Tartuffe or The Hypocrite Read online

How shall I treat him?

  CLEANTE

  You must not get angry;

  And if he talks of reconciliation,

  Accept it.

  MR. LOYAL, to Orgon

  Sir, good-day. And Heaven send

  Harm to your enemies, favour to you.

  ORGON, aside to Cléante

  This mild beginning suits with my conjectures

  And promises some compromise already.

  MR. LOYAL

  All of your house has long been dear to me;

  I had the honour, sir, to serve your father.

  ORGON

  Sir, I am much ashamed, and ask your pardon

  For not recalling now your face or name.

  MR. LOYAL

  My name is Loyal. I'm from Normandy.

  My office is court-bailiff, in despite

  Of envy; and for forty years, thank Heaven,

  It's been my fortune to perform that office

  With honour. So I've come, sir, by your leave,

  To render service of a certain writ…

  ORGON

  What, you are here to…

  MR. LOYAL

  Pray, sir, don't be angry.

  'T is nothing, sir, but just a little summons:—

  Order to vacate, you and yours, this house,

  Move out your furniture, make room for others,

  And that without delay or putting off,

  As needs must be…

  ORGON

  I? Leave this house?

  MR. LOYAL

  Yes, please, sir.

  The house is now, as you well know, of course,

  Mr. Tartuffe's. And he, beyond dispute,

  Of all your goods is henceforth lord and master

  By virtue of a contract here attached,

  Drawn in due form, and unassailable.

  DAMIS, to Mr. Loyal

  Your insolence is monstrous, and astounding!

  MR. LOYAL, to Damis

  I have no business, sir, that touches you;

  (Pointing to Orgon)

  This is the gentleman. He's fair and courteous,

  And knows too well a gentleman's behaviour

  To wish in any wise to question justice.

  ORGON

  But…

  MR. LOYAL

  Sir, I know you would not for a million

  Wish to rebel; like a good citizen

  You'll let me put in force the court's decree.

  DAMIS

  Your long black gown may well, before you know it,

  Mister Court-bailiff, get a thorough beating.

  MR. LOYAL, to Orgon

  Sir, make your son be silent or withdraw.

  I should be loath to have to set things down,

  And see your names inscribed in my report.

  DORINE, aside

  This Mr. Loyal's looks are most disloyal.

  MR. LOYAL

  I have much feeling for respectable

  And honest folk like you, sir, and consented

  To serve these papers, only to oblige you,

  And thus prevent the choice of any other

  Who, less possessed of zeal for you than I am,

  Might order matters in less gentle fashion.

  ORGON

  And how could one do worse than order people

  Out of their house?

  MR. LOYAL

  Why, we allow you time;

  And even will suspend until to-morrow

  The execution of the order, sir.

  I'll merely, without scandal, quietly,

  Come here and spend the night, with half a score

  Of officers; and just for form's sake, please,

  You'll bring your keys to me, before retiring.

  I will take care not to disturb your rest,

  And see there's no unseemly conduct here.

  But by to-morrow, and at early morning,

  You must make haste to move your least belongings;

  My men will help you—I have chosen strong ones

  To serve you, sir, in clearing out the house.

  No one could act more generously, I fancy,

  And, since I'm treating you with great indulgence,

  I beg you'll do as well by me, and see

  I'm not disturbed in my discharge of duty.

  ORGON

  I'd give this very minute, and not grudge it,

  The hundred best gold louis I have left,

  If I could just indulge myself, and land

  My fist, for one good square one, on his snout.

  CLEANTE, aside to Orgon

  Careful!—don't make things worse.

  DAMIS

  Such insolence!

  I hardly can restrain myself. My hands

  Are itching to be at him.

  DORINE

  By my faith,

  With such a fine broad back, good Mr. Loyal,

  A little beating would become you well.

  MR. LOYAL

  My girl, such infamous words are actionable,

  And warrants can be issued against women.

