All That You Ignore Read online



  All That You Ignore

  By Jason Wallace Poetry

  ******

  Published by:

  All That You Ignore

  Copyright © 2016 by Jason Wallace Poetry

  You’ve left nothing here

  But this souvenir,

  This scar

  That hardens my heart,

  Tearing down into my soul,

  So far,

  I’ve been hidden behind the shadow

  That rests near that heart.

  I’ve been washed away,

  Worried that I don’t

  Matter so much to say

  That I could be anything

  Like you used to think I was.

  I haven’t found the way to

  Be half of half enough.

  You’re blistered.

  You’re bliss at times that I

  Can no longer have for mine.

  I only wish you’d

  Be with me, at least, half this day

  Just so I could finally get you

  From all of this decay

  And maybe work out my own way

  To be better than you seem to think of me.

  I wither. I slither

  Through this life that looks so much like Hell.

  I intended so much more than this,

  So much that I could no longer tell

  Where the fantasies ended and this life wasn’t blended

  With all of that and was some reality, in fact.

  I meant so very well,

  But you’ve given me nothing but a sore spot that

  Reminds me of how I failed.

  If you could, just find some time to finally set me free.

  This isn’t like anything before.

  I’m alive and not so well

  And have so little for me in store.

  I used to have some happiness, somewhere in myself.

  I used to not feel so empty and not compare me

  To absolutely everyone and everything else.

  I’ve already forgotten what it’s like to ever

  Have something more than just this pain.

  I’m ready to be forgotten

  And to know that I don’t have to remain

  In this, all of this, all of it, all that I can

  No longer know how to endure.

  I don’t grow stronger. I just look in me for a cure

  To this sickness, this sentence, this emblem

  Of everything so impure.

  I’m everything impure, and I’m all that you ignore.

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  If I’m to Blame

  If I’m to blame,

  Do I take that fall?

  If crying is the crime,

  What do you have to say?

  Do you now

  Have it all?

  Time and time again,

  I’ve had to be the one

  That’s had to walk away.

  But no hurt in a while

  Has made me break back down.

  I’m used to it and can even smile

  When you only wanna drag me into your Hell.

  If I’m to blame,

  What do I say?

  Where do I stay to

  Stay away?

  If I felt a bit of what you admit

  You want me to feel,

  I could not be

  Who I am, who you’ve made me,

  And I would rather die inside all over again.

  I will not submit, but I will not quit.

  This one last appeal is to calm your heart,

  Your bitterness a bit and still

  Have some shot at all the naught

  That this is coming to, that you’ve unglued, to finally end.

  Where is it that you’ve

  Taken yourself away to like so often before

  When I could only hold my head in my hands

  And breathe heavily to not ignore but simply implore

  Some better judgment of myself, to not break out,

  To do my best to deny the rest of all of this emptiness

  And maybe, just maybe, understand.

  If I’m to blame,

  I take the shame.

  I take the cold, staring circumstance.

  I don’t know who you are

  Or what you want or when I wasn’t some

  Wasted days, some yesterdays that

  Should’ve been but have gone and come and gone again.

  Are you at all like me,

  Sitting in a car, in make believe,

  Wondering why the worst of it never leaves

  And why it is that you can’t find relief

  From a life you never intended to pretend to need?

  When it was all hanging on a rope,

  I found a part of you and found some hope,

  But I hoped too hard, and it came apart,

  And I never left, but I could never be

  The mat you asked to lay on the ground to wipe your feet.

  I might have a persevering heart, but it’s still a heart that bleeds.

  I’m in agony. I’ve been deceived, but

  If I’m to blame,

  I take it all for no less but maybe more.

  I take it all the same,

  If I’m to blame.

  Though I was right, and you were wrong,

  I… waved goodbye because I…

  Walked in on

  A time when you were

  Already gone, giving up, and

  No longer strong,

  Taking back all

  That tore you up and

  Tearing up all the

  Paper strings of a

  Not enough kind of

  Do it rough sort of

  Life you

  Could not love,

  So we never were and

  Never truly could be

  What you want, so you

  Put me down

  Because you

  Put me up

  Too high in the sky on a

  Pedestal that no one could

  Stand on in the rain that you

  Poured out of your

  Bitter cup.

  I’m bruised enough to

  Be no more used too much,

  And… if I’m to blame,

  Do you remember who I am?

  Do you remember my name?

  I guess I’m to blame.

  If I am, If I’m to blame,

  I’ll push it away again and

  Into the holes in my veins

  Where my blood has spilled to nearly kill me

  Once and for all, for all of the same,

  Because I’m the one to blame, I guess

  I’m the one to blame, so,

  If I’m to blame,

  So be it as it may, because

  If I’m to blame,

  It no longer matters what I say.