Love.Speak.Easy. Read online

The closest I have ever come to something special

  And nothing at all

  Simultaneously

  He doesn’t know how to love me.

  I don’t know how to hate him.

  Conundrum

  The saying of the very word love

  Is rare

  And loving him with my eyes closed

  And my mouth shut

  Is the only way to love him

  Unconditionally

  More him now than I am

  More lost now than found

  Gone

  I am the victim of a common, yet fatal mistake

  A man never changes

  Only the seasons

  The Chase

  I have been chasing a mirage

  I have been living a lie

  Believing lies

  And closing my eyes

  I dreamed a host of dreams

  And sent a million prayers up to heaven

  I have wanted

  And then the ending here

  Has left me wanting

  Oh, he’s a wild a thing

  Not mine

  Not yours

  Not anyone’s

  He’s wild you see

  Like wild flowers

  Springing up all over the place

  Never where you want them

  Never when you want them

  He’s wild with a devilish smile

  That lights up the night

  Shackles, chains, ropes

  Tie me down. Strap me down.

  Break them down, these walls, piece by piece

  Free me. Free me.

  Slave of my thoughts

  Prisoner of my mind

  Free me. Free me.

  I am bound.

  I am strapped down.

  Oh, liberty shine down on me

  Set me free

  Set me free

  A Lover’s Poem

  Sweet perspirations as I

  Dream of a love so dear

  Love and joy inside—bursting into fantasies

  Caressing my slumber

  No more lustful desire

  Of body to body expiration

  Here in my thoughts, I am

  In love forever

  He is never gone

  He is never wrong

  And in his eyes I live and live

  And I give into him because it is right

  We are ever and everything

  Young Love

  Dreamless wanderers are they

  Aimless without an understanding

  Hopeless hand in hand

  Reaching no where

  Never questioning the darkness which they roam

  No words or thoughts of their own

  No Sight. No Light.

  Joyful mad hatters they are

  Sitting at the table of the disturbed

  Drinking tea with the deaf

  Dancing with the blind

  Vagabonds in King’s robes

  Threads like shackles-shackles-shackles-

  -Clank-Clank-

  Jewels drip like iron chains

  Homeless captives with cancerous desires

  No one knows they’re dying

  No care they’re here as humans

  No one leaves the darkness

  No one knows ---it’s her

  Sob Story—For my dear friend

  Trained to be his whore

  And live no more

  Have his baby, love you maybe

  Pray him to live

  Wait for him to die

  Quick, dirty, bloody money

  Hand to mouth

  Hand to mouth

  Share him with another woman

  Learn the trade well

  Not a wife—but a wifey—ha!

  Like a knock-off purse, desperately close to the real thing

  But not really--WHY? Exactly?

  Ride the bus to see him

  --Life like a conjugal visit—just enough to get off

  Hold ‘em down, Hustle. Wait.

  Sell the car for bail money—put up the house

  Have another baby, love you maybe

  Tats on his arm Tats on his back New Bling New Grill

  Hit ‘em on his cell, run by his house

  Scream. Yell. Curse. Fight. Shout.

  Now she’s having his baby,

  Love her, Love you

  Maybe

  Suicide

  I am the walking wounded

  The slumber-less child of a not so clear destiny

  Carrying my body like a heavy load

  A Short Conversation

  I told him how conflicted I was

  I told him that I needed to get away

  He just smiled and said

  That even if you moved to another country, you would still be in a room with yourself

  Still conflicted

  Maybe I need a love, I said

  . . . .Maybe you need to love yourself

  For Books

  As the agony ascended

  Fresh fear arose

  At least it was abundantly clear

  The purpose of his prose

  Soundless. Surreal.

  Speechless, I was—

  Leaning in to hear more—terror, love. Sorrows

  The silent, sickening, stillness

  Clinched cleverly the air

  Barring us from breathing

  Before the burning, scorched us bare

  A pulsing passion pushed me to read more

  Runaway

  I have a foolish heart

  That doesn’t like to return home

  Little heart runs through mazes

  Sometimes brings other hearts back

  Home?

  Yes, my heart tries to make them stay

  Listen little stupid heart

  It will not.