  CLEANTE, to Mr. Loyal

  Enough of this discussion, sir; have done.

  Give us the paper, and then leave us, pray.

  MR. LOYAL

  Then au revoir. Heaven keep you from disaster!

  ORGON

  May Heaven confound you both, you and your

  master!

  Scene V

  ORGON, MADAME PERNELLE, ELMIRE, CLEANTE, MARIANE, DAMIS, DORINE

  ORGON

  Well, mother, am I right or am I not?

  This writ may help you now to judge the matter.

  Or don't you see his treason even yet?

  MADAME PERNELLE

  I'm all amazed, befuddled, and beflustered!

  DORINE, to Orgon

  You are quite wrong, you have no right to blame him;

  This action only proves his good intentions.

  Love for his neighbour makes his virtue perfect;

  And knowing money is a root of evil,

  In Christian charity, he'd take away

  Whatever things may hinder your salvation.

  ORGON

  Be still. You always need to have that told you.

  CLEANTE, to Orgon

  Come, let us see what course you are to follow.

  ELMIRE

  Go and expose his bold ingratitude.

  Such action must invalidate the contract;

  His perfidy must now appear too black

  To bring him the success that he expects.

  Scene VI

  VALERE, ORGON, MADAME PERNELLE, ELMIRE, CLEANTE, MARIANE, DAMIS, DORINE

  VALERE

  'T is with regret, sir, that I bring bad news;

  But urgent danger forces me to do so.

  A close and intimate friend of mine, who knows

  The interest I take in what concerns you,

  Has gone so far, for my sake, as to break

  The secrecy that's due to state affairs,

  And sent me word but now, that leaves you only

  The one expedient of sudden flight.

  The villain who so long imposed upon you,

  Found means, an hour ago, to see the prince,

  And to accuse you (among other things)

  By putting in his hands the private strong-box

  Of a state-criminal, whose guilty secret,

  You, failing in your duty as a subject,

  (He says) have kept. I know no more of it

  Save that a warrant's drawn against you, sir,

  And for the greater surety, that same rascal

  Comes with the officer who must arrest you.

  CLEANTE

  His rights are armed; and this is how the scoundrel

  Seeks to secure the property he claims.

  ORGON

  Man is a wicked animal, I'll own it!

  VALERE

  The least delay may still be fatal, sir.

  I have my carriage, and a th
ousand louis,

  Provided for your journey, at the door.

  Let's lose no time; the bolt is swift to strike,

  And such as only flight can save you from.

  I'll be your guide to seek a place of safety,

  And stay with you until you reach it, sir.

  ORGON

  How much I owe to your obliging care!

  Another time must serve to thank you fitly;

  And I pray Heaven to grant me so much favour

  That I may some day recompense your service.

  Good-bye; see to it, all of you…

  CLEANTE

  Come, hurry;

  We'll see to everything that's needful, brother.

  Scene VII

  TARTUFFE, AN OFFICER, MADAME PERNELLE, ORGON, ELMIRE, CLEANTE, MARIANE, VALERE, DAMIS, DORINE

  TARTUFFE, stopping Orgon

  Softly, sir, softly; do not run so fast;

  You haven't far to go to find your lodging;

  By order of the prince, we here arrest you.

  ORGON

  Traitor! You saved this worst stroke for the last;

  This crowns your perfidies, and ruins me.

  TARTUFFE

  I shall not be embittered by your insults,

  For Heaven has taught me to endure all things.

  CLEANTE

  Your moderation, I must own, is great.

  DAMIS

  How shamelessly the wretch makes bold with Heaven!

  TARTUFFE

  Your ravings cannot move me; all my thought

  Is but to do my duty.

  MARIANE

  You must claim

  Great glory from this honourable act.

  TARTUFFE

  The act cannot be aught but honourable,

  Coming from that high power which sends me here.

  ORGON

  Ungrateful wretch, do you forget 'twas I

  That rescued you from utter misery?

