Thank You Notes Read online

Page 3

… football season, for starting this week… and for finally making my habit of getting drunk at 11:00 in the morning every Sunday seem perfectly normal.

Thank you

… paper clips, for being like staples for people who can’t commit.

Thank you

… home gym, for being a monument to that one time when I wanted to get in shape.

Thank you

… the feeling that I lost my cell phone, even though I just put it in the wrong pocket. Those ten seconds of absolute terror did a great job of reminding me what a weak man I am.

Thank you

… fish cakes, for not even trying to sound good.

Thank you

… zip line, for being the fastest and most convenient way to travel between two trees.

Thank you

… enchilada, for looking like a burrito that just threw up all over itself.

Thank you

… new leather jacket, for being much heavier than I thought. Every time I put you on I feel like I’m getting X-rays at the dentist.

Thank you

… decaf coffee, for giving me the same stained teeth and stink-breath as regular coffee, with none of the pesky wakefulness and mental clarity.

Thank you

… wine cork collection. I know I never got around to making that corkboard—but look how much I drink!

Thank you

… fun-size candy, for calling yourself “fun” to distract me from the fact that you’re smaller than regular candy. Nice try. They should call you “disappointment-size candy.”

Thank you

… hotel beds, for being so much more comfortable than regular beds… even though 24 hours ago, someone probably did something really disgusting on you.

Thank you

… tuna casserole, for being the sweatpants of food.

Thank you

… first sheet of a new toilet paper roll that won’t tear off evenly so I have to scratch and claw and shred three layers of the roll just to get the thing started. But that’s cool. I think I’ll have the last laugh, since I know where you’re ending up.

Thank you

… symbolism, for being, I don’t know, sort of like a rose.

Thank you

… waterbeds, for answering the age-old question, “What would it be like to fall asleep on a giant breast implant?”

Thank you

… new pair of corduroys, for making that cool “whooshing” sound when I walk. Nothing signals the start of fall like the sound of people’s fat thighs rubbing together.

Thank you

… onion rings, for being my favorite food, until I bite into you and I’m left with a cold, wet onion in my mouth and a tiny deep-fried steering wheel cover in my hand.

Thank you

… plastic cutlery, for reminding us all how strong bread can be.

Thank you

… women who put on their makeup in front of strangers while commuting to work. It’s like you’re creating a before-and-after photo right before our eyes.

Thank you

… older woman next to me in my yoga class, for ripping not one but two big ones during downward-facing dog. It’s like that old saying, “One yoga toot, shame on you. Two yoga toots, you should probably go to the ladies’ room.”

Thank you

… chocolate chips, for not being called “sugar turds.”

Thank you

… coarse wool sweaters, for having a relationship with my nipples that could best be described as “problematic.”

Thank you

… gummy worms, for being excellent bait if I want to catch a Swedish Fish.

Thank you

… shorts weather, for reminding me that it’s almost time to go apeshit on my milky-white chicken legs with a tube of tinted bronzer.

Photography Credits

Photos on pages 11, 14, 16, 23, 24, 29, 46 (old trick-or-treaters), 47(raisin box), 48, 56, 60 (beer bottles), 65 (head of Cory Cavin), 66, 70, 77, 87, 88, 91, 94, 100, 102, 103, 105, 107, 108, 111, 121, 124, 131, 137, 139, 150, 157, 160, 166, 169 © NBC Universal, Inc.

Photo on page 10 © 1998 Taco Bell Corp. All Rights Reserved.

Photo on page 12 © 2008 Bravo Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.

Photo on page 13 © iStockphoto.com/Nick Free (faucet); © Photononstop/SuperStock (ant).

Photo on page 15 Snuggie is a registered trademark of ASM. © 2010 ASM all rights reserved.

Photo on page 17 © iStockphoto.com/Sandra Henderson.

Photo on page 18 © Car Culture/Corbis.

Photo on page 19 © Tom & Dee Ann McCarthy/CORBIS.

Photo on page 20 © iStockphoto.com/Chris Scredon.

Photo on page 21 © iStockphoto.com/blue_iq (computer screen); © AP GraphicsBank (Caduceus).

Photo on page 22 iPod shuffle® 2011 Apple, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Photo on page 25 © Stockbroker/SuperStock.

Photo on page 26 © Hemera/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 27 © AP GraphicsBank.

Photo on page 28 Facebook © 2011.

Photo on page 30 © AP GraphicsBank.

