Tartuffe or The Hypocrite Read online

  Oh, stop, I beg you; try to find some way

  To help break off the match. I quite give in,

  I'm ready to do anything you say.

  DORINE

  No, no, a daughter must obey her father,

  Though he should want to make her wed a monkey.

  Besides, your fate is fine. What could be better!

  You'll take the stage-coach to his little village,

  And find it full of uncles and of cousins,

  Whose conversation will delight you. Then

  You'll be presented in their best society.

  You'll even go to call, by way of welcome,

  On Mrs. Bailiff, Mrs. Tax-Collector,

  Who'll patronise you with a folding-stool.

  There, once a year, at carnival, you'll have—

  Perhaps—a ball; with orchestra—two bag-pipes;

  And sometimes a trained ape, and Punch and Judy;

  Though if your husband…

  MARIANE

  Oh, you'll kill me. Please

  Contrive to help me out with your advice.

  DORINE

  I thank you kindly.

  MARIANE

  Oh! Dorine, I beg you…

  DORINE

  To serve you right, this marriage must go through.

  MARIANE

  Dear girl!

  Dorine

  No.

  MARIANE

  If I say I love Valère…

  DORINE

  No, no. Tartuffe's your man, and you shall taste him.

  MARIANE

  You know I've always trusted you; now help me…

  DORINE

  No, you shall be, my faith! Tartuffified.

  MARIANE

  Well then, since you've no pity for my fate

  Let me take counsel only of despair;

  It will advise and help and give me courage;

  There's one sure cure, I know, for all my troubles.

  (She starts to go.)

  DORINE

  There, there! Come back. I can't be angry long.

  I must take pity on you, after all.

  MARIANE

  Oh, don't you see, Dorine, if I must bear

  This martyrdom, I certainly shall die.

  DORINE

  Now don't you fret. We'll surely find some way

  To hinder this…But here's Valère, your lover.

  Scene IV

  VALERE, MARIANE, DORINE

  VALERE

  Madam, a piece of news—quite new to me—

  Has just come out, and very fine it is.

  MARIANE

  What piece of news?

  VALERE

  Your marriage with Tartuffe.

  MARIANE

  'T is true my father has this plan in mind.

  VALERE

  Your father, madam…

  MARIANE

  Yes, he's changed his plans,

  And did but now propose it to me.

  VALERE

  What!

  Seriously?

  MARIANE

  Yes, he was serious,

  And openly insisted on the match.

  VALERE

  And what's your resolution in the matter,

  Madam?

  MARIANE

  I don't know.

  VALERE

  That's a pretty answer.

  You don't know?

  Mariane

  No.

  VALERE

  No?

  MARIANE

  What do you advise?

  VALERE

  I? My advice is, marry him, by all means.

  MARIANE

  That's your advice?

  VALERA

  Yes.

  MARIANE

  Do you mean it?

  VALERE

  Surely.

  A splendid choice, and worthy your acceptance.

  MARIANE

  Oh, very well, sir! I shall take your counsel.

  VALERE

  You'll find no trouble taking it, I warrant.

  MARIANE

  No more than you did giving it, be sure.

  VALERE

  I gave it, truly, to oblige you, madam.

  MARIANE

  And I shall take it to oblige you, sir.

  Dorine, withdrawing to the back of the stage

  Let's see what this affair will come to.

  VALERE

  So.

  That is your love? And it was all deceit

  When you…

  MARIANE

  I beg you, say no more of that.

  You told me, squarely, sir, I should accept

  The husband that is offered me; and I

  Will tell you squarely that I mean to do so,

  Since you have given me this good advice.

  VALERE

  Don't shield yourself with talk of my advice.

  You had your mind made up, that's evident;

  And now you're snatching at a trifling pretext

  To justify the breaking of your word.

  MARIANE

  Exactly so.

  VALERE

  Of course it is; your heart

  Has never known true love for me.

  MARIANE

  Alas!

  You're free to think so, if you please.

  VALERE

  Yes, yes,

  I'm free to think so; and my outraged love

  May yet forestall you in your perfidy,

  And offer elsewhere both my heart and hand.

  MARIANE

  No doubt of it; the love your high deserts

  May win…

  VALERE

  Good Lord, have done with my deserts!

  I know I have but few, and you have proved it.

  But I may find more kindness in another;

  I know of someone, who'll not be ashamed

  To take your leavings, and make up my loss.

  MARIANE

  The loss is not so great; you'll easily

  Console yourself completely for this change.

  VALERE

  I'll try my best, that you may well believe.

  When we're forgotten by a woman's heart,

  Our pride is challenged; we, too, must forget;

  Or if we cannot, must at least pretend to.

  No other way can man such baseness prove,

  As be a lover scorned, and still in love.

  MARIANE

  In faith, a high and noble sentiment.

  VALERE

  Yes; and it's one that all men must approve.

