Elysium Read online

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  >> break

  ** SYSTEM INTERRUPT **

  >> state status

  STATUS: NORMAL

  >>

  >> continue

  BRIDGE PROCESS: CONTINUED

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  2.

  The pills put Adrian to sleep, and he slept like the dead. When he woke up, his head still hurt. It was a dull pain with less of the pounding than before. The bandage was gone. It must have fallen off in the bed somewhere.

  In the bathroom, he bent down into the sink and tossed water on his face. His jaw felt funny and his skin was rough. The place where that little hair kept appearing on his chin seemed to have spread into stubble all across his face. The mirror stared back, and he was surprised at what he saw. It was the same jaw line. The same stubble that appeared every twelve or so hours. But for a second, he didn’t recognize the face. He rubbed his head and pulled out a new bandage.

  Antoine was still asleep when Adrian crept into his room. The machines were all right. Beeping along quietly. His heart still pumped blood. His lungs still breathed air. Antoine seemed so peaceful when he slept. So thin. So frail. Adrian suppressed a twinge of pain and bent down to place a soft kiss on his forehead. He wouldn’t wake. It took a lot more than that to wake him. He did stir, but only for a moment. Adrian slipped out as he had slipped in, being careful to pull the door quietly shut behind him.

  The shower felt good. Warm water washed over his body. He gave in to his need to take care of his own business and tugged at his cock.

  He thought of Antoine and released into sorrow.

  The morning routine was easy now. Adrian made his own breakfast first, then Antoine’s. By the time the nurse arrived, Antoine would be all set. The blender whirred his banana mush cereal. He threw in extra vitamins. It might not help, but it wouldn’t hurt.

  “Antoine?” Adrian softly said. He didn’t stir. “Antoine?” He was taking too long to wake. Adrian shook him, a pang of terror shooting down into his groin.

  “Antoine!”

  His eyes snapped open. “What?”

  Adrian breathed and caressed his face.

  “Breakfast,” in almost a whisper.

  “Yeah? Oh.” He weakly smiled. His teeth were gray and dark in places. His skin was tight along his cheekbones and eyes. Spots danced across a face that had once been so smooth and clear.

  “Let me help you,” Adrian said and easily lifted him into a sitting position. Antoine used to put up a fuss. Lately, he submitted to his situation. Their situation. Adrian placed the tray over his legs and tucked a napkin into his nightshirt. He fed him like a baby, wiping his mouth where it dripped. Antoine put up his hand to say he wanted to stop for a minute. He chewed methodically, then swallowed with an audible gulp.

  “How’s your head?” he asked.

  “Better,” Adrian said.

  Adrian attempted to feed him more. Antoine stopped him by putting his hand on Adrian’s wrist.

  “Where are you going today?”

  Adrian hesitated. It was his day off, and Antoine knew where he was going.

  “To the gym.”

  Adrian spooned some more mush. Antoine squinted, a little burn of fire behind his glance, but took the food willingly.

  As Antoine was finishing his last bite of mush, the doorbell rang. Right on time. Adrian greeted Sheila at the door like the godsend she was. Without her, Adrian couldn’t survive this. She was a big, brown, no-nonsense woman. Once a week Adrian got this. Once a week to live like a normal person. Once a week without Antoine. Again the guilt. But he needed it. The counselor at the clinic said that he should get out of the house sometimes. Leave the sickness behind for a while and breathe the fresh air and do things that were just for him.

  “What the hell happened to you?” Sheila asked, pointing at the bandage on his forehead.

  “Oh, this.” He touched his bruise. “I had a little accident yesterday.”

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

  Adrian returned to the bedroom to pick up the tray with the empty dishes.

  “Is that Sheila?”

  “Yes.”

  “So you’re leaving soon?”

  “In a few minutes.”

  “When will you be coming home?”

  “Later this afternoon.” Sheila was on the clock for a full eight hours. Antoine knew that. He asked every week anyway.

  “Call me if he needs anything,” Adrian said to Sheila as she walked into the bedroom.

  “You know I will. Don’t worry, honey. We’ll be just fine.”