  Nerdy talk

  Let me move you with my mind

  And my body will follow

  Stimulate you with intellectual words over artistic vision, between heavy breathing

  --before—and after

  Tantalizing and surprising you with climaxes carefully articulated in multiple verbs and adjectives

  In hot repetition

  Watch me work this pencil-ha!

  Let me move your mind and my body will follow

  Ensnare you with my chemistry—a scientific ministry of NaCl and H2O

  Making a bodies glow—glow—glow---shine

  Your work and my force could make this bed move a long distance over time

  Let me move you with my mind and my body will follow

  One plus one is two---you me—you me—you me—you me

  A Fatherless Child Pt. 1

  Who are you?

  Tall, dark man who never touched me

  Where did you find me?

  You made me just as a child makes a sand castle

  Yet I did not wash away, when you left the beach

  Did love stir inside you?

  Did you feel me come into being?

  My love is lost for you now

  It went looking years ago, and never returned

  I don’t think love found what it was looking for

  Stranger, your shadow has walked with me

  Haunting, deep darkness that creeps into me

  Who are you?

  I have never met you-really

  Just seen you in some memories

  Your voice shouts through a vacuum

  Lost to me

  You made me deaf to your kind of love; I do not know its sound

  Philanderer, you just wonder through me

  Yes, you meander through my heart and swim through my tears

  I absorb you again

  Who are you?

  .

  And it was…

  And it was more like hate than love

  I am a fake

  I am a fraud

  His words that cut through me

  Like hot steel blades

  All my hopes a
nd all my dreams

  He scooped them up

  And placed them in the furnace

  My love, not his love

  And all my sacrifices now meaningless

  And all my patience for him seeped away

  And my most precious thoughts of love everlasting

  Scattered to the winds

  And then the numbness, rolled up my legs, up the curve

  Of my belly, over the rise of my breast

  And strangely tickled up my chin

  Crawled into my throat

  And then I slipped away

  Back to a place where I still loved him

  Losing it

  My mind not mine

  Not mine anymore

  Windows not windows

  Nor are doors still doors

  I may not exist

  Anymore, anymore

  Me not me anymore

  Feet not to the floor, hand not to the door

  Damaged to the core

  Me not me

  Anymore

  Waters not on the shore

  Almost and never more

  Ripped. Ravaged. Torn.

  Until there is no me---anymore

  Speak

  I want to try again

  I want to be very clear this time

  I want you to see me

  I think in the past I have been invisible, I’ve been a shadow

  But now I’m bigger than that, louder than a train

  Trying is for people that cannot do it… I am not one of those

  I am not who you think I am

  I’m just a child

  Of the wind, of the water, of the fire, of the storm, of the times

  Give me a dream and stand me in the corner

  My nose touches the wall, but my eyes touch a journey

  I am better than most

  I am worse than some

  But I will do it and do it and do it until it is done

  I am not who you think I am

  Or what you have made me out to be

  I am a destiny--a future

  I am everything between now and memory

  I am everyone who emerged from the cradled crevice of Eve’s thighs, all of those who lamented Isis’ tears

  Whose blood colored the water of the Atlantic, the Mississippi, the pavement of Selma, the Yazoo clay, the streets of Harlem, and of Brooklyn, and Chicago

  Yes, I am the condensation of the breath that wrapped around a glass hope of falseness in the allies of D.C and the money colored death of syringes in Baltimore

  Luckily lucid some remain, those who encounter me and live are survivors of themselves

  Apathy thrives between the ears of those

  who wish to out-live me, but unconsciously they worship my

  ability to absolve their responsibility

  They dare not call me by name

  Without surprise, just slow realization

  Let me seep into your soul and tell you how much it’s worth

  I am not who you think I am

  I think in the past, I have been invisible

  I have been a shadow

  Always there, always dark

  Black. Woman. Me.