Photo on page 31 © 2011 WD-40 Company. All Rights Reserved (2000 Flushes® logo); iStockphoto.com/© Ljupco (bathroom).

Photo on page 32 © Dave Nagel/Stone/Getty Images (guy with headphones); © Titus Lacost/Riser/Getty Images (street background with skaters).

Photo on page 33 © Jay Blakesberg/Workbook Stock/Getty Images.

Photo on page 34 © Radius/SuperStock.

Photo on page 35 © iStockphoto.com/travellinglight.

Photo on page 37 © Radius/SuperStock.

Photo on page 38 © Creasource/Corbis.

Photo on page 39 © Glow Asia/SuperStock.

Photo on page 40 © Radius Images/Getty Images.

Photo on page 41 © NASA (logo); iStockphoto.com/Thinkstock(starfield).

Photo on page 42 © iStockphoto.com/MarttiSalmela.

Photo on page 43 © Exactostock/SuperStock.

Photo on page 44 © iStockphoto.com/Ferran Traite Soler.

Photo on page 45 © Margo Silver/Stone/Getty Images.

Photo on page 46 © Ivan Hunter/DigitalVision/Getty Images (home exterior).

Photo on page 47 © Hemera/Thinkstock (raisins and illustrated sun burst).

Photo on page 49 © Jeffrey Coolidge/Iconica/Getty Images.

Photo on page 50 © Design Pics/SuperStock.

Photo on page 51 © Tim Ridley/Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images.

Photo on page 52 © Johnny Bouchler/Red Cover/Getty Images.

Photo on page 53 © 2010 PEZ Candy, Inc.

Photo on page 54 © iStockphoto.com/Mary Schowe.

Photo on page 55 © Martin Barraud/Iconica/Getty Images.

Photo on page 57 © 2011 Proctor and Gamble.

Photo on page 58 © 2011 Brinker International. All Rights Reserved.

Photo on page 59 © Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images (cockroach); © iStockphoto.com/Oleg Prikhodko (bathroom tile).

Photo on page 60 © Hemera/Thinkstock (dog illustration); © iStockphoto/Thinkstock (mountain sunrise illustration); © iStockphoto.com/Tomas Bercic (green bottle label); © iStockphoto.com/Tony Link Design (wheat grains).

Photo on page 61 © iStockphoto.com/Craig Wactor.

Photo on page 62 © Sean Justice/Photonica/Getty Images.

Photo on page 63 © Jupiterimages/Comstock/Getty Images/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 64 © Williams+Hirakawa/Stone/Getty Images.

Photo on page 65 © Joel Sartore/National Geographic/Getty Images (guy in chair).

Photo on page 67 © Henry Georgi/Aurora Open/Corbis.

Photo on page 68 © iStockphoto.com/Steve Goodwin.

Photo on page 69 © David Lees/Taxi/Getty Images.

Photo on page 71 © Exactostock/SuperStock.

Photo on page 72 © iStockphoto.com/Ferran Traite Soler.

Photo on page 73 © Nicole Hill/Getty Images.

Photo on page 7
4 © iStockphoto.com/Diane Labombarbe.

Photo on page 75 © Brand X Pictures/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 76 © iStockphoto.com/Tetiana Zbrodko.

Photo on page 78 © Tetra Images/SuperStock.

Photo on page 79 © Simon Battensby/Photographer’s Choice/Getty Images.

Photo on page 80 © iStockphoto.com/Dmytro Konstantynov.

Photo on page 81 © Jupiterimages/Photos.com/Getty Images/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 82 © Medioimages/Photodisc/Getty Images.

Photo on page 83 © Jupiterimages/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images.

Photo on page 84 © Dorgie Productions/Photographer’s Choice/Getty Images.

Photo on page 85 © iStockphoto.com/dirkr.

Photo on page 86 © Jonathan Saunders/Photonica/Getty Images.

Photo on page 89 © iStockphoto.com/DNY59.

Photo on page 90 © iStockphoto.com/dwphotos.

Photo on page 92 © iStockphoto.com/Russell McBride.

Photo on page 93 © iStockphoto.com/Koczina Balázs (sun); © iStockphoto.com/Carolina K. Smith, M.D. (moon); © iStockphoto.com/hiphunter (field and sky).

Photo on page 95 © Ryan McVay/Digital Vision/Getty Images.

Photo on page 96 © Stockbyte/Getty Images.

Photo on page 97 © iStockphoto.com/oversnap.

Photo on page 98 © iStockphoto.com/tomch.