  Her toothy smile was the reassurance it was meant to be. Adrian kissed Antoine on the forehead.

  “I’ll be home soon.”

  Antoine didn’t say goodbye. He barely looked at Adrian.

  Cool crisp air brushed against his cheeks. The trees were losing their green and turning gold and yellow. There was a tinge of the winter cold that was to come. It was bracing. The walk to the gym always cleared his head. He stopped at the front desk and the usual guy was there with his over-whitened teeth. Adrian handed him his gym ID card to wave over the scanner to a beep. White Teeth handed the card back and said, “Have a good workout” in a syrupy, synthetic voice. He knew. Everyone knew. It was a small neighborhood.

  “Thanks.”

  Adrian started his workout with a run on the treadmill. He selected the James Taylor playlist on his personal player and exercised to its sad, country-styled rhythms. He never told Antoine about his Taylor workouts. He would probably laugh and say, “I’m taking away your gay card.” Adrian smiled to himself at the untold joke. It was a strange feeling, to smile.

  He was hot and sweaty by the time he reached the weight room. “The boys” were all there. They waved hellos. Those guys seemed to live here. Muscles were flexing everywhere. The room smelled of men. Hot, sweaty men. It wasn’t a pleasant smell, in some ways. In others, it was irresistible. Adrian suddenly felt the need to focus.

  Hector waltzed over and slapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, Papi. How you doin’?”

  “Hi, Hector,” he said, his arm fully engaged in lifting a weight. He used that as an excuse to not look up.

  “What happen to your head?”

  “A small accident. It’s nothing.”

  “An accident? Oh, Papi, you know you gotta be careful.”

  “Yeah,” Adrian said, still not looking up.

  “Well, we goin’ to brunch in a few minits. You comin’?”

  “Where?”

  “The usual place. Notin’ special.”

  “Yeah, sure. Let me shower and I’ll be out.”

  “No problem, Papi. We wait for you.”

  The usual place was the brunch spot. Everyone from the neighborhood was there. Adrian and Antoine used to come here together back before he got sick. They would meet up with friends and laugh for hours on a Sunday mid-morning, as Adrian was about to do. The twelve of them asked for the big table in the corner. When they were seated Hector dropped himself into a chair far on the other side. Adrian was glad for that. It felt good to be out with the boys. They were buffed, beautiful men, and they knew it. The waiter flirted with them and wiggled his back feathers. They laughed at his antics. They laughed at each other. They just laughed. Especially Adrian. Once a week for this. This one time to forget about it all and laugh.

  It was lunch for Adrian — he’d been up since early. For the others, it was still breakfast time. Pancakes and waffles and scrambled eggs was the going fare. Adrian liked the blueberry pancakes here, so that’s what he ordered — to be one with the “fellas” — with a tall glass of orange juice.

  Adrian could feel everyone being extra nice to him. He did his best to ignore it. But once in a while, the heat of someone’s long stare burned the back of his neck, and he couldn’t help meeting the sympathetic eyes of a friend. Adrian would turn away quickly. He didn’t want sympathy. He wanted a norma
l time. His laugh was as loud as anyone’s — maybe a bit louder.

  When brunch was over, they settled up the bill and said their goodbyes. Tommy hugged him extra tight. The sound of him drawing back sniffles filled Adrian’s ear. When their embrace ended, he kissed Adrian on the cheek and was all smiles.

  “You be strong, ’kay,” Tommy said.

  Adrian watched the group file away into different directions until they were finally gone. Now it was just Adrian and Hector.

  They walked up the street together, glancing in the shop windows. This was an area for tea shoppes, clothing boutiques, antique stores, and such. They stopped at a store with a display of scarves and knickknacks.

  “Dey have the best candles in here,” Hector said and pulled open the door. Adrian followed. Hector fussed about, sniffing at candles of all sizes. Adrian stood by a table of glass figurines. He held one of the delicate animals up to the light. It was a translucent elk with winding antlers elegantly formed high upon its tiny head. Hector returned with a candle in hand.

  “Smell dis,” he said shoving the candle in Adrian’s face. “Isn’t dat purfect?”