  TARTUFFE

  I've not forgot some help you may have given;

  But my first duty now is toward my prince.

  The higher power of that most sacred claim

  Must stifle in my heart all gratitude;

  And to such puissant ties I'd sacrifice

  My friend, my wife, my kindred, and myself.

  ELMIRE

  The hypocrite!

  DORINE

  How well he knows the trick

  Of cloaking him with what we most revere!

  CLEANTE

  But if the motive that you make parade of

  Is perfect as you say, why should it wait

  To show itself, until the day he caught you

  Soliciting his wife? How happens it

  You have not thought to go inform against him

  Until his honour forces him to drive you

  Out of his house? And though I need not mention

  That he'd just given you his whole estate,

  Still, if you meant to treat him now as guilty,

  How could you then consent to take his gift?

  TARTUFFE, to the officer

  Pray, sir, deliver me from all this clamour;

  Be good enough to carry out your order.

  THE POLICE OFFICER

  Yes, I've too long delayed its execution;

  'T is very fitting you should urge me to it;

  So therefore, you must follow me at once

  To prison, where you'll find your lodging ready.

  TARTUFFE

  Who? I, sir?

  THE POLICE OFFICER

  You.

  TARTUFFE

  But why to prison?

  THE POLICE OFFICER

  You

  Are not the one to whom I owe account.

  You, sir, (to Orgon), recover from your hot alarm.

  Our prince is not a friend to double dealing,

  His eyes can read men's inmost hearts, and all

  The art of hypocrites cannot deceive him.

  His sharp discernment sees things clear and true;

  His mind cannot too easily be swayed,

  For reason always holds the balance even.

  He honours and exalts true piety,

  But knows the false, and views it with disgust.

  This fellow was by no means apt to fool him,

  Far subtler snares have failed against his wisdom,

  And his quick insight pierced immediately

  The hidden baseness of this tortuous heart.

  Accusing you, the knave betrayed himself,

  And by true recompense of Heaven's justice

  He stood revealed before our monarch's eyes

  A scoundrel known before by other names,

  Whose horrid crimes, detailed at length, might fill

  A long-drawn history of many volumes.

  Our monarch—to resolve you in a word—

  Detesting his ingratitude and baseness,

  Added this horror to his other crimes,

  And sent me hither under his direction

  To see his insolence out-top itself,

  And force him then to give you satisfaction.

  Your papers, which the traitor says are his,

  I am to take from him, and give you back;

  The deed of gift transferring your estate

  Our monarch's sovereign will makes null and void;

  And for the secret personal offence

  Your friend involved you in, he pardons you:

  Thus he rewards your recent zeal, displayed

  In helping to maintain his rights, and shows

  How well his heart, when it is least expected,

  Knows how to recompense a noble deed,

  And will not let true merit miss its due,

  Remembering always rather good than evil.

  DORINE

  Now Heaven be praised!

  MADAME PERNELLE

  At last I breathe again.

  ELMIRE

  A happy outcome!

  MARIANE

  Who'd have dared to hope it?

  ORGON, to Tartuffe, who is being led off by the officer

  There, traitor! Now you're…

  Scene VIII

  MADAME PERNELLE, ORGON, ELMIRE, MARIANE, CLEANTE, VALERE, DAMIS, DORINE

  CLEANTE

  Brother, hold!—and don't

  Descend to such indignities, I beg you.

  Leave the poor wretch to his unhappy fate,

  And let remorse oppress him, but not you.

  Hope rather that his heart may now return

  To virtue, hate his vice, reform his ways,

  And win the pardon of our glorious prince;

  While you must straightway go, and on your knees

  Repay with thanks his noble generous kindness.

  ORGON

  Well said! We'll go, and at his feet kneel down,

  With joy to thank him for his goodness shown;

  And this first duty done, with honours due,

  We'll then attend upon another, too,

  With wedded happiness reward Valère,

  And crown a lover noble and sincere.

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