  I’ve got soul and spirit

  Riveting through me like an African drum

  And hums, old slave spirituals

  Of lyrical dynamics

  On hammocks of peace

  I cease to hear the noise of confused girls

  And insane boys

  What joys I can find, just hearing my mind

  Sing its enlightening tune

  Like spring rain brings May blooms

  Slightly tainted by the world’s viscous crimson

  Forget about heartache, headache, and pain

  Slain and stained dreams and schemes

  Ruined by the mean torments of life

  These are the moments I will celebrate and commemorate

  By honoring my heart and never part from my hopes

  I will thrive because I believe and conceive only things

  That will bring me–Great Emancipation

  I am vigor

  I am determination

  No one dares steal my perseverance

  My clearance---- I am Woman

  I don’t play that game of shame and misplaced bullets of blame

  No ma’am, I am

  More than whom society planned for me

  Slave girls fantasized about my opportunities

  I am a traveler and gatherer of diverse studies

  My buddies are inspiration and motivation

  They keep me moving and grooving

  Leaving behind the times my mind couldn’t operate

  I obliterate demeaning circumstances and cultivate my advances into realistic things

  I am a Queen

  And the Mandingo warriors

  Worship my passionate aura

  And the Ivory Coast boasts of my regal black soul

  I know where I’m going

  I know where my people have been

  The long road behind me

  And the hardest road ahead

  But instead of buckling under the fold

  I will keep the struggle

  Marching, marching, marching on . . . . . . .. .

  Teach Me

  Let me hear the rumble of drums

  Tapping into the wells of my soul

  Inviting the ocean’s mighty roar

  Into the doors of my mind

  Let me find

  A calling, falling in and out

  Of new dreams

  It seems everyday is a new venue

  Springing bright lights in my head

  I dread the darkness, dark nights

  Putting up fruitless fights

  I want to be in flight

  Where I can soar to great lengths

  Armed with virtuous strengths

  Help me appease the yearning

  Burning in the furnace of my heart

  Give me a head start

  Some humanity, some sanity

  Not vanity that will profit me none

  Show me the sun

  Enlighten my spirit

  Build my perseverance

  Guide my steps in the way of the wise

  Make me reach for the skies

  Let me shout and be proud

  Help my echoes resound

  Comfort me when I’m down

  Prevent me running

  Point out my shortcomings

  Criticize me without cutting me down

  Mold my character firm and round

  Teach me. Teach me.

  Teach me.

  Corners

  Far from the corners of our world

  People are living

  Unbroken Un-Black

  Not ever knowing the affliction of inescapable complexes

  Or victims of there hated reflections

  Prisoners of a tormented complexion

  Oh yes, I know that somewhere

  Far from these corners

  People are living

  People are breathing

  With purpose, with dreams, with drive

  Not on these corners

  Not on these blocks

  Stifled with the choking venomous scent of young blood

  And the rancid smell of bludgeoned dreams

  These corners are not for living

  They are only for dying

  Change—ally or enemy

  Time will tell

  Hmmm…what is that smelly stench?

  That rises up into our nostrils?

  Cuts, blood running

  Time heals all wounds

  Change your life

  Change the way think

  Blame slows you down

  An enemy of all

  Blame kills, falsely accuses

  With change comes a renewal

  Un-chain your mind

  Time flies so say a prayer

  Let seasons change

  Time wa
its for no man

  The Academic

  He can’t think outside the box

  He finds a box to put you in it

  That is not an intellectual

  That’s what you call an academic

  The Playground

  We are children with many fears

  Some of us chase down our nightmares with guns and bombs

  Others crawl up in corners with pacifiers

  We whimper, we weep, we hide

  We seek—answers to prayers

  Immortality in fire and air

  And prescribed slumber

  We are children bantering, bickering, bullying

  Terrorizing each other

  We live for-profit lives, we tell for-profit lies

  Gain nothing, give nothing

  Some of us sleep forever

  and we are…

  and we are in these times

  these perilous

  treacherous times

  intellect in effect

  is nothing more than a

  public defect

  we’re officially

  all flesh

  Out

  We are out!

  Out of our minds, out of ourselves

  out of our element

  We are out!

  Out of sugar cane fields, out of tobacco tides, out of cotton fields

  out of planks of boards called quarters

  out of our own........We are out!

  Out of Africa, out of boats, out of deaths, out of life

  We are out!

  Out of luck, out of love

  out of graves, out of hospital beds

  out of crack houses, out of whore houses

  out of our minds!!

  We are out . . . . out. . .out. . . .out

  Wild and out . . . .not stopping

  or stumbling or wondering -----Why?

  We Are Out. .

  Contradictions

  We the people…

  We the people don’t trust the government

  We don’t talk white

  We don’t Tom around

  We the people…be steady mobbin’