  “It’s nice,” Adrian replied.

  “Good, ’cus I’m getting it.”

  Hector collected two more candles and went to the counter to pay for them.

  They left the shop and entered the not-so-busy street. A few people passed, no one interesting.

  “You wanna come over my howse?” Hector asked.

  “Yeah,” Adrian said, “let’s go.”

  The hallways echoed their steps as they made their way to Hector’s apartment. Occasionally they passed a door where the sound of music or yelling or the roaring giddiness of children’s laughter could be heard. Adrian stood behind Hector as he turned the many locks to his door. It opened to a very small place. Hector lived alone, so that was okay. He opened the window to let in the cool afternoon breeze.

  “Papi, you wan anythin’ to drink?”

  “No, I’m good,” Adrian said as he sat down on the big, black, almost-leather sofa. It made a farting sound as he sank into it. He adjusted himself to make sure that he made the sound again.

  “I’ll be right out,” Hector said and disappeared into his bedroom.

  Hector came back and sat next to Adrian with smiling eyes. He placed a box of condoms on the coffee table. Adrian unbuckled his belt and slid open his fly. His penis practically popped out. Hector touched him there, and Adrian bit at his lower lip.

  “Don’t worry, Papi. It’s alright,” Hector said in a whisper and went down on his knees in front of Adrian, stroking his cock. Adrian closed his eyes and fell into the moment. Sinking into the couch, he felt Hector’s tongue on him and then the condom came slowly rolling down, then a whole mouth. Hector slurped and slurped and gently pulled. When Adrian opened his eyes, it was to stare out the window. An owl was there. Its white heart-shaped face blinked. Adrian closed his eyes again. Her long legs surrounded him. Her soft breasts brushed his chest. She opened and forced herself down on his member to grind. God, it felt so good. Adrian reached up to cup her breasts. Her nipples were hard in his palms.

  “Helen …” he whispered. She moaned. He grabbed behind her to pull her ass down.

  >>

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  ** SYSTEM INTERRUPT **

  ERROR: FRAGMENTATION

  ERROR: CORRECTED

  BRIDGE PROCESS: **RESUMED**

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  .

  .

  A head of curls filled Adrian’s hands as Hector worked his tongue all over his cock. Hector reached his hand down there. Adrian couldn’t stop.

  “I’m sorry … I …”

  The tears came, and he released into sorrow.

  Hector finished by stroking his deflating thing. It was still sensitive and moved to his touch.

  “Is there something you wanna tell me, Papi?”

  “Wha?” Adrian said dreamily, tears streaming down his cheeks.

  “Who’s Helen?” Hector looked up. Then he noticed Adrian’s face and stopped smiling. “Oh, Papi. You alright?”

  Adrian wiped his face and didn’t answer, but eased himself up. Hector moved out of the way.

  “I need to shower,” Adrian said and went to the bathroom.

  This would be Adrian’s third shower of the day. He stepped into the stall, feeling the warmth of the flow fall over his head and shoulders. He soaped himself and pulled at his penis. He wanted to be clean. The thought of Antoine and his frail skin lying in his sickbed filled his chest. Adrian leaned on the wall as the water from his eyes mixed with the water of the shower. Hector came in.

  “Papi … You okay?”

  “Yeah,” he lied.

  He didn’t turn around.

  Hector undressed and slipped into the shower. He stroked Adrian and soaped him all over — first his back, then shoulders, then his butt. Hector fingered him. Adrian didn’t like this part, but it was what Hector needed.

  “Ay, Papi …” Hector reached around to Adrian’s cock, pulled gently, entered him.

  “Ay … Ay … Ay … Ay … Pa-pi … Ay …”

  Adrian went away somewhere and was someone else.

  Hector lifted Adrianne, she was so light. She held onto the shower rod as he pulled into her. He cupped her breasts in his hand. The water and soap made them slide. Adrian felt dizzy. He was himself again and stroked his chest. It was muscular and flat.