  What! Would you have me keep my love alive,

  And see you fly into another's arms

  Before my very eyes; and never offer

  To someone else the heart that you had scorned?

  MARIANE

  Oh no indeed! For my part, I could wish

  That it were done already.

  VALERE

  What! You wish it?

  MARIANE

  Yes.

  VALERE

  This is insult heaped on injury;

  I'll go at once and do as you desire.

  (He takes a step or two as if to go away.)

  MARIANE

  Oh, very well then.

  VALERE,turning back

  But remember this:

  'Twas you that drove me to this desperate pass.

  MARIANE

  Of course.

  Valere, turning back again

  And in the plan that I have formed

  I only follow your example.

  MARIANE

  Yes.

  VALERE,at the door

  Enough; you shall be punctually obeyed.

  MARIANE

  So much the better.

  VALERE,coming back again

  This is once for all.

  MARIANE

  So be it, then.

  Valere (He goes toward the door, but just as he reaches it, turns around.)

  Eh?

  MARIANE

  What? />
  VALERE

  You didn't call me?

  MARIANE

  I? You are dreaming.

  VALERE

  Very well, I'm gone.

  Madam, farewell.

  (He walks slowly away.)

  MARIANE

  Farewell, sir.

  DORINE

  I must say

  You've lost your senses and both gone clean daft!

  I've let you fight it out to the end o' the chapter

  To see how far the thing could go. Oho, there,

  Mister Valère!

  (She goes and seizes him by the arm, to stop him. He makes a great show of resistance.)

  VALERE

  What do you want, Dorine?

  DORINE

  Come here.

  VALERE

  No, no, I'm quite beside myself.

  Don't hinder me from doing as she wishes.

  DORINE

  Stop!

  VALERE

  No. You see, I'm fixed, resolved, determined.

  DORINE

  So!

  MARIANE,aside

  Since my presence pains him, makes him go,

  I'd better go myself, and leave him free.

  Dorine, leaving Valère, and running after Mariane

  Now t' other! Where are you going?

  MARIANE

  Let me be.

  DORINE

  Come back.

  MARIANE

  No, no, it isn't any use.

  Valere, aside

  'T is clear the sight of me is torture to her;

  No doubt, 'twere better I should free her from it.

  Dorine, leaving Mariane, and running after Valère

  Same thing again! Deuce take you both, I say.

  Now stop your fooling; come here, you; and you.

  (She pulls first one, then the other, toward the middle of the stage.)

  VALERE,to Dorine

  What's your idea?

  MARIANE, to Dorine

  What can you mean to do?

  DORINE

  Set you to rights, and pull you out o' the scrape.

  (To Valère)

  Are you quite mad, to quarrel with her now?

  VALERE

  Didn't you hear the things she said to me?

  DORINE,to Mariane

  Are you quite mad, to get in such a passion?

  MARIANE

  Didn't you see the way he treated me?

  DORINE

  Fools, both of you.

  (To Valère)

  She thinks of nothing else

  But to keep faith with you, I vouch for it.

  (To Mariane)

  And he loves none but you, and longs for nothing

  But just to marry you, I stake my life on 't.

  MARIANE,to Valère

  Why did you give me such advice then, pray?

  VALERE,to Mariane

  Why ask for my advice on such a matter?

  DORINE

  You both are daft, I tell you. Here, your hands.

  (To Valère )

  Come, yours.

  Valere, giving Dorine his hand

  What for?

  Dorine, to Mariane

  Now, yours.

  Mariane, giving Dorine her hand

  But what's the use?

  DORINE

  Oh, quick now, come along. There, both of you—

  you love each other better than you think.

  (Valère and Mariane hold each other's hands some time without looking at each other.)

  Valere, at last turning toward Mariane

  Come, don't be so ungracious now about it;

  Look at a man as if you didn't hate him.

  (Mariane looks sideways toward Valère, with just a bit of a smile.)

  DORINE

  My faith and troth, what fools these lovers be!

  VALERE,to Mariane

  But come now, have I not a just complaint?

  And truly, are you not a wicked creature

  To take delight in saying what would pain me?

  MARIANE

  And are you not yourself the most ungrateful…?

  DORINE

  Leave this discussion till another time;

  Now, think how you'll stave off this plaguey marriage.

  MARIANE

  Then tell us how to go about it.

  DORINE

  Well,

  We'll try all sorts of ways.

  (To Mariane)

  Your father's daft;

  (To Valère)

  This plan is nonsense.

  (To Mariane)

  You had better humour

  His notions by a semblance of consent,

  So that in case of danger, you can still

  Find means to block the marriage by delay.

  If you gain time, the rest is easy, trust me.

  One day you'll fool them with a sudden illness,

  Causing delay; another day, ill omens:

  You've met a funeral, or broke a mirror,

  Or dreamed of muddy water. Best of all,

  They cannot marry you to anyone

  Without your saying yes. But now, methinks,

  They mustn't find you chattering together.