Photo on page 99 © Purestock/SuperFusion/SuperStock.

Photo on page 101 © ESPN, Inc.

Photo on page 104 © iStockphoto.com/TIM MCCAIG.

Photo on page 106 © iStockphoto.com/Kenneth C. Zirkel.

Photo on page 109 © iStockphoto.com/Eliza Snow.

Photo on page 110 © iStockphoto.com/onepony.

Photo on page 112 © David Madison/Riser/Getty Images.

Photo on page 113 © Pando Hall/Photodisc/Getty Images.

Photo on page 114 © iStockphoto.com/Stefan Witas (traffic); © iStockphoto.com/konradlew (sky).

Photo on page 115 © Steven Puetzer/Photographer’s Choice/Getty Images.

Photo on page 116 © iStockphoto.com/Jim Kruger.

Photo on page 117 © iStockphoto.com/EuToch.

Photo on page 118 © iStockphoto.com/Mark Wragg.

Photo on page 119 © Jeff Kauck/FoodPix/Getty Images.

Photo on page 120 © iStockphoto.com/Stephan Hoerold.

Photo on page 122 © iStockphoto.com/James Steidl.

Photo on page 123 © iStockphoto.com/Thomas Sarradet.

Photo on page 125 © Eric Hernandez/Lived In Images/Corbis.

Photo on page 126 © Fuse.

Photo on page 127 © image100/SuperStock.

Photo on page 128 © Radius/SuperStock.

Photo on page 129 © Blend Images/SuperStock.

Photo on page 130 © Burke/Triolo Productions/FoodPix/Getty Images.

Photo on page 132 © iStockphoto.com/Ferran Traite Soler.

Photo on page 133 © 2010 YMCA of the USA.

Photo on page 134 © iStockphoto.com/Jason Murray.

Photo on page 135 © Hill Street Studios/Blend Images/Getty Images (award); © Vstock LLC/Getty Images (man).

Photo on page 136 © iStockphoto.com/Kenneth C. Zirkel.

Photo on page 138 © AP GraphicsBank.

Photo on page 140 © iStockphoto.com/TexPhoto.

Photo on page 141 © iStockphoto.com/Zoran Kolundzija.

Photo on page 142 © Exactostock / SuperStock.

Photo on page 143 © iStockphoto.com/Viorika Prikhodko.

Photo on page 144 © iStockphoto.com/matka_Wariatka.

Photo on page 145 © 2010 Frito-Lay North America, Inc.

Photo on page 146 © iStockphoto.com/Bart Sadowski.

Photo on page 147 © iStockphoto.com/Chris Scredon.

Photo on page 148 © iStockphoto.com/Leslie Banks.

Photo on page 149 © iStockphoto.com/Julián Rovagnati.

Photo on page 151 © iStockphoto.com/Hazel Proudlove.

Photo on page 152 © Philip and Karen Smith/SuperStock.

Photo on page 153 © Thomas Collins/Photographer’s Choice/Getty Images.

Photo on page 154 © Tom Schierlitz/The Image Bank/Getty Images.

Photo on page 155 © iStockphoto.com/Charles Taylor.

Photo on page 156 © Hemera/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 158 © JupiterImages/Photos.com/Getty Images.

Photo on page 159 © Martin Jacobs/FoodPix/Getty Images.

Photo on page 161 © iStockphoto/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 162 © iStockphoto/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 163 © Hemera Technologies/PhotoObjects.net/Getty Images/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 164 © IT Stock Free/Polka Dot/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 165 © iStockphoto/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 167 © Tom Rosenthal/SuperStock.

Photo on page 168 © Jupiterimages/Photos.com/Getty Images/Thinkstock.

Photo on page 170 © iStockphoto.com/Elena Schweitzer.

Photo on page 171 © PhotoAlto/SuperStock.

Contents

Front Cover Image

Welcome

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction: A Thank You to the Reader

Thank you

Photography Credits

Copyright

Copyright

Copyright © 2011 by Universal City Studios Productions LLLP. Late Night with Jimmy Fallon © NBC Studios, Inc. Licensed by NBC Universal Television Consumer Products Group. All Rights Reserved. Thank You Notes is an independent publication and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by any of the brands featured in this book.

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Grand Central Publishing

Hachette Book Group

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Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

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First eBook Edition: May 2011

Cover design by Nick Caruso.

Interior design by Renato Stanisic.

Grand Central Publishing is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

The Grand Central Publishing name and logo is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

ISBN: 978-0-89296-737-7

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