  “Ay … Ay … Ay … Ay-yay-yay … ooooohhhhh, Paaaapeeeee …”

  Hector panted on Adrian’s back and gently kissed him there. “Mi amore, Papi,” he said and slipped out of the shower. Adrian rinsed himself as Hector left him alone in the bathroom. He found a towel and wrapped it around his waist, then sat on the toilet seat lid and bowed his head.

  Adrian was fully dressed when he came out of the bathroom. Hector, still in a towel, had a beer waiting for him. Adrian took a few sips, tasted the light bitterness, then put the bottle down.

  “Will I see you again next week?” Hector asked.

  “Maybe.” Adrian didn’t know what else to say.

  “It’s alright, Papi. I understand. … How is Antoiny?”

  Adrian hated that he used his name. And no one called him “Antoiny.”

  “He’s okay.” Adrian corrected himself, “He’s the same.”

  “Oh.”

  “I need to go home now. The nurse will be leaving soon.”

  Hector touched his face and said, “Mi amore, Papi. It’s gonna be alright.”

  Adrian hated him for that.

  He grabbed his jacket from the hook behind the door and left.

  Home was a place of sorrow. A place of love. It was difficult to reconcile the two. All the silence of the world was there. It was as if they lived in a special bubble separate from all that existed in time and space. Adrian didn’t want to live in that bubble. But it was where Antoine lay, so it was where he must go.

  “Hey, baby,” Sheila said. “You enjoy your time off?”

  Adrian mumbled. Then smiled, remembering that he shouldn’t be rude.

  “It was okay.”

  Sheila had been cooking. The sweet smell of her curried meat scented the air. This was not a required duty, but she did it anyway. At first, Adrian thought she did it because she wanted bigger tips. Then he realized the true reason was much simpler, purer: she liked them.

  “Here, baby, let me take your things,” she said, as she carried away his jacket and gym bag. Her banter was momentarily muffled by the closet as she leaned in. It didn’t matter. The rhythm of her speech was what Adrian really listened to. It calmed him. There was a lightness to Sheila that defied her heavy bulk. Adrian wished he could be like her. He didn’t think he could ever be that sane. The walk back home had not been easy. He felt sick with every step. It was like he was walking in a dark misty cloud. Sheila’s friendly voice was a welcome wash of clear water.

  “I left something on the stove for you. You can warm it up for dinner.”

  “Thanks.”
r />   “You better eat it up, baby. A grown man like you shouldn’t be so damn skinny.” She laughed. He couldn’t help but laugh a little, too.

  “Is he awake?”

  “Yeah, he’s awake. We were just playing cards when you came in.”

  Antoine didn’t look up when Adrian entered the room. Long plastic lines of fluids connected to drip tubes that connected to bags of liquid that connected to machines. The complex spider’s web surrounded Antoine, delivering to his frail, failing body life-sustaining medicines. Antoine and the machines were becoming one. They were lucky to be able to afford all this. Since the disease had spread, such equipment was scarce and expensive.

  There was a deck of cards in Antoine’s hands. He used to be remarkably nimble at shuffling. He’d flip cards like acrobats, then split them into piles of two, fan them out, and shove them back together as if forming a loaf of bread. Now he slowly slid them around on his tray, lifting a corner of one to expose its face, then slid them around some more.

  “Well, that’s it for me,” Sheila said at the doorframe. “I’ll see you two next week.” She pursed her lips. “And don’t play cards with that sucker. He cheats.”

  Antoine simpered while still concentrating on the cards. “I’m not the cheater around here.”

  Cold blood rushed to Adrian’s head.

  “Well, see you guys next week.”

  “I’ll see you out,” Adrian said, leaving the room as fast as he could.

  He walked Sheila to the door, accepting her goodbye hug like the friend she was.

  “You okay?” she said.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

  “Well, if you need anything you have my number.”

  “Yes, thanks Sheila. Have a good week.”

  “Yes, you too. Remember to take it one day at a time.”

  When she was gone, all the safety went with her. He faced the bedroom like a Neanderthal standing before the opening of a dark cave. Who knew what danger lurked within? Adrian opened the door to find Antoine staring into space.

  “So how is he?” Antoine asked.

  “Who?” Adrian replied.