  (To Valère)

  You, go at once and set your friends at work

  To make him keep his word to you; while we

  Will bring the brother's influence to bear,

  And get the step-mother on our side, too. Good-bye.

  VALERE,to Mariane

  Whatever efforts we may make,

  My greatest hope, be sure, must rest on you.

  MARIANE,to Valère

  I cannot answer for my father's whims;

  But no one save Valère shall ever have me.

  VALERE

  You thrill me through with joy! Whatever comes…

  DORINE

  Oho! These lovers! Never done with prattling!

  Now go.

  VALERE,starting to go, and coming back again

  One last word…

  DORINE

  What a gabble and pother!

  Be off! By this door, you. And you, by t' other.

  (She pushes them off, by the shoulders, in opposite directions.)

  1As given at the Comédie française, the action is as follows: While Orgon says, "You must approve of my design," Dorine is making signs to Mariane to resist his orders; Orgon turns around suddenly; but Dorine quickly changes her gesture and with the hand which she had lifted calmly arranges her hair and her cap. Orgon goes on, "Think of the husband…" and stops before the middle of his sentence to turn and catch the beginning of Dorine's gesture; but he is too quick this time, and Dorine stands looking at his furious countenance with a sweet and gentle expression. He turns and goes on, and the obstinate Dorine again lifts her hand behind his shoulder to urge Mariane to resistance: this time he catches her; but just as he swings his shoulder to give her the promised blow, she stops him by changing the intent of her gesture, and carefully picking from the top of his sleeve a bit of fluff which she holds carefully between her fingers, then blows into the air, and watches intently as it floats away. Orgon is paralysed by her innocence of expression, and compelled to hide his rage. (Régnier, Le Tartuffe des Comédiens).

  | Go to Contents |

  Act III

  Scene I

  DAMIS, DORINE

  DAMIS

  May lightning strike me dead this very instant,

  May I be everywhere proclaimed a scoundrel,

  If any reverence or power shall stop me,

  And if I don't do straightway something desperate!

  DORINE

  I beg you, moderate this towering passion;

  Your father did but merely mention it.

  Not all things that are talked of turn to facts;

  The road is long, sometimes, from plans to acts.

  DAMIS

  No, I must end this paltry fellow's plots,

  And he shall hear from me a truth or tw
o.

  DORINE

  So ho! Go slow now. Just you leave the fellow—

  Your father too—in your step-mother's hands.

  She has some influence with this Tartuffe,

  He makes a point of heeding all she says,

  And I suspect that he is fond of her.

  Would God 'twere true!—'Twould be the height of humour.

  Now, she has sent for him, in your behalf,

  To sound him on this marriage, to find out

  What his ideas are, and to show him plainly

  What troubles he may cause, if he persists

  In giving countenance to this design.

  His man says, he's at prayers, I mustn't see him,

  But likewise says, he'll presently be down.

  So off with you, and let me wait for him.

  DAMIS

  I may be present at this interview.

  DORINE

  No, no! They must be left alone.

  DAMIS

  I won't

  So much as speak to him.

  DORINE

  Go on! We know you

  And your high tantrums. Just the way to spoil things!

  Be off.

  DAMIS

  No, I must see—I'll keep my temper.

  DORINE

  Out on you, what a plague! He's coming. Hide!

  (Damis goes and hides in the closet at the back of the stage.)

  Scene II

  TARTUFFE, DORINE

  Tartuffe, speaking to his valet, off the stage, as soon as he sees Dorine is there

  Lawrence, put up my hair-cloth shirt and scourge,

  And pray that Heaven may shed its light upon you.

  If any come to see me, say I'm gone

  To share my alms among the prisoners.

  DORINE,aside

  What affectation and what showing off!

  TARTUFFE

  What do you want with me?

  DORINE

  To tell you…

  Tartuffe, taking a handkerchief from his pocket

  Ah!

  Before you speak, pray take this handkerchief.

  DORINE

  What?

  TARTUFFE

  Cover up that bosom, which I can't

  Endure to look on. Things like that offend

  Our souls, and fill our minds with sinful thoughts.

  DORINE

  Are you so tender to temptation, then,

  And has the flesh such power upon your senses?

  I don't know how you get in such a heat;

  For my part, I am not so prone to lust,

  And I could see you stripped from head to foot,

  And all your hide not tempt me in the least.

  TARTUFFE

  Show in your speech some little modesty,

  Or I must instantly take leave of you.

  DORINE

  No, no, I'll leave you to yourself; I've only

  One thing to say: Madam will soon be down,

  And begs the favour of a word with you.

  TARTUFFE

  Ah! Willingly.

  DORINE,aside

  How gentle all at once!

  My faith, I still believe I've hit upon it.