very ’portant.”

  Mark chuckled. “You betcha.”

  “How’s this for a plan, Joey?” Cedar said. “We’ll skip your Wednesday appointment, because the three of us will go out for pizza Friday night, then to the mall to start getting the tons of stuff Uncle Mark needs.”

  “Cool,” Joey said.

  “Mark?”

  “Cool,” Mark said.

  “Super,” Cedar said. “Joey, I need to speak to Uncle Mark alone, so you may color in the books in the outer office.”

  “’Kay,” Joey said, sliding off the chair then running from the room.

  “Damn, you’re good,” Mark said, shaking his head. “You turned Joey around on the subject of Christmas so smoothly, it was awesome. Very slick.”

  “The reason I want to go along on the shopping expedition is because something might trigger a memory of Christmases Joey spent with his parents and he’s liable to have a meltdown in the middle of the mall. I need to be there in case that happens.”

  Mark smiled. “Are you sure you want to be seen in the company of the green Grinch guy?”

  “I’ll suffer through it,” she said, matching his smile. The next moment she frowned. “I guess you didn’t ship any Christmas things from your sister’s house to yours?”

  “No, I blew that, huh? I donated the Christmas decorations, along with a lot of other stuff to a charity thrift shop. I suppose it would be better if Joey had things he recognized from past holidays, but…damn.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Mark. You were under tremendous stress when you made those decisions. Besides, this might be better. You and Joey will create new memories. And you’ll pick out Christmas doodads and ornaments together.”